Yearly Rituals

Why does the beginning of the new year mean our family (more precisely Gwennie Goo) catches a cold?
Last year it wasn't on New Years Eve but the year before it was.

Everyone seems to be feeling a little better this evening, but it stinks having to stay home tonight. Not that we have ever been big party people. Besides meeting Will at a party, he and I hardly ever attend them. With the illnesses I haven't even started Gwen's monthly newsletter or Rhayn's either.

Will gave me his old computer, well his old two computer's ago box. But it is an upgrade from mine. It is driving me crazy. It has three yes, THREE fans inside and it is so freakin' loud that I want to scream. It also doesn't fit nicely under my desk like mine did. This means my desk is no longer nicely against the wall. That is driving me bonkers. I will have to spend tomorrow rearranging my desk to find a way I can live with it. And having Will remove a fan or two, I just don't like the noise. I like quiet...

Definitely no trip for us.
Rhayn is sneezing and her nose is dripping. Gwennie was acting a little out of sorts but at four she fell asleep on the couch and I noticed she was warm. I took her temperature and it was 101.7 F. She basically snuggled on the couch with me the rest of the day. Rhayn also has an elevated temperature and wanted to snuggle on the couch, too.

Sigh, let us just hope that the morning brings better feeling kids.

Den of Illness

We are all sick. Well maybe Gwennie isn't. But I am, Will is, and Rhayn has a water faucet for a nose. This is putting a damper on our annual trip to visit Will's brother. Usually we welcome the new year at their house (where we actually make it to midnight, versus at home where we totally fall asleep at ten.) I still want to go, and keep thinking- this illness isn't too bad, is it? Chances are they won't get it, right?

Yet, I would be mad if they brought an illness to our house. Their house is so sunny and airy and it feels like germs don't live in every speck of dust like they do at our house.

Sigh, so we will see. Cross your fingers that we all feel like new people by this afternoon, ok?

It is taking nearly every bit of energy I have at the moment to sit up and write this post.

I have a mini cold, its been dragging on and making me feel quite sneezy and drippy. Then yesterday I was visited by auras- they often hit before a migraine. My vision became foggy. All I want to do is sleep. I have basically been dozing on the couch since yesterday around four pm.

This afternoon I popped up to my computer (haha I wish it were that simple) to check my email, and didn't have any thing that was too exciting. So I figured I would spend a few minutes talking about this illness. I suppose it could be a flu, but I am not sure. All I know is that the couch is calling my name, and as soon as Will gets home, I will be in my bed, in the quiet and solitude of the bedroom. Ah, no yelling girls, nothing but quiet.

Advent Calendar

Usually we make an advent calendar using leftover Halloween candy. This year there was enough left over candy to make like five calendars. However, Target had these and they were so cute, that I had to buy them. This is the booty that came in it. Some of the days it was only a bow or a cardboard present. Other days a snow bunny was inside. They girls really liked these.

Curry and Lights

It was curry night.
We used to go out for curry on Christmas Eve, then drive around and look at lights. We decided that this year we wouldn't do that. I can not remember what we did last year.

We ate at our favorite Indian restaurant. Their food made me salivate throughout being pregnant with Gwennie. I would crave the raita and chutneys. I would easily put away two servings of raita at one sitting. (It is mostly yogurt with some vegetables, so I suppose there worse things to crave, like Big Macs.) Tonight the food was spicy but so delicious.

After the meal, we drove around Will's old stomping ground looking at Christmas lights. Will even told me I am allowed to buy up to $100 worth of clearance lights for next year. And He. Will. Put. Them. Up. Hooray! I attempted lights this year, and it is just sad. For one thing, our tree is still a baby and looks sad with lights on it. And well, I am just not good at it. In my family it was the guys' job to decorate the outside of the house with lights. So next year, maybe we will have a nicely lit up house.

Temple Lights

Madder and Grandma

Gwennie and Grandpa

Will and Ender, discussing what I can only imagine is World of Warcraft and the many hours spent playing.

Gwennie and Madder in awe of the Shepards, look at the Sheep!

Have a Dairy Misscuss!

Do you feel like you have forgotten something? You have all the gifts bought and wrapped. The stocking stuffers are safely hidden away. Santa gifts are even wrapped and hidden away. So what is missing from the list?

Everything is ready, so why don't I feel like I am?

