Goodbye Wall

I removed the wall to expand our kitchen today, but I forgot to take a before picture.

First part done, drywall removed to see what is going on in there.
Then I just had to wiggle the half wall off. (Seriously it was pretty much like wiggling a loose tooth out.)The rest was a little harder to get out, but gave way soon enough. We were left with a piece of wood on the ceiling and 2 lengths attached to the floor. Will took the last few pieces of wood out when he got home, and I put joint compound and drywall tape up. Tomorrow it will get painted, and we'll figure out the floor before the cabinets are placed.

Two weekends ago we went to Phoenix to clean up the house to get it ready for selling. While we were there we stayed with some friends. Their son was sick, obviously sick, but they were sure it was merely allergies.

Now I sit here, 2 weeks later, having the hardest time breathing. Will is the only one who didn't catch this humdinger of a cold. Natalie has been a mess. I am sucking down robitussin like its soda to be able to not wheeze when I breath.

Of course I don't blame them for sharing this lovely virus with us. I am not innocent of this. Once Gwennie gave our friend Steve a cold that he in turn gave to his parents and turned into THE COLD of 2009. It was nasty. This one seemed fine until 2 days ago when it moved into my chest.

Today I stirred up a bunch of dust in the house and that is really not helping me.

On a side note check this sunrise out. We woke up to a light dusting of the mountains to the southwest of us. No, there wasn't any snow in our area, but this is gorgeous.

painted walls

Wow. I have been so busy that, for the first time ever, I haven't been blogging much!

We've ripped out (literally in some cases!) the kitchen cabinets. I have patched walls, primed floors and laid down vinyl planks. And yesterday I painted walls. I decided on a pale yellow called "Desert Lily" for the main kitchen. You can kind of see that it's yellow.


Getting ready to paint our accent wall and what will be our message center. We are only putting base cabinets on this wall and dry erase boards above them to keep track of homework and schedules. This is one of the things I can not wait to get in because right now I am barely holding it all together.
But for the accent wall?


RED. This is actually just 2 coats of a red I originally picked (but changed my mind because it looks like, as Will said, "teenage red lipstick" and it is too bright.) It will be a slightly more orange red in the end. And see the yellow in the other room? It is our YELLOW! dining room. I wouldn't dislike that room so much if they hadn't painted the ceiling the same YELLOW! because the color itself is nice.

The final coat is a little more toned down, and curry colored. But it is bright and happy and we need that. Now if only our cabinets would arrive so we can put them in!

On My TV

I want you to look at my television. This picture was taken the other morning as Gwennie was getting ready for school. No, we weren't watching an early morning program about mountains. The tv is reflecting the Huachuca Mountains as seen through our window.

How cool is that?

Oh and don't mind the still unpacked boxes. We are redoing our kitchen and it means we are sort of living out of boxes still.

It hit me last night, around 8:30, as Natty drifted off to sleep. A panicky feeling filled me and I wasn't fully able to breath. I was terrified that I was going to die in the night, my kids would be momless, my husband would have to deal with a nursing baby whose mother was gone. The kitchen would never be finished. Rhaynnon would take on the "mom" role because it is in her personality. And there was nothing I could do about it. I was going to die in my sleep.

So I couldn't sleep. I ended up watching far too much Star Trek TNG and getting up every little while to check on my kids to see if maybe it wasn't ME but possibly them that would die.

It overwhelmed me, this feeling of imminent demise. I tried to breath slowly, and deeply, trying everything in my arsenal to calm myself. I dozed a little, but would pop awake filled with a fear I couldn't describe fully.

Eventually I fell asleep, but it was nearly 2am and this has left me exhausted today. That feeling of doom is gone, thankfully. In its place is pure exhaustion.

I asked some friends about this feeling and it was suggested that it may be my body dealing with all of the stress I have been under lately. Moving was/is difficult. I still haven't had time to make friends, though I am going to the library at story time to at least be out and around others. We are redoing our kitchen and honestly our house is a mess that I cannot even begin to tackle until the kitchen is finished. Laundry seems to pile up more quickly here. I have to wash dishes by hand (or Rhayn does) every night because we have no dishwasher until the kitchen is done.

We still haven't fallen into a good routine. There are far too many things to get done each day.

And I really miss my friends in Phoenix. I haven't cried about it. Not really. I need to, but I can't seem to let it out. That long hard cry would be good for me, but I am afraid if I start- it won't end.

So I continue on. I do like it here, I love to look out our windows and see the birds, the javelina, and the bobcat that Rhayn and I saw yesterday.And eventually I will feel better. I have to believe that, it has to be true.

The Cats

Mean Kitty

Alice Fatpants

Floh

Bye Bye

Natalie's first "real" word is "Bye-Bye". Yesterday we were at Target and she waved bye to someone and mouthed the word. But then as we were leaving the store the cashier said "Bye!" so Natty said "Bye bye" while she waved. So cute.

