Natalie has a bad diaper rash. A pee and it burns kind of rash. She actually ripped her diaper off to pee on the floor because I guess it was less painful. I made her sit in the bath to rinse off after that. Then I made Rhayn distract her while I put diaper cream on her.
I have this optimistic hope that she'll potty train early. She tells me as soon as she goes. She doesn't like to be in a wet or soiled diaper. She has actually POOPED on her potty (she told me poo poo! and I looked in her diaper and saw nothing so I told her "no poo poo" and she pulled the diaper off, sat down and pooped.)
Sure I am probably getting ahead of myself, but since she has eczema on her tush, in and around where her diaper hits, I know her bottom doesn't feel great.
But I know, from pushing potty training on Rhayn that it will happen when it happens. When she was 2.5 I was sure she needed to potty train so I pushed and pushed her. Nothing. Then a week later... she was just done with diapers and only ever had accidents at night. Gwen was 3 and continued to have accidents until she was 5. She just didn't want to stop what she was doing.
Part of me wishes I could get Natalie trained so I only have Quattro in diapers. But another part of me knows that is so not going to happen and even if she is still in diapers it won't be for very long after Quattro comes.
The same with breastfeeding. Natalie is still nursing quite a bit. I thought I would be more irritated by it at this point. BUT I kind of hope she continues to nurse until Quattro comes so I can say I tandem nursed. She hasn't shown any signs of weaning, and I am only pushing night weaning on her. It has been slow going but she is starting to "get" that I won't let her nurse in the night time. She nurses before she goes to sleep, then she nurses in the morning (sometimes so I can sleep a little longer!)
On the word front- Natalie is saying sentences. "Daddy at work" "Where bubbles go?" (when her bath drains) and a friend watched her the other day and she asked her "Where mama go?" I love love love this!
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
20120907
CIO?
I'm letting her cry it out right now in bed. I am tired of her "needing" me all night long.
Yes, she is still nursing, yes, she is still technically co-sleeping (which just means she sleeps in the same room as us, since she's transitioning to her own bed side-carred to ours). I don't want to wean her all the way, but I'd like her to be night weaned. Perhaps cold turkey night weaning is the only thing that will work?
Darn it. She had stopped crying and I thought maybe she would be asleep, but then the terror cries started again. She isn't hurt, she is just mad that she hasn't a boob in her mouth.
I want sleep. I have spent today feeling exhausted and the easiest thing would be to just go in there and nurse her back to sleep (and of course fall asleep along with her) but I need to change the way she sleeps. I thought it would be best on a weekend Daddy isn't home. I might have been wrong on that though.
Yes, she is still nursing, yes, she is still technically co-sleeping (which just means she sleeps in the same room as us, since she's transitioning to her own bed side-carred to ours). I don't want to wean her all the way, but I'd like her to be night weaned. Perhaps cold turkey night weaning is the only thing that will work?
Darn it. She had stopped crying and I thought maybe she would be asleep, but then the terror cries started again. She isn't hurt, she is just mad that she hasn't a boob in her mouth.
I want sleep. I have spent today feeling exhausted and the easiest thing would be to just go in there and nurse her back to sleep (and of course fall asleep along with her) but I need to change the way she sleeps. I thought it would be best on a weekend Daddy isn't home. I might have been wrong on that though.
20110712
Upper Lip Tie
Natalie is a pretty baby isn't she? Especially when she is smiling and happy. We bought this walker for her and she is super happy in it.A few days ago I was perusing the forums over at DiaperSwappers like I do often while nursing a baby. Someone posted a picture of their baby's mouth and said she had an "upper lip tie". So I looked at Natalie's mouth. It looks like this:
Which looks like bottom lip tie on this blog post about Maxillary Labial Frenulums written by "The Funny-Shaped Woman". See how it "blanches" when I pull on it? (It turns white around the frenulum.)
Today we went to a La Leche League meeting. I asked them about it. I think that most of our earlier nursing issues are because of this little thing. The 2 leaders who looked at it said it looks pretty thick. Since she is gaining weight and having wet and dirty diapers this isn't an issue at all. But it could be when she's older.Its possible that she'll have a gap between her teeth when her adult teeth come in. It is possible that it may cause her to have trouble pronouncing words. It is possible that she'll fall and split it at some point, too.
It looks like its a familial thing, often seen in families with a history of cleft palate/lip. Which is us, since Rhayn had a cleft of the soft palate. It really makes you wonder doesn't it?
At her next doctor appointment I will bring it up and see what they say. Most likely, since it isn't causing her grief (that I know of) we will take a wait and see what happens attitude.
20110530
Aches
Good morning world, I guess.
Yesterday Yaya rolled over from her back to her front. She only did it once, but she showed me how she could almost do it a few more times.
Yaya is sick. Poor baby girl has a cold that is making her congested. Aside from her being miserable it means she isn't nursing very well. That means plugged ducts. Though according to every website, since I have a fever and body aches I actually have mastitis. I'll wait a day and see if it goes away or gets better with lots of nursing and rest. This happened a few times with Gwennie, too and she was a much more effective nurser.
Yesterday we were at my mom's house and since it was Sunday we went to church. Yaya was totally a pain in the tush while we were there. She is harder to nurse, so I used the Mother's Lounge (that room stinks and the chairs are NOT comfortable.) I was having a hard time getting her to latch on to the left side and she kept popping off, which meant I sprayed the room. I don't think I ever used that room with nursling Gwennie. I nursed her in public all of the time easily. Yaya? Not so much. And I refuse to use a cover. I have made myself some "nursing shirts" by cutting out triangles or circles around the breast on tank tops/camis and just wearing them under a scoop neck or v-neck t-shirt.
I noticed that I had a headache and was feeling a little achy at the end of church. I chalked it up to pacing the halls with a fussy baby. But by the time I went over to see my grandma, I knew it was more. My left breast was swollen and red on the side. I took some ibuprofen and felt better enough to drive home. In the middle of the night I could not stop shivering and I was so hot and so cold at the same time. It was miserable. My temperature was about 102.
At 5am I gave up on sleeping and took a hot shower to help my muscles. Then Yaya and I came downstairs let Lily out and dozed on the couch until 6:30. Its almost 9 and I am feeling a lot better. I plan to take another nap and see how I feel later.
Yesterday Yaya rolled over from her back to her front. She only did it once, but she showed me how she could almost do it a few more times.