For one, we haven't been to the Temple Lights yet. We have that planned for tonight. We made a night weeks ago, but it poured rain all night so we had to reschedule. I always feel a strong desire to attend church the Sunday before Christmas. I guess to reconnect with Jesus and the true reason for the season.

I want to listen to my Dad reading the Nativity story right out of the Holy Bible. I miss acting out the Nativity with my family. We don't do that (having no boys.) Maybe I can have my mom record my Dad reading it, or maybe call and she can put him on speaker phone so my girls can listen to their Grandpa reading. I don't know I just feel like I need that on Christmas Eve to make it feel... right.

It doesn't help that this year I am sick (oh lovely cold, how I despise you.) My head is awash in liquidy, sloshiness. It isn't awful enough to sleep all day but its not nice.

Today was Rhayn's last day of school for 2007. She is getting excited, but for me, it is most exciting to not have to get up and dressed and drive her to school in the chilly morning. I am really looking forward to trying to sleep in tomorrow, then getting up and baking my butt off. It is time for some tasty bread! I just finished some sugar cookie dough. That has to refrigerate for at least 3 hours, and will be perfect tomorrow when I want to make them. I bought a prebaked gingerbread house kit at Costco. Sad, but Will and I did make it from scratch one year and it was WAY too much trouble. So we decided that was not worth it and the kit is perfect.

(Look how many labels this post has! Wow!)

Rhayn's school had a winter concert this evening. The first graders recited a verse and counted and sang a song.
There were a lot of nice elements to it. However as a whole, the festivities went on far too long (we came home around nine.)
I think that it was much to late in the evening for my little first grader. But look how cute she is when she curtsies!

A Table for Eleven

Yesterday Ender and his girlfriend flew in to the valley. A good chunk of the family was able to make it to the airport to pick him up. Then we headed over to the bed warehouse to pick up my mom and dad's new mattress. After a short discussion we headed to Macayo's to eat.

Madders loves to dip, especially chips in salsa. Then again, she gladly was licking the salsa off of the plate!
Gwennie Goo was fascinated by the giant parrots that adorn the ceiling. (That is Ender beside my mom. He wouldn't look at me in typical man fashion. So I was unable to get a picture of him.) Jesse tells a mean story. (And Gwennie continues to point at the birdies!)

After dinner, we were getting ready to leave. I was holding Madders. I stepped under one of the parrots. I told her the giant bird would poop on her head. I know that Gwen would have laughed. Madders became concerned. She put her hand up and glanced at the fake bird in fear. I told dacheese what I did and she told me Madders gets worked up about things like that, she worries. Then I felt badly about telling Madders that the bird would poop on her. (It didn't stop me from standing under various other giant fake birds while Madders put her hood on and cringed. Poor baby! Bad Auntie!)

Mama Monday #2 Notice

Notice.

Thanks Amy, for another inspiring word.

I have always heard that you notice more with your first child. You notice when they first walk and every little thing they do. However, I didn't. I have written down each and nearly every little silly thing Gwennie Goo does, but have little written about Rhayn.

Why? I was a young whipper snapper when Rhayn was born. My life was a mess. Will and I were not together, I lived with my parents. I was not in a place to be a mama. Yet, I was. I needed to pull myself out of teenager thinking (I hadn't be a teenager for a few years.) I needed to get myself together.

With Gwennie,we tried to make her. We talked and planned and it was the "right time." I noticed little things about my pregnant body from the get go. I read and asked questions. I made friends in the birth community. When she was born, I knew how fast it would go by. So I noticed the little things, I wrote them down. I knew that I would not always remember when her first tooth came in. I can look back at my blog and find it fairly easily. I love that I have so much written about Gwennie, however I feel like I neglect to notice Rhayn sometimes.

But I am determined to stop that. While I am at it, I am going to take notice of the other little things, like when Will cleans or makes dinner.

I am going to stop and smell the roses, just because.

My week in a Big Nutshell

What a busy week. Monday I had a friend over and we worked on her two dolls. She is coming over again this coming Monday hopefully to complete them.

Tuesday I went and did a bit of shopping and in the afternoon we had a parent social and potluck at Rhayn's school for the first graders.

Wednesday was handwork.

