Lost in Louisiana

This last week has been a bad one. First we received news that Will wouldn't be coming home with his unit. Then I got sick with stomach issues. I am still not sure if that was stress related or what. I just felt awful. This was compounded by a migraine due to barometric pressure changes, I felt that storm blow in before it actually made its way into the valley.

My girls are sad and mopey. I have been in a bad state of mind, depressed and unable to handle it. In fact I have spent most of the week buried deep in the mind of Sookie Stackhouse** while reading* the Southern Vampire Mysteries and barely able to surface long enough to feed my kids or drive Rhayn to school. Even now I am itching to get into the next book, thanks to a friend who lent me all of them. I haven't showered in a few days, or brushed my hair.

Now that not showering thing isn't completely because of the books, it is partially because of the migraine that I had yesterday. The day before we had taken the kids to the pool and when I got home, I took a bath, a hot soaking bath. (I know, it was 109 out that day, but I just turned down the a/c a little and escaped to Louisiana.)

The house, which was spotless last week, is slowly getting dirty. I am trying to stay on top of it, but losing myself in the vampire books has not lent itself to that task.

Today it is humid, it rained a lot last night. With the rain my headache went away. I woke up at about 1am, with no migraine pain and to the pitter patter of rain drops on the roof.

My girls seem to be in better spirits this morning. Well, after Gwennie got over her stuffy nose drama this morning. They are playing nicely and I am attempting to NOT pick up the book I have laying by my bed upstairs. I just want to get my bedroom picked up and a shower taken before I delve into the vampire world.


*I really like these books, they are quick easy reads. But some don't like them due to the writing style. Me? I am ok with it. I love the story and the characters. I can not wait to read them, and have a very hard time putting them down to do anything. But they are also easy to pick up and read for a chapter. I don't know if I would recommend them to everyone. They are bloody and each have a little sex in them. But for pure entertainment, I am loving them!

**Too many spoilers in that wikipedia entry, so don't read it if you want to read the books, m'kay?

Breaking Down.

I am having a really hard time getting over my depression. I took the girls shopping today (retail therapy anyone?) But it didn't help. The only thing I bought para me was Breaking Dawn. Alright, I totally forgot it was out. I felt totally out of the loop when my sister and my sister-in-law were going on and on about it. My sister saying she only had 150 pages left. My cousin was almost done. Amie had finished and posted about it. (I did not read your post, I am that strong. But I really wanted to.)

Have you ever felt like you are totally outside of the joke? I felt that way when the commercials with the guys saying "Wassup!" I didn't (and still don't) get it. Why is that funny? Why did everyone walk around saying "WASSUP!" to each other for months afterwards? WHY!?

Back to buying the book. I waited patiently through lunch and driving home to crack the book open. I set the girls up with a movie and some snacks and holed myself up in my room. I made it to page 300 by dinner time. Then I hurried downstairs, heated up last night's reruns (tasty pasta dish) and stuffed my face fast. I let the girls watch a second movie (Gwennie chose "Terkules" Rhayn had chosen Spiderwick earlier.) And by 7pm I had made it to page 511. I pause there, still aching to get back into the story. A little weirded out by the turns it has taken. A little mad because (*SPOILER*) Bella is a vampire now and didn't end up with Jacob like I wanted. But I am still engrossed like the others. And like the 7th Harry Potter book, I am probably going to drag out the last few pages. If its the end of the series then I really do not want it to end. But I do want to know how it ends. Does that make any sense at all?

I know that when the book is over, I will be depressed. Like I am at the end of any good series, only right now, I don't need more sadness.

Photo Challenge: A Moment to Myself

The things I do when I get a moment to myself seem so silly. If I were still in possession of my teenaged brain I would slap myself. Although these pictures show the one thing I love and have always loved, and will continue to love until I die. A Library. Our public library is pleasantly located on the shore of a man made pond (as they all are in this lovely city.) If it weren't 110 degrees outside, I would grab a book and a blanket and lay there, next to the stinky pond watching the clouds roll over me. But it is 110 degrees, and I will sit inside of the library. Usually these moments are quick, and they are so rare, those moments to myself. And I will take that forty five minute trip to the grocery store as time to center myself. The things I like to do alone if I can actually make time for them:

• Catching a movie alone
• Taking a bath, with a good book
  
• Walking around a store, especially one with clothes I want to try on.
  
