Lost Dutchman Days Rodeo

Yesterday, after the girls' last soccer games we headed out to Apache Junction to attend the Lost Dutchman Days Rodeo. This is not something we normally go to, but Will was invited to it by some people he's been working with, and we thought this might be something Gwennie would really enjoy. (Horses, dogs, and cows? How could we go wrong?)

There were pens of wild ponies and burros that one could adopt. This burro was sweet, the girls petted her for a long time.
It was such a nice day out. There was a chill in the air and it was cloudy, but I'll take that over being hot all day. It was Military Appreciation Day, so there were American Flags and patriotism flying high all around us. (Don't you just love the three cowboys in the background with their hats off? I do.)
I've been to one rodeo in my life, and we didn't really watch the rodeo part. My dad was supposed to take me to a rodeo but it just never happened. Life, you know. But there is a cowgirl hiding me and she loves to watch some of the events. My inner cowgirl also longs to wear some boots like these. How could you not love sitting in the stands with the Superstition Mountains as a backdrop?
The girls love appaloosas. This one was a favorite of ours. Gwennie seemed to really enjoy the events. I've never seen her sit so still for such a long time, unless the television was on.
We were introduced to the Cowgirls who make up the Cowgirls Historical Foundation (pictured above). The lovely lady pictured below sat with us through the rodeo. Gwennie was in heaven. One of the ladies picked her up and walked her around to meet all of the horses. Then, as if petting them all weren't enough, she put her up on this beautiful paint and they took a little walk around.
The Cowgirls that were there signed a calendar for Rhayn and Gwennie. One of them wrote "May the Horse be with you!" which made me giggle and I still think its funny, especially for someone who loves horses, like Gwennie.

Will is a very social person, he volunteers to help others, and we have benefited from this over and over. I hope someday to be able to help him out, to get out there and be an asset to society. I also hope that our girls understand just how lucky they are to get to attend events like this. I know I feel blessed (and I rarely use that word) to be able to.

Such a quiet place

Our house has been very quiet this week. Rhayn was given an awesome opportunity to a. get to know one of her aunts and 2 of her cousins and b. go to Legoland.

Will's younger sister, K was taking her son, A to Legoland with their older (girl) cousin, M. We don't have a lot of contact with his side of the family since most of them live in other places. K lives in the Phoenix metropolitan area (which is huge, look.) But its about an hour drive to her house from ours. (I can get to my parents' house in an hour as well.) But I digress, K offered to take Rhayn with them on their trip. She thought her son, who is 1 year (almost exactly) younger than Rhayn would have more fun with a cousin along*.

On Saturday night, Rhayn went to their house because they were leaving Sunday morning. We didn't tell her about the trip until Saturday night, too. She had her first paper/presentation to write and be ready for school that is due February 25th (the day she'll go back to school.) We made her finish before surprising her with the trip. It was a phenomenal moment, rarely do we get to surprise our kids like that.

They've called a couple of times to let us know that they are having a great time. We all got to talk to Rhayn last night and she had many great stories to tell.

Its been nice to have some time with Gwennie before the baby comes. Will and I celebrated our anniversary by taking a drive up to Payson with Gwennie and Lily. But I am really looking forward to Rhayn coming home tonight.

*When I was a kid my grandma used to take a couple of the cousins on road trips during the summer. I think its part of why our family is still close. We really were able to get to know our cousins, right Tiff? I know, first hand, how great those trips were for bonding and how much more fun you had with a similarly aged cousin.

An admission

At the beginning of this pregnancy I swore I would never say/write the thing I am just about to write-

I am so done being pregnant.

Whew. That was hard to admit. Truth sometimes is hard to admit. I had this (glorified version of a pellet gun... whoops wrong thought there, I meant) glorified version of pregnancy. I know that emotionally both my pregnancy with Rhayn and Gwennie were hard. But physically? Not so much. This time around I have felt miserable longer. I ache in weird ways. Last week after my appointment with the midwife (I think the next day?) my pelvis started aching. It feels like its separating right at the groin. This week I spoke to my midwife about it and she had no encouraging words other than "it happens and is normal". I am stuck with pain- physical pain. I do not do so well with physical pain.

