Funeral

On August 29th, 2013 we received some news that we knew was coming.

Will's father had passed away.

He'd been on the decline for about 9 months after a fall and some surgeries. He had finally just... given up. He didn't want to live bedridden because he'd always been an active guy.

Will and I flew to Idaho on September 2nd (well actually we flew to SLC and drove to Idaho Falls). We'd never been on an airplane together, we'd never traveled out of state, except once to California when I was pregnant with Gwen. It was a sad occasion to require travel but it was really nice to get that time together.

On our drive we took a turn off of the interstate because of Abby and ended up driving past the place where Will had lived as a young boy. It was getting dark so I didn't get to see much of the landscape between Pocatello and Idaho Falls (and I really missed out as I found out on the drive back).

We arrived late in the evening at his sister Angela's house where we were going to be staying. His sister Kendra was also staying there. Kendra is his only full sibling and is a little younger than he is. His dad had 3 daughters who are older and were nearly grown when Will was born.

Tuesday morning we had a slow morning and went out for breakfast at Dixie's Diner (it was excellent and we ended up eating there a few other times, too) which used to be a Five and Diner. Then went to Will's dad's house to go through his things. The memorial/funeral was going to be held on Wednesday. We spent nearly all day going through his things. He kept a lot of things from his time in Korea and there was many pictures of his kids. I walked around the neighborhood. It was beautiful there, so very green and lush grass, yards full of gardens and fresh rhubarb.

</

a>

Wednesday morning we all got up and got dressed. Black clothes and a Maltese don't mix well and we were constantly picking long white dog hair off of our clothes. But the memorial was good. Will's dad had touched many people. According to his children, he wasn't the best father, but he was a good person. He had been deeply religious later in life. He came from a family of 4 boys and one girl. One of his brothers had died before him, and we met his other 2 brothers and the little sister. She had great stories and was just about the cutest little lady ever. I enjoyed listening to her tell about their life and how her dad had always said that her mom had "eyes like a cow" which many people might be offended by, but she wasn't. We got pictures of the siblings, 4 beautiful ladies and 1 handsome son. At the funeral there were people who came up and introduced themselves to Will, saying it was clear he was part of that family, he looked just like his dad.


Thursday Will and I drove around. We went to his dad's house again to take a few things that Will wanted that reminded him of his dad. We sent them home via UPS. Then we went to the falls and walked around for a while. Will has suffering from what he thought were bad allergies. It made sense because the grass was tall and green and abundant. After we spent time at the falls we drove up to visit one of his other sisters (from his mom's side, he has 3 sisters and 1 brother on that side- not including his younger sister, though one of them passed away 18 years ago from cancer).

We got back to Idaho Falls and went out to dinner. Then went back to his sister's house and went to bed.

Friday morning we went to Dixie's Diner again and then we left to drive back to SLC for our flight back to AZ.

We basically traveled all day, which makes for a long day. We arrived home around 11pm. My mom and dad had stayed at our house with the 3 older girls. (So glad for that, it made the trip easier.)

SMOW!

Last week we went on a mini-road trip. The girls and I met my parents and many of the cousins at my sister's house on the east side of town. Then we figured out who would ride in which car.

In the end, Grandpa had 3 girls, Madder, Katie and Gwennie in the truck, my mom had Gav, B and Rhayn in her car and Brie and I had our babies (Natty, Nannah and Mellie-belly). Then we parted ways because Brie and I were not taking the same path as they were.

We drove the 3 hour drive fairly uneventfully, arriving in the ShowLow area in the afternoon. The place was amazing, buried in snow drifts and icicles melting in the sun. The kids were all outside having "snowcones" (koolaid poured over clean snow). But soon everyone made their way into my cousin's house.

We hung out and had a great evening. For dinner there were tamales, salsa, beans and cheese quesadillas.

Around 11 I started feeling really sick, and ended up throwing up. A few hours later Gwennie started throwing up, and didn't really stop for almost 20 hours. She barely held down water, running and throwing up every time she took a sip.

In the morning everyone (aside from Gwennie, Natty and myself) bundled up and went out sledding. I bundled Natalie up and took her into the snow to take a few pictures.

The day dragged since I was just watching my poor sick girl and dreading the 3 hour drive home. Brie and I took Gwennie with us, and we also took a few blue party cups to hold puke if she needed it. And she did, oh she did. She filled up the cup half way before we even left the town. We had to stop a second time within an hour to throw the vomit out of the car. Brie's one year old, Nannah cried nearly the entire 3 hour drive home. Poor Gwennie was in the back seat heaving while we made the curvy drive home. She felt better when we made a rest stop in Payson, and even ate a little bit of a lunchable (she wanted it) but was back to puking soon after.


