18 years

Dear Rhayn,

Today you turned 18 years old. Today you became an adult. How did this happen so fast? I am sitting here trying to figure out where time went and I'm just stunned.

This birthday is hitting me so hard. I mean, you've been so responsible lately and have always been such an old soul, that I know you'll rock this adult thing, but I'm still not ready.

I miss my little girl, my Rhayny-day. I miss your stories and silly songs.

This year you've been attending college during your senior year, taking advantage of the school districts new early college program. It's been prefect for you, because you're much more mature than the average senior. I think in many ways, you are more mature than I am even now. 

I really can't wait to see where you go in life. I know you are already making better choices than I ever did.

Keep it up, kiddo, you have the world stretched out in front of you.

Love,
Mom

Appendectomy

She woke up Wednesday morning to tell me that she was having bowel problems. Her expression embarrassed, and also in pain. I told her to see if she felt better by the time school started, instead within an hour she was vomiting in the bathroom.
She spent the next 24 hours puking and moaning. She told me her stomach hurt, and wanted a hot pack. Rice in a sock, microwaved provided some relief. She couldn't keep anything down.
Thursday was the same. She slept fitfully, watch TV, wandered around the house, puked, showered, and repeated this over and over trying to find relief. But nothing really helped.
8pm, the younger girls were asleep (or at least in bed) and she came and sat on the couch to watch TV with us. We talked about her symptoms and noticed she was pointing mainly to the lower right side of her abdomen. We looked up appendicitis and after some discussion I headed to the emergency room with her 9:30.
10 pm we arrived and got checked in. The ride was miserable because every bump caused her to wince and grimace in pain.
Since she hadn't eaten or kept anything down in days, they almost immediately got her started on fluids as well as morphine and zofran. The doctor discussed her symptoms and agreed with appendicitis. It would just take a miserable ultrasound (since she's very thin) to show an enlarged angry appendix.
Antibiotics were started and we waited for a room in the children's hospital. We didn't get taken up until 3:30am.
At 7 the surgeon came and talked to us. At this point she was nearly at a 10 as far as pain. The medicine they'd given her was barely taking the edge off of the excruciating pain.
Daddy arrived around 8:20. And about 9 they took her down to the OR.
Her surgery took longer than we thought it would because when they got in to her the appendix had ruptured and was leaking into her back. There is a term for it, but I can't remember, basically her appendix was located behind her colon so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was more than we hoped.
My mom and dad arrived while she was surgery, they were going to watch Abi, Natalie and Gwen so that Ray and i could be present at the hospital for Rhayn.
When she came out of surgery i chose to go home and shower and nap a little. Knowing that Ray was there for her and that she would be quite drugged for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I came back to the hospital in time to bring Ray supper and talk to Rhayn a little. Before going home for the night.
This morning I got back to the hospital at about 8:30. Brought Ray breakfast but the smell made Rhayn nauseated so we ate in the parents lounge.
We were able get Rhayn up to walk around the room a little, but she is still in a lot of pain. She also hasn't eaten and they still haven't let her have anything by mouth.
In order for her to get to go home she needs to eating and drinking (in order to take her antibiotics by mouth) as well as able to get out of bed.
Right now she can barely get out of bed.

All of this was made more complicated by her having a cold and her lung function is a little compromised. But she's a healthy young girl and in a few weeks I am sure she'll be back to normal.

Hearing Loss

About a month ago, Rhayn came home from school and told me that she'd failed her hearing test. The school would retest her in 30 days, but that seemed a long time.

I took her to her pediatrician, and she failed their hearing test and we got a referral for an audiologist.

At the audiologist she failed on her right ear and had a little loss in the left. And another referral, this time to an ENT.

We tried the ENT in town and didn't like his results and chose to get a second opinion in Tucson.

Monday the school nurse retested her and surprise, surprise, she failed again.

Today we had that appointment for a second opinion. I am so glad we did.

The office was nice, and friendly. We were seen by, first, a resident, and then a doctor who recognized Rhayn's name from when she was much younger and she used to go to this clinic in Phoenix after her palate repair.

The doctor made us feel comfortable and explained to her and to me what he thought was going on. First he has his office repeat the audiogram and verify the results. It was very similar. Then he told us that she has a small hole in her ear drum from, most likely, when she has tubes at 6 months.

In three weeks she is scheduled for an out patient surgery to repair her ear drum. As one can imagine, she's scared about the surgery. Poor girls had more surgeries in her 14 years than I have in my near 38.