But I birth at home, you may add. I know, I birth at home. There are no drugs there. But epidurals, and I had one with my first birth and one with my second when I had an ECV when Gwennie's stubborn butt was breech, make me feel very... wrong. Birth is not the same thing as prolonged physical pain. Its a finite amount of pain with the most beautiful reward at the end. I can do that, because I KNOW it will end and I KNOW there will be a baby.

This pain? If I move wrong its rather excruciating. I want to cry because there is nothing I can do to "fix" it. I have to be careful, the midwife suggested coming downstairs once a day or trying to be really careful when I go up and down them. How am I supposed to do that? I feel goofy enough trying to get up out of bed in the morning and removing myself from the car and the couch. (Not because I am huge, because I am so not huge, but because it hurts.) I can't imagine another 4-6 weeks of this.

Did I also mention I had her check me, just to see if maybe this pain is because there is a head already in the birth canal? Well there isn't. This baby is still floating pretty high up. Sure all of that could change in an instant (or a few hours) but I don't think that will happen.

So I am in for 4 more weeks of this. Can I curl up in a ball and cry now?

(I'm not discounting others, like my husband, and their pain. Really I am not. I feel like a jerk even writing this. But its my blog and I get to whine on it if I want to.)

Eight

Tomorrow is our anniversary. For 8 years, we've been married. Not all of it has been easy. In fact we've had some really rough times (who hasn't?). I know that we still have many more rough roads to travel. Our family is expanding and our daughters are growing up. Soon we will have a child who is a decade old the teen years are close at hand. This year has been a tough one, with a pregnancy that has left me feeling sick a lot of the time, and a business that you are working really hard to get going. You joined an Army reserve unit that isn't in this state and the travel has been hard. We have so much on our plate but most of it is ours together and that makes it easier to deal with. But through it all, even when its bad, I know I want to be here in this family. I know that I want to continue growing together. And I am looking forward to the next part of our life together.

Silent Saturday

Pregnancy Updates

I had an appointment with my midwife, Pam, today. I adore her. She makes me feel good about choices I have made. She gives me confidence that, once again, I can do this.

I am 35 weeks and 3 days according to "the wheel" but also according to my LMP and conception date. My fundal height is perfect for that time (35 cm). She thinks the baby is about 5 pounds, which is just right. His/her heart rate is about 140-160.

I've gained 21 pounds, from 138 to 159.

As of Tuesday, this little one can come and everything would be all right, and I would be able to have a homebirth. This is exciting, but also makes me nervous. Are we ready? I know that I listed all of the things we have ready BUT are WE ready? Baby still doesn't have names. But we have time even if he/she came tomorrow, we can find a name after the birth. I still have my list of names (and I am not sharing, I tried to share one of them and it had a not so good reaction from the person I told it to.)

After writing my post yesterday we were taking temperatures all around. Rhayn took hers and we were all shocked to see 100.4 (I think) on the thermometer. I figured Gwennie had a fever, she felt warm and was acting under the weather. But Rhayn said she felt fine. Sure she'd complained a little of a headache.

At dinner you could see Gwennie's illness kicking in. She sat at the table but her head slowly drooped. Soon she was resting it on the table. I sat in our recliner and snuggled her for a bit after I was done eating. She slept on me for a while. Its been a while since we did that, just sat in the chair.

I took a bath and though it didn't make me feel better (or worse) I took Gwennie to bed when I got out at 7:30. She was burning up, her temperature climbed to 101.7 and her eyes were leaking. Her nose was running, too.

Rhayn still has an elevated temperature this morning, so we're lounging around the house crossing our fingers that this illness will be quick and fairly painless. Its a morning filled with PBS kids programs (then there isn't a fight about what to watch) lots of drinks and snuggle time.

