First Day of School 2008

First day of school outfit. (Yes she picked that shirt with the dress.)

Listening to some music while waiting to get new tires.

Sharing music with my Gwennie Goo. (Don't mind the crappy hair. It was hot and humid and well.. there is no excuse for it. I need a trim and color, just like Amie.)

It was Rhayn's first day back. New hours, new classroom. She was so excited. I must admit that in a way I was, too. Until I walked onto the campus. I glanced around, realizing that my closest friend was not going to be there, I mean I knew she moved, but a part of me had pretended it wasn't so. I wandered the play yard, lonely. I watched the rose ceremony missing my friend so much it hurt. The I had the realization that my little girl is in 2nd grade. That is so old. This is the year they turn 8, this is the year she will most likely (behind her classmates I must add) lose those front teeth and get her giant adult teeth. Not only is it a big year for her, her daddy won't be here to watch her grow and change. He will be far away, in a scary place, and we will be here, pretending that everything is the same as it always is.

Today I finally replaced the tires on our truck. I must say, that I didn't think it would make that big of a difference. It did. WOW. The ride was so smooth it felt fake as I drove away. I wish we could have done this much sooner.

Another friend gave me the number of a person who will be able to watch my Goo. I called her and spoke with her a little. It was nice. She is LDS, and recently moved here. She is watching another person from Rhayn's school's nearly two year old daughter. She has a nearly two year old daughter herself. It sounds like a perfect fit, and I must admit that I felt comfortable with her when I talked to her on the phone. I will meet her next week. Wish us luck.

Daycare Woes (Yes, back to that.)

I want to take classes this semester. Sounds easy enough, right? It should be. I should be able to just register and then happily go to class starting the end of August.

The big problem? Finding day care for my little Goober. I took the big plunge and just paid (via credit card) for the two classes that I want to take. This gives me a full month and a half to find a good place for her, or to be a chicken and get a refund for the classes. I don't want to chicken out this time. Last semester I felt that I had a good excuse- Will receiving his deployment call. Yes, I can still use that excuse, can't I? He leaves our state in September. That is stressful, and scary and I think taking two classes (I registered for Spanish 101 and World Religions) will really help the time go by. I think it would be good for my Goo to go to a day care. I just have to repeat- I WILL NOT CHICKEN OUT, over and over.

What do I want in a day care? A few things- I want to feel comfortable dropping her off. It needs to be on my way to take Rhayn to school. Gwennie needs to be comfortable there. I would like it if they spoke Spanish, I think that would be awesome for her to learn Spanish, while I am learning it (but that is not a make or break it deal.) I will not take her to one of those child care factories (Tutor Time.)

I was on the childcare website that I have used in the past to find child care and also to offer child care. I felt overwhelmed by the names. They offer so little information about themselves and what they do with the children. I wish there was a questionnaire that they filled out and that the client filled out to see if they match instead of having to call around to all of them.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to leave my Gwennie Goo just yet. It says "She is still a baby, she will be big soon enough, she will be at school soon enough. Why in such a hurry to make her grow up?" This voice hurts me, it slices deep into the root of why I may "chicken out." I know she is not even 3 and I know that before long, she will be starting school and all of that. I know that I want to feel like I really gave her my all before sending her off to school. But I know that for me- taking classes would be a good idea.

And yes- I know there are always online courses, but I won't have the ability to study without the kids often enough, and I want to enjoy the courses I take, and online ones are not as fun to me. They also take discipline and structure. I just feel better taking in person courses (especially since I plan on taking a language.)

My Life Got Flip Turned-Upside Down

And I like to take a minute, Just sit right there...

As anyone in the Army knows, your life can change in an instant. One minute everything seems normal, you are living your life. Working, and playing and going to school.

But in a heartbeat, a single phone call, everything changes. Friday we received that phone call.

We knew that eventually Will would be mobilized, active duty, deployed. We were counting on it happening some time in 2009, as that was the projected date for his units' deployment. Now we know he will actually be deployed, as in LEAVING US, this spring. But in order to be deployable, he needs to finish a couple of classes. This however does not save him from his units' deployment. It changes the classes he was planning on taking after Rhayn's birthday to imminent. He will be leaving shortly. He will be leaving most likely in the next month (nothing for sure on that yet.)