Hopefully, this surgery will fix the ear drum and she won't need hearing aids. There is still a small chance that she will need them, but we won't know until after her surgery.

trust issues

I fell asleep early last night, exhausted I dropped into bed.

At a little after 3am, I'm not exactly sure what woke me up, but there were people on my porch. So I got up, groaning because I knew what had happened. Once again, my late night wandering teenager was being brought home by the police. Sitting on the front porch talking to them, this time, giving them information for "next time" and them telling me they didn't think she was running away, but its possible.
They didn't catch her boyfriend, but I will for sure be calling his mom to talk to her again.

I am at my wits end here. I don't know what to do or say to her anymore.

How can you love someone so much, and put so much into them, and have them completely not care at all about you, your feelings and what their actions actually mean? How do we get to this point? To the point where there is no trust and any trust that was there is completely gone out of the window.

I am so overwhelmed by everything right now. I've spent the last few days trying to orchestrate  our move to Tucson, and trying to still be a good mom. Trying to stay on top of chores and house things, while still calling realtors and mortgage brokers and looking obsessively at houses over and over.

And poor Gwen, trudges along, she isn't being bad, or getting in trouble, so she shrinks into the background.

We need this move to be over, for our whole family.

I'm done.

Four

There are times when I'm totally shocked that I have four girls. I mean really... Four. 1,2,3,4 girls. How did that happen? Really I know how it happened. But 4?!

I will likely always feel sad that I don't have a little boy. My boy, my son. It sounds weird to think of having one at the same time.

My girls are all so very different. And none (so far) is very girly. I'm grateful for that. Though I have to remind myself that Rhayn used to love everything princess, sparkly and pink.

I wonder what Abby will be like in a year or two. She loves baby dolls right now, she will crawl over and grab her baby and then wants me to hold it while I hold her. Its really cute, especially since they are both bald headed. She still seems such a baby to me, perhaps because she has no hair and can't/won't walk? Her pudgy little legs are adorable. And I hate that the baby newsletters I am getting in my email weekly call her a toddler now. No. Nope, not a toddler. A baby, my baby, my sweet little cuddle monkey.

Natalie likes dresses and princesses. Mostly Elsa. She likes to look pretty, and is adorable even with her super short pixie cut. Her eyes are so big that this haircut just highlights them. Really its the perfect hairstyle for her.

Gwen is squeamish, she doesn't like bugs, or anything like that (and Natalie is picking that up from her). Recently she's started wanting to be a hairdresser when she grows up and likes to brush my hair (though she still dislikes taking care of her own).

Rhayn likes to wear make-up and wants to look just. so. when she goes out. She's 13, and that freaks me out all of the time. But she's also a really great kid, most of the time.

These girls are amazing people. I only hope that I am raising them the best way possible.
These girls.
My girls. 

The first teenager

Thirteen years ago I became a mom. Thirteen years ago, in the bright daylight in a dark hospital room, she came into this world, surrounded by her grandparents and her great-grandma. She, who I never knew I wanted. She with big bright blue eyes and so. much. hair.

For thirteen years I've watched her grow into a woman. I have stood by while she has made mistakes and accomplishments. I've witnessed her growing into a wonderful person. I am always amazed at the person she has become, her sense of humor, her exuberance.

For 4 years she was an only child but having sisters has been wonderful for her. She is an amazing big sister. She is responsible and  rarely needs help remembering.

She is kind and big hearted.

I can't wait to watch her blossom even more.

Cactus head

My poor neglected bloggity blog. I miss writing on you and promise to try harder to come up with things to write. Since we've moved I haven't had much to say but I really miss writing.

Even this- I started it an hour ago, and I keep getting up and doing other things (maybe even posting on Facebook?) but I can't seem to make a paragraph.Here is a little story about today.

A few weeks ago we noticed that a bird was taking up residence in a cholla (choi uh) in our front yard. She was fixing up a nest that was probably a cactus wren's former home. Since we noticed the eggs she laid we have been watching and waiting for them to hatch.

We went on a mini-vacation to visit family and when we came back the babies had hatched. (That was yesterday.) The girls are having a hard time not checking on the babies every few minutes. But I told them to leave the mom alone.

Tally was asleep in the car and I was trying to get some things planted while she slept. I asked Rhayn to sit in the front yard and listen for her. I saw Rhayn coming towards me and she said "Mom, can you help me?" I looked up at her and saw this- She was asking me to help her take the chunk'o'cholla out of her head. I, of course, first had to take a picture of her. Then I took a hair pick and flung the cholla out. Then I picked the few other spines out. There was a little bit of blood and it hurt when I pulled it out.

