Salsa Shark

I love tortilla chips and salsa. Whether it is salsa verde or just red salsa. This scene from Clerks is one of my favorites. I just love that movie, I think it influenced my career choice as a young adult, when I worked first at a Texaco, then a Circle K and finally at a 7-11. What can I say, we are all influenced by movies we watch. (I have officially watched this clip 5 times now, and laughed out loud each time. It feels so good to laugh.)



So here is my simple recipe for salsa. Because I was making some this morning and thought, huh? I should take a picture of that, it is so pretty.

• 1 can of diced tomatoes, juices and all- today I also threw in a few fresh yellow tomatoes from the farmer's market (peeking out under the red onion in the picture.) You can also use canned fire-roasted tomatoes, for a different flavor. Really, just play around with what you have!
  
• 1/4 cup (more or less) diced onions, I used red today because that was what I had.
• a few rings of nacho sliced jalapenos, plus some juice. More or less to taste. Or if you have fresh, more power to you, it will taste better. (In my opinion. But I did not have any that were ripe enough in my garden.)
  
• some chopped cilantro (fresh from my garden!)
• 1 (or more) cloves of garlic, minced or pressed
  
• 1 lime's worth of juice
• 1 teaspoon of salt
  

Put all ingredients into your food processor (or if you don't have one, a blender works, or even just stir by hand, but then you will have larger chunks of tomato.) I make it differently every time, there is no right or wrong with this simple recipe. Add some bell pepper if you want. Take out the garlic, or cilantro. Taste and add more salt or not. I would go a little easy on the onions in the beginning, because you don't want them to overpower all of the other flavors. Or do you? Its up to you.

When your salsa is combined, pour it into an old salsa jar that you have saved. (Or any containerl.) Make sure you date it, because I think you should, then place in refrigerator for about an hour so that the flavors marry into the perfection that is salsa.


Now bask in the glory that you made salsa, it was easy, wasn't it?

Jinxed

I have so jinxed myself, haven't I? Remember last week, I said that I was too busy for Rhayn to be sick? I thought she would get better, and that it was just allergies or something because right now the air quality is pretty poor here. Its been windy and dry.

I took her to school as always, then went home to clean and purge some things. We needed to move a few old bookcases out of the house because we got a new, large one. I sat down with Gwennie, who was acting very grumpy, to watch a little television around lunch time. She promptly fell asleep on my lap. After I could tell she was out, I moved her over and came upstairs to try to call my friend JD. Her line was busy. However not five minutes after I hung up the phone, my phone rang. It was Rhayn's school. She was in the office because she didn't feel well.

I grabbed my still sleeping Gwennie and rushed to the school to pick up Rhayn. She said her throat hurt and her head and she felt sick to her stomach. We stopped at Sonic on the way home to get some lemon-lime soda. (I always like it when I am feeling sick to my stomach.) Rhayn fell asleep in the car on the way home. She then let me carry her inside and take her shoes off. She was out.

For the past four hours she has been on the couch, and now the ottoman. At one point I checked on her and she was on the floor. She proceeded to throw up the little bit that was in her stomach before moving to the leather ottoman. I asked her if it was comfortable and she told me it was.

I know she is really sick, since she has been asleep all day. That is not like her. She has to be very ill before she succumbs to slumber. She has had a low fever with it, too. Its about 100. I am watching her closely, and every so often I make her take a little drink. I know she isn't staying hydrated.

Her illness has given me today to get a lot done. I have cleaned out a few bookcases, gathered four nearly full bags of outgrown clothes and toys to be given away. I finally put away the last load of clothes from last week's laundry day, just in time for this week's laundry. I even cleaned the litter box. So, yes it has been sad to see my girlie sick but it has been very good for me. Rather like the Mental Health Day I was saying I needed. (I also got to go out with a friend for a few hours yesterday. Which was nice, I just hope that my sickly girl didn't give the illness to their son.)

Hey Now!

