All she wants for Christmas is...

her other front tooth. Since the front right tooth broke through in the last few days. We had been singing that particular Christmas gem to Natalie for a week or so.

She stands

Can someone please tell baby Natalie that she needs. to. slow. down? I am so not ready for walking, but it is literally a step away.She can't stand up for very long, only a few seconds, but she gets sturdier every day. It won't be long now. (Also its nearly impossible to get a picture of standing girl.)

2 Things

Today at 5am, Natalie's fever spiked back up to 103.6. Scary. A dose of tylenol and hours of snuggling in the recliner were in order. Around 7 I made sure the girls were up and set an unhappy Nan on the floor while I got dressed.

At school finally, totally tired from 2 early mornings. I decided that if at 9am she was still feeling cruddy I would take her to the urgent care. Fortunately for us all, I stopped at Target to pick up some infant advil, and even before I gave it to her, she smiled and started acting more like herself again. So I decided to avoid the cesspool of germs that is often called an urgent care.

We came home and snuggled in the chair then she crawled on the floor happily for a while. (She would begin fussing every now and again.)

During one of her screaming fits, I noticed that toothy #2 broke the gum today. That must have exasperated her cruddy feeling for sure. Hopefully it doesn't cause her any more grief now.

Last night I went to bed and looked over at Gwennie in her twin bed, side-carred to mine. Her face sweetly relaxed with sleep. When I put her to bed she was so wound up bouncing and flipping and excited about school.

But she fell asleep easily. And I lovingly watched her sleep for a moment and thought of her day to come.

She is starting school in the morning, I thought and couldn't believe how big she's gotten. I feel like I should have done more to celebrate this day.

But its here and in a few hours she'll be in her class, with her new teachers and her new friends.

And we are all excited about it!

Really?

Who? Me? What?

Natalie is trying to crawl. 4 months old and trying to crawl. The stinker.
See? She face plants into the carpet and her backend lifts up. Her toes push and she tries. And tries. So far she hasn't gone anywhere with this technique, but it won't take long.


Rollling is no big deal to her now, but sometimes she forgets how to roll from her tummy to her back. She flips so effortlessly from back to tummy. On her tummy she will spin in circles. I can surround her with toys and she will get to each of them. We've stopped putting her on a blanket on the floor because it just gets tangled under her and causes her all kinds of frustration.

But look at that face... those beautiful almost, I think, dare I say it, brown eyes. And tell me you don't want to kiss those cheeks. I love this baby girl!

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

10 weeks old

10 weeks. 10 whole weeks have flown by. Yaya is growing steadily bigger and more alert. She smiles easily and is a relatively happy baby. We're on top of the eczema, it doesn't bother her, yet.

Yesterday I took her to the doctor for her 2 month well child exam and vaccinations. She weighs in at 12 pounds 11 ounces (80th percentile). That means she's gained 4 whole pounds since birth. My big, sweet baby girl. She hasn't grown much length wise, staying at just under 2 feet tall/long (85th percentile). But I think that the nurse measured her differently than she did before. Her head circumference is 40 cm or 15.7 inches (70th percentile).

She has met her milestones, and has awesome head control. But we knew that. I asked the doctor about her projectile spit up/puking and he said not to worry about it unless she is not gaining or losing weight. (She isn't, in fact had put on 6 ounces since last Wednesday!) Really he had no concerns which made me happy. Not that I had any concerns and longer as she hasn't been spitting up forcefully as much this week so its possible she is outgrowing that.

At the end of the visit, it was vaccination time. I hate, hate, hate that part. I was lucky enough to have been able to leave the big girls home with Will, as Gwennie is terrified that she needs shots (she does) at her next office visit. She gets more afraid if she has to see her sister get vaccines because she screams. Anyway- at 2 months she got 3 shots (one combo shot that was 3 so it would have been 5).