Yaya is sick. Poor baby girl has a cold that is making her congested. Aside from her being miserable it means she isn't nursing very well. That means plugged ducts. Though according to every website, since I have a fever and body aches I actually have mastitis. I'll wait a day and see if it goes away or gets better with lots of nursing and rest. This happened a few times with Gwennie, too and she was a much more effective nurser.
Yesterday we were at my mom's house and since it was Sunday we went to church. Yaya was totally a pain in the tush while we were there. She is harder to nurse, so I used the Mother's Lounge (that room stinks and the chairs are NOT comfortable.) I was having a hard time getting her to latch on to the left side and she kept popping off, which meant I sprayed the room. I don't think I ever used that room with nursling Gwennie. I nursed her in public all of the time easily. Yaya? Not so much. And I refuse to use a cover. I have made myself some "nursing shirts" by cutting out triangles or circles around the breast on tank tops/camis and just wearing them under a scoop neck or v-neck t-shirt.
I noticed that I had a headache and was feeling a little achy at the end of church. I chalked it up to pacing the halls with a fussy baby. But by the time I went over to see my grandma, I knew it was more. My left breast was swollen and red on the side. I took some ibuprofen and felt better enough to drive home. In the middle of the night I could not stop shivering and I was so hot and so cold at the same time. It was miserable. My temperature was about 102.
At 5am I gave up on sleeping and took a hot shower to help my muscles. Then Yaya and I came downstairs let Lily out and dozed on the couch until 6:30. Its almost 9 and I am feeling a lot better. I plan to take another nap and see how I feel later.
20110516
Nurslings
Natalie is almost 7 weeks old. Time is flying by at warp speed.I still haven't really figured out who she is. I think that for the first few months, maybe even for the first year, I still think of my babies as an extension of me. With Rhayn it wasn't as strong. Possibly because she was formula-fed and I felt disconnected from her because of that. No, at the time I didn't realize that I was disconnected from her. It wasn't until Gwennie was born and I was nursing her that I reevaluated Rhayn's infancy.
Formula feeding her was not my first choice. I had assumed that breastfeeding was easy and that it would just happen. Unfortunately it wasn't and it didn't. I stressed myself out with pumping and hated every moment of it. It reminded me that I was a failure and that I had done something wrong while incubating my baby (why else would she have a cleft palate?) I didn't recognize it at the time, but I was suffering from some post partum depression, or at least some baby blues.
Gwennie was easy to nurse. She latched on an never looked back. The only time I ever struggled with it was when she was sick with a stuffy nose. She would want to nurse but when she did she had trouble breathing. She happily nursed until she was nearly 3 (she weaned at 35 months.)
Natalie is not an easy nursling. But she is not extremely difficult, either. She fights me sometimes. She doesn't want to nurse non-stop. She wants to lay a certain way. She gags on my nipple sometimes. She started off with a very shallow latch which caused me nipple pain. She will go hours and hours without eating and then cluster feeds. She likes to sleep with my breast out, where she can see/feel it but she's not latched on. Once she is deeply asleep I can put myself away. She also seems to be sensitive to things I eat.
I know I want to nurse her for 2 years, but beyond that I am not sure. I will have to see who she is, and what she needs. Though I feel sad thinking that after her, there will be no more nurslings at my house. I feel a little sad about all of the things that she has already done- like growing into a size 2 diaper already (I use disposable diapers at night and cloth diapers during the day.)
I am rambling. I was trying to write a post, once again, about her name. But I am also trying to do a few other things on the computer (we are uploading all of our pictures to Picasa AND Flickr) and we found some files of pictures that are in different places so we are trying to consolidate them. Sigh its making my computer run a little slow and also its distracting.
20110511
32F/G
Yup. I have big, milk making knockers.
Yesterday I went to a La Leche League meeting in the morning and asked the other nursing mamas where to buy bras. I was pointed to a store that had just opened. (It was the one I was headed to later that day, anyway.)
We arrived at the store where the lady measured me as a 34DD. I told her I preferred a 32 band size usually, and she said that was probably good. So she brought out all of the 32DD/E bras she had. As soon as I tried on the first few I knew the cup size was too small. My left breast is about a cup size bigger than the right (and I had just fed Natalie from that side.) I showed the lady what was going on, and she brought out the next cup size up.
I swear I tried on about 30 bras in various sizes and styles. I only found one that fit (and yes even after I tried it on I kept trying the others.) There were a few that were decently comfortable but I was sure, from the fit, that by an hour or 2 of having them on I would be irritated by the fit.
The *Anita Microfiber Nursing bra is the one I bought. It is pretty pricey. But I've had it on all day and haven't felt like I was being suffocated by it. My breasts are still apart and high up (it supports them well.) I wish it was cotton in the cups or that they were padded. I dislike it when my nipple point in different directions and the cups have no lining so if its a little cold you can see that lefty is pointing north while righty is looking south. Also when I leak, which still happens just a little, unless I have a nursing pad on, it pours all over my shirt. But those are minor irritations considering the general comfort of the bra fit and I will ignore them.
Now for my hips to go back to normal so my pants fit... I still have about 10 pounds hanging on from my pre-pregnancy weight.
*How irritating is it that the bra model has OBVIOUSLY never been pregnant or nursed a baby? Seriously I want to see a post partum tummy on a nursing bra model. At least a stretch mark or 2.
Yesterday I went to a La Leche League meeting in the morning and asked the other nursing mamas where to buy bras. I was pointed to a store that had just opened. (It was the one I was headed to later that day, anyway.)
We arrived at the store where the lady measured me as a 34DD. I told her I preferred a 32 band size usually, and she said that was probably good. So she brought out all of the 32DD/E bras she had. As soon as I tried on the first few I knew the cup size was too small. My left breast is about a cup size bigger than the right (and I had just fed Natalie from that side.) I showed the lady what was going on, and she brought out the next cup size up.
I swear I tried on about 30 bras in various sizes and styles. I only found one that fit (and yes even after I tried it on I kept trying the others.) There were a few that were decently comfortable but I was sure, from the fit, that by an hour or 2 of having them on I would be irritated by the fit.
The *Anita Microfiber Nursing bra is the one I bought. It is pretty pricey. But I've had it on all day and haven't felt like I was being suffocated by it. My breasts are still apart and high up (it supports them well.) I wish it was cotton in the cups or that they were padded. I dislike it when my nipple point in different directions and the cups have no lining so if its a little cold you can see that lefty is pointing north while righty is looking south. Also when I leak, which still happens just a little, unless I have a nursing pad on, it pours all over my shirt. But those are minor irritations considering the general comfort of the bra fit and I will ignore them.