"Hey Mom, Look at Gwennie! She is a rock star."
"Yeah! I'n a rock star!"
My gaze slowly moves from the internet to my children, who have both come into my bedroom. They stand in front of me, Gwennie has colored her face purple with lipgloss, she is wearing a pink wig and a tutu. Rhayn is sporting a much-too-small Little Mermaid costume, and cat ears. Gwennie has a drum, while Rhayn has a guitar and foam microphone that Daddy sent home from the Newseum in Washington DC.

Then Rhayn tells Gwennie to hit the drumsticks together over her head and say "1, 2, 3, 4" before they begins their song. The words were simple, and all about how much these girls of mine rock.

I have to agree. They are total rock stars.

Writing Diarrhea

I have a desire to write, but nothing to write about. As one of the blogs I regularly read pointed out, she often writes that she has nothing to say but follows it up with eight to ten paragraphs of banter. I guess that would be called a freewrite. Remember those in school? We often had to keep journals in my English classes, and no doubt at one point every teacher would give us freewrite day. We were given, say, twenty minutes to just write whatever was on our minds.

I remember one teacher I had, Mrs. W., actually read and commented on everything I wrote. I was in her Honors class, so I always wondered if she read and commented on every single journal. Also, I wrote then, like I do now. I didn't hold back and that teacher knew things about me that I didn't share with any of my friends. I trusted her, and was thankful that she never shared my innermost dilemmas and thoughts with the counselor or anyone else. I am not saying that I wrote about bombs at school, or going on a shooting spree at school, because I was completely happy with my school situation. No, I wrote about feelings, deep ones, I wrote about my friends and what I really thought about them. I believe I even wrote about sex in my school journal.

I wish I still had those journals. I may, they may be hidden away in some box somewhere. Alas, I have no idea where they are. I have a few composition books from my later teen years and early twenties. I still write in one that I keep by my bed. Sometimes my mind needs to purge itself of all of these disconnected thoughts. Occasionally its like having word diarrhea and needing to sit on the toilet that is my journal. And almost always those thoughts are ones I will forever keep to myself.

Tinkering Around

I was jealous of all of you with the pretty backgrounds and fancy banners. So tell me what you think? I am still trying to decided how to make my banner a little better- I don't 100% love the sand texture behind the words. But I am also playing around with Photoshop Elements which we recently bought. I have to say, that making banners is A LOT of fun! I can see why some blogs change them regularly. I did for a while, but its even more fun making them with photoshop! That was $50 well spent.

Harumph.

I think I am afraid to stop. If I stop moving, keeping busy, I might start thinking. If I start thinking I might feel lonely. If I feel lonely, I might cry. Its all very If you give a mouse a cookie. I can not let myself be sad and lonely right now. I do think I need a mental health day. I keep thinking that Rhayn will get sick because strep was going around her school. I am not wishing an illness on her, but usually if we get the letter/email that someone has it at school, within a few days she starts showing the symptoms. I think she is showing the symptoms, but I can not stop right now, she can be sick on Monday, ok? She has the swollen glands, and red throat. She does not have a fever and unless she does and unless she is acting sick (and asking to stay home...) we will just keep on trucking. I have too much to do between now and Sunday.

Tomorrow I have a coffee date with a friend. I look forward to catching up with her. Then I am watching another friend's kids in the afternoon whilst she prepares for a garage sale this weekend. Friday morning I signed Gwennie up for a class at the zoo, Breakfast with the Monkeys. I think she will enjoy it. It will give me a reason to take her to the zoo and have a nice slow morning. Saturday we are meeting another friend at the Farmer's Market at 8ish. Then a birthday party around 11 or 12. Afterwhich I plan on collapsing on the couch while a kids' movie plays for the rest of the day.

Part of my is worried that since I am running on full power at this moment I will crash. I know it is likely. But what would I take out? I want to do all of those things and hopefully since Friday we only have the one morning appointment we will be able to rest for the afternoon.