I asked her how that happened. Apparently she was trying to look at the babies and wearing the visor didn't realize how close she was to the cactus.

I feel for her, I know how much it hurts to get a cholla in your arm, I can only imagine how much it hurt in her head! I also giggled quite a lot at the situation.

Old enough for Hogwarts.

Days ago it happened, her birthday came and went. There were gifts to open, including a package from her good friend back in Phoenix. She had a good day at school and we even made cupcakes because she asked for them.

She only asked for a new lava lamp, but we gave her painting supplies since she has been into watercolor painting lately. I love watching the paintings she brings out of her room. She loves it and really that is the best thing.
I wanted to write a long letter to her, and maybe I will. Though I am totally slacking on writing monthly newsletters to Natty, her 11 month-day came and went with little fan fare. Her 1st birthday is sneaking up on us so quickly that I am feeling panicky. And of course there are other big birthdays this year, and turning 35 is hitting me hard. 35 this year. Yikes! My baby sister turned 25 this week it starts the year off, she is 10 years younger than I am, and my mom is 20 years older than me. So the year Brie turned 10, I turned 20 and my mom turned 40.

Anyway this post is supposed to be about Rhayn, not me and my 35 year freak-out.

I wish I could go back to when each of my girls was wee. Especially Rhayn and really take the time to enjoy them all over. Because right now I do not like the older two very much. Rhayn will be 11 on Tuesday. Eleven, two hands plus one, old enough to attend Hogwarts. And some days she acts like she is 5 and other days she acts 13. Other days she is a joy and a huge help.

Gwen is a mess most of the time. This morning she screamed about Natty being in her room for 20 minutes, just repeating "I don't want Natalie in my room!" while sobbing. She then cried "My head hurts!" for an additional 5 minutes. She just became hysterical, which happens far too often. I don't know how to deal with her when she freaks out like that. I feel the way that her dad deals with it is not always helpful, I personally think he makes it worse. He teases her and eventually yells at her because she is totally unreasonable. I don't tease her when she gets worked up like that, because it does nothing but make it worse. And I don't see how that helps her deal with her issues. But he says she is just like him, and maybe what he is doing is the way to deal with her? I don't know.

It would be nice if each child came with a manual. In the manual it would say helpful things like:

"This child is spirited. They will need you to have more patience than you think you have.
This child is going to push all of your buttons regularly.
This child needs time alone to calm down or in order to calm down this child needs to be in a dark room or in a bath or (insert a way to calm down here).
This child is going to do something great. S/he may seem lazy but s/he is always thinking of new ways to solve problems."

How great would that be? Then you would know that these annoying childhood traits are leading to something amazing in adulthood. And maybe you, as the parent, would be able to guide that child to a better path, teach them an easier way to calm down. And most of all, not feel helpless when they are in the middle of a temper tantrum or freak out about their room being messy.

So far this week-

Christmas is almost here. Are we ready? I sure hope so. Yesterday I did a little shopping. I am still not done though- I have a picture to paint, a few hats to knit and caramel to make.

Tonight is the spiral walk at the girls' school. They are only doing it for pre-kindergarten to 4th grade, and Rhayn is sad about that (being in 5th grade). Tomorrow we are going to visit Will's sister and her kids. My children are so lucky to have so many cousins, I only wish we got to see them all more often. Growing up, one of my best friends was my cousin, Hairball. Even now, she is one of my favorite people to go out on the town with.Monday and Tuesday of this week were drizzly and rainy. So nice to have that sort of weather. The girls kept reminding me that this was exactly like our trip to San Diego in 2008. I was grateful for my umbrella, I knew there was a reason it lives in my car year round.

Wednesday night was the school's Winter Concert for 5th to 11th grades. It was well done and we enjoyed it, for the most part. Rhayn sang and sounded lovely. I had heard her practicing for weeks and it was amazing to hear those songs. Natalie didn't freak out quite as much as she did at the Spring Concert. Thank goodness. She was loud and after the concert, Rhayn told me that they could hear her from the stage "singing along" and talking.

Silent Sunday

10 Years ago

While the world watched in horror as the towers fell.
While the world around us changed.
My family sat and waited, while my baby had surgery.
Surgery to close her cleft palate.
And in my heart I prayed then.
And in my heart I pray now.
As we remember that day 10 years ago.
The day that changed our world.

(Doesn't Natalie look just like Rhayn?)