• Resting in my bed
  
• Looking at books in the library (and smelling those lovely old book smells.)
• Grocery shopping (much easier alone than with two kids "helping")
  
• Getting a pedicure

What do you do when you have a moment to yourself?

Classically Lacking

How many of the classic books have you read? Me, well you know how I love to read? I am rarely without at least one book started and maybe another that I am half way through. (Currently I am reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and It Wakes in Me by Kathleen O'Neal Gear.) I have always thought working in a library would be an ideal place for me. Books? Good! Organization? GOOD!

Alas, I have read none of the true classics. I have never sat down for an evening of Jane Austen (except in movie form- we watched Becoming Jane last night) or Emily Bronte. Mr. Whitman or Mr. Twain? Nope, never read 'em. Homer? Gasp- I know Will sat through the film version of the Odyssey (twice), I haven't even done that. I lived in 1984, but the book? Nope, never read it.

Will asked me to pick up a few books at a local resale shop for him to take while deployed. He recently finished The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli , and is therefore already way ahead of me on the classic book reading list. Yesterday the girls and I went to Bookmans, armed with list in hand. Gwennie was napping in the stroller as I went through the fiction books alphabetically. Then I headed over to the non-fiction section. I stopped and felt overwhelmed because I had no idea what genre most of those books were. An older gentleman who worked there asked me if I needed help. Originally I had planned to just find what I could on my own, but we had already spent forty-five minutes at the store. I showed him my list, and told him what I was getting. He started to help me, finding about ten more books in a short time.

I ended up with twenty-two classics, from different genres. Will told me he only plans to take six and then we can swap them out as he finishes the ones he takes. He is listening to Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen on audio book (borrowed from the library for free) at the moment. So he will probably not take Pride and Prejudice with him, I think when I have finished the two books I am reading now, I will start that book. I will force myself to read some classics.

I spent so much on used books that the cashier asked me if I was a teacher, she gave me a ten percent discount for spending so much money. (We also bought a few books for the girls including one called Not One Damsel in Distress by Jane Yolen.

It Has No End

My dearest friend is moving tomorrow. She has been one of the people that has made my life fun and exciting. She compliments my personality and makes me feel so special.

I thought she would be here while Will was deployed, my sanity and strength. When she told me that they were moving my heart dropped and bounced on the asphalt we were walking through. It has been months since she told me, and I have held it together by not thinking about it too much. But in the last few weeks, it has gotten more and more difficult to ignore the inevitability of her move. Today she brought her three children over for our final play date. We kept it light, except for a few heart-wrenching moments and misty eyed talks.

She gave us gifts. For me a nice jar of green tea, because she knows that I really enjoy it. Her daughter E, gave Rhayn, her classmate, her dear friend, a copy of the book which brought on the entire class calling Rhayn "Weasel," or "Wainscott Weasel." Her daughter A, who is younger than Gwen, but her best buddy, gave Gwennie a rocking elephant. Apparently it was handed down to A by a member of the school community and my friend was told to pass it on if she ever moved, to keep it within our community. Whenever we had gone to their house Gwen would rock and love on the elephant, and it was a perfect gift for her. We took pictures to remember each other. Pictures of the kids, playing talking, laughing.

When it was time for them to leave. We walked them out, and E told Rhayn,

Make new friends and keep the old,
One is silver and the other gold.

And I replied,

A circle is round it has no end,
That is how long I want to be your friend.

And what a perfect way to say "See you later" to such good friends.

Tagged- 6 Random things.

Mo over at Green Desert tagged me. I am pretty sure that I have done this one before, but its been a while and over time these things change, don't they? Or maybe it is that I am thinking about something different today.

Here are the rules-

Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your blog.
Let each person know they have been tagged, by leaving a comment on their blog. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Here are six things about myself:
1. I am about to start my moon time and am I ever so happy about that. Seriously, its like a sudden freedom. I think that the Diva cup has a lot to do with that feeling of freedom.
2. I read a lot. At this moment I have 3 books that I am in the middle of. A friend just loaned me more books and I purchased The Host at Costco yesterday (Why didn't they have the Twilight series there? I do think I want to wait and purchase that as a boxed set in August... if they offer it.)
3. I fancy myself to be artistic. I used to be able to draw realistic looking people. Now? Not so much. It seems that I am quite out of practice.
4. I love my dog. I never thought I would be so attached to a dog, not since our dearly departed Spike (Brittany Spaniel we had when I was in high school.) But Lily? She brings out the love in me and I want to photograph her all of the time.
5. I am really tan right now. Seriously. For the first time EVER in my life, I am a darker shade than my little sister, Dacheese. I know that this will probably lead to skin cancer, but right now it is making me feel more alive. The sun rejuvenates me.
6. Um... my toe still hurts. But it is healing pretty fast. I wish I wasn't so klutzy and didn't break it so often, but whatcha gonna do?