Today I took Gwennie to Ikea and left her at the childcare for the first time. She loved it. Seriously, it was so nice to just walk slowly around the store and know that she was playing with some other children. I love Ikea. That store is great. I think we might make it a monthly thing, because I could drop her off and get an hour to myself while I sit in the cafe area. I could wander the store, too if I wanted. But mostly I think it would be nice to sit alone for a short time.

The Day That Would Not End.

Today was one of those never stop for a moment days. And it also involved temper tantrums. Thank goodness for friends who can take the big kid to gymnastics whilst Gwennie screams at me in the car in the McDonald's parking lot.

This morning, I was thinking, "hmmm, what shall I do today?" Then it occurred to me that an acquaintance was starting a playgroup that I wanted to check out. This would be good fun for Gwennie, so we went. Only we were the only people to show up (it had been a little last minute.) But it was a nice morning. Gwennie was great up until we were leaving. She didn't want to, and I was trying not to yell at her. I kept trying to usher her to the door, but it wasn't working. She wanted to stay and play. I don't blame her, they have the most awesome, kid-friendly back yard. But I digress. (I had to look that up, I didn't know what digress meant, but I was pretty sure I was using it properly, again, I digress!)

When we left there, filled with Assyrian lentil soup and tasty bread, we went to a consignment store to attempt find some shorts for me. Which was followed by a trip to one of my favorite lunch places "The Cyprus Grill" for some Greek Fries and bruschetta. Only as I ordered it, I realized that it was Tuesday, gymnastics day. So I got the fries to go and we drove at a swift pace home to grab the gymnastics things. On my way, I received a call from my friend whose children are also in the gymnastics class. She wanted to know if I could pick her daughter up and meet her at McDonald's for ice cream. No problem I thought. I arrived at the school on time, and grabbed the girls. Gwennie was dawdling horribly, because one of the boys had a lizard and she wanted to hold it I am sure. I spoke to one of the moms about tilapia for a minute, then another mom stopped me. "Are we still having the class meeting tonight even though Mr. T was out sick today?" Huh? Class meeting. Well yes, we had one scheduled it was on the school white board. Duh. I stopped another mom to ask her, and she said she would call Mr. T and ask him.

Fast forward to McDonalds. Everything is going well. I ate an ice cream for the sugar (hoping for energy, because I was running on fumes at that point.) I mentioned the class meeting to my friend. She wasn't aware of it either. But I waited for Pam to call or text or something to let me know. Little did I know that my phone was not getting a signal whilst I sat on it.

We all get ready to leave McDonalds. Gwennie still has her socks on, so I tell her to leave them on. She looks right at me, and rips them off her feet. Um, no. I grab her around the waist and pick her up. I ask Rhayn to walk out with her friend and take Gwennie directly to the car and put her in her car seat. She is throwing a temper tantrum like no other. Screaming crying, the whole bit. I sit calmly in the front seat listening to Death Cab For Cutie (its calmish music, right?)

My friend comes up to my window and asks if I want her to take Rhayn to gymnastics and if so, can she have her clothes. I say "Yes, I think I will be here for a while." Her answer, "That is what I figured."

Gwennie sort of calmed down in about five minutes. Enough calm that I was willing to drive across the intersection to the gymnastics place. She wouldn't sit still through Rhayn's class which is before hers. Totally normal. While we waited, my friend got a text saying that the class meeting was still on. She was willing to take Rhayn with her to feed her horses while I stayed and watched Gwennie's class. Then she would get Rhayn some dinner at McDonalds.

Gwennie's class was going well, she was participating in everything. Then the lights went out. But the teacher just opened up the curtain and they kept going in the near dark. I did get Gwennie a few minutes early since we had to be at the meeting at 6 and class was over at 6. We didn't have time to go to McDonalds, because the power outage had affected the street lights. We sat at the intersection watching the police direct traffic for about five minutes.

Remember how I had gotten fries to go earlier? Well we hadn't eaten them all, so that is what Gwennie and I had for dinner. The class meeting was good. The same few folks there.

And we got home at almost 8. I checked my email and then started to write this. Whew. I am exhausted reliving the day. Tomorrow I am taking a slow day. I might even go and get a pedicure because I need some rest and those are so relaxing. I am feeling calmer just thinking about it!