Random Freak Outs.

I feel the panicky feeling I get sometimes, it hits me slowly at first. But after a short time it smacks me with shortness of breath and and overwhelming feeling that life is out of control.

This post is random and all over the place. Here is a picture, before you read all of this crap.
This last year has been such a struggle for me. I have felt let down and disappointed over and over. Natalie's birth was nothing like I wanted it to be and I am still processing it. Of course I love her, and really wouldn't trade her for the boy I thought she was. And she is different than I thought she'd be. I wanted a lump-like baby, but she is busy. She gets all over the place by rolling and she's barely 5 months. She has grown out of her baby clothes quickly and I have donated them as fast as she has done that, because hanging on to them makes me sad. (Though I have a box of my favorite outfits to be given to family.) She wants to eat food, and I didn't want to give her any. I have been putting a little bit of food on her tray and she touches it, and puts it in her mouth. Last night she destroyed a piece of lettuce with just her gums.

The summer zipped by in a flurry of hot, hot days. I had plans for it, but none of them came to fruition.

Gwennie starting kindergarten was great for her. And as I stand on the playground with her in the morning, watching her plan and sweating like crazy, I know I don't want to move her partway through the school year.

And we still don't exactly know what is going on. Will is there, living his geo-bachelor life, coming home on the weekends (when he doesn't have drill in CA). Eventually we will go visit him there some weekends, too. But not yet.

Rhayn is here, and I feel like I am neglecting her, missing out on her. And most of the time she is a great person to talk to. But I take out my frustrations on her, and I feel like a terrible person. No, I am a terrible mom for doing that.

There are moments when our house feels like it is closing in on me. These do not happen often. Thankfully.

First Day of school skirt

On Tuesday we went shopping. Rhayn wanted a skirt for the first day of school. She saw lots of them that she liked. But they were all too short. She's 10, she's not 17. She wanted a Catholic school girl, plaid skirt. She tried on a few others that weren't plaid, but we never found any that she loved and I was ok with.
After quite a few stores I told her that we could sew one for her easily. I had quite a bit of fabric for her to choose from but she didn't love any of it.
Then I thought of a dress I had in the "giveaway bin". I brought that down and asked her if she liked it and if so I showed her how we could modify it, from a dress to a top and skirt. She really liked that idea.
We figured out the length of the skirt and cut it. Then I took a gray t-shirt that I didn't wear any more and sewed a yoga-style waistband. The waistband didn't hold up the skirt and I had to add elastic.
But she is quite pleased with the outcome and it goes nicely with one of the tops she picked out.

You will have to wait for the first day of school for a picture of the outfit.

We have only a few days left before school starts. Although I am totally looking forward to them going, I am also feeling sad and nostalgic. .

Rhayn is going into 5th grade. I clearly remember my own 5th grade year. I started noticing boys in that grade. In fact I recall this one boy- Ray- who was always so nice to me. But I also recall having a sleepover at my best friend's house and for fun we recorded ourselves farting into her cassette player. Over and over again. Classy, eh?

I can't believe she's come so far from this little girl who started Kindergarten 5 years ago (and just because- here is Gwennie 5 years ago!)

Gwennie will be in kindergarten. At this school they go to, its a half day and all play. She is going to have so much fun while she transitions away from being home with me. She has her supplies ready, rubber boots for gardening, slippers to wear in the classroom, a sun hat for outside play, and her first day outfit. She wants to be girly for school. I can not wait to take her first day of school picture!

And I will get to have some time alone with Natalie and coffee dates once a week with my friends.

I need to just take deep breaths and try to live in the moment... because its all going by so fast.

Hall of Flame

On Saturday we celebrated Will being home (for one whole day) by going to the Hall of Flame in Tempe. This is a really cool museum filled with the history of fighting fires. The museum lends you a black binder that tells about all of the displays. We didn't get to read much, because the girls were pressing us forward. I would have liked to read more about some of the more fascinating items.

The museum is set up so that you start by seeing the really old fire fighter things, like hand pulled carts/water pumps. Many from the 1800s. Some were pulled by horses, and of course Gwennie loved the fake horse that they had on display to show how the carts were pulled. She did not like that the horse had no mane, though. See how they use fire hydrants to hold up the chains? Such a cool idea!
This cart was really shiny and had so many things going on. Many of them were much more plain and simple. One room was filled with display cases of helmets, some of the earliest ones were made of leather and sewn together. The helmets were from all over the world and for the past few centuries. Many German and Japanese helmets were included.