Feeling sick and cost of baby stuff

For the past few days, I've just felt a little off. Yesterday I was sure it was all because of a cruddy night's sleep. There was an accident on the main street just south of our house at 4:50 am and it woke me up. The flashing lights kept me up. I dozed on the couch for a bit after, but I felt like a zombie all morning. I took a nap, hopeful that I would feel better after that. I did for a short while after waking.

By evening it was obvious to me that I was ill, or on my way to ill.

Now it is Wednesday. This morning as I was sitting here eating my morning bowl of raisin bran I suddenly felt dizzy. I rested my head on the cool counter and waited for it to pass. I keep waiting for the fever that I think is on its way, my current temperature is slightly elevated. I mean like 1 degree above normal.

Gwennie also seems afflicted as does Will. Rhayn seems fine, but who knows. Its not a miserable illness. I just feel... off. I napped this afternoon, too. But still not feeling great. Its chicken soup time.
I have gotten stuff done the past few days, even though I'd really like to sleep. I have washed all of the cloth diapers I have that are sized small. I hung the covers on the line, though not the inserts and prefolds, those I tossed in the dryer. I will dry them on the line later, when they get stained because the sun bleaches that right out (most all stains). I can not wait to use these. I got really lucky, I found 4 covers at a consignment store for $2 each. Then I bought the colored ones from someone in a local cloth diapering group for $60. A month or so ago a mom at Rhayn's school asked if I was planning to cloth diaper and if I needed any small diapers. She was getting rid of all of hers, because all of her kids are potty trained and older. Total cost $0. Some of the diapers are left over from Gwennie. I will probably need some medium sized diapers later on, but I think I am all set for at least 4 months.

Diapers~
4 months worth of diapers for $70ish. I did buy one pack of newborn disposables ($9) for the first few days. So lets up that to $80. The average baby goes through 300-400 diapers during the first few months. I would be spending at least $80 a month in disposable diapers if we went that route.

Feeding~
I plan to nurse this little lovekins. That saves us hundreds of dollars for bottles and formula. (Though I got a can of newborn similac in the mail the other day. Huh? Never got ANY with Gwennie.) I may need to get some nursing pads (I leaked a lot last time.) But that doesn't cost too much. I may also need to get a nursing bra or two. Those can be pricey but are less than the cost of one month of formula.

Clothes~
I have spent a little on clothes because it makes this all feel more real. Maybe $30 for some newborn sleepers. Since we don't know if this is a Beulah or Gottlieb cooking in there, I can't really buy more clothes. If this is Beulah, then she will be set. My sister has girl clothes galore (right, Brie?) Boy clothes... well I am sure I will find some. Somewhere in our attic is a box with a few newborn clothes in it, they're probably pink though.

Sleeping~
Um, baby sleeps with me. Makes for easier nursing at night. Makes for better sleep for mama. I found that out with Rhayn. I had trouble sleeping with her in a crib, especially after she turned blue at the hospital. Gwennie sleep in bed with me, or near me. Easier and free.

Carseat~
Free, given to me by the same mom who gave me many small diapers. Its good until 2013, too. I Am not exactly sure if we'll need to replace the bigger carseat when babykins outgrows the infant bucket, but we'll see. (We did buy a bigger car to accommodate a growing family, but I'm not adding that expense.)

Weekly Gratitude- Love

I am grateful for all of the love in my life.

~35 weeks along and this little one has my whole heart. Though I am still wondering about him/her and waiting to see who he/she looks like.
~The love between a girl and a dog. Sure Lily isn't "her" dog, but this is what having a dog is all about, that friendship and love.
~Heart shaped pizzas. This was Rhayn's idea. She thought it was the best way to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day

Gwennie and I were invited to a Valentine's Day potluck/lunch. It was really nice to sit around with a bunch of women, with small children (most had a baby under a year) and there were girls! there. Gwennie usually hangs out with a lot of boys. Not that its a problem for her, she really likes her friends, boy or not. But to be around other little girls is nice. She was the oldest kiddo there, by about a year, though she didn't mind.
This morning, I found this on my bed. Or I would have had Gwennie not told me about it and dragged me in to "find" it. (She kept saying "There is a heart with Rhayn's face on it!") I turned it over and read the note.