Thursday I planned to drive to my mom's house to help her paint her bedroom. I had asked one of Rhayn's friend's mom's if Rhayn could go to her house for a few hours after school. She replied that it would be great and M would love to have Rhayn over. So I packed up and headed to paint. Will told me that morning that his supervisor was planning on letting him out of work early so he wanted to get Rhayn and they would go shopping for my Christmas present. (But the supervisor is flakey and has said stuff like that before and not let him out of there before five.)
My mom and I painted, and finished up. We rearranged the bedroom in our minds and discussed how the bed should be in a different place than it had been for the past fifteen years.
At four Will called to ask me if I was going to be home for dinner, because he and Rhayn were out shopping and wanted to go and get Chinese food. I told them have fun and decided to stay at my parents house longer to help more.

On Friday, Will had the day off. I was planning on doing my final Christmas shopping. However my mom called. Their waterbed was not going to be fixable, so she was headed to the valley to go bed shopping. I invited myself along. But first had Will call his friend, C (who works at a bed store) to see what he said about bed. He, of course, said to come to his store. Now I won't tell you exactly where he works, let just say that the far North North East valley is a very pretty (and pricey) place! Mom and I went into about four different store, and looked at a variety of bed. Most of the nice ones ranged over fifteen hundred. We found the perfect bed, and C's store, and he gave my mom a screaming deal. Only it won't be in until Tuesday. It was such a nice bed, that my mom was willing to sleep on her futon mattress for a few more nights, just to sleep on that bed for the next twenty years! Beds are worth (in my mind) spending more money on because of the amount of time you spend in it.

Anyway by now it is three and I had Will pick Rhayn up from school. Mom and I meet my Dad at Lowe's to look at doors. Their back door is letting in the cold and in the summer lets in the heat. But my mom wants a nice low-E glass door. With NO crosses. She has looked everywhere. They find the perfect door at Lowe's.

At around four, I am finally back at my car. I call Will to ask if he wants In and Out. (Of course.) Which I pick up on the way home. I think it was almost 5:30 when I walked in the door. Rhayn reminds me that they have something at her school that night. (We needed to be there at 5:45.) So we eat quickly and out the door we go.

At 6:45 we are home, and get ready for bed. We read our chapters in The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. And I finally was able to relax. What a week! I am exhausted. But hopefully will get to do a tiny bit of that sans children Christmas shopping I had planned for yesterday. Because I didn't get ANY done. I had a great time with my Mom these past two days. It seems like I never get to spend time with her. There are always so many people around. So it was a special treat.

As for right now, Will has made some french toast and I am headed down there to eat it. Yum!

Brrr

Not made for cold weather and totally in need of a doggy sweater (and yes I bought her one today. I want to knit one, but haven't been to a store to buy the yarn. Maybe after Christmas.)

Mama Monday #1 ~Door

Thanks to Amy for starting up a new tradition. Mama Monday. I know its Tuesday, and I know that chances are I will post these every Tuesday, but I want to be a part of it none-the-less!

Door-
I am opening the door to my soul slowly. I am trying to let others in. I want people to know me and to know that the door works both ways. I want them to find me easy to talk to and easy to get along with.

This is hard for me. I have had my door shut and locked for so long that it is stuck. I need WD-40 on the hinges to allow it to easy swing open. But with each time I open it, the squeak lessens and the door opens more easily.

This blog is one way I have opened that door. With it I allow parts of myself I would normally hide away to see the light. Even though I know people, like my mom and sister and cousins read it. It has allowed me to say things I normally wouldn't say. This has carried over into real life.

The part of me that compliments and tells people that I am glad to see them is open. It swings easily to allow me to say these things in emails and comments as well as to their face. It also allows me to accept these in return.

The door to my self was a giant heavy metal door, with multiple locks and only one key. That door is gone and hopefully soon it will have a nice glass door in its place. Maybe I will keep a wooden door behind it just in case I need to be alone. But I hope to leave it open and clear and free most of the time.

Niacin Flush?

Apparently I am sensitive to Niacin. I bought some multivitamins a while ago, and they came come with a mail-in certificate to receive a sample of one of their other products. I chose the Energy Caps, because who doesn't need more energy (besides a two year old!) They came in the mail a few days ago. I tried one this morning for the first time. About thirty minutes after taking the pill, my face turned bright red and itchy and I was uncomfortable. On the package it says taking more than one pill will result in a "Niacin Flush." It was scary, because for one, I was driving when it hit me. I didn't think one would make me turn as red and hot as that. Second I was no where near home. You can't see how really red I was in this picture. My arms were red and splotchy! I looked like a red- head who was working out! It was crazy. It says this is normal and beneficial. I didn't like it. Maybe if I was home it wouldn't be as bad. I just figured these are basically a B-complex vitamin mix. Not anything special. But I guess this particular type of niacin can cause this, while the niacin in regular vitamins does not.