We made it to Brie's house, and I still had a 45 minute drive home after that. I nursed Natty and we hung out for a little while to stretch. Rhayn had gone home with my mom and dad, and my mom was bringing her home the next day (when she was coming over to help me get started on the daunting task of packing!) Gwennie didn't throw up again after we made it back to town. Thank goodness. And she was fine by the next day. But I had to cancel her sleep-over the next night because I wasn't sure if she was 100% by then.

It was a beautiful drive up, and on the way home I saw a bald eagle in a tree near the road and a lovely doe near the road. But I really missed my ME time, which is what I usually get while the girls go to the snow with my parents.

Thanksgiving (Observed)

We observe Thanksgiving with our family on a different day because of schedules. But it doesn't matter when we gather around the turkey, our family is full of fun and love.

Posing in the tree.

Wisdom and love.

Making crafts.

Everyone should buy pants to match their dog, shouldn't they?

Fall colors and fun.

Gratitude Day 17- 21

Day 17- I am thankful for my sistah. I love that woman. She is amazing. Being 9 years apart was not good during out teen years (or mine teens actually, she wasn't a teen until I had my first baby at 23) but since we have become moms together, I feel a huge bond with her.

My sister and my youngest baby girls being held by my oldest, who just happens to be a little bit older than I was when my sister was born. I look at my girls and I see their adult friendships and love that they have each other.

Day 18- I am thankful that Will was able to get home by 5 on Friday so that he could attend a Lantern Walk at the girls' school. That made their day.

Day 19- I am grateful to my cousin, Hairball, who came up and went to see Breaking Dawn with me, and then went around as we joked about the more lame parts of the movie. Good times, and so nice even in we dragged my third arm along, she is cute, no? She thought that Breaking Dawn was, alright, but she really likes that the walls in the theater are soft. (Seriously she was giggling so loudly when she touched it.) She also enjoyed Jacob and the other wolves. Day 20- I am glad that the soccer season is over. Whew. I enjoy watching the girls play, but I am glad we won't have any more practices and we can have slow evenings.

Day 21- I am thankful that its Thanksgiving week. Only 2 1/2 days of school and then my favorite holiday, which we get to celebrate twice. I love food, friends, family.

Accepting Death

Long ago, a family lived just down the street from this "big rock". The kids often strolled past it while going about their daily business. In the 1920s and 1930s they grew up in a teeny, tiny South Dakota town. Not too far from DeSmet, SD (of Laura Ingalls Wilder fame). Eventually getting married and having their own children.
In the 1940s, the lovely lady on the left, Loretta went to California to work. She met a wonderful man named Lynn, and married him, starting my family line.
In the late 1950s, my mom was born, the youngest of 6 children.
For years Loretta would fly home to South Dakota (sometimes she would drive) to visit the big rock, and her sister.
In the 1970s she brought her children, and as the family story goes, my dad asked my mom if she wanted a beer, (he was raised Lutheran) and she declined but they started writing letters to each other. He eventually moved to Arizona to work on the family farm and to marry my mom.
Loretta later brought grandchildren with her, mostly my family because our dad is from this same miniscule town in South Dakota (and we were able to visit both sides of our family).
We got to know her sister, our Great-Aunt D. We were lucky, my baby sister and I, a new generation of sisters, listening to an older generation of sisters as one crocheted and the other gladly took out her mistakes. Joking, laughing, loving, always loving.
I think we knew these old biddies best of all.
I'll never regret those trips to, what I consider, our homeland.
I'll never regret those long hours and days listening to the old stories and fun times with these women.

But a few weeks ago my Aunt D passed away.
And my Grandma is 90.

Things change.

And all I have are those memories, fleeting thoughts, from many trips to Ramona, South Dakota.
Memories of sisters.
I hold those dear.
Especially now.
When only one half of those "twins" are still here on Earth.

Sierra Vista part 1

About a week ago I realized that we had a perfect weekend to go visit Will and check out this town we are probably moving to. The girls had a half day on Friday and no school Monday. So after some emailing back and forth, finding a place for our dog to hang out for 3 days, and a conversation via Gmail video chat, the girls and I packed up and headed to Sierra Vista, Arizona after school on Friday.

Its a long drive from our house to S.V. It takes a little over 3 hours, depending on traffic. That is forever for small children. Also, Nan picked up a cold this week, her nose was runny on Friday but that was it. We listened to Mr. Popper's Penguins all the way there.

Once we passed Tucson, with a little more than an hour still to go, the scenery started to change. It was lovely. And we all started getting more excited. When we finally turned off of I-10 we knew that the majority of our trip was behind us and we were close, so close to Daddy.
We pulled up to his apartment complex and I parked by his truck. I called him because I forgot to write down his apt. number. He came out and the girls and I all hugged him gladly. We hadn't seen him in weeks.

