MOOBS!

How to get rid of Man Boobs!
Oh yeah... I didn't know this was an issue. I thought you just bought a bro or manzziere and went on your merry man way. Sigh, at least women aren't the only ones who spend time worried about saggy breasts!

26 Month Newsletter

Darling Gwennie Goo,

Another month has come and gone so swiftly. You had a decent one, although you did have a nasty stomach flu which lasted for about a week. You have had many opportunities to play and enjoy this nice weather. We try to be outside as much as we can.

This afternoon, as I was sitting here getting ready to write this, I heard your voice from the other room calling out. “Mama!” then knocking. “Mama. Let. Me. Out.” I start to get up but instead start giggling as I hear, “Let the baby out!” I walk over to your sister’s room, where you have locked yourself in. Only as I unlock the door and you walk about with a doll in your hands, you blame the door locking on the “baby.” I had thought you were talking about yourself, you often refer to yourself as a baby, but you meant the doll this time. You better be careful, the baby will lock you in your room next!

Often you put your arms up, and ask to be held “like a baby.” Or when we get out of the shower or bath, you asked to be wrapped up and held like a baby. I know that you struggle. You desire to be a baby, held and loved and snuggled. Yet you also want to be a big girl, like your sister, running and playing.

I have conversations with you. We talk about things, you ask questions and get so very excited sometimes. If I ask you who people are, you name everyone. You even name yourself “I Gennie Goo” then I say “No, you are a puppy.” “No, I Gennie Goo!” and we go through animals and you giggle and continue to assure me that you are really truly Gennie Goo. I hope you always feel so sure of who you are. I don’t feel that. I often feel lost and unsure, um, am I Leaner? Or someone else, an imposter? Who am I and who let me watch these adorable kids?

Today I let you have some scissors for the first time. You also had a small piece of ribbon and some fabric scraps from my sewing project. You gladly and carefully trimmed and snipped. Your eyes so focused on the project that I sat back and watched so grateful for that moment. I missed so much with Rhayn, because I was younger and I was too busy. I didn’t stop to smell the roses with her. We were always headed somewhere. You ask me to smell the roses at the school, and we stop, we smell, we enjoy. Together, your mama and you.

Love Always,

Mama

SnowDays

Apparently my snow from last year is still falling over at SnowDays! If you enter Leaner into the "Find-A-Flake" box on the lower left hand side, you will get (as of this moment) eighteen flakes to see. I am sure that by Christmas this year it will be more like forty. So head on over, make yourself a flake! I would love a link to it!

But be careful- that is an addictive thing to start doing. Seriously, I just made two more, because I was waiting for something.

Quest for Pickles

Although we know that the legend of the Christmas Pickle is NOT really German, (partially from Ender, and his quest to buy one in Germany and from internet searches.) It is a well known legend and apparently Will had been telling his squad about it. He wanted to give them all pickles to hang on their trees. He had mentioned this weeks ago. I guess it didn't register as something we needed imminently. It was, he needed them by Saturday. I went to my local Target, where they no longer had any. Then to Cost Plus. I struck green there, and picked up nine. I already had one at home, and only needed ten. I was looking at them, and realized that I would need boxes for them. We walked around the store and found some Chinese take out boxes in green and red. I also looked at shredded paper, but decided I could shred my own.
Now I only need to find a decent version of the story, and print it off. Then pack the pickles into the take out boxes and I am done.
Then there is the little matter of the white elephant gift, that he only told me of this morning. Geesh...

Happy Birthday Lily!

Lily Lou Lickington is now a year old. And darn it, she looks like a pitty now. There was a while when she looked cute and terrier-like. Then she bulked up. But she is still a really good dog. She listens well, and loves to run with Will. I think for the most part I am glad we have her furball self around.

Busy Day

Last year when I went to the dentist, Gwen panicked and wouldn't actually let me have my teeth cleaned. So today I was a little worried. Rhayn went back, had her cleaning and everything is good. Then it was my turn. Luckily, Gwen was distracted by the large basket of silly little toys that kids get after a cleaning. I had taken some ibuprofen because the last few times I have gone, as she was cleaning my teeth it hurt a little. So I decided to take preventative medication. She told me that was probably a good idea.

After the dentist, I took Rhayn to have a hair trim. (Not a cut, saying a hair cut makes her nervous, because she is trying to have "long hair for braids" at the moment.) I adore the lady who cut her hair. I prefer her to cut my hair as well.

