Sisters

Sitting at the zoo, watching Natalie run in the water and get wet. Rhayn and Gwen were off having a great time in another part of the water area. Next to me was a mom with 2 little girls. 2 girls, 2 year apart. And they were so very cute. The older sister held her little sister's hand and together they stood in the spray. Together they walked around, two peas, one slightly bigger in a pod.

Later on I saw two sisters about two years apart walking hand in hand around in front of us, giggling and playing happily.

And finally there was total peace about girl #4. Total peace because Natalie will have that little sister, this little one will have that awesome big sister in Natalie.

There will be fights, and there will be times when they hate each other. But I will have two beautiful little daughters. I will get to dress them in matching outfits. I will get to watch them have the relationship I always wanted to have (I had a brother who is less than 2 years younger than me, but it wasn't the same as having a sister and my sister is 9 years my junior and while I love her now, we didn't get to share clothes or really talk about boys or anything like that).

But mostly there will be so much love. So much fun.

And I am excited about it.

Girls' Girls

In the green shirts are the oldest girls.
In the pink are the middles.

And these are the babies.

My sister and I both have 3 beautiful daughters.

Oh NO! A Monster! Oh wait, its ok.

A monster or two lives in our house. But there is no fear about it.

One night Gwennie was having a hard time going to sleep, instead of the mean sister that I was (sorry Dacheese!) she told Gwennie that there was monster who would protect her. Apparently there is a witch who comes and gives you bad dreams, the monster keeps the witch at bay.

Also the monster leaves presents in the morning. (These are usually "jewels" and small trinkets that magically appear from Rhayn's stuff.) I think the presents are left if you sleep well, or go to sleep. I am not sure.

Gwennie talks to her monster all of the time. The two girls tell me that the monster is right there. Gwennie's monster is a girl and I think Rhayn's is a boy. But Rhayn doesn't talk to hers.

I asked Gwennie about her monster, this is what she had to say:

"My monster colors and she turns on movies. My monster leaves me presents if I go to sleep. She looks like fruit, and she has wings and looks like a rainbow Pegasus but you can't see her, she has dark wings that are nice. She looks like a pony, but she doesn't. "

Just a Tuesday.

Tuesday my sister was induced. I am sure she will post pictures of her new lovey when she gets out of the hospital. (I will not post a picture of her sweet face, because I did not get one. But for a picture of her foot check here.)

I asked her if she wanted me to take Madder to the zoo, since I had planned to take my girls after class Tuesday morning (Rhayn had the day off.)

Here are some pictures of the day. Because Rose was the middle name chosen for Madder's sister, we took some pictures in the rose garden at the zoo (another great one here).And finally a picture of a baby. At 8ish Dacheese mentioned to the nurse that she was feeling pain, and also a little pressure. By 8:30 a baby was born. Rhayn and I watched her push that sweet little girl out. It was amazing. And I felt so lucky to get to witness her birth.

Too Dark Park,

My mom taught Dacheese and I a little ditty to sing while swinging.
We only captured a few parts of it, but I will write the whole thing down for all of you. My camera does not take great night pictures from a distance. Sorry that it looks like it was snowing, it is just dust in the air, man.

You do the fish in the front
You do the frog in the back. (as pictured above)
You do the dog running up
and he does it right back.
You do the halloooooooooooow Log
You do the halloooooooooooow Log.
(Repeat as many times as you want.
If you asked her, she would teach it to you, including the tune.)

Yup, you guessed it, this is Dacheese and I doing the
hallooooooooow log.

Trying her darnedest to bounce the baby out.

Rhayn needed Grandma's help to hang upside down after I showed her how.

Needs no help at all, because she often hangs upside down.
You know, because we descended from monkeys.

Madder also needed a little help.

As you can see Madder is wearing the world's most lovely jacket. It was chilly- like in the 60s with a breeze. It was in the 90s on Friday, so that was a big drop. None of us was fully prepared for the cool weather. Good thing this beauty of a jacket lives in my parents closet!

After we got home (around 8:45) I watched a movie, snuggled up in my room. Then fell asleep around ten. It was great, windows open to let in the cool outside air (predictions were lows in the 40s!) Around 3:30 am my smoke detector went off. I shut the windows quickly and pushed the button on the detector in my room (it had a red flashing light to let you know that was the one that was detecting something amiss.) Back to sleep until 4:30 when it went off again. I turned it off, and lay down again. Five minutes later- again. I walked the house at that point to see if a window was open. Nothing. I turned off the fan in my room. About five more minutes and it went off. I pushed the button, and it stopped. This went on until 5am. At that point when it went off, I turned on my computer and started looking at causes. It might be the battery, but when that happens it usually chirps ONCE intermittently throughout the day and night. It might be dust in the sensor. This seemed the most likely.