I love you, Mom.
from: Rhayn

I love the little notes she leaves me. I didn't teach her this, I used to do things like this, but not since having her. I know she made this a while ago. I remember her asking if she could cut up one of our Christmas cards to use her picture. (Since I over-ordered about 50, this wasn't a problem.) She is really thoughtful.

Silent Sunday

A busy Saturday morning, followed by a slow and easy evening.

The kids are away, having fun with my parents.

Rarely spent time together is had.

Sometimes I allow myself to get stressed out about things I have no control over. Today has been one of those days. Part of it is my own doing. Part of it is not wanting my kids to go away for the weekend. Part of it is just being pregnant and emotional. My carefully constructed box is cracked and I can't fill those cracks fast enough.

Thursdays used to be my "easy" day. Half day at Rhayn's school, I usually had a leisurely morning having coffee with a friend or two, then to handwork an picked Rhayn up at 12:45. The end. Since we started the winter soccer season its been me holding on to that idea, but also Rhayn's teacher wants them to stay after on Thursdays to study for the AIMS test (instead of taking away valuable class time). I am all for that. So she stays, but then at 3:45 we only have a short time before BOTH girls have soccer practice. At different parks. Rhayn's is from 4:30-6 while Gwennie's is from 5-6. If Will is home to take one, it is fine, and everything runs smoothly. If he's not, I worry about it.

He's home and will take one of them, so why do I feel so stressed out? Why do I feel overwhelmed and frightened? And why the heck don't I want the girls to go see the snow with my parents this weekend?

So Far...

What have I done so far today?

• started laundry, load 4 in the wash right now. Two on the line and one in the dryer.
• emptied and filled the dishwasher. If it doesn't get run at night, it must be done in the morning. That also throws off my dishes schedule.
• fixed the water line going out to the garden. Next up is plotting out the drip lines. To fix the water line I had to saw 2 parts of it off and reattach using an elbow piece. (Not sure what its called its a 90 degree angle PVC piece.)
• showered.
• had 2 small cups of coffee.
• watched my dog eat grass from one side of the yard while the cat nibbled on the other side. Then the dog puked up the grass (gross, and why did I watch that?).
  
• thought about baby names. I have some top contenders (in my head) and no I won't share them with you. You'll just have to wait, mua hahahaha. Then again, aside from this baby being head down with a lovely foot or two in my ribs, I don't feel like I know this little one as well as I felt I knew Gwennie. I want an ultrasound, just to see the baby. I don't need one at all, but... I still want one.
• sat at the table on my laptop, reading dumb crap on Facebook as well as blogs.
  
• wondered if I could take a nap.
• considered turning on the TV to watch "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" on Netflix instant play, which has been my newest television obsession. I want to watch Glee, but it is not on instant play.
  
• been thankful that last week's cold temperatures are over and Gwennie's rash seems to be better.
• tie-dyed 3 maternity shirts and 2 long sleeved cardigans for the girls.
• considered what to make/eat for lunch (its 11 am now).
  

I've only been up for 5 hours, too. I think that is a lot. Although there is always more to do, isn't there? If I want to get the garden planted next week I need to get the drip lines in and the fencing back up. Lily won't like that, she likes to lay in the dirt of the garden and sun herself.

Weekly Gratitude

This week my gratitude lies with

• another week closer to meeting this new life. 34 weeks down, and only a few weeks until it would be just fine for him/her to be born.
  
• family and their generosity. I wrote about it already but once again, I am grateful for the new-to-us dryer that is now installed in our laundry room.
  