Following the hair trim, we decided to get lunch, as it was already eleven. Rhayn picked Chinese food, then I asked her if she wouldn't prefer onion soup. Her reply was, "Oh, Yeah! I forgot about onion soup!"So we ate at Mimi's.

It was nearly noon by this time, and instead of taking her to school we went to Target. I know, she should have gone to school, but I rarely keep her home. Plus, even if I took her to school, it would have only been about three hours. I still needed to go to the grocery store as well.

Needless to say, I am wiped. I wish I could just sit on my bum but I had to put away laundry. Now its time to start prepping dinner. Maybe after dinner I will get to rest? Do you think?

I feel much better today. Although I took a benadryl last night and I still feel a little weird from it. Gwen is actually napping right now! Seriously! Its great! I have laundry in the washer and dryer, a kitty in my lap and a few moments to myself.

I think that instead of sitting here though, I am going to try to finish my mei tei/baby carrier.

Oh wait- I just heard some fussing in the other room... I guess Gwen is awake.

Posting Just to Post.

I don't think I have gotten over being ill. I still feel exhausted and want to sleep.

This morning I took the girls to see Bee Movie (it was alright.) But by the time we were home, my stomach was so upset and queasy that I just wanted to lay on the couch. I took a nap and slept most of the afternoon while the girls watched WonderPets Save the Reindeer and A Year Without a Santa Clause (I think I awoke in time to sing along with the "I'm Mister White Christmas..." "I'm Mister Green Christmas..." song.)
But I just want to go back to bed already. Will made teriyaki chicken for dinner, and it was tasty. Then I took a bath and had an idea for a short story, that would possibly tie into my Beckham story idea. So I sat down to write the idea down. I realized that I hadn't written on here today, and started to write this post.
Now, I am going to get the girls to bed, and most likely go to bed myself.

Saturday Afternoon Sewing

I spent the afternoon sewing this carrier. After it was mostly done, I stopped to check it out. I put Gwennie in it, but then Rhayn wanted a turn. I popped her on and carried her around for about 5 minutes. She really had wanted me to put Gwennie on her back, but instead had a ride.
Today has been a fairly lazy day. Unlike yesterday.
Yesterday we put up the tree, today we decorated it.
Yesterday I braved the shopping frenzy. I wanted to see Black Friday, and needed some fabric for the carrier I was making. Today I haven't even taken off my pajamas.
Yesterday we made it to downtown for the tree lighting ceremony and festivities. The girls rode ponies and we all touched creepy crawlies. Today we haven't left the house at all.
Yesterday I was exhausted by the time I went to bed. Today I took a nap.
I love restful calm days. Ahhh, and I think we all needed one. (Will has homework, lots of it, he is so close to done with his Masters only three more weeks to go.)

Happy Birthday to...

ME!

Ouch

Yoga on Monday was so brutal that even now, I hurt. We hardly did anything this evening, but I hurt, everywhere. Maybe that was part of the lead pillow I felt was on my chest recently.

Will and I are talking again. Life is good again. I had a great morning. My friend J, gave me cookies and some nail jewels (which is funny, I look at the nail jewels often, but never buy them for myself.) I adore her, she makes me feel good about myself, and I hope that I return the favor.

Then I saw an old birth circle friend, who came up to me and gave me a hug. You never think someone as awesome as her would remember little old me. Apparently she did, which was a major confidence boost.

I have to say that today was one of those days that just makes you realize life is good. And I totally needed a day like that. And I have tomorrow and family coming over to look forward to! Yeah!

Dread

If it seems like lately I have had nothing positive to, well its because my husband and I are fighting. We aren't acting "coupley" or even really talking much. If we do talk its like acquaintances, and not spouses. He was sleeping in the guest room, but is now on the couch. It is not pleasant at my house, and honestly I don't want to be here. I have been avoiding posting about this, too. Because bringing it all up sounds awful, and writing about it makes it even more real and painful.

Today I woke up feeling happy, singing, making silly jokes, even Rhayn asked me why I was being so silly. I felt pretty good. This morning. Then it came time for the morning goodbyes. You know, when Daddy tells the girls "have a good day I love you." He used to give me a hug and kiss, too. Now I am getting the cold shoulder. He has been walking around the island in the kitchen to avoid me. This morning, I stopped him and made him give me a quick hug. It felt forced, and wrong. I wanted him to hold me like he wanted to, to let me melt into him and allow me to release some of this awful tension I feel in my body. Instead it made me feel worse, more tense, more dread, more pain.