Let me say that for Gwennie, I didn't start her vaccines until she was about 9 months old. We delayed because we were home, Rhayn was not yet in school and Will was in the Army but not traveling much. For Yaya, Rhayn is in school and a school that is heavy with international travelers and people who do not vaccinate. Will is traveling to California once a month and is around a lot of Foreign Nationals. I never doubted that I would vaccinate Gwennie, it was just a matter of waiting until she was older. With Yaya, we feel its safest to follow the guidelines and vaccinate her on schedule for her health. Again, this is our choice.

Yaya screamed after the vaccines for about 5 minutes. I held her and took her outside to nurse her in the shade. She called down but hiccuped a bit from all the crying. At home she slept as long as I was holding her. But at 7 became unhappy/uncomfortable. I took her upstairs and we lay down for a while. She had a low fever and was so miserable she had her first ever dose of acetaminophen. Within a half hour she calmed down and fell asleep. She was really unhappy during that half hour, and cried quite a lot.

She woke up her normal times at night, that is around 2-3 am and again at 4 or 5. She usually falls asleep at 9 so she is a very good sleeper.

This morning, she is fine. I am being careful around her vaccination sites, its not red or swollen but it is probably sore. I am just glad that the screaming, crying stopped.

Worry Dolls and Dreamcatchers

Gwennie has anxiety issues. She worries non stop about some things. She will repeat her worries to calm herself. An example would be getting vaccinations* for school. She didn't want to go to school because she knew she needed a shot (who told her that? Maybe me, probably me.) So she talked about it constantly. We finally started telling her that she doesn't need it to star school, she needs it because she is getting bigger and that is what happens as you grow. Yaya getting vaccinations at her doctor appointments is helping with this. Now she'll constantly tell me that when you grow up you need shots to help you be healthy. (Yes, but it gets annoying as she says it all. the. time.)Gwennie is also terrified of the dark. She doesn't like to sleep alone because of it. She has this beautiful space to sleep in, too. Last week a good friend of ours told Gwennie about Worry Dolls while Gwennie was helping her in the school store. There was a small basket of them sitting there each little box cost $1. Gwennie badly wanted one. She constantly talked to me (for about 4 days) about how they take your worries away and then she could sleep in her own room. You just hold it in your hand, tell it your worry and place it under your pillow while you sleep and it takes that worry away. Surely, a $1 solution is worth trying, yes? We purchased a set on Monday as well as a red t-shirt for Rhayn to have her classmates sign at the end of the year.

At home, Rhayn showed me a how-to make Worry Dolls section of a book called The Daring Book for Girls that her BFF C got her for her birthday, as well as a how to make Dreamcatchers section. Then she and Gwennie made a Dreamcatcher for their cousin Madder. Rhayn made one for Gwennie and hung it up above her bed without Gwennie knowing. See it in the picture below? This is a great book and I highly recommend it!Monday night, Gwennie slept the entire night in her room. In the morning she came downstairs and said "The worry dolls worked!" She was so pleased with herself. She loved the dreamcatcher Rhayn had made her. Of course by the end of the day she was worn out and feeling stressed again and she told me that the worry dolls did NOT work (only 10 minutes after telling me that they did.) Yet, she slept in her room again Tuesday night, all night. We may have finally turned the corner but I am not holding my breath about it. I remind her that if she gets scared she can come to me, so she doesn't feel like I am kicking her out totally. She has been sleeping in a twin bed in my room since Yaya was born.

*Yes, I vaccinate my kids. I think it is a family-to-family choice, and I respect your choice please respect ours.

Big Smiles

I was bragging to someone the other day about how great a napper Natalie is. Ha. I so jinxed myself. Yesterday she only napped in the car or when I was holding her. One time I set her down and she slept for about 20 minutes. But I looked over and she was wide eyed and bushy tailed. Most of the time she wasn't fussing (thank goodness!) Usually she was doing this-Smiling. And cooing and talking to herself. Or maybe eating her hands.

Also, she laughed for the very first time when she was awake, she has laughed in her sleep a few times as well as crying in her sleep. Only it confused her. She laughed, then furrowed her brow and pondered the noise that has escaped her.