I think I will wait a few days to try another- like maybe a week or two. Maybe Saturday when I have nothing going on and I am not leaving my house...

(Notice the sleeping kiddo in the back seat. Yeah she woke up really early because she was coughing so hard. Poor thing I think she is sick again, and working on her lower right two-year molar. Such fun times!)

Jenny has new friends! Becky and Mandy have come to join us. Won't the girls LOVE these gifts? Still deciding if Santa or I will bring these precious gifts. Mandy even has shoes and a hat! (She isn't the first release but she is so cool!) You can tell these little ladies were not as loved as Jenny was. They are clean and their hair wasn't nearly the mess Jenny's is (even though I combed it!)
I am so excited for Christmas. Gwennie already loves these little ladies. But who wouldn't (I know Hairball- you and Alex's Human don't like dolls, but these are VINTAGE collectible dolls. And I have had Jenny since I was a baby.)

Cold, Cold Wet Day

"The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold wet day."
We waited for Grandma.
We sat there, we two.
We watched and we waited
For something to do.

I read. A. Lot. Lately I have been reading blogs, trying to find others who speak my soul song. Someone who thinks and feels like I do. Because honestly lately I have been feeling so lost in my own monotonously bland world.

A link from a blog I visit often sent me to a blog of a woman I have mentioned on here before. She is yet another person I look up to, and wish I could be. She fascinates me and let me tell you, she is beautiful on top of that. As I read her blog, the words that she writes hit that part of my soul that longs for a partner, or a feeling of truly knowing oneself.

Then, I came across this poem that she wrote. I read it the first time, and felt tears, I read it the second time, out loud, and cried. She wrote the thoughts in my very soul. She wrote what I most need to say to myself.

i will own it.

If only she knew how much she inspires me, and how much I am sure that she inspires others. I only wish that I inspired people in such a positive way. I wish that I wasn't afraid to be me, to feel what I feel, and most of all, say what is in my heart. But I will continue to be timid and cautious for that is me, and maybe instead of changing ME and longing to be someone other than that, I should embrace ME, the good parts along with the not so great.
I will
"revel in every
soft/curvy
hard/angular
perfect/imperfect
inch of it"

Rhayny Day #1

I love Rhayn. She is such an affectionate girl.

If there is any occasion for gifts (and even for no reason) she will rush up to her room and search and sketch and come down moments later with a gift bag of her treasures that she wants to share. This happened on my birthday. She hadn't given me a present, and after seeing the flowers that Will gave me, she disappeared for a time to return with a gift bag of pictures, her jewels, rocks, and a note that said "Rhayn" across the top with some hearts and "momm" on the middle (no not a mistype- it said momm, with no Y.)

I love these silly gifts, but sometimes I neglect to let her know. I forget to show her how I feel and maybe I alienate her while doing that. I will think back on the sweet things she does and smile. That day she went outside and cleaned up ALL the dog poop, that was great. The way she puts her own clothes away sometimes without me asking. How she loves to tidy up, arranging items on a table top to make the room pretty. All of these things make her Her, and make me love her that much more.

I realized that I write about Gwen once a month (alright- really like every other day) and I post about how fun she is and how I just sit and watch her. What about Rhayn? It isn't that I don't love her just as much, it is that I missed out on the bond I have with Gwen. Maybe it is because she didn't breastfeed, maybe it is because she is old enough that she doesn't "need" me, maybe it is because she nolonger co-sleeps with me. All I know is that I HATE it.

I hate how I feel towards her sometimes, like I neglect her and her specialness. So I am starting my "Rhayny Day" posts. It just so happens that she was born on the sixth of the month. So it seemed a fitting day to start these. Hopefully I will write these monthly. I need to. I need to celebrate Rhayn. Before she is a teenager and then? Well, maybe these will be a nice reminder of how great a kid she really was.