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

In a few weeks it will be Easter. Yet another holiday passing with out him home. But this one isn't a really big deal in our house and we celebrated it sans Daddy last year, too.

What are your traditions? What does the bunny bring in the basket? Does the Easter Bunny come to your house? Or do you celebrate differently?

When we were kids there was always a basket of goodies, mostly candy and a kite or some bubbles. Something simple and that would be played with outdoors. The eggs were also hidden outside.

Thus far, Easter has been inside at our house. How does the Easter Bunny get in? Much like Santa, I suppose. This year, hopefully it will be better. Usually the baskets are too full, too. (Like the stockings Santa fills!) I am not sure what to get to fill them. I know I have a few weeks more, but I am feeling like I should be doing something to prepare for it. (Besides painting my upstairs like an Easter Egg. So, I like pastels... and your point is?)

Farmer's Market Day out.

Rhayn went with a friend to a church function this morning. So Gwennie and I went to the Farmer's Market downtown. We've only made it once before, and bought some of the best honey. I was craving tomatoes, and not those nasty things you can buy at the grocery store. I know they have locally grown tomatoes, and heirloom ones, too. I also wanted to buy some more of the raw, unfiltered honey I bought last time. I ended up with some raw, unfiltered Flagstaff wildflowers honey, it is so tasty. I know, I have a gallon of honey in the cupboard. However this honey is the kind you just get a spoonful of and slowly savor it. It is not mixed with chinese honey or anything.

After we walked around and looked at all of the fascinating things, I wanted some lunch. We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory because it is close to where we were. Gwennie and I enjoyed a nice plate of pasta and fresh bread. Then paid and walked out. It dawned on me that I couldn't find my keys. I frantically searched my purse and pockets. Nope, no keys. I looked in the car, and sure enough, there they were sitting on the drivers seat, locked safely in the car.

I took a deep breath, walked around the car (to make sure I didn't leave a door unlocked.) I stopped, and opened my purse again. I unzipped the change pocket, and felt a rush of relief. I have an extra key, I carry it with me all of the time, but I wasn't sure if it had made it to my most recent purse. It had, and thankfully, it unlocked the door and we were on our way.

That is an awful feeling, the panic of locking your keys in the car. If it were our truck, it has a key pad so I can unlock it from the door. But our car is the bottom of the line. I am just thankful for the small things in life right now.

Turn the thing off, ok?

Did you know my neighbors have their air conditioner on right now? Well, you would if you sat here with me. They never turn it off, its the air conditioner or heater depending on the time of year. I mean its right outside my bedroom window, coming on all night and then off and on and off. I don't like to turn ours on until it hits like 85-90 in the house during the day.

I open my windows at night to cool the house off. I like the fresh air, and the way that it cools off considerably in my room by about 10 pm. I like most of the sounds of the neighborhood, cars driving by, dogs barking, the wind blowing, just not my neighbors heater/air conditioner.

To me it seems a total waste of electricity to have it running year round. Honestly, I turn the heater on a few times during the coldest part of the winter, you know, when the house is cooler than 58 during the day. I sleep better when its chilly, so I don't turn it on at night then. We do turn it on on Christmas morning. I know those of you in colder areas probably think that 58 is pretty darn warm, but you have to remember that our extreme temperatures are in the summer, when it averages 110 outside. Nothing works to cool you off, but sitting naked in front of a fan whilst pouring ice water on your body. It is easier to warm up and simpler to work with the cold, to a point. You just learn to layer add more clothes until you look roly poly. Yes, I know. I lived in the mountains outside of Denver for a year. I felt the cold, I learned the fine art of layering. And I loved it.

What temperature do you keep your house at? Does it change from winter to summer? Do you even have a heater or air conditioner? If not what do you do to mitigate the rising or falling temperatures?

What is with the sticks?