All day I could get her to sleep but as soon as I moved her or put her down, she'd just pop awake. At 9 pm she was still doing that. We lay down in bed and I was attempting to read (silly mama!). I finally turned off the light and within a few minutes she was asleep. She did fuss a little more than normal after falling asleep but she slept well all night long (eating a few times).

Today is looking the same. Its almost 11am and she has only taken a short nap while we were at the grocery store. She dozing off right now, so we'll see if she stays asleep when I put her down. I would love to sit here and hold her all day, but a mom has to eat and do laundry and... and... and. Most of her fussiness today has been diaper related. She does not care to be in a wet diaper nor does she like to sit in poop. This is good, though I wonder if its because of the type of diaper she is in. When a prefold is wet, it feels wet. The prefolds I have are all well loved and therefore quite soft, almost like a t-shirt.

48 Month Newsletter

Dearest Gwennie,

Today you turn forty eight months old. That is four whole years. For four years you have been here, in our family.

A few months ago, you didn’t like to draw. You would sometimes, circles would cover the pages. For months you only drew pictures of “jellyfish”. Then one day you sat down and drew our family. The same day your drawings went from simple 2 circle people with just a head and body, eyes and legs, to complex people with noses, ears, mouths, hair and arms. Occasionally they even have necks. Now you draw cats and dogs on everything you can put a pen on. I love watching you draw, but you don’t like us to watch you. When you are done with the picture, you hold it up and tell us about it. Its awesome.


Nearly all of your third year of life (or a third of your life) was spent with Daddy in Iraq. This was hard on you, because you couldn’t really understand it. You would tell us that daddy was “at work”, in fact you would tell anyone who would listen that your Daddy was at work. Just one month ago, he came home. It was the greatest day in your life yet. I don’t think you will have many days as perfect as that. You didn’t want to leave his side. (I don’t blame you. Rhayn and I felt the same way!)


You are a great eater. You love food. Sure, there are plenty of unhealthy things that you like to eat, but you will gladly eat fruits and vegetables. I can slice bell peppers and you will snack on those. Rhayn doesn’t touch them. Tomatoes are something you refuse to eat, unless they are in ketchup form.

Playing horses is your favorite game. Most little girls want to play princesses, but you want to be the princess’ horse. We play My Little Ponies often, you pass out the ponies, and tell us what we need to do with them (and what their names are.) If you could chose Daddy would play with you all of the time.


Unfortunately you are still having trouble wetting the bed at night. It isn’t every night, but often enough that you are still wearing diapers. The day time accidents are much better. Sure, some day you will look back at this with mortification, but let me say that I wet the bed once in a while until I was 16 or so. Please don’t be self-conscious about it, its just one of those things that happens. Maybe ask your grandma about bedwetting? She has some great stories.


For your birthday this year you asked for a “big stuffed shamu and a baby beluga”. Another thing you asked for were pink princess pants with butterflies. I didn’t find a stuffed shamu for you, but I did find a plastic orca and a baby beluga. I went to a local specialty toy store and asked them if they had a baby beluga. The lady looked it up and found that they had one in stock, but we had to search the shelf to find it. Luckily it was found and hopefully you like it. The “pink princess pants” were harder to find. I am not exactly sure what “princess pants” look like. I did find a pair of pink jean-like pants with butterflies on them. I hope they fit what you were imagining. I am sure you will love your presents, because you are so easy to please. I am thankful for that.


Gwennie, you are so extraordinary. Every day I am thankful to be your Mama. Your Daddy and I love you more than we ever thought we could love someone (besides Rhayn) and every day you astonish me with everything you know.

"Its A Rock, Mama."

Gwennie has never been a big drawing fan. Not like Rhayn was. Rhayn would sit for hours drawing. Gwennie? She would sit for about 5 minutes drawing circles in the middle of paper. Eventually she started drawing lines coming from the under side of the circle. These were dubbed "jellyfish" while her cousin called the same sort of picture her "octopus". Once in a great while, the "jellyfish" would get eyes. Sometimes it was actually a sun (the legs would pop out from all directions). There was even the day she drew a "Q" and was so excited about it (she drew them on everything for about a week). But months went by with little progression.