So my life, which felt doable just two days ago, as I worried about child care, and taking a class, is now turned topsy turvy and completely for a loop. I am numb in a way. Not even sure what I need to do where I need to be, how I need to be. Only sure that my class is not possible at this point. And oh so very happy that I have friends at Rhayn's school and beyond, that are here for me, and have offered so much help already. I appreciate all that I have.

Singing the Daycare Blues

This is one of those moments that I totally wish I had family that lived down the street. I am registered to take a class, it starts the fifteenth. I have been calling around to find someone to watch Gwennie Goo, and thought I had found the perfect one. Well I call today and she says they are basically full, and she has no room to take another bugger. (Not her exact words.) I have NO idea what to do. She recommended another place, and I will be calling them. (I called immediately and received the machine.) She said that if there is no one else that I would feel comfortable with to call her on Saturday, and we will talk about it. She made me feel easy on the phone, and I know someone who sends her son there. Sigh.

My sister is so lucky. Madder gets to visit Hairball and PurpleLurple. She didn't have to find someone she doesn't know, or someone in a phone book (or website.)

I feel so frustrated. It doesn't help that I am pretty darn sure I have a cold (thanks Will.) Last night I had to take a decongestant in the middle of the night because my nose was a water faucet.

Its not too late to drop that class and get a refund... because I am feeling so overwhelmed by it all. I would love to find someone to watch her that we both feel comfortable with... is that too much to ask?

Worries

I registered for a drawing class this semester. Yeah! However this means finding child care for Gwennie Goo two mornings a week. I called two places today, and one of them I really like. The other one is an institution, and more of a preschool type place (cameras and all sorts of things.) I am not sure how I feel about that. The first one is a place that a friend of mine takes her son who is only six weeks younger than Gwennie Goo. (Plus.) It is just across the street from Rhayn's school. (Another plus.) I am going to check it out on Monday.

Will and I have been married nearly five years. For our anniversary this year we are going away, alone, (no kids) for one night. I am worried about how Gwennie Goo will handle this. She is night weaned, but still asks for it. She hasn't have night-time gup in a month. She gets a nursing around seven and then not again until nap time the next day. She should be fine in that aspect. I have never left her over night though. I won't be close or able to help. I know my parents can handle her, they have Rhayn right now, and have been taking her over night since she was about eight months old. Why am I so worked up about this? It is ridiculous! And over a month away!

The day care thing- that is not even two weeks away and I hope to drop her off next week as a trial (at least one day.)

Five Years went by so quickly!

Darling-est Rhaynnon,

I can not believe that 5 years ago you were born. So much has changed, and I am in awe of your development.

I can still remember that first look at you, as you scowled at me, and there was no doubt who your daddy was (ok, there was no doubt anyway, but you looked JUST like him!) As I held your tiny body, the feet that had kicked me, the elbows I had been poked by, I was in awe and in love.

When you were 6 months old, and had the surgery to correct your cleft palate, that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. As we watched the World Trade Center buildings collapse, we had to wait to make sure you were ok.

Before we knew it you were walking and turning one, then two, three and four. Now here we are at the cusp of five. School age. I am excited and worried at the same time. You have been talking about school for over a year now, and I know how it feels to look forward to the start of school, I have always loved that first day. I was extremely excited to get you into a better school, you will be attending a Waldorf charter school, instead of the local public school. I have been worried about sending you there. When you went to the daycare while I was in college you often came home and told me kids had threatened to “kick your butt.” I was unhappy about that, and this place seems to have a sense of community that will be good for the whole family.

Your imagination is incredible. We love to listen to your made up songs you sing, and the stories you tell. Every day you have something new to share with us. You play with your sister, and you, as I knew you would be, are the greatest big sister to her. Her eyes light up when she sees you (almost as much as when she sees me!)

I can not wait to see the woman you will become, although some days I am saddened by the big girl you are, and the baby you no longer will be.

I am so glad that we had you, and I have never thought of you as a mistake, only a happy, incredible, wonderful accident. I love you.

Always,
Mommy

I swear you were three, but for some reason I can not find a picture of you around your 3rd birthday!

i thought i was feeling so much better- but i am feeling so congested in my lungs today. i was wheezing earlier!
oh well.
its a nasty rainy day outside! my FAVORITE! i love to sit inside and look out of the window and see clouds and fogginess! its so lovely!

i had to get up at 6:30 to watch a kiddo this morning... its exhausting! seriously- i have been getting up at 8-9 and that is SOO early especially when i stayed up until 12. yawn oh well its 4 pm so i only have to stay awake for a few more hours! lol

*yawn*