Darling Gwennie Goo,
Often you put your arms up, and ask to be held “like a baby.” Or when we get out of the shower or bath, you asked to be wrapped up and held like a baby. I know that you struggle. You desire to be a baby, held and loved and snuggled. Yet you also want to be a big girl, like your sister, running and playing.
I have conversations with you. We talk about things, you ask questions and get so very excited sometimes. If I ask you who people are, you name everyone. You even name yourself “I Gennie Goo” then I say “No, you are a puppy.” “No, I Gennie Goo!” and we go through animals and you giggle and continue to assure me that you are really truly Gennie Goo. I hope you always feel so sure of who you are. I don’t feel that. I often feel lost and unsure, um, am I Leaner? Or someone else, an imposter? Who am I and who let me watch these adorable kids?
Today I let you have some scissors for the first time. You also had a small piece of ribbon and some fabric scraps from my sewing project. You gladly and carefully trimmed and snipped. Your eyes so focused on the project that I sat back and watched so grateful for that moment. I missed so much with Rhayn, because I was younger and I was too busy. I didn’t stop to smell the roses with her. We were always headed somewhere. You ask me to smell the roses at the school, and we stop, we smell, we enjoy. Together, your mama and you.