Twilight Tag

1) Who's your favorite character?
I love Bella, but I am not sure who is my favorite character. She seems whiny sometimes. I adore Jacob.

2) Which character are you most like?
This is a hard one. I know that I want to say Bella or maybe Jacob, but honestly I think I am most like Angela. I am oblivious to what is going on around me.

3) Team Edward or Team Jacob?
Team Jacob. Its not that Edward isn't swoon worthy. He is. Oh he is. But Jacob and Bella make more sense, and if she were with him, she would have a more normal life. Jacob is so passionate in his love to Bella and if you are going to live in a cold place, having a heater for a boyfriend is just a bonus.

4) What are your predictions for Breaking Dawn?
(Don't kill me Amie... ok?) During a battle with the Volturi (or maybe a different force) Edward will be killed while saving Bella, or maybe he will make the sacrifice of himself in order to save her HUMAN life . Bella will eventually seek out Jacob and although she will mourn the loss of her vampire, she will live a long and happy life with her werewolf. The Cullen's and werewolves will continue to live a relatively stable life- side by side.

5) What do you think Bella's power will be? None, since she will not become a Vampire. But if I am wrong, she will be able to stop attacks from Vampires with her mind. She will know when those attacks are about to happen and stop them easily. Thus saving Edward the embarrassment of laying on the floor shuddering whenever Jane uses her power.

I wish I had something insightful to say. I have nothing. My brain feels like mush, and I want to sleep. This thing with Chas Roberts is ridiculous. Will and I sat down and wrote what happened this morning. We sent a complaint to the BBB about this. I had to call them twice yesterday. The first time they left a message for the technician that should have been at our house. But at 5:30 when I still had no information nor was my air conditioner in top working order, I called back. Will came home, and I was seething on the phone. I was shaking from anger. I don't get angry easily. But they had passed my threshold.

When we finally received information, the customer service person told us that the technician didn't even have our part and they would call us when it comes in.

WHAT?!

I still get angry about that. Because if they just told us that they didn't have the part, and that they would call us when they had the part in hand I wouldn't be upset.

Alright, let me stop there, because I work myself into a tither over this dumbness. I did read a book while I was waiting for the technician. I finished Eclipse. Let me just say, that all the things you have heard about these books are true. These books, the Twilight Saga, are the most compelling, interesting, invigorating, frustrating books I have ever read. J.K. Rowlings holds nothing on Stephanie Meyer. She is absolutely the best author that I have read. It doesn't hurt that she lives in Phoenix area, that makes her so much cooler in my head. Here is a glowing article about her in the Phoenix New Times from a little less than a year ago (its long, but well worth reading. Seriously, if you didn't want to read the books before... this article will make you want to- I mean you Dacheese. And Hairball? You had better read the darn books, too. You, too Mom.)

I wish I had the words to write how these books make me feel. Its like getting lost in an imaginary land. They are the epitome of good books. I am just in awe of these books, and how easily you become Bella, in her head, in her world, in love with a vampire.

I think that there are two big things that make her story, and these books really hit me hard. She was a stay at home mom when she wrote them, and the first written just as she turned thirty.

My biggest goal in life is to write a book, it is really hard to admit that, to allow myself to write it and think it. It scares me to think that I may never complete that goal. Chances are low that it will be as well received as Stephanie Meyer's books have been, but she started writing it for herself, not for the fame it would bring her. She is quoted as saying she thought it was just a cheesy "Vampire Romance" but the characters were so real to her.

I need...

help. Mental, physical, something.