I decided I would not push drawing on her. Its not her thing. She doesn't enjoy it, I will not make her do it. I was sad. I have fond memories of sitting for long periods of time with Rhayn drawing and coloring and hearing stories about her pictures. But Gwennie and I can do other things. Its fine.

Then two nights ago, she did it. She was sitting there, pen in hand and drawing what I assumed were going to be 30 "jellyfish" of various sizes. She brought the picture over to me, her face beaming with pride. "Its the family" she said simply. And I looked. And it was. There were four people, all ranging in size (the way we do.) The people were crude, but recognizable as people.

The first family picture.

She drew another "family" and this time, she drew Daddy first, then started Mommy, and noticed that Daddy didn't have arms. She drew arms for him, then hair, and finally a mouth. She wanted to add a nose, but couldn't quite figure it out.

Third Family portrait, complete with arms, mouths and hair.

I was so enthralled I sat and watched her draw the second and third picture. I asked her questions about the things she was drawing. Next to her daddy she drew a circle, and said it was "A rock for him to kick." I looked at her blankly, a rock? for him to kick? I am really curious if that is what she thinks we are saying when we say "Iraq." I mean, say it out loud. The "I" is pretty quiet and we know from Rhayn that kids don't always here a soft first syllable (she called guitars, "tars" for a very long time.)

"A rock."
(Notice in the first family picture, on purple paper, there is a rock next to the largest person. Yup, that is Daddy and his rock.)

I have always felt that art is an insight into a child's mind. This was a revelation to me. She really has no idea where Daddy was or why. She understands that he is "at work" because she tells people that is where her daddy is. She will volunteer this information to anyone willing to listen. I don't think they have any idea how heartbreaking it is to hear your child telling people that her daddy is "at work" when you know that it is her way of saying how much she misses him, and how proud of him she is in her own sweet little way.

One thing that I noticed while watching her draw is that she switches hands. She drew the big circles with her right hand, then switched to her left to add details. She hasn't decided if she is a lefty or a righty. You know I am hoping for a lefty (as I am one.) Right now it looks like she will have equal use of both hands, which is a very nice thing (I can do most things with either hand.)

It is time to have the talk...

Yesterday after swimming at the pool, the girls and I were showering. We were meeting a friend for curry and bollywood flicks. While in the shower, and yes we were all in there together- sans suits, Rhayn said "What is this?" Then proceeded to poke and pinch her left nipple. She had a small lump under the nipple area.

I replied that maybe she was most likely starting to develop breasts, because if I remember correctly that is what happens. But she is only eight. So of course this morning I have spent time researching breast development. Pretty much everything I read says that this is ok. These "breast buds" develop one at a time, then go away. Then the other side will have a lump, which will go away. But also that this is the start of puberty.

(Loud exhale)

I am not ready for that. I am not ready for her to become a moody, preteen. I know it will happen eventually. I remember it pretty clearly, from when it happened to me, and when my sister went through it. Unpleasant times await me.

Most of what I read said that it is best to see a doctor about it, just in case it is something else. You know, because doctors are always right, and helpful.

In the past few days Gwennie has made some monumental leaps in development.

She drew her very first picture. She has been scribbling circles and lines but never made them into anything. Then on Tuesday, while Rhayn was at gymnastics class, she sat and drew a sun. (I will post a picture of it later.) It was drawn in pink highlighter, but beautiful nonetheless. I asked her what it was, and she said, matter-of-factly "Its a sun, a pink one." After which my heart melted into a pool of love.

Today we went to the pool, and although at first she was cautious of the water and being out in it, she soon found her footing. She played in the water, with her friends, for an hour. An hour that I didn't need to be right on top of her. It. was. awesome.

Picture this...

You drive up to Target to have a drink with a friend. You are meeting her and her son there. You get out of the car, and your 3 1/2 year old refuses to get out of the car. You get her out of the car but then she won't walk. You know she wants to be carried, but first she hasn't asked nicely (or at all) and second she needs to start walking. Your back is hurting from carrying her all of the time.You tell her that she needs to walk. She won't.