The past few days as I was leaving the house to take Rhayn to school, I have noticed a pile of sticks right outside of my garage (pictured below). At first I thought it must be wind. You know, like wind blew the dead pieces of one of my plants there. But looking around it seems like nothing else was windblown. Maybe I am just in a vortex? I mean we have had strange happenings in our yard before (a microburst a few years back.) With my foot, I swept most of the sticks off to the side. Then proceeded to go about my day. The next day, same thing. Today was the third day of the strange stick pile.

This afternoon, I drove up and noticed a dove sitting on the top of my garage area. I noticed a few sticks there, too. Now this stupid bird seems to be attempting to construct a nest there, its only about 3 inches deep, too. How is it that doves are not extinct? Three summers ago, we had one try to build a nest on the side of Will's grill in a flat area that housed a burner. They tried to use the burner as a base for the nest. We didn't let the birds finish, but the cycle of life was already in progress, so the mother had to lay her egg in the area anyway. Doves are not smart birds. They don't seem to build nests away from predators, or even on stable surfaces.

I really hope they give it up soon, because I am tired of the pile of sticks growing in front of the garage.

A Vow

Like most women who have ever been pregnant, I have experienced hemorrhoids. They are uncomfortable and extremely annoying. They had completely gone away after I had Gwennie, only popping up once in a blue moon. You see, I am extremely regular. I rarely defecate more than once a day, and it is almost always in the early morning. Its nice being regular. Its not not having constipation, or diarrhea or any number of issues with digestion. I think I was just a bit too smug about that.

About a year ago, maybe, I started getting the 'roids again. Flare ups of a most uncomfortable sort. It is irritating to no end. They will not go away, either. With them has come an uncomfortable urge to scratch. I mean, its ridiculously hard not to scratch. I have to admit to falling prey to that undesirable urge more often than I would like to.

Chances are that I have compounded the issue. I think I have given myself pruritis ani. Sounds fancy, huh? It just means itchy anus. Because it has been going on for such a long time, I am starting to think I should see a doctor about it. I mean its bothering me every day. Every. Day. I have found great information on the internet (huh, there I go, self diagnosing again. Bad, Leaner, bad.) But it looks like the only thing I can really do to help, is be gentle to my anus. And. Not. Scratch. This is easier said that done. But I vow to no longer scratch. I vow to somehow avoid it, at all costs. If this doesn't help, then I vow to see a doctor in two weeks.

Did you know that stress can cause it? That excessive moisture (sweat) in the area can cause it? Well, it can. As can our friendly neigborhood 'roids. Look at this list of food I should avoid- milk, citrus fruit juices and drinks containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea and cola, may be aggravating for some people. Similarly, some foods that may be a problem include chocolate, fruits, tomatoes, nuts and popcorn. Um, yeah I haven't eaten a bag of microwave popcorn every night this week, not me. But this has been going on longer than that.

You want to know one of my biggest fears in all this? That I will have to see a proctologist. I don't want to have a colonoscopy. (But I know someone who is having one of those soon or recently had one, maybe she will tell me that they are not that bad. OK? Its alright to lie to me.) This fear is only second to my fear that it will be colon cancer. But again, my internet research quelled that fear a little, if only a little. I mean there is no reason to think that it is that. Honestly, I am just a bit overdramatic sometimes.

Calm

This afternoon, Rhayn told me she was tired. I knew she was just by looking at her. She said Gwennie kept her up last night. I knew moving Gwennie into Rhayn's room would not be a smooth transition. There are nights when it has been awesome and nights when it is an all night battle. Last night was fairly bad. Gwennie kept getting up and walking in to my room, where I was on the phone with my cousin in the northwest. So, you know, I basically ignored her for most of the time. Around nine she stopped coming in and so I assumed she had gone to sleep.

I don't mind Gwennie sleeping with me, when its just me. I really do like having the bed for Will and I alone when he is home. She wants to be a big girl in her big girl bed. I don't want to push her into it, so I just let her sleep where she wants every night.