He and I need to talk, its gone past "should" to desperately NEED to talk. But I am not even sure how to confront him about this. I don't know what to say or how to say what I feel. And I am so afraid of what he will say back to me.

In two days it is my birthday and Thanksgiving, you know that makes all of this worse. We will have my family over, and we'll fake liking each other. But really he will be hating me, and I am hurting, and it will suck. "Happy F@#$ing birthday Leaner, here is a nice gift of my dislike." I wish I felt numb about it, because that would be better than this hurt.

I was at Target this morning and I saw some happy couple, he had his hand on the small of her back and she glances up at him with adoration. I remember the way that felt, when Will used to touch me, and we would go to the grocery store as a family and he put his hand on the small of my back, he stopped doing that a long time ago, he stopped holding my hand, touching me in public. I remember how that felt, though. Back when we made time for each other, before his life was so busy that I didn't fit in at all. Back before the Army. Before our second child. Before I started being so afraid I was going to lose him because of the Army. Before I knew he would be gone (for sure) for six months this spring.

I just don't know what to do about any of it. It is neither of our fault completely, and yet it is both of our fault. Months ago we talked about this, we talked about how we need to make time for each other, we need to talk. We needed to do things together, plan dates, find hobbies we both want to do. But we haven't even followed our own advice. And here we are, at a breaking point.

Some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Gwennie playing Pirate.

Rhayn playing Pirate.

The girls sleeping while sick.

Upon being "Nearly Thirty"

I think that I am a little depressed.

I am not sure if it has to do with my looming birthday, the holiday season that just swooped down on me (no warning, I swear it was just Halloween last night!) Or maybe the heat wave we are still in. I want it to be cooler than it is. I am so ready to move my butt out of here just to see a little bit of a season. But then there are things about here that I love (family.)

This birthday is a big one, and I am not dreading it, really. What I am dreading is the actual day. I still get excited about a birthday. Like when you are a kid, the anticipation, the excitement, the not knowing. Well, that is fine and dandy when you are ten, but when you multiply that by three, and realize you are the Mom, not the kid, you get a totally different anticipation, more akin to anxiety.

While I am on the subject of anxiety, I have been feeling a large amount of that lately. It is like this giant lead pillow on me, and I can’t get away from it. Every once in a while, I will get part of it off of me, but it slips back on me so easily. I feel hunched, squashed, muted. Instead of feeling tall, and standing up straight, right now I am hunched over and my muscles ache from it. I can feel the stress in my entire body, making me hurt in more ways than physical.

I wrote that a few days ago, and am feeling better. However I wanted to post it in case someone else felt that way, and had any insight. I had planned on getting out of the house today, possibly going to the zoo with Hairball. But from the looks of my two girls, both who are still lying about like sickies, I will be staying home. I guess I could shampoo the carpet, after the vomit-fest yesterday it really could use it (before Thanksgiving.) I am also sure this won’t be my only post today. When I am lonely, and feel chatty, I seem to post more often.

Oh Me, Oh My,

I am exhausted. My whole body aches from not enough quality sleep. My brain feels tired from stress.
Both girls are sick, both girls spent the night and morning throwing up. Rhayn is not keeping anything down. She has vomited so much I am worried about her. Gwen had a few bites of my pizza at lunch, and has held that down. At this exact moment, they are both curled up on the couch sleeping. I just awoke from a nap.
I wish I had something worthwhile to write on here, something about life, love, something comedic. But that would involve brain power, of which at the moment I have none.

On another note, check out this super easy pattern I found to make a princess dress! Cool huh? I will totally be making the girls matching ones for Christmas (not in red, though probably a nice rich purple or majestic blue.)

Turtle Design

Which of these do you like better? Also would it look better if I did the feet separately? (So that they didn't touch the shell?) Any ideas, thoughts, dislikes? Any input at all would be great!

*This is to change the tat on my left upper arm. That is the center of the shell, it is the Chinese symbol for Honesty, that I got when I was 19.