I can't believe how quickly she is growing up.

Bye Bye.

Natalie is 10 months old

Dear Sweet Natty-Noo,

You are 10 months old, 2 months shy of 1 year. Which seems insane. But this last month has been a crazy one in our world, filled with packing up our home in Phoenix and moving to Sierra Vista. It was hard on you, only because during the move and even now my attention is split between you, your sisters and getting the house in order. There is much to do to make this house feel like our home. I've worked hard but there is really so much more to do! This month, no this last week you've started taking 1 step. 1 tentative step. I was so sure that you would be walking by this age, though I love watching your sweet little baby crawl and though walking will make life easier for you, I am in no hurry for you to do it.

You have four teeth and love to eat. But still, you nurse often, like just now, you crawled over to me, fussing, and when I picked you up you spun in my lap until you were in nursing position. You looked up at me, and said "ah?" so we nurse. Your hands are cold against my arm, because its cooler here.
The girls started public school here last week. At drop off time, we walked down to the bus stop, you in the stroller with Lily on the side, just close enough for you to pet (and you loved that). While we waited for the bus you surveyed the land, as far as you could see. We are working on your sleep schedule. You need 2 naps, and you seem to be napping better here. Probably because I can put you in bed and do work around the house much more easily than I could before. Right now you take your first nap around 9-10 and second around 1-2 which should work with the girls' school schedule.

You are such a screamer. You cry often when you aren't happy and its not a little cry, its a cry that sounds like you are really hurt. But usually it just means that you want to be held. Your cry is piercing and if you cried like that nonstop I would lose my ever-loving mind. You cried a lot yesterday and I felt ready to lose it. Admittedly my stress level was really high because we had some issues with a stray cat in our house. Making myself sit and nurse you really helps me feel calm, and I need to remember that when I am having a panic-like attack.
Oh sweet baby, I love you, and your little cooing noises. I love watching you discover things. I was bathing you earlier this week and I tickled your naked belly, when I stopped you reached over and pulled my hand back to tickle you again. Over and over you did that, until we were both laughing hysterically. Silly baby, silly baby.

Love,
your Mama

First Day

You can see Mopey McMopesalot hanging out near the house. She was scared and didn't want me to take a picture of her. But eventually she came down and smiled for me.

Today the girls started school.

Yesterday we went to the school to enroll them. We walked in and started talking to the secretaries who gave us packets to fill out. Rhayn's teacher Mrs. K came out and showed Rhayn her class while the other 5th graders were in specials. There are only two 5th grade classes (I think only two classes per grade, which is nice).

Gwennie sat by me while I filled out paper work and looked terrified. She seemed so small sitting there and I know she was worried about this. Eventually Gwen's teacher came out and introduced herself (and for the life of me I can't remember her name, geesh!) She showed Gwennie to her classroom and they talked for a few moments. I told her that Gwennie had been at a different kind of school and didn't know all of her letters or numbers yet.

Then we left and went home for lunch.

Last night Gwennie had a really hard time sleeping. She was worried about school, about having to do "hard work" to catch up. She was worried about making friends. Rhayn seemed less worried and more easy going about it all.

This morning I could tell that Gwennie was still tired and feeling stress. She was in a horrible mood. But we ate breakfast, and got ready for school. We took some pictures and loaded up into the Mazda.

At the school, you could see where the kids were being dropped off. We parked and I walked the girls in to the lobby. The secretary walked us back to their classrooms and explained that normally they will go onto the playground before class starts. Gwennie's teacher showed her where to put her backpack (that we had had to dig out of a box because she "needed one for school"). Then I gave her a hug, told her to have a good day and walked with Rhayn to her class. Rhayn's teacher was there as were a few girls. The girls introduced themselves to Rhayn. I gave her a hug, told her to have a good day and left.

I had to stop at the main desk on the way out to pay for their lunches. Today they are having cheese pizza sticks and both were excited about cafeteria food. Then I left. After school they will ride the bus home. Luckily they have each other, and since it is a small school the bus driver will get to know them and know where they live.

Also Thursdays are 3/4 days- they get out of school at 1:45. They should have about a 1/2 hour bus ride. I need to meet them at the drop off to meet the bus driver and to let him know it is alright for Gwennie to get off the bus even if I am not there.

So far this has been a good experience for us all. And I can not wait for them to get home and tell me about their day!

Settling in

We are all settling in just fine.
Thanks to sunsets like this one,
360 degrees of beautiful. This is to the northeast.The girls can explore, taking a walk around our property,
our home.
Our space.

While I unpack like a maniac in the house, to make it feel like home,
the stillness outside
as the earth rotates
is beautiful.