Darker

Taken just before I started dying it.

I've been contemplating my hair again. I am happy with the length but the color was dull to me. I had gotten highlights in November that had slowly faded to a blondish dull color. In the sun, it was pretty, but in the morning when I stare at myself in the mirror it just was blah. Will has told me that although he liked the color he really prefers my hair nearly black. I like golden colors and chose a box of Natural Instincts called "Golden Cappuccino." It is a new color, one I had never used before. Usually when I want to go back to dark I have used "Clove" or "Nutmeg" I've been using Nutmeg to darken my hair since high school in fact. What I like most about the Natural Instincts brand dye is that it is semi-permanent. Over the course of a few weeks it fades to close to my natural color, it gives a quick (taking only 10 minutes) boost of color.

On Friday, after drop off and my weekly cup of coffee with a friend, I decided it was time. Gwennie and I set up in the bathroom and she watched while I saturated my hair. She waited patiently while I rinsed it out. Then when I looked in the mirror, I was stunned. I had had the lighter color long enough that this new dark color was a bit of a shock. Plus, it was not at all the same color as the box. Its pretty, don't get me wrong, its just more red and darker.

(Please excuse the zit on my cheek.)

I did get a lot of compliments on it, Will told me he likes it and that he really does prefer my hair dark. But every time I look in the mirror its a little shocking. I am sure that over the next few days I will get used to it, and then finally I will not even notice it.


(No, I was not sponsored or paid for this post. I really just love this product!)

Pyramids

Rhayn ready for her presentation this morning.

Today Rhayn has her very first presentation at school. In third grade they learn about shelters and building. The teacher asked them all to pick a structure and build it, then give a short (1-5 minute) presentation on it.

Rhayn chose a pyramid. We discussed different ways to make it. We picked Styrofoam blocks (because of ease) and hot glue. She was also able to use a sphinx statue that Will had been given.

Last night Will sat down with her and helped her plan out her presentation since that is his expertise. (That is part of his job with the mobile public affairs detachment with the National Guard.) I took a bath while they worked and when I came downstairs they had set up a little show. She practiced her speech and composure. It was so cute, to see. Then we filmed it so she could watch it (I tried to upload it but after 30 minutes it just wasn't happening.) After that she took a shower, repeating her presentation over and over. She picked her outfit and was ready to go to bed. She was nervous but excited this morning when I took her to school.

Clarification

According to Will my blog post yesterday wasn't clear. He asked me if I was preggers when I came home from Rhayn's ballet class.

I am not pregnant. Not yet. I just wanted to clear the air. We are trying to get in the family way, but we aren't yet. This is the obsessive part for me. I keep looking at when I should ovulate and imagining that baby its birth and all of the things about it (possibly having brown eyes? One can hope!) Its also the fun part (*wink wink.)

I've got the fevah.

These may be something exciting in the works at our house.

Before Will left for Iraq he told me that he was positively done having children. He wanted to start the next phase of our life complete with travel and weekends away from our kids. But not long after he came home, he was talking about getting a new vehicle. Sure I figured it was because with two fifty plus pound dogs we don't really fit in either of our current vehicles comfortably for a long trip. But then he dropped the "in case our family expands" bomb.

I had spent the entire year he was gone coming to terms with being a mother of two girls. I had mourned the loss of a third child and although everyone around me seemed to be getting knocked up, I was finally feeling maybe okay with that. Then this? But he wasn't willing to try to get pregnant at that point. I had time to process this, and obsess and wonder and think.

Fast forward a few months. I had been thinking in terms of our future. Our seventh anniversary looms on the horizon. If we got pregnant now, the child would be two by our tenth and we could possibly leave him/her overnight to celebrate. Gwennie will be at least five by the time a new baby is born. That is a big gap, bigger than I had wanted. We'll be starting over from scratch because I got rid of almost all of our baby stuff while he was gone. I worked up the courage to talk to him about it. Its a difficult subject to approach because I wasn't sure if he was still thinking that way. I told him my reasons for doing it now and not waiting. Another one being age, sure I am only 32, but in a few years I will be 35. Rhayn is the same age I was when my mom was pregnant with my little sister. Its a decent age gap but it stretches all of the time. This month is a good one, we'd be due the end of October, then next month the due date would be around my birthday. That would be alright with me. I, of course, do not want a Christmas baby and I didn't want a baby due around either of my girls' birthdays.

