Just so Darn Cute.

What is it like to be a non traditional student in classes filled to the brim with giggling, neon clothes wearing, teen aged girls and sullen teen aged boys? It is hilariously interesting.

These kids are all so young, barely graduated from high school, young. (In at least one case, are still a senior in high school.) You can smell high school on them. You can see it in their blase attitude, or their bubblegum pink lip gloss. You can smell the teen spirit.

I did not take classes right out of high school. I was too busy being punk rock, and hanging out watching Spiderman with my best pal. I thought I was taking a year off, then I would kick it in to high gear and head back to college. I never did kick it into high gear, and have sloooowly taken classes over the past thirteen (gah!) years. (I took my first college course, English 101, in 1995, my senior year of high school.)

In my Spanish class the students sit in little groups who obviously know and are friend with each other. There is a group of six girls who sit to my left who giggle and talk through the class. Yes, it is an annoyance, but they are so full of tee hee hee silliness that you just want to put them behind glass and watch the female teenager in all of her glory.

I sit next to a young girl, too. She is sweet and soft spoken (in class). She doesn't giggle through class, and seems eager to learn. Our first day Prof. Z asked us to interview each other. We were to introduce our table mate to the class after we were done. The questions were as follows- what our major is, what our future plans are, ask about the family, why we are studying Spanish, and when is our birthday. (I think there might have been one more, I can't remember.)

I had her answers, pretty typical, she wants to be a psychologist, or something in medicine. She has a large family, and isn't really sure what she wants to do in the future.

She asks me. I have no idea what my major is. I am (at this moment) planning on becoming a Lactation Consultant (this was interesting to bring up in a class filled with kids, they didn't know you could "learn how to breastfeed".) She gets to the family question.
"I am married with two girls."
She pauses as she writes this down. Then stops, looks at me, and says "How old are you?"
"Thirty."
"Really, I thought you were like eighteen."
Can I say, that I LOVE her? Seriously, she doesn't seem the type to fake that answer, plus she looked astonished when I told her how old I am.
Love, love, love, that girl.

First Day Back to College

Yesterday was my first day of college for this year. It was interesting to say the least. I am taking two classes, Spanish 101 and World Religions. My Spanish teacher, Professor Z is hilarious. But I totally felt like a dunce yesterday. He asked us (speaking only in Spanish) to "escribe tu nombre" on a piece of paper. I felt certain nombre did not mean name, but it does. Duh, I knew that, once I saw it written I knew it. But while he spoke it, I could not make the two words mean the same thing. But I am sure I was not the only one feeling silly. I know a bit of Spanish, and I can speak it, sounding out the words, because I grew up hearing it. Hopefully I will do well in this class.

World Religions was a totally different story. I have been studying the Baha'i religion. I know a little bit about a lot of religions, it interests me immensely. Professor D. gave us this (pictured below) as a printout and asked us if we could identify all of the religions associated with these symbols as well as the meaning of the symbol. If we could do that, then he would sign the paper saying we passed the class and we would be free to go on our way. Can you do it? How many of these are you familiar with? I knew which religion six are associated with. However, I have no idea of the meaning of them. He told us that by the end of class we should know that. Also, unless we tried really, really hard to fail, we will pass the class. Pro. D is a funny man, too. Maybe not in the same way as Pro. Z, who has a laugh like you hear on Mexican soap operas, but still entertaining. And I have to say, that these are both going to be excellent classes.

Daycare Woes (Yes, back to that.)

I want to take classes this semester. Sounds easy enough, right? It should be. I should be able to just register and then happily go to class starting the end of August.

The big problem? Finding day care for my little Goober. I took the big plunge and just paid (via credit card) for the two classes that I want to take. This gives me a full month and a half to find a good place for her, or to be a chicken and get a refund for the classes. I don't want to chicken out this time. Last semester I felt that I had a good excuse- Will receiving his deployment call. Yes, I can still use that excuse, can't I? He leaves our state in September. That is stressful, and scary and I think taking two classes (I registered for Spanish 101 and World Religions) will really help the time go by. I think it would be good for my Goo to go to a day care. I just have to repeat- I WILL NOT CHICKEN OUT, over and over.

What do I want in a day care? A few things- I want to feel comfortable dropping her off. It needs to be on my way to take Rhayn to school. Gwennie needs to be comfortable there. I would like it if they spoke Spanish, I think that would be awesome for her to learn Spanish, while I am learning it (but that is not a make or break it deal.) I will not take her to one of those child care factories (Tutor Time.)