Now for my hips to go back to normal so my pants fit... I still have about 10 pounds hanging on from my pre-pregnancy weight.
*How irritating is it that the bra model has OBVIOUSLY never been pregnant or nursed a baby? Seriously I want to see a post partum tummy on a nursing bra model. At least a stretch mark or 2.
20110503
Bras, bras, nursing bras.
It has taken me 2 days to write this! Natalie has been difficult and I am having a hard time getting anything done. Seriously the house is a mess.
When I was 20 I took my boobs for granted. They were there, but small. They were perky, too. I was totally happy with them. Never did I wish to have large boobies. I often went braless and never felt weird about it. I wore clothes that there is no way I could wear now. (But isn't that part of being 20?)
I am 33 now, and these, huge heavy things confuse me. I know, they are milk makers. They fed Gwennie for almost 3 years and they will feed Natalie for at least 2 (my goal). They have progressively gotten bigger with each child.And now finding bras is nearly impossible. Before I was pregnant (this time) I wore a solid 32D. Victoria's Secret just started carrying a bra that I loved in that size.
I have not been comfortable in the chest area since getting pregnant. I have no idea what size I currently am (32DD/F/G?). I think it best to wait until Natalie is a few months old and my milk production has evened out before getting measured and buying a bra (or two). I have 3 Medela bras left from nursing Gwennie, but they must be stretched out. When I first put them on I am comfortable, but within an hour I feel like pulling the bra off. This is also not an option because my breasts sag half way to my navel. I can't run up and down the stairs with no bra, I have to hold the ladies down. I even have a few nursing tanks, which I wear around the house. The biggest problem I have with these is the "uniboob syndrome". I like to have 2 separate breasts, who doesn't? Plus they aren't really that supportive and my back hurts a bit by the end of the day.
Summer is fast approaching, too. We are looking at 100 degree days this week. Bras are even worse in the summer. I hope I can find a good, supportive, *nursing bra... eventually.
*I've been told Bravado bras are great, but at $50 a bra.The closest place that sells them is about 30 miles away. I may have to drive over there soon. Bras, like shoes and glasses are totally worth paying more since you wear them every day, for BUT I have to love what I am buying or its a total waste or time and money.
When I was 20 I took my boobs for granted. They were there, but small. They were perky, too. I was totally happy with them. Never did I wish to have large boobies. I often went braless and never felt weird about it. I wore clothes that there is no way I could wear now. (But isn't that part of being 20?)
I am 33 now, and these, huge heavy things confuse me. I know, they are milk makers. They fed Gwennie for almost 3 years and they will feed Natalie for at least 2 (my goal). They have progressively gotten bigger with each child.And now finding bras is nearly impossible. Before I was pregnant (this time) I wore a solid 32D. Victoria's Secret just started carrying a bra that I loved in that size.
I have not been comfortable in the chest area since getting pregnant. I have no idea what size I currently am (32DD/F/G?). I think it best to wait until Natalie is a few months old and my milk production has evened out before getting measured and buying a bra (or two). I have 3 Medela bras left from nursing Gwennie, but they must be stretched out. When I first put them on I am comfortable, but within an hour I feel like pulling the bra off. This is also not an option because my breasts sag half way to my navel. I can't run up and down the stairs with no bra, I have to hold the ladies down. I even have a few nursing tanks, which I wear around the house. The biggest problem I have with these is the "uniboob syndrome". I like to have 2 separate breasts, who doesn't? Plus they aren't really that supportive and my back hurts a bit by the end of the day.
Summer is fast approaching, too. We are looking at 100 degree days this week. Bras are even worse in the summer. I hope I can find a good, supportive, *nursing bra... eventually.
*I've been told Bravado bras are great, but at $50 a bra.The closest place that sells them is about 30 miles away. I may have to drive over there soon. Bras, like shoes and glasses are totally worth paying more since you wear them every day, for BUT I have to love what I am buying or its a total waste or time and money.
20110427
Are You a Busy Mom?
"How old is your baby?" her voice came from a couple stalls over. It was a harsh voice, like a 50 year smoker, and not the voice I had expected from the older woman who had walked into the restroom in front of Gwennie and I at Costco.
"She is a month old," I replied while pulling up my pants and trying to decide if I would hang out in the restroom until Natalie was done nursing. I don't make it a habit of nursing in restrooms. In fact I am a huge fan of NIP (nursing in public) because Gwennie was an easy nursling. Natalie? She is noisy and messy and she will pop on and off the breast multiple times in one nursing session. Then, just for fun, she'll spit up all over me. I really hope that as she gets older she'll be "better" at it. She is a decent nurser, but Gwennie was so much more... efficient.
"Are you a busy mom?" the gravely voice spoke up again. This question gave me pause. Am I? Sure I was at Costco with a little baby and a 5 1/2 year old (who had to pee for the 2nd time since we had arrived.) I don't really consider myself "busy". I don't over schedule my kids, in fact I rarely schedule any extracurricular activities for them.*
I paused for a moment before answering her "Yes, of course, I'm a mom." Of course I am busy, but I am busy enjoying life and not filling every spare moment trying to keep my kids occupied. I am busy watching my kids grow. I am busy spending time with good friends. I am busy sitting in my recliner holding my small (but long) baby girl because she'll only be a newborn/infant for a short time and I want to soak it all up.
*This is partly because I feel stress and anxiety when I have too much going on.
"She is a month old," I replied while pulling up my pants and trying to decide if I would hang out in the restroom until Natalie was done nursing. I don't make it a habit of nursing in restrooms. In fact I am a huge fan of NIP (nursing in public) because Gwennie was an easy nursling. Natalie? She is noisy and messy and she will pop on and off the breast multiple times in one nursing session. Then, just for fun, she'll spit up all over me. I really hope that as she gets older she'll be "better" at it. She is a decent nurser, but Gwennie was so much more... efficient.
"Are you a busy mom?" the gravely voice spoke up again. This question gave me pause. Am I? Sure I was at Costco with a little baby and a 5 1/2 year old (who had to pee for the 2nd time since we had arrived.) I don't really consider myself "busy". I don't over schedule my kids, in fact I rarely schedule any extracurricular activities for them.*
I paused for a moment before answering her "Yes, of course, I'm a mom." Of course I am busy, but I am busy enjoying life and not filling every spare moment trying to keep my kids occupied. I am busy watching my kids grow. I am busy spending time with good friends. I am busy sitting in my recliner holding my small (but long) baby girl because she'll only be a newborn/infant for a short time and I want to soak it all up.