This evening I made dinner early (after peeling about ten pounds of carrots. But that is another story.) After dinner I came upstairs because I was in the middle of the laundry that had piled up since Will left. I kept looking at the pile and thinking "there are still some of his dirty clothes in the laundry" which is a weird thought. But it has made me put off laundry a few days longer than I normally do.

Where was I? Oh yes, I was upstairs separating laundry. Gwennie starts screaming and crying and I heard her getting closer. This means she is not hurt too badly, so I waited to see what she has to say. She walked up to me, and showed me a bite mark on her arm. She said "Rhayn. Bit. Me." gasping deeply between each word. This is when I normally would lose it. I didn't. I stayed calm, and said "Rhayn, come up here." When she did (I did have to say it more loudly down the stairs for her to hear me) make it upstairs, I told her to go to bed.

She was in her room at 5 pm. She stayed in there until about 6:30, when I let her get up to type an email to Daddy. (He called today while he was at school and I knew she wants to talk to him.) Then I made her go back to bed.

I felt like the "zen mama" today. I mean I overreact to this sort of thing all the time. But today, I had spent the day being mom and doing house stuff, and I just felt more calm. Then again, I am also about mid-cycle, and my hormones usually make me very happy at this time of the month. I know I ovulated today or yesterday, just by the way I have felt. These hormonal shifts during my cycle fascinate me.

Spring Has Sprung in the Valley of the Sun

Around here the sun has warmed things up so much that nearly everything is in bloom. We are still waiting on the poppies to line the roads and cover the mountains. (I do think we need a little more rain for that, so it may not happen.

Back in the fall the girls and I threw out some wildflower seeds into the front yard. We have no idea what kind of flowers most of them are.

aloe blooms

desert marigolds

the girls call these "honey flowers"

a pretty purple guy

Mundane

Spring break is almost over. What have I accomplished thus far? We went to the zoo on Wednesday. Today we sent a package to Will (how could he go on without his copy of Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species?) The girls and I went to Home Depot (because they give a military discount, at least the one by our house does) to buy some concrete tiles. They were out of the gray colored ones, so we purchased red ones. It looks pretty, but I think the gray would have been better. I still need about eight more to finish my project. Gwennie took a long nap at 3 this afternoon. Seriously- she slept until almost 5:30. I am sure she will be up all night.

I haven't taken the girls to the other zoo. It was the only thing I had really wanted to do. Instead we may end up at the Science Museum. I think Rhayn will love it.

Instead of rambling on and on any more about my mundane day, I think I will go read a book with a bag of microwave popcorn. Mmmm that sounds like a nice night to me.

Five Days In

Here we are again, he left just a few days ago. It seems more like it was a dream sequence. Like it didn't really happen. Only I have pictures of him sitting in my bed, reading stories to the girls. I have pictures of him putting together a lego airplane for Rhayn. I have pictures of him carrying Gwennie down trails. I have memories of him holding me, and if I lay very still I can almost still feel the way that felt in the night (and smell him on the pillow).

The girls seem fine, and I am once again pretending to be fine. Pretending that I don't miss him every second of every day. Sure while he was here he got on my nerves. He did things that annoyed me. But he was here to touch, to talk to, to share my crazy thoughts with. He was here to laugh with and joke with.

I wish I had an actual countdown, a date I knew he would be home, instead of some vague future date sometime in July, August, or September.

Until I know anything, I will trudge on. Knowing that as the days get farther from that date last week, it will get easier. Until it will feel like this is normal. I will keep my insane jealousy for people who have spouses home inside hidden away. I will keep on thinking about what I would be doing if he were home.

Here is an article that I wish I had found before he left the first time. We dealt with a lot of silences, and anger before he left- his and mine. Neither of us knew how to be together while we were preparing to be apart. This time, when he started to shut off from me, I knew it wasn't his anger or that he didn't care. I knew it was his way of preparing to leave us, and become the LT again. This time we talked about it more. Which still wasn't much. But since we both knew what was coming, it was a lot easier. Operation Home Front Online is a great resource for families during deployment.

Now excuse me, whilst I go write an actual love letter to him.