Getting Old

I am dressed in a t-shirt and jeans with some ratty tevas on. I have had a hurried morning, and am tired. I stop to get a hot dog and churro on my way out of Costco.

The mobile rings, and I talk to Hairball a moment. She asks if I might want to go to the zoo on Monday (of course) but it isn't certain yet, just a maybe. I pay for my dogs and churro, grab Gwen's hand and we get our lemonade. Then I step back to get my cart.

"Leaner?" I hear, a familiar voice, a blast from the past. Questioningly, I look forward. There in a Hawaiian shirt, looking none the worse for his age (well maybe a little grayer) is my old band director Mr. A.

"Hey, how are you?" I respond. Great I am thinking, of course of all the days to run into someone, why today? I hadn't even combed my hair, I had thrown clothes on that morning, Gwen didn't match. But why would it matter, this man saw me at my worst. He knew me in High School.

We chat for a moment, he works close to the Costco we are at. I glance at the political books he carries, we part ways. He walks by me again on our way out, "Its nice to see you."

You too, Mr. A. You too.

Pictures from Last Weekend

Looking over the edge.

Yeah, not the best picture of my girls, but look at the flowers, and sunset!
The girls wanted to go faster. After this picture I looked at Gwen, she was frozen and not happy.

I had a nice day. I had my hair trimmed and my purple streak bleached (so that I can re-purple it.) Then my mom called because we were planning to meet up with her in the afternoon. She needed to get her car fixed, and was in town. It was going to take quite a few hours, so I picked Rhayn up from school early and we headed over. The Toyota dealership was awesome, with this really neat pirate ship play area for kids. Unfortunately, as happens every other day in my world, Gwen hit her head as she fell off of the crow's nest ladder.

We went to Target and wandered around for hours, looking at nearly everything.

My dad was in town doing his new job, and so he met us for dinner. We ate at the Texas Roadhouse (yum!) After dinner we all headed home.

Gwen fell asleep in the car, and slept all the way home. However when we came in, she became really fussy. She told me that her "belly owie!" She writhed and coughed, but didn't puke (yet.) I took her temperature. I held her upright and we rocked, and she nursed for a minute, then suddenly told me "I no want it." What? She must be REALLY sick, if she turns down gup! I asked her if she wanted to watch Shrek, so that I could blog (yeah, great Mom am I.) She said "Nes" and climbed into my bed, curled into a ball, and waited for me to turn it on. Right now she is on her stomach with her butt in the air watching Shrek 2. I am worried that this will be a long night. I am sure that this is something we have picked up from school. I believe I mentioned yesterday that Rhayn said her tummy hurt last night? And mine feels a little queasy, but that might be stress related.

Sigh, another day, another illness, right?


*Its 930 pm now, Shrek has ended and I just did the unthinkable (well, it was unthinkable before I had children, but now? It isn't just thinkable- its a regular sicktime occurrence.) I heard Gwennie getting ready to puke, and so put out my hands and caught. I didn't manage to keep it all from getting on the bed and she soiled two blankets in her hurling. However, she seems a little calmer. She was passing some pretty noxious gas before the vomiting.

I can feel a headache starting, and all I want is to sleep. This however is the last thing I think I will be doing tonight.

Oh No

All morning there were strange smells coming from Gwennie, as she filled diaper after diaper with poo the consistency of new baby poo. She didn't seem upset by it, and played happily.

By mid afternoon, I noticed that my stomach is feeling queasy. Yoga class was miserable. I can only imagine that this means I have some stomach thing.

As Rhayn was getting ready for bed, she mentions that her tummy hurts, too.

Joy. Bliss. What fun.

Let us just hope that the note that was sent home today from school (that there was a case of strep throat) was not in Rhayn's class, but I think that maybe her tummy ache might be from that. Her glands are swollen, her throat looks filled with pustules. I might keep her some tomorrow, just because, and maybe take her to the doctor, too.

As for me, I am about to go lay down, and turn on crapola television. I haven't watched any today yet. I hope my period starts soon, because I feel moody and yucky, and Will isn't talking to me because of the b-word I have been to him. My breasts hurt, and I have a plugged duct because Gwennie has cut down to only a few nursings a day. Sigh. Sometimes I hate being a girl.

I neglected to turn on my VCR timer, so only have the last 15 minutes of ANTM to watch.