However it was five in the morning, and I had spent the last half hour jumping at the sound of an alarm. I was not getting my vacuum cleaner out and cleaning it right then. So I did what any sane person would do and ripped the thing out of the wall. It was easily disconnected and was quite dusty inside.

And then I slept peacefully until around 7 when Gwennie woke up. I put Finding Nemo in and slept until almost nine.

Right outside of my bedroom is another smoke detector- it takes care of the large game room, and stairway. Since one of them would go off, it would set off every. freaking. one. Upstairs and down. Neither Rhayn nor I had a good nights sleep. Tell me how Gwennie slept through that commotion?

Ender's Wedding.

Welcome to the family, K!
Lovely Ladies.

Riding in the Cab'o'Love.

The only picture I have of the happy couple.

Since they were married in the Temple, we were unable to attend. Before the reception, the Bishop conducted a ring ceremony. He spoke about marriage and covenants, and the LDS ideals of marriage and forever families. Then they exchanged rings and one of her family members gave the longest prayer, ever.

The food was great, and so many people showed up. K looked so beautiful, I hope she knows how glowing she looked, how happy, how perfect. Ender? Handsome as always in his suit, and you could see the love he had for his new bride seeping out of all of his pores.

Hairball made the taxi for guests to sit in and take pictures. The kids loved it.

And I am sure that everyone in the family is glad that the last wedding is behind us.

My Sister

I just want to talk a little bit about a wonderful woman I know. My sister Dacheese or Briebabe, or the Bubonic plague.

When I was eight, all I wanted in the world was a sister. I knew I was supposed to have one, and didn't understand why I had to wait so long to get her. When she was born, it was awesome. Well scary because she was in the hospital due to a punctured esophagus. But then she came home and the joy began.

But being nine years older, it was hard to be the sister I wanted. I wanted someone to share clothes with, and secrets and gossip. Instead this song has always held me, because I wonder if she felt like this? I was just not destined to have a girl friend as a teenager (I did however had the most awesome guy friends- namely my brother G-Rat and cousin Chester Copperpot.)

Then I had Rhayn. She was just a teenager herself being only thirteen when Rhayn was born (or was she twelve and turned thirteen the day after? I need to do some math here...nope she turned fourteen the day after.) It was nice having a sister to talk to and spend time with during that time, my community.

Jump ahead a few years to around the time I got the second line on my pregnancy test, so did she. Mine planned, hers an oopsy. That had to have been to most fun time, being pregnant with my sister brought us closer together than I thought would ever be possible. Our girls due only two days apart, and born six days (mine older.)

Its been a few more years since then, and I have to say, sadly, we are not as close as we were then. She lives an hour away, and has to work. Sometimes when I spend time with my family I feel left out because she works with our sister-in-law. I don't blame her friendship with SLA, because SLA is so much fun to be around. But it hurts at the same time. Plus? I am jealous that my sister is pregnant again. Not because I think now would be an ideal time to be pregnant, but its just that the wish-I-was-pregnant hormones are kicking in again. Happens for me around 2 1/2 years after the last pregnancy.

I love my sister, I love her strength. And this week she proved herself in my eyes, to be the strongest one in the family. She was alone and Madder collapsed. She stopped breathing and my sister had to resuscitate her. Brie had to call the ambulance and then go to the hospital and watch her baby be attached to machines. She had to keep from giving her sweet, thirsty girl a drink. She had to have strength that I wonder if I would have had. And my eyes fill with tears just thinking about how that all must have felt and I want to give her a big hug and tell her how wonderful I think she is. And how amazing of a woman she has become.

And also, I love finding these pictures on my camera after I spend time with my sister. She really makes my day sometimes. Never stop laughing, dancing or singing. Sis, I love you.

Projects

I began the process of moving Rhayn into her new room today. Even though I felt like I should have spent another day in bed. My head aches, and my body is just tired. I know that part of it is my mind dealing with the reality of Will not being here.

Our queen sized guest bed was moved into Rhayn's room. She was excited, because she gets to sleep in it until her "new room" and her "new bed" are painted. I took her bed apart, and put her mattress on top of Gwen's mattress. This made Gwen's bed the same height as my bed (which takes away her jumping fun, she loves to do flips off of my bed onto her own.)