There was a real firetruck to climb on and real firefighter clothes and hats to put on. We all dressed up.Even me, I was the chief. Here is one of those trampoline things you see in the movies when the people jump out of burning buildings! So cool.
Towards the end there is a play area for the kids. They had this small fire truck with dress-up clothes in Gwennie's size which she enjoyed a lot more than dressing up in the adult-sized clothes (did I mention those jackets are heavy?) There was a pole (like in the movies) for sliding down. But Rhayn had to show her mad climbing skills by going up to hit a board that was sort of at the top. It must be to stop kids from climbing that pole to the ceiling, since this room also houses fire trucks, so it has vaulted ceilings. Will also had to show his mad skills, though it was a lot easier for him, since he is bigger.
And Gwennie wanted to do it as well. Only it took her a lot of tries before she made it to the top. But she finally did and then she had to show us a few more times.
After the pole climbing, we looked at the wild fire room, and headed out of the museum. I had been craving a curry for a while, with all of the fixings (papadum, chutneys, pakora, raita, soups and kheer) so we headed to Pasand for their buffet. It was delicious and Natalie was well behaved at the restaurant enough that we were all able to enjoy our tasty lunch.

It was a great day out! For dinner, Rhayn made us all her specialty- lemony, pan-seared shrimp with pasta.

Weekly Gratitude

Its Monday again. I want to write a gratitude post, but am struggling a bit with feeling that. Here goes... (Also these are most likely the same things I have been grateful for lately- or pretty close to that.)

We are half way through a tough time. Will is back and forth and all over the place. He is working so hard for the betterment of our family and life. I am grateful for that. I know that someday we'll look back at this stressful part of our life and be thankful for it. (Maybe we'll just be thankful that it is over! But we'll be thankful.)

I hate saying this- but without Rhayn I don't think I would be functioning very well. She helps me by holding Natalie while I get things (like making dinner) done. Though sometimes I resort to wrapping her so that I can get things done. I really like baby wraps. Its really the most comfortable way to "wear" a baby. Though not the easiest.

Gwennie is so funny, this morning she was interrupted while she was telling me a story. When we all settled back in to finish the story- she started with "As I was saying..." and it made me giggle.

Natalie is a show off. When other people are over, including Daddy, she is a joy to be around. Big smiles and laughs, cuteness all. over. the. place. But during the week... she is a pain. Last night was rough, well it was actually early this morning. She was tossing and turning and fussing. If we didn't bedshare I would have been up staring at her because she was making so much noise. Then Gwennie had a nightmare and came in, eyes full of terror and tears. I allowed her to finish out the night with me. (Rhayn often slept with us after a bad dream, also.)

Natalie woke up feeling yucky this morning. She hasn't nursed yet, but she's spit up a few times*. As I was changing her diaper, Rhayn came over and blew a raspberry on her neck. Usually this makes her laugh, instead it made her cry. Rhayn felt awful. Natalie took a while to get over it, continually sobbing while she was tucking her head into my armpit.

*Lily was a huge help and gross, this was the first time she cleaned up the spit up. She usually turns her cold, wet nose up at it. But this morning she slurped it up. It may have been because Natalie spit up on the kitchen floor and not on the carpet? But who knows.

Adjusting

Saturday was Will's 34th birthday. 34 seems old for some reason. (I will be 34 in November.)

After his week in Sierra Vista he drove home Friday night, only to hop on a plane to Philly on Saturday night (actually 1am on Sunday.)

We've discussed a little more about this probable move to SV. And the part I am going to discuss next gives me a funky feeling. For a while at least, he is renting an apartment down there. Sure its only going to be about 6 months that he'll be there without us, but it just feels/sounds wrong.

We are not separating but man does it sound like it. This move is really hard on us both. We've grown in the past few years since he returned from his deployment and I think we rely on one another more than we ever have. I count on his help with the girls often. I really miss that (and him) and he's only been gone for a week.Adjusting to our life here, with him coming and going like a visiting relative, is not going smoothly. Gwennie is having a rough time of it. Her bedtime routine had finally been established and most nights she was asleep around 8, but not anymore. Now she will still be up at 9ish. And she is continuing to wake up before 7. The poor kid is not sleeping well. On Thursday night she flat out REFUSED to sleep, or even stay in her room. At 9 I told her that if I saw her again she would not be going to the movie in the morning. At 9:15 when I had to go back upstairs and talk to her again (this time finding her playing in the toy room) she was informed that she had lost her movie going privilege. Then I spent 30 minutes with her throwing a bit of a fit while she ran up and down the stairs telling me that she didn't want to be near me. At one point she told me that she would "still snuggle with me but she didn't love me anymore since you are so mean". In the morning she was really mad because Rhayn was able to go to the movie with our friend A and her kids.