Yoga to Sleep

Do you ever have a night where your mind will not rest? So many thoughts cloud your head and you can not find respite. The clocks ticks and tocks as you think "alright now I will only get 7/6/5/4 hours of sleep if I fall asleep this moment." Yet your brain continues to process information, memories long forgotten pop into your head. You wonder about some old friend.

Finally you begin to doze off, and something happens, a loud noise outside, a crying child, and suddenly you are fully awake again. Another hour of thoughts, feelings, ideas, lists.

Is it just me? This happens rarely, but last night it hit me full force. I was still wide eyed at one in the morning. My brain was in full rotation. I thought of all the things I would like to do this Christmas season, and if Will wasn't fast asleep in the room with me, I would have been at the computer compiling those lists. Instead I lay supine for a time, then on my left side, my right side, my stomach, fetal position, just trying to find the one that would allow me sleep.

Sometime after midnight, I got out of bed and did a little yoga. I had tried deep breathing, and conscious breathing, but that didn't fully relax me. I tried basic leg stretches, Child's Pose, and Plow Pose. I think that did the trick because I was able to finally sleep after that (with five hours of sleep.)

It is now nine and I am just about to climb into bed. I only hope that last night's lack of sleep will allow me to sleep well tonight.

Sewing

Last month I posted a link to a pattern that I wanted to try out. I had purchased fabric and actually sat down and whipped two dresses in no time. I tied a bit of extra fabric around Gwen's waist to make an X, and wow! It was the easiest pattern ever.

I can not wait for Rhayn to open this gift on Christmas. I have had a hard time NOT giving it to her already.

A while ago a women came and did a Waldorf Doll making workshop at the school. I didn't get to go, but I purchased a kit from the office. As I spent the morning feeling ill if I was up walking around (bad migraine) I thought I would get my mind off it of a little by starting the doll. I actually finished him/her! All he/she needs are clothes and a name. She/he is going to be a gift for Grandma C this Christmas.

Sweet!

One of the moms at Rhayn's school, P and I were talking last week. She had started using bareMinerals and loved it. She has, as she put it, a six month supply. Being a similar skin tone to her, she said she would give me some to try. How cool is that? I am excited to see how I like it. I have heard great things about it. (Not just from her!)

I haven't ever really noticed a need for foundation, until probably last year. My skin isn't as fresh and smooth and perfect as it was when I was, ahem, twenty. So I had bought some awful foundation that I use when I know a lot of pictures will be taken, or when I am feeling not so pretty. It is alright, the coverage is fine, but I feel like I am wearing a mask.

Give me a few days, and I will probably be singing the praises of this, and making my mom order it! (Mom, I think you should try it out, too!) So, if you read this P, Thank you! I appreciate it more than you know.

Update on our weekend.

The sun shines brightly today. I miss the clouds and rain already. It was however a great day for a quick trip to the zoo to attempt to get a few decent pictures for the family photo card.

Yesterday was jam packed until about 1500. We spent the morning making cookies for a holiday party for Will's Army squad (not sure if that is the correct term.) Then at ten we headed to Rhayn's school to check out the wares at the Winter Faire. As we stood in line to look at something it poured on us. It was cold and damp all day. (In this picture of Gwennie Goo she is wearing a super cute sweater knitted for her by a great cousin. It finally fits her, and just in time for cool desert days! And luckily the gnomey hat still fits, too! Thanks! She loves her sweater.)

At noon we needed to be on Base. The party started then. The poor girls were hungry and we had to wait to eat. But the party was fun, the white elephant gift exchange was a riot. They said it was better the year before, with everyone trying to get a Kevin Federline CD, this year there was only one steal. We ended up with some fruity vodka and martini glasses. Not too bad, at least the glasses are nice.

At home we spent the evening relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We do not get to do that very often.

Steady Rain

Delicious.
That word sums up the feeling that yesterday's storm gives me. The whole of Phoenix is awash in puddles and mud. The dust and pollen that filled the air two days ago has been beaten down with at least ten hours of steady drizzle.

It all started around one p.m. yesterday. Really it started when I awoke and let Lily out to pee. The air had that smell of imminent rain. The breeze had a humid feel to it. I could feel my soul rejoicing, my inner water baby swimming in the prospect of a rainy day.

By 2, the water pouring out of the sky, I sat at the school. We were decorating for the school's Winter Faire. We waited, watching the playground become a pool, watching kids run barefoot, gleefully, singing, playing, happy.

So cleansing.
So refreshing.
Desert Rain.