Fears Lead to Tears

I think this morning it really hit me. It hit me, that for the past (I could be wrong on this one) four years I have been holding my breath. I have been pushing this fear down and away. I have not allowed myself the luxury of really thinking about the what ifs. But now, those are gone.

My brother is back stateside. He isn't in Iraq, he isn't fighting this stupid, endless war. So for now, I can breath more easily. I can let those tears, the ones I have held in because I was so afraid to let them out, flow down my cheeks. All of this time, I didn't realize that I was holding it all inside. I didn't acknowledge that I was ignoring the numbers of soldiers dying, or where they were stationed. If I acknowledged that I was doing that it was like acknowledging that I was waiting to hear that our Bear was among them. But he isn't, he is alive, and in New York, and he will be home soon.

I know that I will have to go through this again, because of Will. Because he will be deployed, he will be called to fight the endless war. But he, for the moment, is not deployable. He will not be sent away until at least next fall. It gives me reprieve, solace in knowing that for now, we are all safe. As far as I know none of my family of friends are in a warzone.

So if you can, hug those close to you, thank them, and love them as hard as you can. And if you pray, say a little one to thank God for sending my brother home.

Jenny

I have a doll that has been my friend since I was a wee one. Her name is Jenny. I keep her in my cedar chest (or hope chest or blanket chest, whichever you would call it.) Sometimes when Rhayn is very good, and asks very nicely, she gets to play with her. She has a tea party with Rhayn's porcelain doll.

I wanted to show her what Jenny looked like when I got her (not that I remember or anything.) So I googled her, and found quite a few of her on eBay. She had a friend named Mandy and Becky, and I think we need those, also. I think Santa might be bringing the girls each a very special vintage doll. And I am really excited about it. Maybe we will have to get a nice doll tea set, hmmm let me pop on over to eBay and look at those, too.

If you are ever feeling nostalgic about toys that you once owned, check eBay, seriously. I had a great time looking at old dolls, and even found a few neat things that my mom used to let me play with, like Penny Brite.

Does anyone know the difference between a Cherry Limeade and a Shirley Temple? Is it just that a Cherry Limeade has fresh lime?

Time Alone

Sometimes you just need a little time alone. You need a few moments to yourself, to gather your thoughts, to center yourself.
I needed that and luckily, because Will was home, I was able to take that time. Time for me, time to reset, and relax.

My friend's wedding was lovely. The wedding part was short and sweet. They wrote their own vows and that made it more special.
The food was delicious. The view spectacular.

My kids were holy terrors. I am so glad I brought my converse along so that I could run after them. I mean its not like they could have gotten far, as we were on the rooftop of a building (with glass barriers to the eight story fall. I did well, and not once did I get that severe height anxiety/panic attack that I usually get on tall buildings. So be impressed there.)

The wait between the service and the food was too long for kids. Perfect for adults with no children, to enjoy an open bar. We had a few Shirley Temples n order to pass the time.

Between the salad and entree Gwen had a meltdown, a serious, screaming, yelling, doing that thing where the two-year old becomes a board and then bends their back. By the time they brought us food, she had calmed down a little. However they ran out of children's plates, and she didn't get a plate of fries and chicken fingers. Rhayn shared with her, while they made her a plate. I was assured it would only take "about seven minutes." And I kept my cool by breathng deeply while telling the waitress "Thank you." I really wanted to scream at her because my child was freaking out, and hungry and it is not like it wasn't obvious that she was upset. I was also at the table of the parents of both bride and groom, those who paid for the wedding. It wasn't anyone in particulars fault.

After eating their fries with ketchup, Gwen gets up and runs off. I hadn't yet eaten the delicious little medallion of beef on my plate. So I tell Rhayn to keep her from running in to the elevator while I eat. When I was done we made a restroom run, and felt quite a bit better.

Back at out table, there was a plate of chicken and fries. They asked me if I wanted it boxed up to take home (YES!) The girls started dancing and playing with the bride's sister's four year old daughter.

Finally they cut the cake and we had a few slices. Rhayn ate a layer of hers then told me she was done. She looke so tired. Gwen at as much of the whipped cream frosting as she could. Then we made a graceful exit.

In the car Gwen said, "We ate cake" before falling asleep. It was a long drive home, to a neglected dog. (Poor thing missed dinner.) But we were all in bed by ten.