Tomorrow I will spend more time sanding Rhayn's bed so that I can paint it. I also plan to paint my dresser to match as well as two night stands we have. I saw a really neat tutorial on faux lace for dressers, and might try that. I am not sure. So far I feel like I have a huge project started and I feel also like it needs to, HAS TO be done by her birthday. Maybe I can finish it the night before and she can spend her last night as a six year old in her new room. We'll see how it plays out.

I know that Gwen badly wants to sleep with her sister. She is trying to right now. I told her that she can, as soon as she uses the potty and wears panties all day. Is that wrong? Is it a good incentive for her? I know she will potty train/learn when she is ready, but I know that she could be ready. I could happily be done with diapers, I mean who wouldn't gladly be done with diapers? I suppose I need to get her out of there, she is keeping her sister awake. We need to go downstairs and have gup so that she can go to sleep, too. (Read as- so mama can go to bed.)

Sleeping Sisters

I put Rhayn to bed at 7 and then Gwennie and I watched TV for a little while. She goes to bed at 8. I brought her upstairs, gave her her unicorn and elephant to sleep with. I didn't hear any noise, but when I came upstairs to go to bed myself, she wasn't there. I looked in the obvious place, and there she was laying next to her sister, such a big girl. They grow up so fast, don't they? It makes me ache inside because she is such a big girl, and I know my baby bug is gone. She is almost weaned (one time a day.) She sometimes acts like she wants to potty train. And she wants to sleep with her sister and not with me.

I should leave her there, but I won't. I want her next to me. I am not ready to be in my big bed alone. Not just yet. Maybe next week.

26 Month Newsletter

Darling Gwennie Goo,

Another month has come and gone so swiftly. You had a decent one, although you did have a nasty stomach flu which lasted for about a week. You have had many opportunities to play and enjoy this nice weather. We try to be outside as much as we can.

This afternoon, as I was sitting here getting ready to write this, I heard your voice from the other room calling out. “Mama!” then knocking. “Mama. Let. Me. Out.” I start to get up but instead start giggling as I hear, “Let the baby out!” I walk over to your sister’s room, where you have locked yourself in. Only as I unlock the door and you walk about with a doll in your hands, you blame the door locking on the “baby.” I had thought you were talking about yourself, you often refer to yourself as a baby, but you meant the doll this time. You better be careful, the baby will lock you in your room next!

Often you put your arms up, and ask to be held “like a baby.” Or when we get out of the shower or bath, you asked to be wrapped up and held like a baby. I know that you struggle. You desire to be a baby, held and loved and snuggled. Yet you also want to be a big girl, like your sister, running and playing.

I have conversations with you. We talk about things, you ask questions and get so very excited sometimes. If I ask you who people are, you name everyone. You even name yourself “I Gennie Goo” then I say “No, you are a puppy.” “No, I Gennie Goo!” and we go through animals and you giggle and continue to assure me that you are really truly Gennie Goo. I hope you always feel so sure of who you are. I don’t feel that. I often feel lost and unsure, um, am I Leaner? Or someone else, an imposter? Who am I and who let me watch these adorable kids?

Today I let you have some scissors for the first time. You also had a small piece of ribbon and some fabric scraps from my sewing project. You gladly and carefully trimmed and snipped. Your eyes so focused on the project that I sat back and watched so grateful for that moment. I missed so much with Rhayn, because I was younger and I was too busy. I didn’t stop to smell the roses with her. We were always headed somewhere. You ask me to smell the roses at the school, and we stop, we smell, we enjoy. Together, your mama and you.

Love Always,

Mama

Pictures from Last Weekend

Looking over the edge.

Yeah, not the best picture of my girls, but look at the flowers, and sunset!
The girls wanted to go faster. After this picture I looked at Gwen, she was frozen and not happy.

My friend's wedding was lovely. The wedding part was short and sweet. They wrote their own vows and that made it more special.
The food was delicious. The view spectacular.

My kids were holy terrors. I am so glad I brought my converse along so that I could run after them. I mean its not like they could have gotten far, as we were on the rooftop of a building (with glass barriers to the eight story fall. I did well, and not once did I get that severe height anxiety/panic attack that I usually get on tall buildings. So be impressed there.)

The wait between the service and the food was too long for kids. Perfect for adults with no children, to enjoy an open bar. We had a few Shirley Temples n order to pass the time.