I have been crying over everything. If Will was home, I would swear I was pregnant. Seriously. I watch telly and my eyes fill with tears. I read a book and... you guessed it... I start crying. Yesterday my mom took the girls and I to see The Chronicles of Narnia; Prince Caspian and you know what? I bawled. It was such a good movie. I mean, so lovely, so heart wrenching. Just thinking about it makes my eyes tear again. Then today? Yeah, my stupid self put the movie P.S. I Love You on my netflix cue. What was I thinking watching that? I do not think I stopped weeping from start to finish. And you think its just because I was watching/reading sappy stories filled with love lost? Well that was part of it. But why would I cry at Friends when Chandler's mom come to visit and makes out with Ross? Huh? Tell me what part of that was worthy of a few tissues?

I think that the strain of this is getting to me. The realization that in one week, Will shall be home, but that only means we will be that much closer to the long, hard road. I am not celebrating that he will be home soon, I am only worrying about him leaving again. I think I did this before. But I want to celebrate his home coming. I want to be jubilant that for a while, at least, he will be home to hold and love, and snog.

I guess I will just try to revel in the little things... like that I finally purchased Twilight at the book store. I was so sick of hearing about it's greatness. I wanted to read for myself. I attempted to put in on hold at the library, but I was like 46th in the cue. I finally just laid down the money for it. And now I am ready to read and enjoy. Because there is nothing that I love more than a right good book.

Rhayn and the Mirror Image

A few months ago I noticed that occasionally, when copying words, Rhayn will write a mirror image of what she is seeing. I talked to Will about it, as well as my Mom. Neither seemed concerned. I was, but since they weren't, I let it go.

Today was my first parent teacher conference with Mr. T, Rhayn's first grade teacher. He showed me some of her work. They have three books that they work in, they are like sketch books, one for form drawing, one for letters and one for numbers. Here are some examples of what the Waldorf school work books looks like. At a mixer he held last week, he showed us examples of the 8th grade work books that he had from last year, and they were phenomenal, quite similar to the 8th grade page shown in that link. The work is amazing.

So far, Rhayn and her class are doing very simple things. Their pages have a simple border of one color, and a form drawing, a letter, drawing, word, or roman numeral. The drawings that Rhayn does are really impressive for her age. Mr. T said she is artistic, and loves to draw. She often spends free play time drawing. He also said she likes to organize the room. She loves to rearrange her toys and special bits in her room, so it seems natural that she would do that at school as well.

We were flipping through the form drawing book, and came across a page with an L and a R on it. The premise of the picture was that you start "from sky to earth" when drawing lines (basis of writing letters) and then from left to right. Only she had written the R on the left and it was reversed. The L was written the correct way, but was on the right. Mr. T mentioned that he was slightly concerned because she often copies words down backwards. He mentioned that it may be a developmental stage that she is stuck at. Or it is possible that she is right hand dominant and left eye dominant. He plans on doing a dominance profile on each of the children, to find out if any of them have problems with dominance.

I believe, after talking to him, that I may be right eye dominant and left hand dominant. I have problems with a few of the items he told me to look out for. Then I told him that I write with my left hand but do many other things with my right (using scissors for example.) He asked me to throw him a bean bag. I throw with my right more than my left. I know that Will has some of the same "issues" with dominance that I do. He writes with his right hand, but does many things with his left. Is this something genetic that we have passed on to Rhayn that is going to make some things more difficult? Possibly. Luckily for Rhayn, her school is on top of it. They have already started things such as Bal-A-Vis-X, which should help them "cross the midline" as well as develop balance and rhythm, and concentration.

For the moment we are not taking any special action with Rhayn and her mirror image writing. We plan on keeping an eye on her. If it gets worse, she starts doing it every time she writes or it increases at all, I am supposed to talk to Mr. T. If it gets to a point that she is no longer doing it at all, then he wants me to talk to him about that, as well. I really like her teacher. He is so caring, and knowledgeable. You can tell he has a passion for the school and the Waldorf method of teaching. You can hear the way he wants these kids to do their best, to BE the best they can.

In Waldorf schools the teacher moves on with the class. They stay with their students until they are in 8th grade. This is awesome, because then the teacher knows what the student has been through, where they have come from, what hurdles they have crossed on the way to where they are. He will really know and understand our kids. I also think that having only 21 children in the class gives him and our children a leg up. Even though the class is over two thirds male (there are only six girls I think.)

Rhayn is so lucky, her school journey is already so amazing. She has opportunities that I wish every child had. Opportunities that I wish I had had. What a great school we have found. How lucky we are.

Dumbledore is Gay.