It looks like, this might be a reality. I have held off on writing about it, simply because it feels so new and exciting, but I want to chronicle this journey, like I have with so many before. I want to remember all of this, because this will be the last one. After this, we will take permanent steps to keep from adding to the family. (We haven't fully decided if it will be me or him going under the knife, but I am trying to push for him.) I am so excited that he and I are both feeling and thinking the same way. I look forward to the process. I can't wait to get started.

New Sink

Whenever we do projects, it seems that the amount of time we expect to need always ends up being doubled. The sink project was no different, although it wasn't a difficult project.

Our old sink, the one I hated. So shallow, the faucet so low we constantly had to pull it out to fit a pan under it and usually ended up with water sprayed all over our shirts.

Its out. There is some damage to the back of the counter from shoddy installation by the home builders. They didn't put silicon under the sink, it wasn't water tight and you can see the discoloration on the back from six years of use.

Testing the sink and looking at where the pipes will go.

Not exactly sure what this expression is or what he is doing with our garbage disposal.

The caulking needs to cure for 24 hours. We could use it, but had to be careful.

Finally installed, and fully usable, yes! The depth is perfect, the faucet height is wonderful. I am pleased.

* If you ever install a sink, feel free to use as much plumber's putty as you want on the drains, when you tighten them it will squeeze out. Then you will have it back and its better to overdo that, than to underdo it.

Will ran into Lowe's and saw the display model of the Kohler sink we'd been looking at for months for $79 (marked down from $250) and we were both very unhappy. It was a cast iron sink, and we ended up with an enameled steel sink.

Night Terrors

Last night Will and I were watching The Proposal. The girls had gone to bed, although Gwennie wasn't happy about being "all alone upstairs". She was whimpering but finally fell asleep. I kept checking on her. At about 9:30 we went to bed, yes I know early, but we've found that we like mornings better than nights. (Plus, you know, the army has a part in that.)

I moved Gwennie into her bed, trying carefully not to wake her up. But she started crying and I lay with her to calm her down. She fell back asleep and I slid out of her bed and back into mine. It wasn't an hour later that she started crying again. This time she wasn't even the littlest bit awake. She was having a nightmare that bordered on a night terror. I brought her back to my bed. Rhayn used to have night terrors occasionally, she would whimper and cry but wouldn't really be awake. Nothing fully woke her from them either, and I would just sit by and make sure she couldn't hurt herself.

Gwennie had three or four of the nightmare/terrors last night. During one of them she was crying out (very clearly) "Mama, I can't dry horses! I can't dry horses! I can't dry horses!" ("Dry" is how she says "draw", meaning she can't draw them, its one of the things she whines about all of the time.) The other times she spoke weren't quite so clear. Maybe one or two words would be clear but nothing that I remembered in the morning.

I remember her crying, and looking at the clock, it was 3:30am, luckily that was the last time she did it.

At 7ish I came downstairs. At 8ish Gwennie woke up, crying. It was not a good start of the day. In fact she had a terrible day. Nothing made her happy and she was rotten. I even made her take a nap but she woke up not twenty minutes after I came downstairs (because I left her). She cried because she was alone, she cried because she didn't want to eat, Wonderpets wasn't loud enough and she was cold but she didn't want me to hold her. It was just a long day.

All the while Will was installing our new sink (picture post tomorrow) Gwennie was fussing and grumping and just being a miserable little brat. She was like that on Friday, too (although not to that extent). I think she is still getting over her flu, but maybe it is something else. I can hope that it'll get better soon because the separation anxiety and foul temper are not pleasant and its making us all miserable.

Corners, Where we sleep

This is my nightstand, and shelf to hold the books I want to read or am reading. The one on the nightstand itself is the one I am currently reading (called Need by Carrie Jones).