Your friend and son attempt to help. You get her out of the parking lot. Then she stops. She remembers you said that you would carry her IF she walked to the sidewalk. But wait, she didn't walk. You carried her UPSIDE DOWN to the sidewalk (which was supposed to be a punishment, but instead she laughed hysterically the entire way.) She expects you to carry her into the store.

The friend, her son and you continue to walk. She stands perfectly still, not moving at all. You all go so far as to walk into Target because your friend tells you that she can see the 3 1/2 year old from inside. So you walk into that place between the two doors. You watch her.

You wait.
And wait.
And wait.

A man walks by the child, looks at her strangely but keeps walking.
A woman walks by, she pauses, looks all around. Then walks over to the child. She talks to her, lets assume she asks the child where her mom is. Then the child walks with THE STRANGER into Target.

Aside from the last part, this is a common occurrence in our life right now. Gwennie wants to be carried. I am pretty sure it is partially due to me attachment parenting her as an infant. I am sure it has a little to do with Daddy being gone. I am sure it has a LOT to do with her age. My friend told me that her son did the same thing. She said she often did exactly what we did. Usually when he realized that she wasn't coming, he would freak out and come find her. Not Gwennie.

She will not relinquish power. She is in charge and she knows it. I have no idea how to break her of this habit, and no idea how to make her realize that I can not carry her all of the time. And some days, I haven't the energy to argue, or to carry her.

Sleepy Sister and Terrible Tantrums

Sometimes having a three year old is the greatest thing ever. She converses with me for long periods of time. She is a ham, and loves to make people laugh. We enjoy spending time with each other. She can sit on the floor, talking to her toys, and play for hours. But sometimes, this happens:
And how do you deal with this sort of thing in public? Me, I laugh and take pictures of her screaming. I sit down and get comfortable to wait it out. Because I know that this usually happens because she is either tired or hungry. I also know that if I just wait a few minutes, she will come over and climb in my lap because she is just really tired. (Not sure if you can tell, but the lady walking behind her was laughing at her. I totally would have been, too. In these pictures she is screaming "I don't want you a take my picture!") This time it was a little of both. And she was fine once she calmed down and I carried her.

I have always felt that age three is worse than two. The "terrible twos" are such a myth. It should be the terrible threes. For Gwennie this was like a switch flipped on, she turned three and her tantrums became hilarious. I think mentally I have to find them funny or I might lose my mind. It is hard to do this alone, but I have to. I have to find ways to deal with these things. I have to take short cuts. And I always worry that these emotions are exasperbated by our situation.

Rhayn had her first sleep over last night. We went over to her friend's house, and we had dinner followed by roasting marshmallows on an open fire. Rhayn had an awesome time, she was excited about it. She went to bed late at 9:30ish. And was up at the crack of dawn. I even heard that they slept outside.

After her long night, we went to the zoo today. (Where Gwennie threw the tantrum.) We followed the zoo with a few hours of play at McDonald's. (Which stopped giving Military Discounts, even though it was Veteren's Day. Harumpf, grumble, grrrr.)

We came home for a little while and Rhayn fell asleep on the floor, just sort of passed out. If you know her at all, you know this is so unlike her. She doesn't fall sleep easily. At about 3 I took the girls to Petco to buy a dog food container, because Alice is a pain in my butt and tore up the dog food bag. We had a container, but not all of the 40 pound Costco bag fit in it. I had to store the remainder on top of that in the original dog food bag. And Alice? Well she likes Lily's food and decided to help herself to it this weekend while we were gone. (Did I mention that Alice is getting f-a-t?) But also, the container we had for cat food broke this week (it was a cleaned out litter tub), and I was going to buy a container for that. It worked as a trickle down to just buy a bigger one for dog food and use the smaller one for the smaller 25 pound bag of cat food.

When we finally were home, Rhayn fell asleep on the couch (at about 4 pm.) She had been walking in a daze all through Petco, and saying she felt a little sick. She actually didn't wake up, even when I was grating eight pounds of cheddar for the cook-a-thon we are attending this Friday. I think at one point she sort of woke up, and I told her to go to bed. She zombie-walked to her room, put on pajamas and turned on her radio. But when I went to talk to her, she was already asleep again.