• friends who love and accept my kids (and myself) exactly as we are and knowing that I feel the same about them (and their child.)
• finally, sort of, getting over giving Penny up. Its been months and I need to be over it. Every time Will leaves for drill weekend I go into panic mode about dogs. Only we don't have dogs anymore, we have dog, singular. And Lily is an excellent dog, she is well trained. Sure there is a good chance she was just as much at fault as Penny, but I made a choice because I knew I had to. I live with that choice and the consequences of it every day. Gwennie borrowed a book called, "Before You Were Mine" from the library and I sat down to read it to her. I cried so hard through the whole book. I know its not likely that Penny went to a new home. Its more likely that she was put down, because of what she was. I am trying to be all right with that. But it broke a small part of me. I guess you could say there is a Penny shaped hole in my heart.
  Gwennie talks about Penny a lot, and points out dogs that look "sort of" like her almost every day. I am ok with that. We can talk about her, because for almost 18 months she was a part of our family, and we'll never forget that. (Also I can see pictures of her without breaking down in tears and that is a huge step for me.)
  

I rarely take pictures of my belly from that side. I don't know why, but thought I would share my superfluous nipple with you all, I think I may have mentioned it on here before. It cracks me up. I've always had a small mole there, but after I became pregnant with Rhayn it got larger and more sensitive. But, there you go, proof that I am a witch, at least according to lore and legend. My supernumerary nipple does not produce milk, which I can be thankful for. Can you imagine as the baby latches on, that third place suddenly spraying milk?

WWZ and a "new" dryer!

Yesterday was a busy day. We started early at an 8am soccer game. Gwennie's rash was still pretty bad looking so I had her stay with me and not play in her game. My parents came up to watch the games, too.

And they brought with them... a dryer! Whoo hoo! (Did I mention that our dryer was squealing/squeaking worse every time I used it?) My awesome sister-in-law and brother had an extra dryer hanging out in their garage and offered it to us. My dad brought it up and installed it for us. (Will is away at drill this weekend or he would have helped.) My parents also took the old one away so that we didn't have to hang on to it until bulk trash pick-up the first week of March.After that, my parents had planned to take my nephew, B, to the Wildlife World Zoo. None of us had ever been there before.It was cold. I brought coats for the girls but forgot to bring one for myself. I had to make do with a hat and scarf. In the sun it was nice, but in the shade I was cold, all day long.
Rhayn loved that feeding the giraffes was "free" as she picked up pellets off of the ground under the machine. We did buy a little bit of pellets for them for 50 cents. She got slimed by the giraffe's long tongue and told me it was really rough.
In the aquarium we saw many neat fish and sea creatures. This one was Gwennie's favorite. It was hard to tear her away from watching this guy cleaning the tank. She went back to watch him 3 times. She flat out refused to touch the sea creatures that she could have touched. This wasn't surprising, she doesn't care to touch the sting rays at the Phoenix Zoo, either. She loved touching the next animal, though. This axis deer was in the petting zoo. .There was a really nice petting zoo area, complete with an area to get up close and personal with tortoises. Rhayn learned why the sign said "DO NOT FEED". She was pulling the lettuce our of a crack and feeding it to one, who was a little excited and clamped down on her finger. Ouch.
We walked all over, and probably didn't see all of the animals. We managed to be at the right place at the right time right before we left and got to watch an animal encounter show. They asked for volunteers and Rhayn's hand shot up. She was picked and gladly held this Madagascar Hissing Cockroach while walking in front of the crowd. The roach kept trying to climb up into her sleeve. She loved it, and can no longer say that she "never gets picked". All in all it was a good day. I remember why we never, ever go into gift shops at the end of the day. Nothing makes parents as mad as whiny kids who want you to buy expensive, plastic crap that will break on the way home.