I have no pictures of myself last night that show my outfit or my hair (which I spent quite a long time and hairspray) in some lame victory rolls. Rhayn told me it looked good, and I do think it looked cute, I want to get this hairstyle down. My hair is a little short and I do not have the sponges I would need for serious rolls, like in this video. I think I will have to stop in to Sally's Beauty Supply and pick some of them up. I adore that look, and I feel like I have a sort of "classic beauty" and could pull them off.

I ended up untucked, because of the sitting standing factor. That satiny shirt would not stay tucked for anything.

I really wish my husband was around more. I wish we were at functions as a family more often, instead of me having to explain, yet again, to another person, why he isn't there. It might be easier if I was a single mom, in that aspect. "Oh he is just an absent father." But he isn't, he very involved in our lives, he is great, but just busy. I think this is a preparation for that day he runs for governor of this state, or congress. I know he will be in politics, and I will have to support him. (Oh, and don't forget that in about a year he will be deployed to the war zone.)

25 Month Newsletter

Gwendy-Goo,

Where has this past month gone? I feel like I just wrote your twenty-four month newsletter and here we are almost a week past when you became twenty-five months. But it was such a busy week; it is no surprise to me that I neglected to get it written.

People see you all of the time, at the store and at Rhayn’s school. You cling to me, in my arms, in a sling, holding my leg. Only in the past few weeks have you started to come out of your shell.

Today we were greeted by a parent of one of the boys in Rhayn’s class. She also has a four year old who adores you. You looked at her, as asked “where K?” She stopped and looked at you like you were a foreign object, like a pencil had stood up and started doing a jig on the picnic table where we sat. She leaned down and talked to you for a few minutes, totally engrossed by your verbal skills. “Wow, I have never heard her talk before,” she exclaims. We are constantly in awe of those skills you have accumulated, too. Your speech gets better day by day, because you have become “the repeater.” We say anything and you parrot it back to us. Maybe I should have been a pirate for Halloween, and you could have sat on my shoulder and repeated everything I said.

The terrible twos are upon us. In. Full. Force. It is like suddenly a switch will flip and my sweet little girl, who had been snuggled in my arms one moment, is terrorizing a store. You run, you laugh hysterically, you tell me “no” and “stop it” with such a fervor that I want to scream. Some days you will refuse to nap. Flat out refuse. It seems to coincide with me needing a little bit of time to myself.

I am working on night weaning, still. I tried and failed a few times. My sleep seemed more important than getting you to sleep without a nipple in your mouth part of the night. I do not want to break the spell, but I have had two nights (so far) that I have been able to nurse you, and then allow you to fall asleep on your own. One night I was actually able to keep you from nursing until about six when I wanted you to go back into a deep sleep so that I could get up and enjoy a cup of coffee and NPR in silence. You slept until after seven, and it made our morning go a lot more smoothly. I have been working on telling you “All done” when I am ready to get up while you are nursing. Now I will say that at night, too. I have also started telling you that “Gup goes to sleep when it is dark.” I need it to work, I need you to understand that I am still here if you need me, but “gup” is asleep.

Sometimes I think I am totally ready to be done nursing, and then other times, I feel like we could do it forever. I think that you have pretty much cut down to only a few times a day, and a few more at night. It makes me sad that you are getting so big, and independent. Yet, there are moments when you come to me, blue eyes wide and teary, to have “gup” and I see my baby in you still. Then you climb out of my lap, say “All done” and run off to play, my big girl.

Love forever,

Mama

Which way looks better?

I know these pictures suck and I look VERY UNHAPPY in them (can anyone say PMS, and the prospect of taking a two year old to a wedding without my spouse? Oh, and yet another thing at Rhayn's school without Will? Yeah... and did I mention PMS that I am starting to wonder if it might be PMDD, because I am NOT pregnant, and I feel like a bigger emotional wreck right this moment than I have in quite a while. )
But I have a dilemma.

Tucked...

Or Untucked?
***I bought this shirt at Kohl's look at the other pretty, pretty colors! Oh, I love the gray, I didn't see that. But that might have been too much for a wedding... and I know she was doing a fall colors scheme. What you can't see in the picture is the really neat sleeves, they have lacey panels that tie (you can see the strings) and it is just a lovely detail. Also the shirt stretches and hugs and shines oh so nicely.

I think I prefer tucked, because it makes me feel like I am SO tall, and SO slim, and SO leggy. Plus, SO hot. But I love the option of untucked.