Will and my bed, although ask him and he'll say its mine only. That, however, is a discussion for another day.

Gwennie's corner. This is in the corner of the master bedroom. She spends part of her night here. As in she falls asleep in my bed, I move her when I go to bed. Then sometime around 3 or 4 she climbs back into bed with me.
*She shares our room because she is afraid of the dark. I tried to move her into Rhayn's room but they fought until late into the night. We do have 2 other bedrooms, well one is an office and one is a guest/storage room. Someday she'll move into her own room.

Rhayn's bed. Unmade and messy. She is nearly 9 you know.

Dog crates. Penny invited herself upstairs and was put in her crate because of it.

When 15 minutes changes your day's plans.

For nearly five days I battled a migraine. For five days, I gave in and took migraine medicine (in the form of generic Excedrin migraine.) On the first day it was on my right, throbbing painfully, making me feel queasy. On the second day it was still there. The third day it swooped slowly across to settle into my left temple by the fourth day. On Monday, day five, it lingered, just a hint of it. I chose to continue treating it well into the afternoon, taking a last does of the migraine medicine sometime around 8pm.

And then, I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned in bed until midnight when I slithered down stairs trying not to wake the sleeping dogs in their crates. I made up a bed on the couch before I turned on the television, and watched a few hours of Friends, before finally fading around two or so.

At 6, Will got up. He hits the button on the coffee grinder, and let the dogs out to pee. He turned on the morning news. I slowly woke up, wishing for more sleep. But decided to get up anyway. I brewed my cup of tea. At a few inutes before seven, I made breakfast for the girls, then went upstairs to wake them up.

In Rhayn's room, I said "Wake up!" and turned on the light, then gave Gwennie a quick kiss on the cheek, as Daddy usually brings her down when he is finished getting ready for work. I figure I will get them settled into breakfast before I head up to take a quick shower. I am watching Gwennie's friend today.

Rhayn hasn't come down, so I went back up and found her crying in her bed. "My head and throat hurts," she whimpered. I felt her forehead, it was warm. "Come down stairs and have some tea and I will take your temperature." We got downstairs and I took it, 100.3.

Will came down, but didn't have Gwennie. She didn't want to come down. He ran back up to say bye to her, and by the time he is down again, she was sitting at the top of the stairs, crying. I told her that she needed to get downstairs quickly because Daddy is leaving and I know she needs a hug before he goes. She scooted quickly down crying the whole time but got her hug and seemed a little happier.

By now its just after seven, I knew I had to call to let Gwennie's friend's mom know that I can't watch L, but I am not sure if its too early, and I had to call the school to let them know that Rhayn will not be at school.

Now its nearly eight and both girls are on the couch, snuggled under blankets with cups of rooibos tea near them. Gwennie said her throat still hurts. (She was complaining of that last night.) It is going to be a long day.

*Update, its nearly 9 now, and Rhayn has already vomited once. Sigh. She seems to be alright laying on the couch resting.

*Update again, its 2pm. They have both been sick and even with tylenol the fevers are hovering around 100. Is this the dreaded swine flu? Has H1N1 entered our home?

In Honor of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I read a news article a while back about race. Even Babies Discriminate (Newsweek; September 5, 2009.) Read it, its a really good article.

"We all want our children to be unintimidated by differences and have the social skills necessary for a diverse world. The question is, do we make it worse, or do we make it better, by calling attention to race?"

I know that I am guilty of what the article talks about. I have shushed my children when they talked about someone with a different skin color. I have glossed over it, thinking that by ignoring skin color I was teaching them that there is not a difference. Instead am I harming them? I remember clearly, when Rhayn was young, she told me that "those people (pointing to a group of African-Americans on TV) say 'yo"." That is what she had picked up from television, it was how she distinguished between them and us. Instead of have a frank discussion with her about race at that point, I swept it under the rug.

I am trying to find ways to explain race to my kids, luckily for me (and all the the United States of America) we have a president whose very being opens us to these discussions. We see his picture on everything and every time, it is a segue into a discussion that yes, his skin is a different color than ours, but he is just like us. Maybe they will understand equality better than we do, and that makes the future shine brightly.