Between the salad and entree Gwen had a meltdown, a serious, screaming, yelling, doing that thing where the two-year old becomes a board and then bends their back. By the time they brought us food, she had calmed down a little. However they ran out of children's plates, and she didn't get a plate of fries and chicken fingers. Rhayn shared with her, while they made her a plate. I was assured it would only take "about seven minutes." And I kept my cool by breathng deeply while telling the waitress "Thank you." I really wanted to scream at her because my child was freaking out, and hungry and it is not like it wasn't obvious that she was upset. I was also at the table of the parents of both bride and groom, those who paid for the wedding. It wasn't anyone in particulars fault.

After eating their fries with ketchup, Gwen gets up and runs off. I hadn't yet eaten the delicious little medallion of beef on my plate. So I tell Rhayn to keep her from running in to the elevator while I eat. When I was done we made a restroom run, and felt quite a bit better.

Back at out table, there was a plate of chicken and fries. They asked me if I wanted it boxed up to take home (YES!) The girls started dancing and playing with the bride's sister's four year old daughter.

Finally they cut the cake and we had a few slices. Rhayn ate a layer of hers then told me she was done. She looke so tired. Gwen at as much of the whipped cream frosting as she could. Then we made a graceful exit.

In the car Gwen said, "We ate cake" before falling asleep. It was a long drive home, to a neglected dog. (Poor thing missed dinner.) But we were all in bed by ten.

I have no pictures of myself last night that show my outfit or my hair (which I spent quite a long time and hairspray) in some lame victory rolls. Rhayn told me it looked good, and I do think it looked cute, I want to get this hairstyle down. My hair is a little short and I do not have the sponges I would need for serious rolls, like in this video. I think I will have to stop in to Sally's Beauty Supply and pick some of them up. I adore that look, and I feel like I have a sort of "classic beauty" and could pull them off.

I ended up untucked, because of the sitting standing factor. That satiny shirt would not stay tucked for anything.

I really wish my husband was around more. I wish we were at functions as a family more often, instead of me having to explain, yet again, to another person, why he isn't there. It might be easier if I was a single mom, in that aspect. "Oh he is just an absent father." But he isn't, he very involved in our lives, he is great, but just busy. I think this is a preparation for that day he runs for governor of this state, or congress. I know he will be in politics, and I will have to support him. (Oh, and don't forget that in about a year he will be deployed to the war zone.)

Why? And a Top 5.

Why didn't I know that it was Nablopomo time again? Oh, yeah... because I have been running around like a headless chicken this week. Since I have only missed one day, I am going to attempt to get it together enough this month to post every day starting now.

What websites do you visit regularly? What websites do you think are great? These are my top five(or eleven depending on how you count them) in no particular order.

1. Being a woman I love this website, MyMontlyCycles.com because it is an easy way to keep track of my period. I like having an idea of about when it will appear. It is also helpful to be able to keep track of my symptoms, and when I get PMS, seeing that I had it last month or the month before helps me deal with it. When we were trying to get pregnant I used the fertility tracker, not the temperature tracking, but I knew within two days of when she was conceived.

2. NaturalChildbirth.org forum is one I used to visit every day, but it has been pretty slow lately.

3. Mama Says Om gives me ideas to guide my blog. I am volunteering for this website, so I have to also visit (4.) Flickr every day. I could spend hours looking at photos that people have posted of their kids, their pregnant bellies, their pets, and their craft items. I adore the creativity of some people, and wish I had a little more of it!

5. I also visit about seven blogs every day, which I am listing as one website, as I think they are all on blogger. These are my family, my friends, and some people I have never met, but adore the way they write about their lives. These inspire me, and I totally miss them when I have no time (like the past week) to read and catch up on them. If I only have a few moments to look, I visit my mom, my sister, my cousins- Hairball, Tif-do and Alex's Human, and birth junkies- Midlife Midwife, and Doulala. All of these women make me happy. Mind you there are others, many many others, these are just the ones I check religiously, and love to read.

So if anyone else is up to it, post your top five (or more) favorite websites. I hope that I am listed in there! :)

Pretty, Dirty Girls

Blowing Chunks

What is more fun than being puked on in the middle of the night? Not much I can tell you. Gwennie has always had a strong gag reflex, so at first I assumed that she had just coughed and made herself puke. That was not the case. While I was making breakfast she vomited on the floor, over and over, backing away from it like it was going to attack her. She spent the whole day fussing, barely eating and drinking just a little. She had quite a lot of "gup" though.