Instead of watching TV lately, I have been listening to the Harry Potter books on CD. I think I am getting too involved in them though, because today I finished up the Prisoner of Azkaban, and I sniffled through the last few chapters.

This morning on CNN there was a bit about J.K. Rowling announcing that Dumbledore is gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) I wish she hadn't. No, not because I want him to be straight. But because I want to make that decision myself. That is one of the things I don't like about reading stories written by someone who is alive, and quite talkative. She doesn't leave anything to our imaginations, does she?

I am sure also that this "outting" of Dumbledore will make the right wing conservatives cringe as their children read the books, and watch the movies. There will be uproar and they will try to get the Harry Potter books removed from schools. The headmaster is a homosexual. He is not what they thought and therefore, WRONG.

In Star Wars, watching Yoda fight Count Dooku ruined him for me. I know he had to be "great" and take on the enemy but he always seemed like he was the wise one, not the one who wielded a mad light saber. It irked me that Georgie Porgie Lucas took that ideal of Yoda away from me. I think that is the moment when I stopped even liking Star Wars, and started hating George Lucas.

On a side note and peaking of Mr. Lucas, he and Harrison Ford send their kids to a Waldorf school, an interesting factoid. Also Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock are alumni of Waldorf schools.

24 Month Newsletter

Dearest Gwendy the Pooh,

You are now twenty-four months old, two whole years have passed since your birth. In some ways it seems like yesterday, in other ways it seems that you have always been with us, tormenting the cats and dog (who has been with us even less time, but what was life like without her?) You favorite book at the moment is Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see? It was one of your sisters favorites when she was about three. She could “read” it to me, and now she “reads” it to you. You still like it best when I read it to you, though. (I do silly voices for each of the animals, and for some reason the Teacher has Snow White’s voice, and she has since Rhayn was a baby.)

Every day I am amazed by what you say. Your sentences are easy to understand (for me.) You love to talk and tell stories. We have conversations, and you love to introduce yourself, and will point at whomever is around “Is mama” “Is Nay Non” “Is my DADDY!” because you can’t just say daddy like you say other things, his name is special, and requires exuberance and joy in the inflection. A month ago when we asked you a question and the answer was yes, you would nod your head and say “Uh HUH!” now however you nod your head and say “Neah!” I am working on getting you to say “yes” (pronounced “yeth”) but you still say “Neah!” first. Daddy doesn’t really like it, because it sounds like “nah” and he thinks you are saying “no.”

The only thing I can complain about is that you are independent now. You will run from me, laughing the whole time. If you don’t want to do something (like get into the car) you will try to twist your body and get away. Luckily for me, you are still small enough that I can pick you up and force you into the carseat. But I can see that it will not be this way for long.

You are a troublemaker, master of climbing and messes. But you also clean up, and will say “Clean up” in a singsong way, as you pick up, say, a pile of cashews you just dropped on the floor. If you find a pen or pencil or crayon you feel the need to draw. You will bring me paper asking for “cuh-ders” and will sit happily for a while drawing lines with your lovely, little left hand. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you seem to favor your left hand. I guess since you don’t look at all like me, at least I know that in personality and handedness you are like me.

For your birthday we had a party at Aunt Meh-Meh’s hours. We had a lot of people there, but many were from her husband’s side, as we were celebrating Madder’s birthday as well. There was good food, although it seemed that there was a lot of chicken from KFC. You didn’t mind, because you love chicken. Meh-Meh and I helped you and Madder open presents. You seemed to get a little more into it than Madder, but still we spent a bit of time calling you both back. As usual Aunt SLA and Uncle JVA gave a great gift. You adore your pop-up tent house. (And so does Miss Lily Lickington!) I had found a Wonderpets DVD and bought it for you. You helped me to wrap it, yet when you unwrapped it, there was clear excitement in your face. You carried it around and showed everyone in the crowd your “Un-Nuh Peth!” Maybe next year we will spend more time in the planning stage of the party, and get the invites in the mail. Both your aunt and I were guilty of not sending them out. When we set the cake out in front of you and Madder, Madder tore into her cake, like she knew what she was doing. You tasted your cautiously, and waited for a spoon to eat it.