And of course an obligatory link to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" Speech because I listened to this on NPR this afternoon and it was what sparked this post. Listen to it, and feel yourself be inspired to talk to your children.

Our Night Out

My mom came up yesterday to take the girls home for the night. Will and I hadn't had a date night since November when we went to the marriage seminar.

While he worked on the patio cover roof, trying to get it done before this big storm is set to hit the southwest, I took the girls to meet my mom. Then we both took a short nap before we went out.

The thing that sucks most about having a date night, is that often we have no idea of what to do. I mean of course there is dinner and a movie, or walking at the park. We need new ideas. Last night was a variation on that theme. We went out for dinner, originally I had planned for us to enjoy cheese fondue at the Melting Pot before our next step (which we would determine during the cheese course.) Instead after our arrival at the Melting Pot, we decided to enjoy a whole meal there. It was really pleasant, albeit a little warm in the booth. Will said that those intimate booths are not the place to take a fresh from Iraq soldier. He worked through the feeling and I think we had a good time.

The cheese is my favorite part, cheddar and beer is good, dipping crisp apple and bread in it is also good. The dinner, well I think if we went back we would skip that. Although the broccoli was exceptionally tasty. We had to finish off with chocolate fondue. I chose the yin and yang, an artfully blended white and dark chocolate mix. (No, I didn't take a single picture, what is wrong with me?) We both agreed that the strawberries dipped in the chocolate were delectable.

We discussed what to do next, I would have liked to see The Lovely Bones, but he would have fallen asleep during the movie. We chose to go to Target (variation on the walk around the park.) We hadn't been to Target together in a while, possibly since he's been back, but we couldn't remember. He found some shirts for running, and we bought a gift for Rhayn's upcoming birthday. Most of all it was nice being in each other's company.

We left Target about 8pm, and headed home. I know, it was an early night. So? We went home and watched television for a short while before going to bed. I prefer to keep our routine, not varying from it too much, because the dogs get up at 6 AM no matter what time we go to bed.

All in all, it was a nice night, and today we have been working on the roof of the patio cover, and also took a trip to Lowe's (and Home Depot) together. Now I am going to take a nap, while he continues to work on the roof.

I have a headache, its day two of this lovely headache. I can also tell that my period is coming. I was such a beast yesterday morning, I broke a hole in the wall near our bathroom. (The door didn't have one of those stoppers, so when I pushed it open forcefully it went right into the wall. Whoops.) Since then I have been medicated enough to be calm, and also yelling hurts my head. No, its not the worst migraine I have ever had. In fact, its a fairly mild one. But still, it lingers and that bugs me.

Rhayn had a 4 day weekend last weekend because of the dentist. This weekend its because of Martin Luther King Jr. Day on Monday. I enjoyed having her home. I have spent a lot of time lately wishing she was homeschooled so that I wouldn't have to get up and drive so much. Alternatively, of course, I wish the school closest to us was worth going to. Neither of these is the case, and I don't know if I would be a good homeschooling mom (nor do I think Will would be down with that idea.)

Then the girls fight (as they are at this very moment) and I remember why I am glad when Rhayn leaves for the day to learn. They get along most of the time, but not always. They especially do not get along in the afternoon of a busy day like today.

Corners

I love this blog- SouleMama and have even looked at her book at the library. Inspired by her, I am starting to take some pictures of "corners of my home". Another inspiring blog that I watch is My Longest Year. Her take on this was a little different, its how our house looks normally- as in with the clutter. You can see that post here. I love the idea of this, too. These pictures are not cleaned up (nor is the first in focus apparently). This is how these areas usually are, filled with life, and all that goes along with it (including a white pumpkin I bought in October on the piano.)
Here you go:

My crafting/sewing area. I love this area. I need a more comfortable chair and a nice big table for cutting things and it will be perfect.

The piano, with its new friend the braided ficus that the girls and I bought at Home Depot. I bought Rhayn and myself Momma Mia! for the piano for Christmas, and yes I play and sing it but do not ask for a recital, not going to happen.