I was on the childcare website that I have used in the past to find child care and also to offer child care. I felt overwhelmed by the names. They offer so little information about themselves and what they do with the children. I wish there was a questionnaire that they filled out and that the client filled out to see if they match instead of having to call around to all of them.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to leave my Gwennie Goo just yet. It says "She is still a baby, she will be big soon enough, she will be at school soon enough. Why in such a hurry to make her grow up?" This voice hurts me, it slices deep into the root of why I may "chicken out." I know she is not even 3 and I know that before long, she will be starting school and all of that. I know that I want to feel like I really gave her my all before sending her off to school. But I know that for me- taking classes would be a good idea.

And yes- I know there are always online courses, but I won't have the ability to study without the kids often enough, and I want to enjoy the courses I take, and online ones are not as fun to me. They also take discipline and structure. I just feel better taking in person courses (especially since I plan on taking a language.)

I feel so depressed right now. Well, maybe not depressed, more like sad, and lost. My brain is racked with thought and I am confused and also... sick. I want to curl up in a ball on the couch and sleep. But every where I look is a filthy house, and things that need to be done.
This week has been busy. Every day seems to be filled to the brim with things I need to do. And I still haven't found a day care provider. I know it probably that it will not happen. I will end up dropping the class. Fine.
But I could really use a reason to get away from Gwennie Goo. She is driving me bonkers! I want to scream at her. She won't listen she is obstinate, and well in full throws of the terrible twos. I am tired of it.
A few friends have invited me to come to a coffee shop on Tuesday nights with them, and I might totally have to take them up on that. I need that. I need friends and I need nights out. If I weren't feeling like my throat is on fire I would have gone to the birth circle tonight. I wanted to go, but then I don't... and I just medicated myself so that I can sleep without being stuffed up. This cold will pass soon, and I will feel like myself again, right?

Singing the Daycare Blues

This is one of those moments that I totally wish I had family that lived down the street. I am registered to take a class, it starts the fifteenth. I have been calling around to find someone to watch Gwennie Goo, and thought I had found the perfect one. Well I call today and she says they are basically full, and she has no room to take another bugger. (Not her exact words.) I have NO idea what to do. She recommended another place, and I will be calling them. (I called immediately and received the machine.) She said that if there is no one else that I would feel comfortable with to call her on Saturday, and we will talk about it. She made me feel easy on the phone, and I know someone who sends her son there. Sigh.

My sister is so lucky. Madder gets to visit Hairball and PurpleLurple. She didn't have to find someone she doesn't know, or someone in a phone book (or website.)

I feel so frustrated. It doesn't help that I am pretty darn sure I have a cold (thanks Will.) Last night I had to take a decongestant in the middle of the night because my nose was a water faucet.

Its not too late to drop that class and get a refund... because I am feeling so overwhelmed by it all. I would love to find someone to watch her that we both feel comfortable with... is that too much to ask?

Worries

I registered for a drawing class this semester. Yeah! However this means finding child care for Gwennie Goo two mornings a week. I called two places today, and one of them I really like. The other one is an institution, and more of a preschool type place (cameras and all sorts of things.) I am not sure how I feel about that. The first one is a place that a friend of mine takes her son who is only six weeks younger than Gwennie Goo. (Plus.) It is just across the street from Rhayn's school. (Another plus.) I am going to check it out on Monday.

Will and I have been married nearly five years. For our anniversary this year we are going away, alone, (no kids) for one night. I am worried about how Gwennie Goo will handle this. She is night weaned, but still asks for it. She hasn't have night-time gup in a month. She gets a nursing around seven and then not again until nap time the next day. She should be fine in that aspect. I have never left her over night though. I won't be close or able to help. I know my parents can handle her, they have Rhayn right now, and have been taking her over night since she was about eight months old. Why am I so worked up about this? It is ridiculous! And over a month away!

The day care thing- that is not even two weeks away and I hope to drop her off next week as a trial (at least one day.)

Feeling Emotionally Better and Physically Worse.

I am feeling better, as far as missing my sweet little Becky-Boo-Boo. However I am pretty sure I am coming down with a cold. Will brought it back from a recent trip to Little Rock, Arkansas. It also gave him a viral case of conjunctivitis. Oh yeah, our house, the den of illness. So much fun. Will was sent home from work today, apparently they do not want his cold and pink eye. But he couldn't get out of drill over the weekend, having to pass and APFT even (which he did even though he was really sick.) So far it seems that I am developing a little bit of cold symptoms, sneezing and feeling really tired. The girls and I have avoided the conjunctivitis. I just got over being sick with some respiratory infection.