After we ate dinner we loaded into the car and drove around S.V. He showed us how small the town is, and how pretty. We made it back to his apartment and settled in for the night.

In the morning we ate and dressed. The girls ran downstairs and played right outside of his apartment. Then we drove to the park for the car show that was being held there. It was interesting. The girls got to throw balls and dunk a police officer. (I'll post pictures of that later.) Gwennie was given a balloon, we watched some young men give a welding demonstration. We left the park and grabbed Subway on our way to a picnic on base near this bridge. It was amazing. This creek ran by us, and we were able to watch an Acorn Woodpecker bury his acorns in an old tree. The girls made friends with some girls who live on base and whose dad is currently deployed. Will and I looked at rocks and plants and just enjoyed being outside together.
After our picnic lunch we had to run into Target to purchase a new outfit for Nan, because she had a poopsplosion. Will also took us around the base to see where he works. Upon leaving Target we headed out of town. Will had scheduled a house viewing. There is a house for sale on 8 acres of land to the east of town and he wanted us to see it.

Weekly Gratitude

This week I a grateful for~

~A quick, family, weekend trip out of the valley. He had duty, so the girls and I did some fun things about Flagstaff. But that is a post in itself!
~Good friends who watched our sweet pooch (and whose dogs wore her out! She is still sleeping!) while we made that quick trip.
~A biggest girl whose class is going on a camping trip this week to the Grand Canyon. She is beyond excited about it.
~A big girl who will turn 6 on Thursday.
~A baby who will be 6 months old on Thursday.
~Most of all, I am grateful for my family.

Weekly Gratitude

Today I am grateful for
~Will. He was home this weekend. Though it was a crazy busy weekend, we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. It was just nice to have him home.
~spending time with my family. I don't see them much since we are always so very busy. Sunday we headed to their house to celebrate one of the grandkids' 2nd birthday as well as have 3 baby blessings, including Natalie's and I don't have any great pictures of her in her beautiful white dress. I love that my dad is able to bless her. And listening to JVA bless his boys was amazing. He, his wife and boys will be sealed in the temple soon and I know how happy that makes my parents. ~my sweet baby. She loves me best of all. Seriously. You have no idea. I'll get into that more when I write her 6 month newsletter (coming up far too soon!)
~these perfectly lovely mornings. I love the cool morning hours. Opening up the door and letting in the outside while I enjoy my morning rituals.

Rules and Loneliness

Its rather quiet at this moment. The big girls are playing nicely at the kitchen table (sure there was an early bedtime threatened if they fought) and for the moment Natalie is rolling around happily on the floor blowing raspberries.

We have some new school-time rules that we are trying to stick to. The main one is no television until Gwennie is in bed. Gwennie has so much trouble sleeping that I am willing to try darn near anything to help her be ready when that time of day hits. We're five minutes from that right now. Last week we did really well with the no t.v. rule, until she got sick. Then it was almost 24 hours of t.v. straight. This was followed by Daddy coming home and later nights and much television. Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night we rough and she didn't go to sleep until nearly 9pm. Last week she was falling asleep much earlier but now I wonder if it was due to her illness or not.

It is now 8:30, the girls are in bed, lights are out. I'm holding a sleeping baby and watching a show. I am lonely, really lonely. I loved having Will home this weekend and it reminds me of how much I love having us all here together.

Hall of Flame

On Saturday we celebrated Will being home (for one whole day) by going to the Hall of Flame in Tempe. This is a really cool museum filled with the history of fighting fires. The museum lends you a black binder that tells about all of the displays. We didn't get to read much, because the girls were pressing us forward. I would have liked to read more about some of the more fascinating items.

The museum is set up so that you start by seeing the really old fire fighter things, like hand pulled carts/water pumps. Many from the 1800s. Some were pulled by horses, and of course Gwennie loved the fake horse that they had on display to show how the carts were pulled. She did not like that the horse had no mane, though. See how they use fire hydrants to hold up the chains? Such a cool idea!
This cart was really shiny and had so many things going on. Many of them were much more plain and simple. One room was filled with display cases of helmets, some of the earliest ones were made of leather and sewn together. The helmets were from all over the world and for the past few centuries. Many German and Japanese helmets were included.

There was a real firetruck to climb on and real firefighter clothes and hats to put on. We all dressed up.Even me, I was the chief. Here is one of those trampoline things you see in the movies when the people jump out of burning buildings! So cool.
Towards the end there is a play area for the kids. They had this small fire truck with dress-up clothes in Gwennie's size which she enjoyed a lot more than dressing up in the adult-sized clothes (did I mention those jackets are heavy?) There was a pole (like in the movies) for sliding down. But Rhayn had to show her mad climbing skills by going up to hit a board that was sort of at the top. It must be to stop kids from climbing that pole to the ceiling, since this room also houses fire trucks, so it has vaulted ceilings. Will also had to show his mad skills, though it was a lot easier for him, since he is bigger.
And Gwennie wanted to do it as well. Only it took her a lot of tries before she made it to the top. But she finally did and then she had to show us a few more times.
After the pole climbing, we looked at the wild fire room, and headed out of the museum. I had been craving a curry for a while, with all of the fixings (papadum, chutneys, pakora, raita, soups and kheer) so we headed to Pasand for their buffet. It was delicious and Natalie was well behaved at the restaurant enough that we were all able to enjoy our tasty lunch.