Rhayn is helping me hold up (or down?) the fort right now. She has taken on a much needed role, but I am trying to allow her to be a kid, just one with more responsibilities. I want to give her an allowance or something to show her how much help she is being to me.

Natalie is "little miss won't take a nap unless mama is holding her" or laying by her. I wonder if it has to do with her super awful diaper rash*. Or if she is sick. On Saturday she had green goop in her left eye and her nose is pretty stuffy (today she has green boogers). I ended up pumping on both Friday and Sunday to relieve a little bit of engorgement because she isn't nursing really well right now. I now have 4 ounces squirreled away for her if she needs it though! She is also considering crawling, when she is having tummy time she practices and goes in circles around and around. She is rarely where she is originally put. She is also working on sounds. She can make loud noises that aren't mad noises more like she is just seeing how loud she can be. She still can't roll from her tummy to her back consistently she has done it once or twice.

*The rash looks worse this morning. And like it has spread. Yesterday morning it looked dry and peeling in the morning and today its bright red and warm. Poor thing.

Gratitude

She is worn out from camping and getting some snuggle time from her cat and baby sister.

This week (or really the last few week since I neglected to do this) I am grateful for-
~Will being home. He's been gone on and off for 2 weeks now, and I am glad he's home, at least for a short while.
~friends who took Rhayn camping with her school since I was unable to.
~Rhayn being home. While she was away this weekend I realized how much of a help she has been to me. I know that she is 10 and sometimes a brat, but more often than not she helps me by holding her sister while I get things done.
~having a weekend with Gwennie. Sure, yaya was here, too, but I really got to spend time with just Gwennie and we enjoyed that.

~baby laughs. Seriously the best. thing. ever. Yaya laughed yesterday, multiple times, while being tickled. She also saw her big sister, Rhayn (who had been gone all weekend, remember?) and laughed at her and gave her the biggest circle smile ever.She wants to sit up and see the world, my sweet little busy baby.

Of Boogers and Violins

Sweet baby girl is sick. I thought at first it was like an allergy thing, she was just a little stuffy. But now its gotten worse, and she's having trouble nursing. She threw up last night (NOT spit up, I know the difference, spit up doesn't come flying out and cover the chair like that) but that isn't uncommon for her. It makes me worry a bit. Of course this time, Googling projectile vomiting in a breastfed baby has calmed me. But still I plan on bringing it up at her next doctor visit. While I had planned to do today. I don't want to take her in feeling sick and expose her to even more illnesses.

I have a lot that I had planned to get done today. Instead I am holding her while she sleeps. I put her down, get 10 or 15 minutes of work done and she cries. Not just a little cry either. Then I have to hold her until she calms down and I can put her down again. Sigh. I am tired. She also was up much of the night fussing, well not awake fussing, sleep fussing.
Last night was Rhayn's spring concert. Rhayn looked beautiful for it (if only she would have smiled for me, she was mad that I made her stop to take a picture when her friends were calling her and we were running late as it was, 5 whole minutes late!). We had a great seat. Yaya was asleep through the pre-concert. But when they dimmed the lights and started, she cried. Her bottom lip popped out and she starting saying "wah wah wah" like a movie baby cry. She and I went out to the lobby and paced for a long time. I tried nursing her but no, she didn't want to do that. I was able to sneak in to the hall long enough to watch Rhayn's class perform "Shortnin' bread" on the violin, though they did 2 other songs. I didn't get to see those. The performance was split up into musical instruments and then singing. So after the 4th grade class played the violin they left the stage until the 5-8th grades had played their instruments. Then they came back on to sing. (The idea being that the put chairs out for the instrument part and stands for the singing part.) Gwennie was sitting with some friends, luckily its a small school and I know almost everyone and I knew she was safe.

Thanks to our good friend, S holding Yaya while Rhayn sang I was able to watch and also able to grab her at the end of their performance and leave. I wouldn't have minded staying, but with Little Miss Fusspot, my body was physically exhausted.

I have had to use the bulb syringe on poor little baby girl so many times in the last few days. I hate it, she hates it. But I am not willing to buy one of these- The Nose Frida (how gross does that look?) I really hope to get a nap this afternoon, and I am so very grateful that it is friday.