My class has been neglected, with me scrambling to read the chapter in time to take the quiz on Sunday evening. This is the third week of that. I did get most of my chapter read today, and I plan on finishing tomorrow afternoon. I also plan on taking the quiz as soon as I can after that, and starting on the next chapter. Ah, but these are plans, and lately NONE of my plans have gone through.

My yoga class is great. I really enjoy it, but last night was fairly miserable with all the sneezing I was trying NOT to do in a fairly small room full of people taking deep breaths. I was exhausted when I came home, and then Gwennie refused to sleep without nip in the mouth. The night before I had let her whine and moan and eventually she fell asleep on the floor. She used to do that when she was younger. But last night she was so worked up, she could barely breathe. After about thirty minutes of her crying, and screaming "NO! NO! NO! I was uh stairs!" I told her if she stopped crying I would pick her up. I am so mad, because the "NO NO NO!" scream/cry sounded JUST like Care-Bear (whom I am no longer watching) and is something Gwennie never did before she came to stay with us. I do not like the habits that Gwennie picked up from Care-Bear. I thought that maybe we could teach her some good habits, and Rock, too. But no. There was no change, and now I just wish that I could undo the months of damage I feel like she caused my children. I just hope I can get Gwennie to stop screaming at me like that, and hitting, and biting. I do not like any of it.

I think I will lay down in bed right now, and hope that my cold is short lived.

Its so not fair.

Well, apparently the class I registered for was not desirable. It has been cancelled due to lack of enrollment. It figures. So I went over the whole catalog, and didn't find another class that would satisfy any of the areas I need. Can I say that I am really upset now?

At least I got a few good deals at Old Navy today. They had all their clearance an additional 50% off. I was totally stoke. Also they had some "slim" sized jeans on sale for my little twig named Rhayn. I had tried buying her regular pants at Target, and they looked awful, like a sack! I bought a pair of brown slacks for myself for $10! WHOO HOO! They had some really nice black trousers that were like 40% wool, I should have bought them, too. But I know I can only wear them like once a year.

Its my brother, G'Rat's birthday. That means yesterday was Hairball's birthday (Right? I usually can't remember if its before or after G'Rat's!) I started writing this lovely post about her, but it was never finished. Oh well, I hope they have both had great days and wonderful years!

Registration

Another semester begins, and I am totally ready to leave the babe for a few hours to take a class.

My first choice, the evening offering of Microbiology was totally filled by the time I was able to get through on the phone. So my second choice is Sign Language 101. That ought to be a decent class, I think it satisfies language requirements, too. (I hate language classes!) So it might turn out to be a good thing that Microbiology was filled. I will just have to register earlier next semester to get that class I want. I have to say I am totally disappointed, because I had been trying to register online for a day, and their system was down. It wasn't filled when I started trying.

Also, Gwennie can not have orange juice. It gives her burning diarrhea. She has the most awful rash right now. He poor bottom is red and hurts. The only good thing about it is that as soon as she pees, she starts ripping her diaper off. She is only seconds late. I have to admit that it makes me hopeful that she JUST MIGHT be an early potty trainer! (Like her mama!)

I have a doctor appointment this afternoon because of the mastitis. It hasn't gotten better. Picking Gwennie up hurts and makes me cringe. I have had to force myself to eat. I think my fever finally broke, but its still not normal.

Its nearly time to pick Rhayn up at school. Our Internet has been slow, Or maybe its the sites I visit? All I know its that it is bringing out all kinds of frustration in me. Well, I need to tend to Gwennie's diaper rash, she is screaming because she just peed. My poor sweet baby!

***edited. Don't you just LOVE the expression on Rhayn's face in that picture? The babes are excited, pointing out the prairie dogs, and She is looking at the in... I am not sure? What adjective would YOU use to describe that expression?