I really hope it was just a long day, and that she isn't sick. I know I can deal with it if she is sick I just hope she isn't.

And now I am going to bed, because I have class in the morning. Ah, it was a great four day weekend.

Growing Up.

I haven't really wanted to post about this, because it is still so very fresh, and new in my mind. There are days when I am totally sad about it and days when I am excited. Then there are days when it never even crosses my mind.

A few weeks ago, Gwennie nursed for the last time. She climbed into my lap, and nursed maybe for a few minutes, then she climbed out and ran off, never to return. Never to ask again. Never to be my nursling again. Never.

I knew it was happening, I had eluded to it a few times in her monthly newsletters. She would sometimes go almost a week without it. But she always came back. If I asked her if she was a big girl who didn't need "gup" she looked at me, eyes wide and sad, and asked for it right then.

Now I ask, and she laughs, says "I am Gennie Goo!" and runs off to play.

She is such a big girl, it breaks my heart. It hurts to think there is a chance I will never hold another new baby to my breast, or go through this bittersweet weaning process again. I try not to dwell on it at all. But as my sister's belly grows I am reminded of the time I was pregnant with Gwennie, when she was pregnant with Madder, and we talked about all of this stuff together. I wish I could be pregnant with her, but am glad at the same time that I am not. (Because of the deployment.)

My breasts still ache. Especially as I type this. I know that they still produce a little bit of milk, because sometimes in the shower I squeeze them lightly to watch it happen. They won't always do that. There will be a time when I squeeze, and nothing will come. Maybe that would be easier. Now it is a reminder of what is done, over, gone.

Like I said before, sometimes I am thrilled by her weaning. Partially because she also started wearing panties (like a big girl) around the same time. She still has accidents in them once in a while, but she is getting better. I just have to let her wear them, because she was fully trained when naked/bottomless at the beginning of the summer. (She can't very well walk around bottomless everywhere we go, can she?) But she gets better every day. (She is down to about three pairs of panties a day.)

I just wish I was fully ready and fully happy about her being weaned. I should be happy, because it shows how grown up she is getting. I should be because I knew she was ready and it wasn't forced on her at all. I should be, because it was just time. But there will always be a part of me that will miss holding her to my breast and giving her the sweet, mama's milk that I made just for her.

Sleeping Sisters

I put Rhayn to bed at 7 and then Gwennie and I watched TV for a little while. She goes to bed at 8. I brought her upstairs, gave her her unicorn and elephant to sleep with. I didn't hear any noise, but when I came upstairs to go to bed myself, she wasn't there. I looked in the obvious place, and there she was laying next to her sister, such a big girl. They grow up so fast, don't they? It makes me ache inside because she is such a big girl, and I know my baby bug is gone. She is almost weaned (one time a day.) She sometimes acts like she wants to potty train. And she wants to sleep with her sister and not with me.

I should leave her there, but I won't. I want her next to me. I am not ready to be in my big bed alone. Not just yet. Maybe next week.

28 Month Newsletter

Dear Gwennie Goo,

You are now twenty eight months old. This month was a busy one for us all, in fact last month was so busy that I forgot to even write your newsletter. With Christmas and everything going on the days went so swiftly by that it was mid January before I knew it!

Your independence grows daily, as you practice things and tell me that you can “do it by self,” or “I do it.” But then the next moment you are my little cuddlekins again and want to be a baby. I fed you oatmeal one morning, because you were my baby. I ask you if you are “my baby” but you almost always say “No, I Gennie Goo.” I admit that “Gennie Goo” is a sweet little nickname and I adore calling you that.

You astound people when you start talking. And you really like to talk. Sometimes I want you to stop, just for a moment because you and Rhayn together make a lot of noise.