On the way to the party we had a few errands to run, first we had to pick up the cake and then we needed to stop off at the mall and see Daddy’s friend Jordan. He works for T-Mobile and was switching us over to a pre-paid mobile phone (because we never use anywhere near the minutes we have on our Verizon phones.) While we were there, you threw the biggest, baddest two year old fit. I had to carry you under my arm, kicking and screaming out to the car. Where we sat and waited. It was miserable, but I couldn’t help but laugh through it, being your birthday and all.

What a short two years it has been, and I will mourn the loss of my baby. However I am truly enjoying the toddler you have become and am looking forward to meeting the girl you will become.

I love you, forever.

Your Mama

Boy-Gina

I sit at my computer, as usual lost in other peoples' lives while reading blog after blog. I hear Rhayn ask "Mom? Is this a boy-gina?"

My head turns quickly, to look at what she is referring to. Oh, its a book I borrowed from the library. It has a cartoon drawing of a naked man.

A few weeks ago Rhayn told Will that he needed to (not an exact quote mind you) "go back into my belly to make her baby brother." So I was at the library today and saw this book, Where Willy Went... and knew it would be a good idea to borrow it.

I want her to have a decent idea of how babies are made and this book looked alright. I am sure it will bring questions, but that is ok. I think it might be easier to tell her about it now, at six than when she is a teenager. I talk to her about periods and the like, too. I want her to feel comfortable and I want to feel comfortable talking about sex. Also I want her to know the proper names for the sex organs. (I wasn't sure what to call the girl part, so I said vagina. Rhayn calls it her "gina" with a J sound. But she forgets what the boy part is called.)

I guess its good that she didn't call it a Mangina because I can tell you that I would not have been able to control the laughter. I can actually feel it bubbling up just thinking about it. I didn't know it was the first two of those definitions. I thought it was just the third. Hmmm, learn something new every day!

disconnected again

I need a break. Seriously I need a vacation, if only to be able to finish reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in peace. There is sits, inches away from me, and I swear the moment I pick it up, some one will need me. Last night I read up to chapter 9, whoo hoo. Not that I am in a huge hurry to find out who dies, but still... Will is listening to it on audio book, and occasionally I will hear Jim Dale talking loudly from his office. I try not to listen.

I am still in my funk. I think it is affecting my whole being. I can not wait for Yoga to start (August 20th) because I know how much better I will feel when I have just those few hours to center myself and to myself.

I feel like Will doesn't like me at all. We are so disconnected right now. We haven't sat down and spoken to each other much since he came back from DC, he talks to Rock about WOW all the time, and about the war in Iraq. I feel invisible to him. Then he comes up behind me and feels me up, haha. Like I really want him touching me when we are on totally different pages in our books (literally- he is most of the way through Harry Potter 7!) He and I need to spend some time reconnecting, in every way. We need to have some time without the kids, we need to talk, we need to be intimate. I can not make myself feel "in the mood." I know that this "disconnection" happens and usually it isn't this bad nor does it usually last this long. It has been weeks. It has been that long because of his job and all that he has been doing, and because of my watching Care-bear, and our homework. It has been so long because of WOW, too.

I guess I really need to talk to him about it. More than anything that would be the best course of action. So why am I so afraid? Because it usually leads to a disagreement. And then he'll lock himself in his office and I will get even less of what I really need- ME time.

What excites these dogs?

A few weeks ago, Gwennie and I were at Costco. We were looking at the books, when she saw this one. We picked it up, and she proceeded to rip the head off of one of the dogs inside. Being afraid that some other mom would buy it and get it home before she realized that there was a headless dog inside (which she would totally have to explain to her poor child. "No, honey he had a head but it was taken off, in the book. In real life he had a head!") I purchased said book without much thought. Its been around, we have looked at it, and read the words, but I hadn't really examined all of the pictures.

Today Will told me I needed to look at the last page. I asked him if he was referring to the part of the book that states "All dogs poop, All dogs pee." (with pictures, including one with a pull tab that allows the dog to lift his leg and urinate a bright, yellow stream onto an unsuspecting tree, time and time again.)

"No, look at the back page."
I do, and lift the flap. Where a poor cat is cornered in a tree by many dogs staring up at it greedily. I notice that the cat is named "Kitty, The Calico Cat" even though it is an orange and white tabby. I point at that and say "Yeah that is pretty funny, since it is not a calico cat."
"No, close the flap and look at the tree."
Its no wonder these dogs are excited! Its REEFER MADNESS!