This nook is in our kitchen. I believe it was meant to be a desk, but there is not even enough room for one person to walk by let alone a chair to reside here. I bought a cheap tv cart at Target and some bins and drawers. This keeps the art supplies close to the kitchen table (where they are most used) and should be easy to clean up. I just bought the three-drawer bin today, so we'll see how that goes. The upper right bin is for Will to keep his project. Right now it has a nail gun and his tool belt in it. On the bottom the left is for lunch boxes and the right is cloth napkins. (We use those at nearly every meal.)

Everything and the Kitchen Sink

I hate my kitchen sink. I spend approximately 1/3 of my day in the kitchen (all right, maybe not, but it feels like it!) and of that 1/2 of that is at the sink. Doing dishes, filling water bottles, making tea, watering plants, etc. I stand there and watch the girls play in the back yard.

A few years ago we purchased a new faucet. I installed it because I didn't want to wait until Will could do it. I didn't do that great of a job and the base plate is starting to come up fro the hard water getting under it. Those calcium deposits grow. If you don't have hard water, you have no idea what I am talking about (and if that is the case, lucky you!) From about a week or so after installing the faucet I started to dislike it. You see the handle is really heavy, and if you attempt to ave a low flow of water, it will just shut itself off.

Another issue I have with the faucet is the clearance of the spigot. If you are trying to wash a big pot, you have to pull it out. I admit this is partially because our sink is a mere seven inches deep. (That is pretty shallow.) I have been coveting other people's sinks for years.

We decided to upgrade out sink for Christmas this year. We looked at Lowe's and Home Depot, we researched sinks and faucets. But the car's starter went out and that took away our sink fund.

After Christmas, while obsessively looking at faucets online (Costco had one in their ad, but it wasn't yet on the website) I ended up at Overstock.com. I found a porcelain enameled sink with nearly 10 inch deep bowls for under $100. I looked at it and vowed to tell Will about it when he came home. He said it looked like a great deal, so we ordered it. We also ended up ordering the faucet from Costco.

Yesterday the sink came from UPS. We are still waiting on the faucet, because until we have both they can't be installed. Its quite exciting to have the sink here. Hopefully the faucet comes in soon.

I cleaned our sink really well before taking a picture of it to show the world. Stainless steel sinks are beautiful, as long as you never let a drop of hard water on them.

Toothy Trooper

Treasure Chest

This morning Rhayn has a dentist appointment to have her canines wiggled out. Since all four were baby teeth, this was not a big deal. She wasn't nervous at all, in fact she seemed a little excited about it.

Her toothy grin.

We arrived about fifteen minutes early and the girls played in the waiting area. When they took her back she looked a little nervous, clutching her stuffed fennec fox for comfort. Gwennie and I waited. Gwennie played with a little boy telling him about the fish in the tank and showing him the slide. (He was most likely barely a year old.)

The nurse told us it would be about forty-five minutes and was right. After forty-five minutes out came a bloody Rhayn. Her mouth filled with gauze. She wanted to sit and play the video games while the nurse told me about the procedure. (I kept Gwennie with me.) She said that we needed to keep the gauze on her sockets for another fifteen minutes, then change it out. After that, if they weren't bleeding anymore, she didn't have to reapply it. I was instructed to give her some tylenol when we got home, before the Novocaine wore off. Then we were allowed to leave.

Four canines in a chest.

She was given her teeth in a small blue treasure chest. Now its just a waiting game until tonight when the tooth fairy comes.

She seems to be feeling better already.

Update- The tooth fairy brought her the four pearls for her tooth fairy bracelet, as well as twenty dollars. Pretty steep, but this may be from a lack of planning on the part of the tooth fairy. I suppose we'll never know.

Ballerina Rhayn

Tonight is her first ballet* performance. She doesn't seem nervous at all and she looks so grown up while on stage.
*She was in gymnastics before, this is her second performance.

She is not grumpy or nervous, she is fuh-reezing. Her mean-ole-mama made her stand outside in the 60 degree weather in this outfit. How terrible.

Fashionista? I am not.

