Gratitude and Gardening

Happy Monday, all.

Yesterday was a lovely day, so the girls and I went to the zoo. My goal was to get new pictures of them for my blog banner (and myself, too while I was at it.) Rhayn cooperated nicely but Gwennie just entered this "don't take a picture of me" phase. Oh well. Unfortunately Will was unable to go with us because he has a lot of work (that will hopefully be paying work) to do.

When we got home, I was bitten by the nesting bug a bit more. Rhayn and I spent 2 hours deconstructing my garden. I found out that the concrete blocks I had used back in May of 2009 really just baked my garden during the summer. There was a time when my garden was so lush and green, filled with lovely plants that were flowering and even some with lovely things to eat hanging from them. Enter Penny, the diggingest dog ever. In a few short hours she had fully destroyed all of my hard work. Lily would just find a cool spot in the garden and lay there content to enjoy the shade. So we put up a fence to keep the dogs out. It worked... but also made getting into the garden to work on it difficult. So for the past year, its pretty much sat, unused. I've tried to figure out how best to make it work. Will and I even installed a water supply directly to the garden that is NOT set with the rest in the yard, so I would water it more.Anyway, Rhayn and I took all of the concrete blocks out. Pictured above is the stack of all of the concrete blocks we moved yesterday, there are a few more around the yard that were used to deter Penny's mad digging skills that I will gather up over the next few weeks, you know, before I get much to large to move them. We left 3 that we can not remove (below you can see the tallest green fence post that is anchoring those 3 final blocks in). After that we began taking out the rebar that I had used to secure them. We worked for about 2 hours and I was reminded how grown up Rhayn is. She is a great helper. This week I want to finish getting the garden ready for planting a spring garden. I plan to use this website's recommendations for what to plant, and it says to start mid-February. I would love to have some herbs to use this spring, fresh basil, cilantro, mint, and some lovely flowers just to look at.

Now, on to my gratitude for this week!

• 33 weeks, 7ish to go. I still have energy and desire to get things done. This is extremely helpful at this point. Here is to having those full 7 weeks (and maybe more, how cool would an April birth be?) until this little joins our family! Also, this little one still doesn't have a name. We have some ideas, but since we don't know if its a wee girl or boy... we haven't named him/her.
  
• cool temperatures and rainy days. Sure this is putting a damper on my gardening this weekk, but I love the clouds.
• quiet days at home. Gwennie can play by herself for hours. It. Is. Awesome. I know that these kinds of days are going to be a thing of the past soon. Gwennie will probably get clingy when babykins comes. Plus our life will change so much.
• barbecues with friends. Will mastered a smoked barbecue chicken this weekend. It was so good, though a little spicy for the kids.
  

Silent Sunday- at the zoo

Saturday Morning Games

Whose cute boy is that? Oh wait its my daughter, playing hard.

Gwennie is trying. She may get it... eventually.

Random

I could start every post with "I didn't sleep well last night..." or some variation of the "I am tired" theme. I am trying really hard not to. But I am tired today. I slept alright but 6am was too early and then, instead of my 1 hour grace period (where only Will has to deal with me while I consume breakfast and/or coffee) BOTH of my beautiful daughters woke up at 6. They weren't annoying or ill-behaved. I was just... not ready to be MOM at 6am this morning. So I sulked in the chair. Very grown up of me, I know.

Also, neither of these pictures have anything to do with this post. I just wanted to put them up because I like them.
Yesterday was rather rough. It shouldn't have been, but I was being stupid about it all. Instead of making some calls and getting help, I chose to just deal with it all. Both girls have soccer practice on Thursday nights. Rhayn's starts at 4:30 and Gwennie's at 5. They are NOT at the same location, and are in fact opposite directions from my house. I know a few of the parents on Rhayn's team. BUT one of them was late (her kids have karate first) and the other never came. Will had a meeting at the same time as soccer practice, too. I waited until someone I knew showed up at Rhayn's soccer practice and then took Gwennie to hers (30 minutes late). It all worked out just fine. But I spent all day stressing about it. Soccer is only 6 weeks long, and I want them to get as much out of it as they can. It helps that they are both so excited for practice and games every week.

Here is, yet another, crappy self-portrait of the baby bump. I'm mad because I had to buy new panties this week. My butt hasn't grown that much, but none of the pairs I own covered it fully. I felt like I was pulling everything up, all. of. the. time. Or down, in the case of some of my shirts. I thought I was smaller than last time, and maybe I am, maybe I just feel more uncomfortable in my skin. Or maybe this baby is in a different position that makes me feel like my skin doesn't fit. I don't know. I also bought a sports bra to wear OVER my other bra. I can't explain why that is more comfortable, it just is. Also, the panties I ended up with looked HUGE when I pulled them out of the package. I am used to little panties, because I wear a 5/6 normally. I think its partially because I went with low-rise briefs and boy shorts but still... is an 8/10 that much bigger? (It looks like I am lacking in the gluteus maximus department in this picture, its gluteus minimus, so why doesn't it fit into my panties? Oh yeah... its the hips.)