*This is partly because I feel stress and anxiety when I have too much going on.
20110416
Feed me.
All I think about is food. I remember the insatiable nursing a newborn hunger, so this isn't a surprise at all for me. During this pregnancy I was rarely hungry. I craved very few thing including sauteed mushrooms, bacon and orange chicken, though not together thankfully!
But now? I can not stop thinking of food. I want to eat. Right now I wish I had a pumpkin pie loaded with whipped cream. I want it enough I am seriously considering making it. I know it would go over well. I only wish I had cheater dough (making pie crust is a pain). I also don't have any whipped cream (or whipping cream). But that is easily remedied. Then again, there are a million recipes that I would gladly make, and eat, and almost all of them are desserts. Mmm, dessert.
On the subject of nursing. OW! I do not remember it hurting for Gwennie to latch on. I wonder if Natalie is latching too shallowly? It only hurts for about 5 seconds, and then it will hurt a little when my milk lets down (on both sides, right before the side she is not nursing from starts to pour milk.) Gwennie nursed for nearly 3 years, there is no way I would have made it that long if it hurt every time she latched on. So I wonder how long will it hurt? Or is it just that Natalie is a different kind of nurser?
Natalie is sleeping right now. She usually takes a couple of decent naps during the day. I was counting on her morning one and started going through Gwennie's clothes. Only Natalie did not cooperate. In fact she only slept about 45 minutes before she woke up and fussed and wanted to nurse again. She has been asleep since about 1pm, but I also laid with her and napped. I am attempting to make myself nap with her after lunch, because I was feeling so tired all of the time.
But now? I can not stop thinking of food. I want to eat. Right now I wish I had a pumpkin pie loaded with whipped cream. I want it enough I am seriously considering making it. I know it would go over well. I only wish I had cheater dough (making pie crust is a pain). I also don't have any whipped cream (or whipping cream). But that is easily remedied. Then again, there are a million recipes that I would gladly make, and eat, and almost all of them are desserts. Mmm, dessert.
On the subject of nursing. OW! I do not remember it hurting for Gwennie to latch on. I wonder if Natalie is latching too shallowly? It only hurts for about 5 seconds, and then it will hurt a little when my milk lets down (on both sides, right before the side she is not nursing from starts to pour milk.) Gwennie nursed for nearly 3 years, there is no way I would have made it that long if it hurt every time she latched on. So I wonder how long will it hurt? Or is it just that Natalie is a different kind of nurser?
Natalie is sleeping right now. She usually takes a couple of decent naps during the day. I was counting on her morning one and started going through Gwennie's clothes. Only Natalie did not cooperate. In fact she only slept about 45 minutes before she woke up and fussed and wanted to nurse again. She has been asleep since about 1pm, but I also laid with her and napped. I am attempting to make myself nap with her after lunch, because I was feeling so tired all of the time.
20110407
Last night was rough. At a little after nine I went upstairs to go to bed. Natalie was sleepy but not yet asleep, so I figured we would lay in bed and nurse while I read (I am re-reading Twilight if you must know.) So we settled in for that. Only within moments, Natalie was fussing at the breast. She was fighting it like crazy. I knew she wasn't starving, having spent a good portion of the last 1/2 hour downstairs nursing. I also wasn't having a serious letdown that could be bothering her. I had no idea what was wrong.
I burped her and lay her over my side in case her tummy was gassy. After a little while she dozed off. But then we repeated that- fuss, nurse, fuss, burp, sleep, fuss, for about an hour. At 11 I started walking around. I had turned on the television, given up on reading about Bella's love for Edward and his total perfection, and was zoning out on Rachel's infatuation with Joey (watching Friends season 9). I attempted to swaddle her with a Kiddopotamus swaddling blanket that my sister had given me, thinking it might help. She liked her bottom half in the blanket, in fact she is still happily swaddled in it now, but she did not like having her hands in it. She likes her hands up by her face.
She pooped a couple of times and seemed to feel better after we went through 3 diapers. But was still fussy if we lay down on the bed. Finally I ended up dragging my lazyboy to the side of the tv, so I could watch it and rock her. I'm not sure when she finally fell asleep but I had also dozed off in the chair. I woke up a little after midnight, my neck hurting and she was sound asleep. I moved us both into the bed fingers crossed that she would remain sleeping and thankfully she did.
Around 3 am, she was still sleeping but Lily decided that she needed to go outside. I ignored her for a while, but she got progressively more annoying the longer I ignored her. She ran up and down the stairs, entering the bedroom whining around the bed, stopping on both sides to whine and whimper. Now you may ask why Will didn't get up with her. Honestly I don't know. But he doesn't sleep upstairs with me. Our bed is really uncomfortable and hurts his back (it is too soft even for me.) We don't currently have money to replace it, so for now, he sleeps on the couch. He is much better at ignoring Lily than I am. I don't know how, as she can be very persistent.
I didn't get a whole lot of sleep. But I still popped up, wide awake, just after 6 am. Not fun.
At 7, Will woke up Rhayn. She looked awful when she came downstairs. I asked her what was wrong and she mentioned that she threw up, and her throat and head hurt. I took her temperature, which was fine. I had her sit at the table and try to eat some breakfast. She didn't feel any better after that. So I sent her back to bed. Usually when she is sick, she lays on the couch all day and watches tv. I don't know if I'll let her do that. I may have her stay in her room because if she starts feeling better right away and wants to come out, then she probably was faking sick (which she has tried a few times.)
Today is also "Army day", as in Will is leaving for duty for 9 days. I am trying not to feel anxious about that, but I can not help it. I am worried about dealing with all three girls on my own while he is gone. I am worried about driving Rhayn to school, getting groceries, making sure we are all fed, while he is gone.
Thankfully I was able to dodge the mastitis bullet, I did end up with a fever of 103.7 at its height but it broke early the next morning. I took a couple of hot baths with warm compresses on my breasts and by the next day (Wednesday) had no fever at all. Whew! The last thing I needed was to be that sick and dealing with everything around here. I have decided that I will take it easy, sure the house is a mess, but I will clean only enough to make it less stressful, until I feel 100%. I feel pretty good physically, my crotch is healing nicely, my 'roids are slowly going away. I am feeling hungry again and able to eat nearly everything. (Pass me a bean burrito, please!) Life is really looking up there.