I always see pictures of toddlers covered in food. I often see your big sister covered in food, like she has missed her mouth. You, on the other hand, are usually a dainty eater. Not that you don’t eat very much, food doesn’t always cover your face at the end of a meal. We were at a birthday party recently and there were two other kids (admittedly younger than you) who were also eating cupcakes. Their little pudgy faces were covered in icing, the little boy looked like he had a moustache of chocolate, the girl a beard of vanilla. You had a tiny dab on the end of your nose, but were otherwise clean. Your clothes are another story, often covered in lentil soup or hot chocolate. If it is not food, you love to coat your face in it. I have countless pictures of you painted a nice pink from lipstick or ethereal looking from shiny white eyeshadow.

Bedtime is (knock on wood) no longer a struggle. We nurse (or as you put it “Hava gup in da tsair”) around seven and then cuddle and talk and play and usually watch a little television. Around 8:30 you are put to bed. Sometimes you cry a little and fuss about it, but you roll onto your side, cuddle your stuffed elephant and go to sleep. It is such a relief to me that sleep and going to bed is not the fight it used to be. This is going to make my life so much easier when Daddy is gone for the next while. I won’t be fighting with you, maybe I will even be able to get you to bed around 8 and have a bath with a nice book. I am totally going to need that since I won’t just be able to have Daddy watch you while I escape. I have tried letting Rhayn watch you, and it just doesn’t work, she is too easily distracted and forgets that she is the babysitter. Sometimes I think I expect more out of her than her nearly seven years are capable of.

This last weekend was your first away from me. You were fine; I on the other hand was a little worked up about it. I worried but your Grandma reassured me that you would be OK, you would not die or anything and you would still love me best of all. Alright, she didn’t reassure me of that, I added that because it makes me feel better to think that you love me best of all (you like gup best of all.)

If it were up to you we wouldn’t come home. You don’t want to most of the time. We round that corner towards our house and you scream “I don’t wanna go a house!” In a way it is cute, but mostly it is irritating, really irritating. You easily fall into a deep slumber in the car, and it is totally my saving grace some days.

Remember Care-Bear? Well I do, and you are at the stage she was at when I started watching her. That means quite a bit of the silly things you do are similar to the annoying things she did. I have to constantly remind myself that it is normal two year old behavior. I have to consciously not allow myself to become upset at you because you growled at me like she used to. I think that watching her was the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life. She really destroyed my patience and it is slow to grow, like a cactus.

No matter what, you are a ham. You crack me up so often and I love you for it.

Yours,

Mama

25 Month Newsletter

Gwendy-Goo,

Where has this past month gone? I feel like I just wrote your twenty-four month newsletter and here we are almost a week past when you became twenty-five months. But it was such a busy week; it is no surprise to me that I neglected to get it written.

People see you all of the time, at the store and at Rhayn’s school. You cling to me, in my arms, in a sling, holding my leg. Only in the past few weeks have you started to come out of your shell.

Today we were greeted by a parent of one of the boys in Rhayn’s class. She also has a four year old who adores you. You looked at her, as asked “where K?” She stopped and looked at you like you were a foreign object, like a pencil had stood up and started doing a jig on the picnic table where we sat. She leaned down and talked to you for a few minutes, totally engrossed by your verbal skills. “Wow, I have never heard her talk before,” she exclaims. We are constantly in awe of those skills you have accumulated, too. Your speech gets better day by day, because you have become “the repeater.” We say anything and you parrot it back to us. Maybe I should have been a pirate for Halloween, and you could have sat on my shoulder and repeated everything I said.

The terrible twos are upon us. In. Full. Force. It is like suddenly a switch will flip and my sweet little girl, who had been snuggled in my arms one moment, is terrorizing a store. You run, you laugh hysterically, you tell me “no” and “stop it” with such a fervor that I want to scream. Some days you will refuse to nap. Flat out refuse. It seems to coincide with me needing a little bit of time to myself.