It was a great day out! For dinner, Rhayn made us all her specialty- lemony, pan-seared shrimp with pasta.

Girls' Girls

In the green shirts are the oldest girls.
In the pink are the middles.

And these are the babies.

My sister and I both have 3 beautiful daughters.

Family Pictures

Every stinking time we try to take a family picture my girls make strange faces. They always forget how to smile. Oh well, at least its proof that we were all together, in one place on July 4th.

An afternoon at the pool

I didn't take many pictures. Its really hard to want to take pictures when you are hot. And Natalie is just little enough to make pool time not so fun. Also she turns bright red when she's hot.

And so do I.

I caught Rhayn doing a cannonball.
Gwennie swam hard, and had her Daddy following her all over the pool. They went down the slides, over and over and over. This is such an improvement from last summer. Gwennie wouldn't even put her face under the water and this summer she did gladly. We all had fun, but didn't drink enough water. (I have a headache.) I don't think I will brave solo momming the kids to the pool this summer.

Parents of only one gender

We're nearly three months into our life with 3 girls. I love Yaya, and am amazed by her, but there is a part of me that is sad that she is a she.

I always wanted a son. When I thought of my future children, back when I was a child myself, I pictured boys. I thought I would watch my boys play sports, and I would have a house filled with tonka trucks and legos. Instead I am surrounded by glitter, fairies and horses. There is way too much pink in my life.

Sometimes when I see little boys I feel a deep sense of longing and sadness. I feel like I am missing out on something. And I can't believe I was wrong about Yaya. Will kept telling me that she was a girl. I closely guarded that I was SURE she was a boy. There was a month that I was sure she was a she, but most of the time, I was so positive she was a boy. I was excited and terrified about the birth, because we would finally find out, and when Will said "Do you have HER?" I felt that sense of sadness creep in.

I should have known when we couldn't come up with a boys name. I should have known that there was a girl in there. I had allowed myself to imagine my little boy far too often and now its like "he" is missing. And I am afraid that I will always feel that empty part of me, the part where my "son" should have been.

Don't get me wrong, please, I love my daughters more than my own life. I would do anything for them. I do not want them to feel badly because they are girls. I look at them, each such an amazing little person, and I am thankful for them.

But.

"He" will always be missing.

Thankfully my girls (and husband) fill my house with legos and action figures, soccer and other sports. And glitter, of course.

Silent Sunday, Father's Day

Wedding

Last night we went to the wedding reception of a man who used to be a boy that I babysat on Friday nights so that his parents could attend football games. He and his brothers were a handful, but having 3 younger brothers of my own I was well prepared for them.
My parents and youngest brother and his family came, too. My mom had "borrowed" Gwennie for a few days and we picked her up there. My brother has 2 boys, the smallest is 4 months old. Check out how alike these sweet cousins are. I hope they will be good friends. I am sure they will enjoy each other.
We were all dressed up so we tried to get a few family pictures. There was much dancing. Including a "Love Train" that Will and I joined in. It was hard to hang on to the "Love Train" when one arm is filled with a baby! But it was enjoyable. The girls did some serious dancing, too.

Our Weekend

Yesterday morning I was taking my time getting up and going. I knew we needed to be at my grandma's party at 11, but thought "I have time to sit here". Only I didn't really have the time. I forgot to add the baby factor in. Then at 9 the phone rang. It was Will. He said they were sending him home early. I felt a huge sigh of relief. I was not ready to be single mom to 3 kids. I thought I could do it, but I was in a constant state of dread.

We made it to the party late since I had to find a ride for Will (Thanks to SK!) and get gas. At the gas station Natalie was crying so we parked and I nursed her. It was drizzling all the way so I drove slowly. We made it just a little late.

The party was nice. I didn't take any pictures the whole day. So if anyone has any good pictures of me or the girls send them my way, please.
Today we took a family trip to the botanical garden. It was perfect outside, just cool enough that it felt great to be in the sun. Natalie slept in the wrap the whole time and that was awesome. I had so many people take a peek at her or ask about the baby. It was nice, but after just about 40 minutes my body was tired. I trekked on, knowing that it was good for us to be out. My bottom aches a bit again. (Stupid 'roids.)