16 weeks

Man, where have I been? I have been out of it for some long. Thank goodness the sickness haze is lifting and I am feeling like a human again!
I can feel my baby kicking away in there its the most awesome feeling in the world! I LOVE it- and its all for me, because no one else can tell yet- no one else can feel him/her yet!
My sister is getting married next weekend. I can't believe she is and it is fun being pregnant with her. We get to talk about things like feeling the baby move and I get to tell her all about my hemorrhoid! HAHA! I hope she is spared, but she probably won't be. I haven't had another outbreak of those again, I am trying really hard to avoid them as they are so miserable!
School is going really well, too. I did so well on my Psychology exam that I want to celebrate. I got a 92, which is AWESOME after my 70 on the last one.
Then there is my Biology class, I am NOT doing well on exams in there, the last 2 were 68. not failing but it feels like it to me. Less then 70 is below what is acceptable to me. I need to buckle down and try harder in there.

The weather had been nice and hot, we are in the 90s- bam with in a few days 70s to 90s. yuck. Its hot and I feel it so much more. when you are pregnant there is so much more blood running through your body that you feel hot all of the time and add 90- 120 degree temps! AH! I am getting a membership at somewhere with a pool this summer, I will need it to cool off and I want Rhayn to take swim lessons.

8 weeks

Wow... I am 8 weeks already. This is great, if time keeps flying like this I will be through the morning sickness in NO time at all, yeah! I am feeling a little better. It is still a daily struggle. I ate so much today it felt good, but now I feel stuffed and can't wait for that feeling to go away (so I can eat more!)
I finally got into eating fruit again. Maybe I am over the carb kick. I hated that I could only eat bread/cereal. It was not fun.
Rhayn has pink eye this week, so I missed classes Monday and Tuesday. Its ok I really like my Biology teacher- she let me make-up the quiz. I wish I had studied for it! My Psychology teacher on the other hand... well I don't know how well I am doing in that class. I am worried about our exam on Wednesday. I need to study and I really need to do other homework (current event reports for BIO and outline for my research paper)
I may finally be hitting my stride for school. Now I just have to keep from puking in class! HAHA!

Poor Rhayn is sick. I knew she was last night as she had a low grade fever. This morning she seemed fine but about noon I noticed that her lymph nodes (neck) were soo swollen. I didn't have to touch them to KNOW it was bad. We have been watching her and they really haven't gone down. However she can't go to school so I miss my first class. I hate missing classes, you feel so behind and I might miss a quiz. Argh! I guess I could use the day home to clean the house and do laundry- but class is only an hour long. ugh. I wish I knew someone who could watch her around here.
Everything else is good today. I still feel a little sick, so I am sure the baby is fine. :)
Yawn!
I have an u/s scheduled for Wednesday and we'll see the baby's heart and then I can tell people! Yeah! I want to tell my grandma! Its hard to not tell her anything. Once she knows the whole family will know! :) I am off to bed!

first day

It was our first day of school- yippee.... I had fun. I am too tired to really post much, just wanted to hop on for a minute.
I am hungry!

Some mornings are harder than others and just dragging myself out of bed this morning was almost pure torture! Why? I went to bed earlier so i got a nice 8 hours of sleep (my ideal number!) So what made this morning so difficult? Maybe it was the strange dream I had last night?
I dreamed that I was pregnant and in labor. I think I was only 30 weeks along or some low number. I was trying to call my midwife, whom I had never even had a visit with. But before I could get through to her I was at the hospital and it was a good thing because the cord came out first and the baby popped out before I could tell the receptionist that I was in labor!
I was able to put the baby to my breast and she ate immediately latching on like a pro! It was an awesome feeling in my dream. Then they tried to take her away because she was preemie. We named her Gwendolyn (my first choice for another daughter's name) I just remember going to her every few hours to nurse her and it was a great feeling that for a few minutes after I awoke I actually felt like i needed to nurse a baby! But it passed and I remembered that I am not even pregnant.

Last night was a struggle to get Rhayn to sleep! I don't know why she won't fall asleep with the tv on! Plus yesterday I gave her some cold medicine that must have knocked her out. Hopefully though it makes her feel better today! Poor little thing has a raw spot under her right nostril from me wiping her nose! I hope that clears up soon so that we can take her Christmas pictures soon. I need to get those in the mail.

I registered for college courses yesterday. I will be taking BIO 160- Intro to Human Anatomy and PSY 101. Fun for me! I am pretty excited to take some classes. It will be Monday - Thursday. With Friday being an option for Rhayn to go to preschool on Friday also so I can do stuff like doctor's appointments or hair cuts or even study. That will be nice for us. It will give me a day that I can get stuff done that I need to do! I really wish that I could drop her off today and get some Christmas shopping done! Oh well!