The most fashionable person in my house is my husband. Seriously. He dresses wonderfully, in fact this morning I was rather blown away by his outfit. He had on a long sleeved button up shirt, a sport coat, jeans and dressy yet casual shoes. I love looking at him when he is dressed thusly.

Rhayn and I are not snazzy dressers. Gwennie is the source of amusement and I think she will be our true fashionista, as she is quite picky about her clothes (fit and style and color). I love her outfits. This outfit is one of my favorites and it actually goes together, in a way.


You can't see her shirt, but its pink, like her boots with a green argyle, this is under a jacket that her dad bought her for Christmas. The shorts were pants until a few days ago. They were a pair of Rhayn's that were passed down (seen below, September 2004). Gwennie has loved these pants, wearing them at least once a week for the last year or so. Summer, winter, she doesn't care. She loves them. I kept the bottom (the cut off part) to use someday in a quilt (I hope.) And her pink cowboy boots? I love them.


While I was trying to take a picture of her outfit on Monday, she decided she needed to take a picture (or two) of me. In this one, I invited Lily into my lap, as she is not allowed normally, and then she proceeded to give me kisses. Penny was jealous. (I think I smelled like cooking chicken.)


I keep hoping that someday Will's fashion sense will rub off on me, just a little. I don't think I am a terrible dresser, but I ask him (quite often) if my outfit "goes" before I head out for the day. I stick to jeans and t-shirts of various sizes and styles. Today while the girls and I were out, I saw someone who looked how I would love to look. She wore a little black dress, with some killer heels, and had awesomely spiked dark hair. I looked at myself in a window and sighed before looking quickly away. Its not that I a displeased with my appearance, I am just not in love with how I look. I want my girls to look up to ME as a fashion DO, and I don't want them to make fun of me. I want to be able to help them dress. Are there classes you can take? Is there help out there?


Feel free to make fun of my shoes. I don't care. These are Keens and so darn comfortable. I love them.

Going to go live in a yurt all alone this next week.

I am about a week away from menstruation and as usual its making me cranky but also? I am taking offense at the little things. I am trying to stand back, to just ignore the angry thoughts to not respond to things. It is really hard to do right now.

Deep breaths, calming thoughts, HA! drinking, none of that helps. What I really need to is to be alone. I want to read, and ignore everything around me. I want to make and eat rich things filled with butter and cream.

Lets hope this month's cycle doesn't come in with a really bad migraine. Last month it did and I felt awful all day. I also have to admit that I am scared that somehow, even though we were really careful, we got pregnant this month.

Now who wants to watch my kids whilst I live in a yurt alone for the next week? Any takers? Please?

Its Punkin Time!

A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me a bunch of pumpkins. She had gotten them when she bought her Christmas tree at a local nursery. They were left over from the pumpkin patch at Halloween. They just needed them to be gone. For weeks these pumpkins have slowly rotted on my counter. Actually a few of them were given to the dogs. Penny loves to eat pumpkins.

This morning, I decided that I would just chop them up and roast them. There were only four left. Two reds and two that look like pie pumpkins. We also have a fairy tale pumpkin from the Botanical Garden's pumpkin festival, as well as a white pumpkin that I bought. (It is pretty.)

I did some quick internet research, finding the Pioneer Woman's Make your own pumpkin puree post.

I chopped them up, and scooped out the seeds. (Reserving some for planting and some for roasting.)
Then they were put into the oven at 350 degrees for forty-five minutes. Only they were not cooked at that time. So I added another 20 minutes then another 20. Finally after nearly 2 hours they were done.
I let the pumpkin cool (I tried to just do it straight out of the oven and burned my fingers.) I squished them and cut the peel off. Then put the bits of pulp into the food processor. It smelled like baby food. But now I have approximately 9 cups of pumpkin puree.

Oddly the red pumpkins have a richer orange colored pulp (on the left) while the pie pumpkins have a lighter color.

Patio Cover- Update

It has been a while since I wrote an update on the patio cover redo. Probably because for the longest time it felt like it would never be done.

We are nearing completion of the part Will is doing. He is going to hire the stucco work done (we did before.) Its finally getting to where you can see the end result and it is very exciting.