How in the world...

Did we manage with only VCRs? Seriously. I have been spoiled by Tivo, but we have gotten rid of cable and Tivo (gasp!) So I needed to set up a VCR to record the one show I watch ANTM. I know, shallow and silly, but we all have a vice, and I like that darn show.
I couldn't find the manual for our DVD/VCR combo, and I had almost figured out how to set it. I just could not, for the life of me, figure out how to activate the timer. I figured I would go a little internet searching, and WALA! There is an Adobe file of the manual on the Symphonic website. YEAH! I figured it out, and have a "test" record set up. If it works, I will totally feel like SUPERWOMAN!

*Updated at 3:15 to add that I AM SUPERWOMAN! Yeah, my test record worked. All lights are go!

Feeling HOT

I went out and bought myself a new outfit today. I will post a picture of it when I get Rhayn to take a picture of me in it.

I needed some shoes to wear to my friend's wedding on Friday. There will be quite a few people there that I have not seen in ages, and an old boyfriend. Now he is one of the many guys I dated but stayed good friends with. He has a girlfriend/fiance whom he has been with longer than I have been with Will. They have two adorable little girls. BUT I want to look good, you know? I don't want to feel like a shlumpy old stay at home mom.

I wanted a pair of high heeled shoes, but I need them to bend so that I can walk. Luckily I walked into Kohl's and there they were. So pretty, so bendy, so perfect. Well, the only way they could have been better is if the were red patent. (I have been in search of a red shoe for years.) Then I decided that I wanted to try and find a nice black pencil skirt to go with them, and maybe a shiny red shirt. I found a nice shirt, but no skirt. I did try some on. But the only one that fit had a nautical feel, and I was going for more of a pin-up girl look. I purchased my shoes and headed over to Old Navy, and found the perfect skirt (although full price.)

The outfit makes me excited. I like the way I look in it, even though I seriously need to shave my legs. It isn't very often that I put an outfit on and think "Dang, I am HOT!" Even though Will tells me that I look good often. I don't see or feel that. I just wish he was going to be home to go with me to the wedding. I was totally looking forward to making him dance with me (for the first time, mind you, EVER.)

Sigh, at least I get to feel good and the girls will be cute as always. now I just need to figure out what to do with my hair...

Recipe for Chai

This is a recipe someone taught me.

2 tsp loose black tea
1 1/2 cups (use the mug you will be drinking from) water
1/2 cup WHOLE milk
5-6 tsp sugar

grind up the following-
4-5 cardamom pods
3 cloves
1/3 of a star anise
1/4 inch cinnamon stick
8 peppercorns (or 1 tsp coarsely, freshly ground pepper)

grate 1/8 of a nutmeg

slowly bring to a boil. Then boil for about 10 minutes or until the milk creates a foamy top.

Now using a fine grater (or zester) grate in 1/8 inch of fresh ginger. If this is put in too soon the milk may curdle.

Strain into cups. Or into a pitcher and into the fridge (if you like it cold, you can pour over ice, too.)

Makes 2 mugs.

Bad habits die hard

Last night I went to a bachelorette party. Lets just say the theme was toys, and lets just say it was a lot of fun, mixed with a little bit of "too much information." I did something really bad, but considering I think about it all of the time (or at least when we go to the mall, and you see those folks hanging out in the front having a camel) and last night it was too much.

I had a cigarette.

I quit smoking seven years ago, after I found out I was pregnant with my first. I stayed a nonsmoker through the miscarriage and a boyfriend who smoked. I hung out with smokers all of the time. I was strong. I was she-woman ROAR! Every few years I will hang out with someone and have a drag or two of the sweet, disgusting, bad-habit forming smokey goodness. I know I was a serious addict since here we are seven years (plus) into being an official non-smoker, and I still think about cigarettes with fondness.

I feel like Chandler on Friends. He finds himself having little trysts with his first love, a cigarette. I wish it weren't true. I wish I could take that desire away completely and never desire a smokey treat again. Its not funny, like it was on Friends, but to me that longing is the reason that Chandler's cigarette love was so hilarious.

I would never start up again. I will never buy a pack, that would only lead to buying a second pack, and a third. I would not want to have that hidden from my children, and I would never be able to smoke in front of them. How do you tell someone to NOT smoke, as you take a drag? I will just go back to inhaling second hand smoke every now and then, and having to remind myself why I quit by looking into the eyes, the trusting, loving eyes, of my children.