Guess what...

this is!

Here fishy fishy

We decided that Rhayn would get a fish tank for her birthday. Well actually I decided that I wanted to get a fish tank, then she could get a fish. She wanted to put the tank in her room. So I moved m computer off of my desk, to put that in her room. We tried the tank there, but it didn't work. We tried it on her dresser, too. It looked huge and I felt like we could all enjoy it more if we chose a more central location.

In our upstairs game room (or toy room) we have a really nice oak entertainment center. It had a 27 inch, not hooked up, television in it. I moved the tv into the guest room (for the moment at least) and decided that the television spot would be a perfect place to put the fish tank for our whole families enjoyment. It took me a long time to get everything set up. But now we are just letting the water sit for a few days before we go purchase some fish. Rhayn wants goldfish- the fancy kind. Will thought a few small koi would be nice. (They do look like goldfish, so Rhayn is alright with that idea.) I really do not care.

Remember how I moved my desk into Rhayn's room? Well I am currently sitting on the floor with my computer and all of the crap that was hiding in my drawers surrounding me. Its awful. When we went to buy the fish tank, we also stopped at Target. Will and I had gound a pretty nice desk there that would match/go with our bedroom set. However, today when I went to buy it they were out of them. They did have a few other options, including a really nice mission style desk that was actually on sale. But we both felt that the one desk would just look so nice that it was worth the $30 more (fifty more with the mission style desk being on sale.)

I am also planning on buying a couple of big bookcases from Ikea to try to get a handle on the mess that is the toy/game room. I think that I might just be sitting on the floor to type on my computer for a few days until I can decide what to do. Or I could bring the other desk back into my room. I just don't want to keep dragging it back and forth. Seems a waste of my energy, don't you think?

YOU are great.

I found this link through Mama Saga's blog. And thank goodness, I needed it today.

http://yourfirstname.isabsolutelyremarkable.com/
copy and paste it into your browser with your name instead of "yourfirstname" and bask in your own awesomeness.

You are remarkable, wonderful and cared about. Just thought I would let you all know that today.

RhaynyDay #9 In which she turns 8

Today, she turned eight. Eight whole years old. And it has to have been the worst birthday she has ever had. Mommy is a mess today, because we have been up since 4:30. Mommy is a mess today because we dropped Daddy off at the airport at 5 am. You are sad because Daddy left. You kept saying "It doesn't feel like my birthday" and I agree. But that is so something that happens as you get older. Not that it should happen when you are only 8, but its a normal feeling. Mommy didn't have the energy to really make today special for you. I hope that I will have energy tomorrow, and that we will be able to do something just for you. I hope that we will be able to fall easily into our routine and that the gaping wound left by Daddy's departure will heal more quickly. (Not that it truly heals, but it does eventually become less intense, and then becomes a barely painful scar.)

Dear Rhayn,

I am sorry that today sucked. I hope to make it up to you somehow. I love you.

~mama

this morning

this morning
before the sun
even thought
of waking up

this morning
before most people
rose to brew
their coffee

this morning
before i was
really ready
you were gone

this morning
we rose together
in the dark of
predawn

this morning
we both wished
that we had
more time

this morning
we drove in
silence both
afraid to speak

this morning
i stopped at the
the drop off
and held it in

this morning
i never allowed
the tears to start
the tears to flow

this morning
we drove away
leaving you there
in camouflage

this morning
i was strong
for our girls
yet again

but tonight?
i am letting
it all out
tears fall,
sobs escape
because tonight,
i am allowed
to mourn
and be sad.

First Bud

My first rosebud this year (An Abraham Darby)


A small cactus we bought at the botanical garden. (Rhayn's choice.)


The succulent Gwennie picked out, she calls this her "little guy."


The "little guy" I bought at the botanical garden, because I have always wanted my very own Old Man of Mexico.

Holy Cow!

When Will's flight was delayed, I had to cancel our hotel reservations in Flagstaff for our scheduled trip to the Grand Canyon. (We were scheduled to head up there the day he was supposed to come home.)