As you all know, he started this project because the first time he built it he did not use the correct materials, and over the course of a few years it has warped from rain and heat and cold. He had to basically tear down all of the roof and rebuild it. Its taken a few months longer than he thought. (It is a huge patio cover, about 40 feet long by 11 feet deep.) We both decided that while he was rebuilding it, he would give it a faux balcony or parapet. It will work to protect the roofing from those killer monsoons and the wind that comes with them, as well as making it look more complete.
He has rebuilt it all, and is on the final leg of the parapet. I can't wait to see the finished project. I know he feels the same.

Decade in Review (1999-2009)

I feel like being a sheep today. So lets go over my last decade. I am going to start in 1999, because that year changed me.

1999- I was living with my aunt in Colorado, I had a good job (at a 7-11) I was saving money. I missed Arizona, and in August, I just left. No warning, I left a note on my aunt's couter, put all of my stuff in my car and came home, to some friends. Only I had changed from the punk rock chick they had known. I never felt fully comfortable at their house. Well I did, as long as my then boyfriend was at a work. That is really sad. I turned 22. I moved in with another friend after then-boyfriend broke up with me.

2000- I brought in the new year sick. We stayed home, my roommate, my friend DJ and I. I toasted the new year with nyquil. In January, I met Will at a house/apartment party. We dated exactly twice. We got pregnant, I miscarried. He asked me to marry him (I said yes.) Then I broke it off, before finding out I was pregnant again. I lived with my parents in my teenage-self's room.

2001- I had Rhayn in March. I learned so much about letting go. Will and I got back together. It was really rough. I had not been nice, and had hurt him. (I would spend most of the rest of the decade trying to make up for this.) On September 11th, as the towers came crumbling down, Rhayn had surgery to correct a cleft palate. I moved in with Will shortly before Rhayn's surgery. Even bringing my cat up to his house.

2002- Stayed home, (at Will and my casa) did day care out of the house. Will and I started talking about buying a house. I became pregnant in the summer, and miscarried again. This time the baby never grew past 5 weeks, even though I carried "him" until 11.

2003- In February Will and I finally married. This came after a discussion with his brother and her wife about why we hadn't married yet. Also, I didn't understand why he was willing to buy a house with me, but not willing to marry me. We moved into our house in June. I had to work for a while to help make ends meet. Houses cost more than you could ever really budget, all of those hidden fees (trash? What?)

2004- I continued working until the spring. Will joined the Army National Guard and left for basic training in August. He was gone for 10 weeks. At the time I had no idea how I would make it through that. I was so glad when it was over. We decided to try to have another baby.

2005- I was pregnant. I was sick. Rhayn turned 4. I planned a homebirth. This occupied all of my time. I looked into schools for Rhayn. Gwennie came to our family in September, closely followed by her cousin, Madders. (I think/hope they will always be close.)

2006- Rhayn turned 5. Will worked for the Army around this time, and sometimes was gone long hours working on the Arizona - Mexico border. When he was at the base we were spoiled by military time (him being home at 4ish.) Rhayn started kindergarten at the Waldorf charter school. Gwennie turned 1.

2007- Uh... well its all documented on this blog. I can't think of a lot that happened that year. We all thrived.

2008- Will received the call we knew he would eventually get. It changed everything we had planned for that year. He would leave in the early fall for Iraq. Before that he had a couple of classes he had to complete. We stop comunicating, he turns to WoW and I turn to? I don't know, but its not pretty and not good for our relationship. When he left in September it was bittersweet. I worried about what would happen when he came home, but also how I would deal with him being gone. I turned to those around me and found so much more than I ever thought I would have. I found my village.

2009- Longest year. Will came home in late February for a few weeks. He had to leave again on Rhayn's 8th birthday. I hope it will always remain her worst. birthday. ever. The year dragged on. I learned a lot about myself. It made me find my inner strength. I can do anything. I also had (and have) many choices. I choose to be happy. When Will came home, we reconnected in a way I never thought we would. I think that our relationship strengthened because of the time away. I fell in love with him all over again.

And I can not wait to see where the new decade leads us.