Now to just make it through the next few weeks.
I burped her and lay her over my side in case her tummy was gassy. After a little while she dozed off. But then we repeated that- fuss, nurse, fuss, burp, sleep, fuss, for about an hour. At 11 I started walking around. I had turned on the television, given up on reading about Bella's love for Edward and his total perfection, and was zoning out on Rachel's infatuation with Joey (watching Friends season 9). I attempted to swaddle her with a Kiddopotamus swaddling blanket that my sister had given me, thinking it might help. She liked her bottom half in the blanket, in fact she is still happily swaddled in it now, but she did not like having her hands in it. She likes her hands up by her face.
She pooped a couple of times and seemed to feel better after we went through 3 diapers. But was still fussy if we lay down on the bed. Finally I ended up dragging my lazyboy to the side of the tv, so I could watch it and rock her. I'm not sure when she finally fell asleep but I had also dozed off in the chair. I woke up a little after midnight, my neck hurting and she was sound asleep. I moved us both into the bed fingers crossed that she would remain sleeping and thankfully she did.Around 3 am, she was still sleeping but Lily decided that she needed to go outside. I ignored her for a while, but she got progressively more annoying the longer I ignored her. She ran up and down the stairs, entering the bedroom whining around the bed, stopping on both sides to whine and whimper. Now you may ask why Will didn't get up with her. Honestly I don't know. But he doesn't sleep upstairs with me. Our bed is really uncomfortable and hurts his back (it is too soft even for me.) We don't currently have money to replace it, so for now, he sleeps on the couch. He is much better at ignoring Lily than I am. I don't know how, as she can be very persistent.
I didn't get a whole lot of sleep. But I still popped up, wide awake, just after 6 am. Not fun.
At 7, Will woke up Rhayn. She looked awful when she came downstairs. I asked her what was wrong and she mentioned that she threw up, and her throat and head hurt. I took her temperature, which was fine. I had her sit at the table and try to eat some breakfast. She didn't feel any better after that. So I sent her back to bed. Usually when she is sick, she lays on the couch all day and watches tv. I don't know if I'll let her do that. I may have her stay in her room because if she starts feeling better right away and wants to come out, then she probably was faking sick (which she has tried a few times.)
Today is also "Army day", as in Will is leaving for duty for 9 days. I am trying not to feel anxious about that, but I can not help it. I am worried about dealing with all three girls on my own while he is gone. I am worried about driving Rhayn to school, getting groceries, making sure we are all fed, while he is gone.
Thankfully I was able to dodge the mastitis bullet, I did end up with a fever of 103.7 at its height but it broke early the next morning. I took a couple of hot baths with warm compresses on my breasts and by the next day (Wednesday) had no fever at all. Whew! The last thing I needed was to be that sick and dealing with everything around here. I have decided that I will take it easy, sure the house is a mess, but I will clean only enough to make it less stressful, until I feel 100%. I feel pretty good physically, my crotch is healing nicely, my 'roids are slowly going away. I am feeling hungry again and able to eat nearly everything. (Pass me a bean burrito, please!) Life is really looking up there.
Now to just make it through the next few weeks.
20110405
1 week old
This morning I awoke long before the sun came up. This is not abnormal since Natalie joined us, but this morning it was different. My breasts were hard and throbbing, I was shivering uncontrollably, and I looked at the clock it was almost 3am.
One week ago, I was getting ready to push her out. One week ago, I was in a totally different kind of pain. One week ago, my body was doing an amazing thing. I lay in the dark, and looked at her. This small person that one week ago I hadn't really even met. I pulled her to me and held her closely as I thought about how sweet she is.
She is a lot like Gwennie as a newborn. But she cries more. She can go from a little whimpering cry to a full blown scream in moments if we don't pay attention to her. She is already too long for most of the newborn clothes. Thanks to Aunt Brie we have plenty of 0-3 month clothes for her to wear.
Yesterday was her first trip out of the house. I took her to the doctor for her newborn check. She was weighed (8 pounds 13.4 ounces) and measured (22 1/4 inches long) and her head circumference taken (36.5 cm). She was not happy about the cold room an being naked. Also her umbilical cord slimed me. We didn't use alcohol on it, instead we used goldenseal powder on it which doesn't dry it out quite the same. I was a little worried about it, so the doctor looked at it and had another doctor verify that it was in fact, just fine.
Natalie did just fine in the car, too. She slept the whole ride there and back. I only heard a little squawk from her once which made me worry because we were stuck on the interstate in traffic. Not fun. But she settled right back down.
This morning I checked Natalie's diaper and looked at her umbilical cord stump. It was barely hanging on. We went downstairs and I sat down on the floor to change her diaper. The stump had fallen off on our way downstairs. I didn't look for it, but I am pretty sure that Lily disposed of it. (Gross.) I can not believe that she is growing up so fast.
I have a fever today, its not quite 100 but its making me feel miserable. Actually its my breasts that are making me miserable. Sigh.
One week ago, I was getting ready to push her out. One week ago, I was in a totally different kind of pain. One week ago, my body was doing an amazing thing. I lay in the dark, and looked at her. This small person that one week ago I hadn't really even met. I pulled her to me and held her closely as I thought about how sweet she is.
She is a lot like Gwennie as a newborn. But she cries more. She can go from a little whimpering cry to a full blown scream in moments if we don't pay attention to her. She is already too long for most of the newborn clothes. Thanks to Aunt Brie we have plenty of 0-3 month clothes for her to wear.
Yesterday was her first trip out of the house. I took her to the doctor for her newborn check. She was weighed (8 pounds 13.4 ounces) and measured (22 1/4 inches long) and her head circumference taken (36.5 cm). She was not happy about the cold room an being naked. Also her umbilical cord slimed me. We didn't use alcohol on it, instead we used goldenseal powder on it which doesn't dry it out quite the same. I was a little worried about it, so the doctor looked at it and had another doctor verify that it was in fact, just fine.
Natalie did just fine in the car, too. She slept the whole ride there and back. I only heard a little squawk from her once which made me worry because we were stuck on the interstate in traffic. Not fun. But she settled right back down.
This morning I checked Natalie's diaper and looked at her umbilical cord stump. It was barely hanging on. We went downstairs and I sat down on the floor to change her diaper. The stump had fallen off on our way downstairs. I didn't look for it, but I am pretty sure that Lily disposed of it. (Gross.) I can not believe that she is growing up so fast.