This worked out alright, although Rhayn was out of school more than we wanted her to be. I knew she would want to be home with Daddy as much as possible. So she spent the first three days he was home with him. It was the week of parent-teacher conferences anyway, so she missed a few half days.

We decided that we would head up to Flagstaff after school on Wednesday, February 25th. I found someone who was willing to watch Ms. Lily so we took her over there midday. The trip up was uneventful. We stopped at Cordes Junction to use the restroom and have an early dinner at McDonald's. Neither Will nor I had printed off a map to the hotel. We knew it was near Flagstaff, to the south just a little, but we had no idea which exit to take. We ended up purchasing a map to find our way.

The truck was quite cold.

The hotel was decent. The only problem was that the water would not get hot, and the tub took forever to drain. All in all, the room was bigger than the hotel we had stayed at in San Diego. The hotel didn't offer breakfast, which meant we had to go out for breakfast. We had breakfast at Denny's where the girls ate "alien pancakes" and orange juice. Gwennie was so excited and kept pointing out the snow! over there! and more! over there! It was quite chilly. The truck told us it was 24 when we had left the hotel at a little after 7.

We took the western route to the Grand Canyon. The drive was nice, so much snow up through the San Fransisco Peaks area. We all kept our eyes out for wildlife but didn't see much, only a man cross country skiing.

Snow in the canyon.

When we parked at the canyon, Rhayn and I got out and walked out to see. Will helped Gwennie put on a jacket and it took him a few minutes to walk over. Rhayn and I had both been before, although it was more beautiful with the snow on the ground. The snow was only in the shady areas, having mostly melted in the sun.

Will and Gwennie pause for a picture.

We drove into the Grand Canyon Village area, and stopped for lunch at the restaurant in the Bright Angel Lodge. I was feeling rather gassy, and bloated. That made the entire day rather uncomfortable, sometimes you just have to deal with discomfort in life. I did take many unproductive trips to the restrooms.

A friend (the same one who was watching our dog) had told us that if we wanted to hike a little the Bright Angel trail was a good wide one to walk down with kids, so we hiked it a little ways. Lets just say that icy trails where one side goes pretty much straight down into a canyon are scary things. Will carried Gwennie because she was wearing cowboy boots and he didn't want her to slip and fall. Mule manure made it less slick, and although normally one attempts to avoid stepping in poop, we tried to step in as much as we could. (That is why the trail looks brownish- mud and manure.)

Will carrying Gwennie on the Bright Angel Trail.

After our hike we drove around the park for a while, looking at the views. We saw four large elk grazing by the side of the road, and I saw a nice winter furred coyote walking along the road. We arrived at the Watchtower and as usual, I didn't not climb to the top. I can not help it, I am scared of heights, and it is quite often debilitating. I know that it is ridiculous, about as silly as my fear of mirrors in the dark. I can deal with it most of the time, there are just some situations that I can not handle (like the freaky mirror in Hairball's childhood bedroom, shudder.)

Gwennie and I look out.

It was getting late and we decided it was time to leave the canyon. We drove out of the park, thus completing the loop and made our way back to Flagstaff for dinner. We wandered around the down town area of Flag, trying to decide what we wanted to eat. Gwennie kept her eyes out looking for dogs to pet. She always asks the owners nicely "Can I pet your dog?" first. Dinner was decent, we all slurped up hot miso soup.

For breakfast the next morning we went to McDonald's (I know, twice in one trip, yuck.) We recently purchased a membership to the Arizona Science Center and it gives discounts at Lowell Observatory. We wanted to take the girls there, and drove up to it, only to discover that it doesn't open until noon. Instead we played in the snow at a park for a bit before heading back to the valley and the warmth.

The girls riding a dinosaur in the snow.

In case you wonder why the title is "Holy cow!" It was Rhayn's exclamation about everything. The snow? "Holy cow!" The Grand Canyon? "Holy cow!" I think she said it about fifty time over the course of the two days. Will said that she must be in India, where there really are a lot of holy cows.