Saturday night was a bad sleep night for me, as she started puking and fussing around 1 am. I finally fell asleep sometime around 4 am. She and I slept on the floor most of the night because every time we lay in the bed she gagged again. There really wasn't much left in her so most of it was her tiny body dry heaving. I figure it would be easier to clean the vomit off of the floor than the mattress. Gwen seemed to sleep fine but I woke up feeling sore all over.

Father's Day morning, we were all up around 7 (our "sleeping in" time.) I was out of it, but still made french toast and we gave the Daddies their gifts (I made books and had the girls color in them.) It was an ok day. We took a nap around 1:30 and I was so out that at 3 when Gwennie got out of bed, I didn't even notice and stayed there until 4pm.

Instead of going out for dinner I drove to the nearest Pei Wei and picked up dinner. We all ate and relaxed for a while. I realized that Gwennie had hardly peed all day. I sat down and Gwennie had an hour of "gup" while I watched tv.

We went to bed and I slept fine until 4 am, when I heard someone gagging, and puke a little. It was Rhayn this time. I sett up her "sick bed" and gave her an empty trash bin and towel. She lay down and dozed and puked on and off for an hour or so. I know that both Will and I have talked about our stomachs being upset.

The alarm rang around 530 for Will to get up, I dozed until about 615 and got up. Gwen and Rhayn got up at 630. Righ now we are all watching Max and Ruby while they sit on the couch with cups of water and some "oit meal"(that is how Rhayn says it.) I am worried about Gwen who did have a wet diaper at 7, but it had been dry DRY all night. She had a weird mucousy poop at 730.

I just hope we are all feeling better soon. We are going camping this weekend with my parents andG'Rat's family. We are all looking forward to it.

So much alike

Yet so different. Two sisters, on their first birthdays. Both with baby dolls, and both totally in love.

Mama Says Om: Balance

Watching my nearly one year old walk is a true testament of balance. For a short time, she has paddled about on pudgy feet, taking her steps slowly and gently, so as not to fall. She will squat down, then slowly stand back up, working her muscles, working on her balance.

Now, she is slowly and steadily getting faster and faster. Her steps are almost what one might call a run. Every now and again she loses her footing, tripping over her toe, or the tip of her soft leather shoes. But almost every time she falls, either her mom or her sister is there to catch her, to hold her hand and steady her. I know that sisters are balance in life. They love us no matter what, and are always willing to help, no matter what the situation. They keep us grounded, and yet let us soar.
"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there." ~Amy Li


Its a good thing her sister has such great balance, and is able to carry her, even though daddy thinks it is a bad idea. Gwennie loves it, Rhayn feels like a big kid, and hey its cute!


mama says om- theme of the week.

totally depressed

I feel "down in the dumps" today. Seriously I feel like crap and want to curl in a ball and cry. I don't know what is up.
I did have a bad dream last night.
I dreamed that Bri (my sis) lost her baby, but at first it seemed like the baby was on time and I remember telling my mom to take her to a certain hospital (on the wrong side of town for them) and finally my mom calls and says that the baby was born. It was a boy they named him Henry and he died. I woke up and was feeling so miserable for her and trying to fall back asleep because I knew it was a dream. When I did I went right back to the bad dream and it was worse, because I was still pregnant and she wasn't. I didn't know how to console her, because although I have lost 2 pregnancies, they were both early and I never saw my baby's face or felt them moving around inside.
I wonder if that dream has anything to do with the "funk" I am in today? I know part of it is feeling like Will doesn't care about me. He expects me to do things (making breakfast) but doesn't really seem to appreciate what I do. When I try to talk to him today he makes me feel worse because he assumes I am "mad at him" so he thinks the best thing to do is make it worse by being a jerk.... oh i don't know how to describe it so it makes sense to anyone else. We have been having such a good time lately and these past few days have been awesome- then there is today and I just want to die today. I know curling up on the couch doesn't help- but it s so hard to get up when you are in a funk....isn't it?

5 weeks 2 days

Well yesterday it hit... morning/all day sickness... yuck! I swear that it feels like nerves- but only worse! I haven't actually vomited yet. (Thank goodness!) However I am just feeling generally nasty!

I am pretty sure this is a girl, too. I keep saying "she" and Rhayn is convinced of her baby sister. She told me we should call her sister- Kayla. I don't think so- but I will let her think of names if she wants!