Gratitude with Food

What I am eating, right now. I love potatoes!

Its no secret that I love food. Thankfully I was blessed with an awesome metabolism that thus far has kept me from being gaining weight. I don't usually have to ability to eat a huge meal at once. I eat about as much as Rhayn on a good day (not helped by the baby pressing my innards upwards!)

Yesterday we had a mini-cook-a-thon. Now mind you, this still required a lot of prep work and even though we only planned 6 meals, we ended up making 7 and were there from 9am until 3pm working hard. I do prefer freshly cooked meals to the frozen ones, but you have no idea how many times those meals have saved me. Especially while I was in the throws of morning sickness. Our meal planning guru, D found a really good deal on fresh chicken breast (boneless/skinless) and so we worked around that delivery and chicken dishes.

We made baja chicken enchiladas, parmesean chicken, arroz con pollo (though the arroz or rice part will be cooked separately), white chicken chili, chicken pot pies, stuffed shells (ok no chicken here) and meat sauce (also no chicken, but the meat was also on sale and it doesn't take very long to make.)

We are planning a second mini-cook-a-thon in a few weeks to make some other dishes. I think that plan is beef and barley soup, Jessica's soup (this is one of my favorites even though it has sausage in it), sloppy joes, a couple of cookie doughs and a few other dishes. This should really come in handy for the month after little babykins comes.

I am so thankful for the women who invited me along 2 years ago for that first big cook-a-thon. I have enjoyed their company and am always glad to spend the time with them, getting to know them, and their sweet children. Its been fun watching bellies grow and babies grow.

Speaking of babykins, I am 32 weeks along! That is 8 months. 8! EIGHT! That puts me at 2 months to go, 8ish weeks. I am pretty well freaked out about it now. I feel like this little has no room already, there are feet pushing out both sides. Baby will kick back when I push his/her foot and its fun to do. I got my birth kit in the mail yesterday. I haven't opened it yet, but I know pretty much what is in there. Its nothing exciting (besides the itty bitty hat that will grace this babykin's head soon.) I have started gathering the other things on the supply list, like hydrogen peroxide (takes blood out of carpet and clothes, seriously, try it!). I am still having a hard time realizing that this is all real, and that in just a short amount of time, I will be holding and nursing a new family member.

Sleeping and Waking.

Gwennie, a few weeks old, sleeping.

This whole not sleeping well crap is getting to me. I know I have written that before. It is no less true right now than it was then. What am I going to do when the baby comes? I was so lucky with Gwennie. Sure, she didn't sleep through the night, in fact she woke up often to eat. However I quickly figured out how to nurse her while not fully waking up. It was awesome. I am so afraid this baby is going to be colicky or not a good sleeper. Maybe he/she will get their days and nights confused. They sure are right now. (7-10pm is wiggle time!)

No matter what time I go to bed, no matter what time I get up, I feel tired. all. of. the. time. Is it just being pregnant? I suppose it could be.

I hate the sound of alarm clocks (who doesn't?) and Will and I set up a light alarm. Its really just a light bar on a timer. It works really well and beats the $70 price tag of some of the light alarms you can buy and its more customizable. During the summer I don't use it at all, since the morning sun shines directly into the window opposite my bed. But when the sun isn't coming up until much later, I need it. (Also, I want an hour of wake up time before I become Mom, because I am not in any way a morning person.)

Normally on the weekends I turn that sucker off. Its easy as the light has a switch on it, then I don't mess up the timer. But I needed to get up for a soccer game that was at 8am yesterday. Last night I just plain forgot. So at 6am the light came on. I tried to ignore it, covering my face with a pillow. It didn't work. (Also, why didn't I just turn it off? Hmmm? I don't know.) It only stays on about 15 minutes. Then it went off, but I was awake. I chose to stay in bed. At 7 I was laying there, talking to Gwennie about which days she has soccer practice and games.

Lily came upstairs to wake us. You see, we are training Lily to wake up Rhayn. When its time to wake her up, Lily gets to run upstairs and jump on her bed and lick her face. I hope that eventually Rhayn will wake up when she hears Lily coming. Plus, Lily gets so excited, its really funny. It has been a better way to wake Rhayn up compared to when Will or I do it. For some reason she wakes up in a slightly better mood then if we just went to wake her up. You may ask, why not try a light alarm with her. Well, she sleeps with her head under the blanket, and even the sun pouring into her room and on her face doesn't rouse her from her slumber. She'd sleep until 10 if we'd let her.