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Why? And a Top 5.

Why didn't I know that it was Nablopomo time again? Oh, yeah... because I have been running around like a headless chicken this week. Since I have only missed one day, I am going to attempt to get it together enough this month to post every day starting now.

What websites do you visit regularly? What websites do you think are great? These are my top five(or eleven depending on how you count them) in no particular order.

1. Being a woman I love this website, MyMontlyCycles.com because it is an easy way to keep track of my period. I like having an idea of about when it will appear. It is also helpful to be able to keep track of my symptoms, and when I get PMS, seeing that I had it last month or the month before helps me deal with it. When we were trying to get pregnant I used the fertility tracker, not the temperature tracking, but I knew within two days of when she was conceived.

2. NaturalChildbirth.org forum is one I used to visit every day, but it has been pretty slow lately.

3. Mama Says Om gives me ideas to guide my blog. I am volunteering for this website, so I have to also visit (4.) Flickr every day. I could spend hours looking at photos that people have posted of their kids, their pregnant bellies, their pets, and their craft items. I adore the creativity of some people, and wish I had a little more of it!

5. I also visit about seven blogs every day, which I am listing as one website, as I think they are all on blogger. These are my family, my friends, and some people I have never met, but adore the way they write about their lives. These inspire me, and I totally miss them when I have no time (like the past week) to read and catch up on them. If I only have a few moments to look, I visit my mom, my sister, my cousins- Hairball, Tif-do and Alex's Human, and birth junkies- Midlife Midwife, and Doulala. All of these women make me happy. Mind you there are others, many many others, these are just the ones I check religiously, and love to read.

So if anyone else is up to it, post your top five (or more) favorite websites. I hope that I am listed in there! :)

Whirling around and around

I feel like I haven't sat down for weeks. We have had non-stop things going on. Today was the first day I was able to actually even sort of clean house. Well, at least clean up two weeks worth of poop in the back yard and wash some windows. Last night we trick-or-treated with one of the girls in Rhayn's class. Rhayn had wings, she was an "ice fairy." Gwen was obviously a poodle. The house we went to had a dinner and then a herd (no joke, there was a herd) of children ranging in age from newborn to eleven I think. There were three Thomas the Trains, and two super cute puppies. The dogs stuck together and instead of saying "trick-or-treat" the other dog-girl's mama had them saying "Woof-Woof!" when the person answered the door. So cute. Rhayn stuck with her friend's mom. I actually didn't see her in trick-or-treating action at all. She did get quite a load of candy, though. There was even a full sized 3 Musketeer bar in the bag. I had the pleasure of being one of the few adults who dressed up. Now, if you know me, you know I am not the type who dresses up. So it felt weird a little to not be in "normal" clothes. But I did get quite a few compliments on my Giraffe costume.

I updated it from the party the other night and added the giraffe "horns" by using pipe cleaners to make some of my hair stand up. I think I look pretty darn cool, but you know I didn't get a decent picture of me, and not one in full costume. Now just don't look too closely, the picture of me is blurry and awful, but you can get an idea of the COOLNESS that was my costume. I am not sure if I posted a picture of the pants, let me just tell you, that there are times when a costume falls into your lap, this was one of them. Hairball and I were at Deseret Industries and we found these pants, a size 2 (I am NOT a 2) and they were giraffe print. I thought, hmmm, I should be an old lady from Florida and make my skin orangey and old looking. (Like the neighbor on There's Something About Mary.) Hairball thought I should go for giraffe. I bought the pants, but lost them last year. It was only in moving and redoing our toy room that helped me find them. Then at Target I found a baby poop yellow shirt, and it didn't match perfectly, but it did work. I bought brown felt and attached spots of it to the poop-yellow shirt. TaDa! A giraffe! At school for Halloween the first through eighth grades had a costume parade. The kids loved it, and it was so fun for them all to show off their creativity. Even Gwen joined in the festivities. Before the parade the classes carved pumpkins. I thought that would be a huge pain, but it turned out to be quite fun. Rhayn's pumpkin is in the middle. I carved the howling wolf, Will carved the cat.We have had a ton of fun this past little while, but I am so glad we have a little bit of time before the whirling fun of Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us.