I have a fever today, its not quite 100 but its making me feel miserable. Actually its my breasts that are making me miserable. Sigh.
20080810
Growing Up.
I haven't really wanted to post about this, because it is still so very fresh, and new in my mind. There are days when I am totally sad about it and days when I am excited. Then there are days when it never even crosses my mind.
A few weeks ago, Gwennie nursed for the last time. She climbed into my lap, and nursed maybe for a few minutes, then she climbed out and ran off, never to return. Never to ask again. Never to be my nursling again. Never.
I knew it was happening, I had eluded to it a few times in her monthly newsletters. She would sometimes go almost a week without it. But she always came back. If I asked her if she was a big girl who didn't need "gup" she looked at me, eyes wide and sad, and asked for it right then.
Now I ask, and she laughs, says "I am Gennie Goo!" and runs off to play.
She is such a big girl, it breaks my heart. It hurts to think there is a chance I will never hold another new baby to my breast, or go through this bittersweet weaning process again. I try not to dwell on it at all. But as my sister's belly grows I am reminded of the time I was pregnant with Gwennie, when she was pregnant with Madder, and we talked about all of this stuff together. I wish I could be pregnant with her, but am glad at the same time that I am not. (Because of the deployment.)
My breasts still ache. Especially as I type this. I know that they still produce a little bit of milk, because sometimes in the shower I squeeze them lightly to watch it happen. They won't always do that. There will be a time when I squeeze, and nothing will come. Maybe that would be easier. Now it is a reminder of what is done, over, gone.
Like I said before, sometimes I am thrilled by her weaning. Partially because she also started wearing panties (like a big girl) around the same time. She still has accidents in them once in a while, but she is getting better. I just have to let her wear them, because she was fully trained when naked/bottomless at the beginning of the summer. (She can't very well walk around bottomless everywhere we go, can she?) But she gets better every day. (She is down to about three pairs of panties a day.)
I just wish I was fully ready and fully happy about her being weaned. I should be happy, because it shows how grown up she is getting. I should be because I knew she was ready and it wasn't forced on her at all. I should be, because it was just time. But there will always be a part of me that will miss holding her to my breast and giving her the sweet, mama's milk that I made just for her.
A few weeks ago, Gwennie nursed for the last time. She climbed into my lap, and nursed maybe for a few minutes, then she climbed out and ran off, never to return. Never to ask again. Never to be my nursling again. Never.
I knew it was happening, I had eluded to it a few times in her monthly newsletters. She would sometimes go almost a week without it. But she always came back. If I asked her if she was a big girl who didn't need "gup" she looked at me, eyes wide and sad, and asked for it right then.
Now I ask, and she laughs, says "I am Gennie Goo!" and runs off to play.
She is such a big girl, it breaks my heart. It hurts to think there is a chance I will never hold another new baby to my breast, or go through this bittersweet weaning process again. I try not to dwell on it at all. But as my sister's belly grows I am reminded of the time I was pregnant with Gwennie, when she was pregnant with Madder, and we talked about all of this stuff together. I wish I could be pregnant with her, but am glad at the same time that I am not. (Because of the deployment.)
My breasts still ache. Especially as I type this. I know that they still produce a little bit of milk, because sometimes in the shower I squeeze them lightly to watch it happen. They won't always do that. There will be a time when I squeeze, and nothing will come. Maybe that would be easier. Now it is a reminder of what is done, over, gone.
Like I said before, sometimes I am thrilled by her weaning. Partially because she also started wearing panties (like a big girl) around the same time. She still has accidents in them once in a while, but she is getting better. I just have to let her wear them, because she was fully trained when naked/bottomless at the beginning of the summer. (She can't very well walk around bottomless everywhere we go, can she?) But she gets better every day. (She is down to about three pairs of panties a day.)
I just wish I was fully ready and fully happy about her being weaned. I should be happy, because it shows how grown up she is getting. I should be because I knew she was ready and it wasn't forced on her at all. I should be, because it was just time. But there will always be a part of me that will miss holding her to my breast and giving her the sweet, mama's milk that I made just for her.
20080528
I think I am done with it. Done with being a cow. Gwen is old enough and can fall asleep on her own. She easily calms herself if she is upset, or is calmed by snuggles. Does she need to keep nursing? Does she need to still get "gup"?
But then I am torn on it. I want her to be alright with being weaned. And I think she isn't totally ready. She still asks me at least three times a day for gup. Once when we first wake up (the answer is "No, lets go have breakfast.") Once around nap time (the answer is sometimes "yes, then we'll have a nap.") And usually around 8 pm when she is getting sleepy. She doesn't fall asleep at the breast anymore,unless she is sick.
When she nurses, her face still has a little baby look, while her body is stretching into a big girl. I stare down at her, and think back, glad I have pictures like this one. There are things I won't miss about nursing, like my repeated cases of mastitis but so many other wonderful moments that I will miss. The past few years my life has pretty much revolved around nursing. My posts about nursing are many. And some are not even on that because I didn't get labels until later.
I know that at Rhayn's school, through friends made there, I have support for extended breastfeeding. I have support to keep going as long as she needs it. But does she? Do I?
I wish there was a cut and dry answer. Maybe we will just keep going as we are. See where this takes us. Or should I just stop.
Such a personal choice. Such a personal decision.
But then I am torn on it. I want her to be alright with being weaned. And I think she isn't totally ready. She still asks me at least three times a day for gup. Once when we first wake up (the answer is "No, lets go have breakfast.") Once around nap time (the answer is sometimes "yes, then we'll have a nap.") And usually around 8 pm when she is getting sleepy. She doesn't fall asleep at the breast anymore,unless she is sick.
When she nurses, her face still has a little baby look, while her body is stretching into a big girl. I stare down at her, and think back, glad I have pictures like this one. There are things I won't miss about nursing, like my repeated cases of mastitis but so many other wonderful moments that I will miss. The past few years my life has pretty much revolved around nursing. My posts about nursing are many. And some are not even on that because I didn't get labels until later.
I know that at Rhayn's school, through friends made there, I have support for extended breastfeeding. I have support to keep going as long as she needs it. But does she? Do I?
I wish there was a cut and dry answer. Maybe we will just keep going as we are. See where this takes us. Or should I just stop.
Such a personal choice. Such a personal decision.