Of Rashes and Glasses

This week has been a big one at our house. No, the baby hasn't come early. (Though he/she is LOA or left occiput anterior and kicking like a fiend into my right side. It can be painful at times and it is weird to see a huge bulge on the right.)

No, over the weekend Will asked Rhayn if maybe she needed glasses. We took her to Eyemasters and, yessirreebob she needs them. Her right eye has 20/20 vision. But it does all of the work which means her left eye wasn't really seeing.
We spent quite a while finding the perfect pair of specs for her. They are gray with a white and turquoise layer. Super cute don't you think? Unlike me, she needs to wear them all of the time, for near and far. I only really need my corrective lenses for distance (myopia).

We've also had some really cold temperatures around here. Like freezing. We had a couple of days with highs in the mid 40s. I can't be sure if that is why Gwennie's face (and only her face, nothing on her body) has broken out in a rash. But it is a big coincidence, no? This morning her face was really awful looking and she said it itched. We gave her some benadryl, which did next to nothing to the rash itself but she got very sleepy. This afternoon she has a low fever (99.5) and is still acting sleepy.
You can't even really see the rash in this picture, because over the day it has started looking better. The redness has gone down but its still bumpy. It did that yesterday, too. Morning it was red and swollen but by bedtime it was nearly gone. We'll see how it looks tomorrow. If she is still running an elevated temperature she won't be playing soccer.

The below picture is a little better, as far as being able to see the rash. Though Gwennie looks a little crazy.

Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup

Creamy Fire-Roasted Tomato soup
adapted from America’s Test Kitchen “Cream of Tomato Soup”

Serves: 4-6 Prep Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes

3 T butter
1 smallish onion- diced finely
1 (14.5 oz) can of fire roasted diced tomato Today I used fire-roasted with garlic. Mmm
1 (14.5 oz or 28 oz) can of diced tomato
1 T tomato paste (I use Amore double concentrated)
2 T flour
1 cup chicken broth
½ cup of heavy cream (if you use half and half or milk don't simmer at the end)

1. Melt butter in dutch oven or whatever pan use are using.

2. Add onions, cans of tomato with the juice drained, (reserving it for later,) and tomato paste. If you wanted to add a little brown sugar to this to up the sweetness 1 T could be added now.

3. Cook, stirring occasionally for 10-15 minutes, until the onion and tomato are starting to caramelize. It will caramelize better with the brown sugar, but I prefer it without.

4. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute. Slowly stir in broth and reserved tomato juice.

5. Bring to a simmer, cover and cook for 10 more minutes. Or longer if you walked away and did something else, like wrote a blog post.

6. Puree the soup. I use an immersion blender, but you could puree it in a normal blender or food-processor (just do it in a couple of batches). If you were planning to make this soup for later, stop here. Freeze or store in refrigerator until ready for use. Reheat over low and continue on with recipe.

7. Slowly add the cream. Bring to a simmer and immediately remove from heat.

Season with salt, pepper, cayenne or anything else that strikes your fancy (to taste) and serve.

*I know this recipe takes longer than opening up a can of Cambell's, but it is so worth it. You could probably sneak some other veggies in there if you wanted. Mix it up, try it with 2 cans of fire-roasted tomato or use regular diced. Try it with Rotel for a spicy southwestern soup, or maybe add some basil and Parmesan cheese at that end. The sky is the limit! Enjoy!

Best pants... ever

When I was pregnant with Rhayn I had a huge pair of overalls that I lived in. No, they weren't maternity ones, just sized really large. When I was pregnant with Gwennie, it was summer and I would have rather been close to naked most of the time because I was so hot. I wore tank tops and shorts or pajamas since we rarely left the house.

This pregnancy, its winter here in Arizona, and today we have a "cold front" moving through. Its still not that cold (especially in comparison to the rest of the country.) I'm cold through and through today.

But, I found these overalls in my pants drawer this morning and once I put them on, I wondered why I hadn't gotten them out sooner (besides that I may have forgotten that they were lent to me!)