I am working on night weaning, still. I tried and failed a few times. My sleep seemed more important than getting you to sleep without a nipple in your mouth part of the night. I do not want to break the spell, but I have had two nights (so far) that I have been able to nurse you, and then allow you to fall asleep on your own. One night I was actually able to keep you from nursing until about six when I wanted you to go back into a deep sleep so that I could get up and enjoy a cup of coffee and NPR in silence. You slept until after seven, and it made our morning go a lot more smoothly. I have been working on telling you “All done” when I am ready to get up while you are nursing. Now I will say that at night, too. I have also started telling you that “Gup goes to sleep when it is dark.” I need it to work, I need you to understand that I am still here if you need me, but “gup” is asleep.

Sometimes I think I am totally ready to be done nursing, and then other times, I feel like we could do it forever. I think that you have pretty much cut down to only a few times a day, and a few more at night. It makes me sad that you are getting so big, and independent. Yet, there are moments when you come to me, blue eyes wide and teary, to have “gup” and I see my baby in you still. Then you climb out of my lap, say “All done” and run off to play, my big girl.

Love forever,

Mama

Rhayn and the Mirror Image

A few months ago I noticed that occasionally, when copying words, Rhayn will write a mirror image of what she is seeing. I talked to Will about it, as well as my Mom. Neither seemed concerned. I was, but since they weren't, I let it go.

Today was my first parent teacher conference with Mr. T, Rhayn's first grade teacher. He showed me some of her work. They have three books that they work in, they are like sketch books, one for form drawing, one for letters and one for numbers. Here are some examples of what the Waldorf school work books looks like. At a mixer he held last week, he showed us examples of the 8th grade work books that he had from last year, and they were phenomenal, quite similar to the 8th grade page shown in that link. The work is amazing.

So far, Rhayn and her class are doing very simple things. Their pages have a simple border of one color, and a form drawing, a letter, drawing, word, or roman numeral. The drawings that Rhayn does are really impressive for her age. Mr. T said she is artistic, and loves to draw. She often spends free play time drawing. He also said she likes to organize the room. She loves to rearrange her toys and special bits in her room, so it seems natural that she would do that at school as well.

We were flipping through the form drawing book, and came across a page with an L and a R on it. The premise of the picture was that you start "from sky to earth" when drawing lines (basis of writing letters) and then from left to right. Only she had written the R on the left and it was reversed. The L was written the correct way, but was on the right. Mr. T mentioned that he was slightly concerned because she often copies words down backwards. He mentioned that it may be a developmental stage that she is stuck at. Or it is possible that she is right hand dominant and left eye dominant. He plans on doing a dominance profile on each of the children, to find out if any of them have problems with dominance.

I believe, after talking to him, that I may be right eye dominant and left hand dominant. I have problems with a few of the items he told me to look out for. Then I told him that I write with my left hand but do many other things with my right (using scissors for example.) He asked me to throw him a bean bag. I throw with my right more than my left. I know that Will has some of the same "issues" with dominance that I do. He writes with his right hand, but does many things with his left. Is this something genetic that we have passed on to Rhayn that is going to make some things more difficult? Possibly. Luckily for Rhayn, her school is on top of it. They have already started things such as Bal-A-Vis-X, which should help them "cross the midline" as well as develop balance and rhythm, and concentration.

For the moment we are not taking any special action with Rhayn and her mirror image writing. We plan on keeping an eye on her. If it gets worse, she starts doing it every time she writes or it increases at all, I am supposed to talk to Mr. T. If it gets to a point that she is no longer doing it at all, then he wants me to talk to him about that, as well. I really like her teacher. He is so caring, and knowledgeable. You can tell he has a passion for the school and the Waldorf method of teaching. You can hear the way he wants these kids to do their best, to BE the best they can.

In Waldorf schools the teacher moves on with the class. They stay with their students until they are in 8th grade. This is awesome, because then the teacher knows what the student has been through, where they have come from, what hurdles they have crossed on the way to where they are. He will really know and understand our kids. I also think that having only 21 children in the class gives him and our children a leg up. Even though the class is over two thirds male (there are only six girls I think.)

Rhayn is so lucky, her school journey is already so amazing. She has opportunities that I wish every child had. Opportunities that I wish I had had. What a great school we have found. How lucky we are.