20080311
29 Month Newsletter- Late Edition
Dear Gwennie Goo,
Your Mama
20080130
28 Month Newsletter
Dear Gwennie Goo,
You are now twenty eight months old. This month was a busy one for us all, in fact last month was so busy that I forgot to even write your newsletter. With Christmas and everything going on the days went so swiftly by that it was mid January before I knew it!
Your independence grows daily, as you practice things and tell me that you can “do it by self,” or “I do it.” But then the next moment you are my little cuddlekins again and want to be a baby. I fed you oatmeal one morning, because you were my baby. I ask you if you are “my baby” but you almost always say “No, I Gennie Goo.” I admit that “Gennie Goo” is a sweet little nickname and I adore calling you that.
You astound people when you start talking. And you really like to talk. Sometimes I want you to stop, just for a moment because you and Rhayn together make a lot of noise.
I always see pictures of toddlers covered in food. I often see your big sister covered in food, like she has missed her mouth. You, on the other hand, are usually a dainty eater. Not that you don’t eat very much, food doesn’t always cover your face at the end of a meal. We were at a birthday party recently and there were two other kids (admittedly younger than you) who were also eating cupcakes. Their little pudgy faces were covered in icing, the little boy looked like he had a moustache of chocolate, the girl a beard of vanilla. You had a tiny dab on the end of your nose, but were otherwise clean. Your clothes are another story, often covered in lentil soup or hot chocolate. If it is not food, you love to coat your face in it. I have countless pictures of you painted a nice pink from lipstick or ethereal looking from shiny white eyeshadow. 
No matter what, you are a ham. You crack me up so often and I love you for it.
Yours,
Mama
20080117
I've Got Lucky Crabs
Friday was Hairball's birthday. Since her little nursling is old enough and able to take a bottle she was allowed out of his grasp to hang out with some friends (and a great cousin.)
In high school she and I were friends with brothers. We both hung out with these guys all of the time. Usually she gets to hang out with the one she was actually pals with JR, but this time she talked the older brother, DL, into hanging out with us, too. I will admit this made the evening even more exciting. I hadn't hung out with DL in years.
Our first stop of the evening was the movies and we watched all the blood and gore and delightful singing of Sweeney Todd. Oh my it was delectable (as far as arterial spray goes.) Johnny Depp did not disappoint in his role and although I probably won't watch it over and over again, I did enjoy the movie.
We were hungry (and not for meat pies) after the movie. Hairball likes to go out for seafood when she is sans husband, as he can not stand the smell of fish (and lets face it every seafood restaurant smells deliciously of fish.) We ate at Joe's Crab Shack. Our guys friends immediately told the waiter that it was someone's birthday. At Joe's they make the person stand up and participate in the festive singing. Hairball had to sing "I've got lucky crabs" while holding a plastic crab (her arm was complete!)
Our next destination was a bar. No, Hairball is still the fairly good little Mormon girl she always has been (but how can you be a great little Mormon girl when you just watched Sweeney Todd?) We were headed to karaoke night, to watch DL and JR sing. They were drinking and having a great time. I will admit that it was a little less than fun after the first hour. It was hot, my butt was stuck to the vinyl seat and it was about eleven at night. I am not a late night person, I get tired, and I like my sleep. But the laughter was good, my cheeks hurt from it. I suppose if anything that makes hanging out with the guys worthwhile. DL was voted class clown in our graduating class (I was voted "most talented," did I ever mention that?)
It was really late, but we still had a few more stops that we had to make. Our yearly pilgrimage to the naughty store. We went the a "fancy" one this time, less down and dirty sex items, more frilly and just funny ones.
Without making any purchases (well maybe one) we left. At this point I was hungry and thirsty. We zipped over to Denny's for quality food. It was the same Denny's that Will and I went to on our first date, and met at while I was pregnant with Rhayn and we were trying to talk. Lets just say there are a lot of memories at that Denny's. I had some greasy cheese fries,I don't know why I like those. But I do (I order mine without bacon.)
It was around two when we finally all headed home. I was so happy to be in my nice warm bed at that point. I can not wait to see what we do next year. Although I will have to find an actual babysitter as Will will be gone. I am constantly reminded of that by little things, things he won't be here to fix or do. But I have friends and family and that is really all you need. We will survive!
In high school she and I were friends with brothers. We both hung out with these guys all of the time. Usually she gets to hang out with the one she was actually pals with JR, but this time she talked the older brother, DL, into hanging out with us, too. I will admit this made the evening even more exciting. I hadn't hung out with DL in years.
Our first stop of the evening was the movies and we watched all the blood and gore and delightful singing of Sweeney Todd. Oh my it was delectable (as far as arterial spray goes.) Johnny Depp did not disappoint in his role and although I probably won't watch it over and over again, I did enjoy the movie.
We were hungry (and not for meat pies) after the movie. Hairball likes to go out for seafood when she is sans husband, as he can not stand the smell of fish (and lets face it every seafood restaurant smells deliciously of fish.) We ate at Joe's Crab Shack. Our guys friends immediately told the waiter that it was someone's birthday. At Joe's they make the person stand up and participate in the festive singing. Hairball had to sing "I've got lucky crabs" while holding a plastic crab (her arm was complete!)
Our next destination was a bar. No, Hairball is still the fairly good little Mormon girl she always has been (but how can you be a great little Mormon girl when you just watched Sweeney Todd?) We were headed to karaoke night, to watch DL and JR sing. They were drinking and having a great time. I will admit that it was a little less than fun after the first hour. It was hot, my butt was stuck to the vinyl seat and it was about eleven at night. I am not a late night person, I get tired, and I like my sleep. But the laughter was good, my cheeks hurt from it. I suppose if anything that makes hanging out with the guys worthwhile. DL was voted class clown in our graduating class (I was voted "most talented," did I ever mention that?)
It was really late, but we still had a few more stops that we had to make. Our yearly pilgrimage to the naughty store. We went the a "fancy" one this time, less down and dirty sex items, more frilly and just funny ones.
Without making any purchases (well maybe one) we left. At this point I was hungry and thirsty. We zipped over to Denny's for quality food. It was the same Denny's that Will and I went to on our first date, and met at while I was pregnant with Rhayn and we were trying to talk. Lets just say there are a lot of memories at that Denny's. I had some greasy cheese fries,I don't know why I like those. But I do (I order mine without bacon.)
It was around two when we finally all headed home. I was so happy to be in my nice warm bed at that point. I can not wait to see what we do next year. Although I will have to find an actual babysitter as Will will be gone. I am constantly reminded of that by little things, things he won't be here to fix or do. But I have friends and family and that is really all you need. We will survive!
20071206
Rhayny Day #1
I love Rhayn. She is such an affectionate girl.
If there is any occasion for gifts (and even for no reason) she will rush up to her room and search and sketch and come down moments later with a gift bag of her treasures that she wants to share. This happened on my birthday. She hadn't given me a present, and after seeing the flowers that Will gave me, she disappeared for a time to return with a gift bag of pictures, her jewels, rocks, and a note that said "Rhayn" across the top with some hearts and "momm" on the middle (no not a mistype- it said momm, with no Y.)
I love these silly gifts, but sometimes I neglect to let her know. I forget to show her how I feel and maybe I alienate her while doing that. I will think back on the sweet things she does and smile. That day she went outside and cleaned up ALL the dog poop, that was great. The way she puts her own clothes away sometimes without me asking. How she loves to tidy up, arranging items on a table top to make the room pretty. All of these things make her Her, and make me love her that much more.
I realized that I write about Gwen once a month (alright- really like every other day) and I post about how fun she is and how I just sit and watch her. What about Rhayn? It isn't that I don't love her just as much, it is that I missed out on the bond I have with Gwen. Maybe it is because she didn't breastfeed, maybe it is because she is old enough that she doesn't "need" me, maybe it is because she nolonger co-sleeps with me. All I know is that I HATE it.
I hate how I feel towards her sometimes, like I neglect her and her specialness. So I am starting my "Rhayny Day" posts. It just so happens that she was born on the sixth of the month. So it seemed a fitting day to start these. Hopefully I will write these monthly. I need to. I need to celebrate Rhayn. Before she is a teenager and then? Well, maybe these will be a nice reminder of how great a kid she really was.
20071114
Oh No
All morning there were strange smells coming from Gwennie, as she filled diaper after diaper with poo the consistency of new baby poo. She didn't seem upset by it, and played happily.
By mid afternoon, I noticed that my stomach is feeling queasy. Yoga class was miserable. I can only imagine that this means I have some stomach thing.
As Rhayn was getting ready for bed, she mentions that her tummy hurts, too.
Joy. Bliss. What fun.
Let us just hope that the note that was sent home today from school (that there was a case of strep throat) was not in Rhayn's class, but I think that maybe her tummy ache might be from that. Her glands are swollen, her throat looks filled with pustules. I might keep her some tomorrow, just because, and maybe take her to the doctor, too.
As for me, I am about to go lay down, and turn on crapola television. I haven't watched any today yet. I hope my period starts soon, because I feel moody and yucky, and Will isn't talking to me because of the b-word I have been to him. My breasts hurt, and I have a plugged duct because Gwennie has cut down to only a few nursings a day. Sigh. Sometimes I hate being a girl.
I neglected to turn on my VCR timer, so only have the last 15 minutes of ANTM to watch.
By mid afternoon, I noticed that my stomach is feeling queasy. Yoga class was miserable. I can only imagine that this means I have some stomach thing.
As Rhayn was getting ready for bed, she mentions that her tummy hurts, too.
Joy. Bliss. What fun.
Let us just hope that the note that was sent home today from school (that there was a case of strep throat) was not in Rhayn's class, but I think that maybe her tummy ache might be from that. Her glands are swollen, her throat looks filled with pustules. I might keep her some tomorrow, just because, and maybe take her to the doctor, too.
As for me, I am about to go lay down, and turn on crapola television. I haven't watched any today yet. I hope my period starts soon, because I feel moody and yucky, and Will isn't talking to me because of the b-word I have been to him. My breasts hurt, and I have a plugged duct because Gwennie has cut down to only a few nursings a day. Sigh. Sometimes I hate being a girl.
I neglected to turn on my VCR timer, so only have the last 15 minutes of ANTM to watch.
20071109
25 Month Newsletter
Mama
20071016
So tired of it
Did any of your kids have separation anxiety? I remember Rhayn going through it for like a minute. Gwen is pretty close to a worst case scenario of it. I keep thinking it is a stage, she will get over it. I know that she is fine if I leave her, but if she knows I am just upstairs, its a screaming at the bottom of the stairs thing. If I put her to bed and then go downstairs to, I don't know, spend some time with Will, I will hear her suddenly wake up screaming. I am sure that once or twice it was a nightmare, because she was inconsolable. Most of the time it is "MA MA! MAAA MAAA!!" and in this high pitched scream I am not sure that her daddy can hear.
I am starting to wonder what is wrong with her. I am starting to wonder if its me, am I fostering this behavior? I half-heartedly tried the No Cry method, but it didn't seem to fit. When she realized that I was trying to get away from her, she grips more tightly. I don't want to spend an hour every night getting her to bed. By the time she falls asleep I have been laying in the dark for so long I am usually asleep, too. Then there is the fact that she is afraid of the dark, and cries about the "Lights ON!" and works herself up about that. We read five books, or more we read Brown Bear Brown Bear, What do you see? Five times. (Her current favorite book, the other day she couldn't find it and walked around saying "Bown Bear, is gone" in a dejected voice.)
Maybe I am getting ready for PMS, and that is why I just want to scream about it all. I only know that its a darn good thing I am not currently taking a class, and that the weather is cooling off, because I am running short on patience here and those things usually make me even less patient.
I think that Gwennie is going to be a girlie-girl drama queen, and I am not happy about that, at all. (Considering I am neither girlie nor a drama queen.)
I am starting to wonder what is wrong with her. I am starting to wonder if its me, am I fostering this behavior? I half-heartedly tried the No Cry method, but it didn't seem to fit. When she realized that I was trying to get away from her, she grips more tightly. I don't want to spend an hour every night getting her to bed. By the time she falls asleep I have been laying in the dark for so long I am usually asleep, too. Then there is the fact that she is afraid of the dark, and cries about the "Lights ON!" and works herself up about that. We read five books, or more we read Brown Bear Brown Bear, What do you see? Five times. (Her current favorite book, the other day she couldn't find it and walked around saying "Bown Bear, is gone" in a dejected voice.)
Maybe I am getting ready for PMS, and that is why I just want to scream about it all. I only know that its a darn good thing I am not currently taking a class, and that the weather is cooling off, because I am running short on patience here and those things usually make me even less patient.
I think that Gwennie is going to be a girlie-girl drama queen, and I am not happy about that, at all. (Considering I am neither girlie nor a drama queen.)
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