Lily, soon after we brought her home. So cute, so little.

There are so many things I want to do, right. now. Instead all I can imagine doing is laying on the couch sleeping. However the best way to do that is to watch tv and I don't want to watch a kid movie. It won't matter what I put on, the girls will plop down on the sectional and watch it with me. But I think I might have to nap... just because I feel like the walking dead right now.

Floh

I'm not sure if I have ever written a post about my cat, Floh before.

Floh is the offspring of my old cat Sheba. When I was probably 12 I wanted a persian cat, so my mom took me to a breeder that had some slightly older kittens for a decent price. But I saw this long haired cream calico in a cage. They told us that she had lived in a single room, and was very shy. I knew I had to have that cat. I took her home and she didn't leave my bedroom for about 6 months. Then she slowly joined the world but was always shy.

We didn't get her fixed because she didn't go into heat for a number of years, and then she was an indoor/outdoor cat. She was hit by a car at one point and had very few teeth left in her mouth by the time she had the litter Floh came from.

Floh was born on my sister's 12th birthday (or was it 13th?) in 2000. Floh was not the kitten I wanted out of that litter, but she ended up becoming my surrogate "baby" while I was pregnant with Rhayn. My dad told me that she looked like a burn victim. She was not a cute kitten, hence the name "Floh" which means flea (as in the bug) in German. Sheba never weaned her, and I have a picture somewhere of Floh nursing from Sheba when she was almost the same size as her mom. The night I went into labor with Rhayn, both Floh and Sheba were sitting in my lap while I had contractions, calming and soothing me.

When I brought Rhayn home,, Floh would sit on the bed with me and gently clean Rhayn's tiny baby head. She was Rhayn's cat as well as mine. Though over the years she will sleep on the bed with both of us, lately she has been sleeping as close to me as I will let her. We have no idea when Sheba passed on. She was an old cat when she had Floh. A year or so after we had last seen Sheba, my dad and brother found her skeleton complete with collar under the house. She was a well loved cat.

This year Floh will turn 11 on March 7th, the day after my eldest child turns 10. How time flies.

Life is Good

Gee, thanks for this Jess.

Q1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously so that you could be anonymous now?
I think this is a semi anonymous blog. My family and friends know who I am, and I use pseudonyms for myself and my hubby. I try to be cautious about posting pictures that include our address, school name, and streets around here.

Q2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.
I don't think the stubborn side of me is "inner" at all.

Q3. What do you really see when you look at yourself in the mirror?
Someone who is aging... honestly. I still feel 15 most of the time, but that is not the girl/woman I see when I look in the mirror. I am happier than I was at 15 though.

Q4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?
Fresh, real lemonade or ice water with lemon or cucumber in it and iced tea (non-sweetened.)


Q5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?
I read in the bath, or have a girls' night out with friends. Reading in general whenever and wherever I am.

Q6. Is there something you still want to accomplish in your life?
The birth of this baby? My kids graduating from college? Um, figuring out what I want to be, possibly a lactation consultant, but really I don't know.

Q7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?
My senior year I was voted most creative (I think its been a little while)... but I didn't see myself that way. I was none of the stereotypes, and all of them. I was a band nerd for sure, until my senior year.

Q8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?
The birth of my second child. Doing it, at home, without drugs. I think because I am 31 weeks pregnant right now this is foremost in my head whenever I close my eyes. I am merely months away from doing it all over again... yikes.

Q9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events?
I share my "true self" easily in my blog. In real life I am quiet and reserved, shy even. In this blog, I am in charge and can write about ME ME ME and I don't worry about the repercussions (for the most part). However this is easy simply because I have written about myself in personal journals since kindergarten (my mom started my first journal, a notebook with Carebears on it then.)

Q10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?
Read, which I love to do.
I hate hate hate hate hate talking on the phone. I'll email back and forth with you, and gladly write you a letter, but I will try to get off the phone as soon as I answer it. This was a pain when Will was in Iraq, neither of us like to talk on the phone.

Passing this along to-
1. My favorite sister in the whole world Brie over at The Powells
2. Amie at Life with the Boys
3. Lydia at Small Town Simplicity (because I love her blog, I don't know if she does these.)
4. Elise at Special Treasures the Cat Coughed Up
5. My Aunt Lynda at Way Up North

When I cleaned out our toys, putting nearly half of them into a "giveaway bin" I didn't realize what a profound effect it would have on the girls.

Lately they have been setting up elaborate play scenes using the farm animals, mostly horses. (If you didn't know, Gwennie loves horses and has quite a few.) They share, they make up stories. Its sweet, and I love it.

I have opened up a new post a few times lately, then sat staring at it bllankly. I want so much to write but I am tired and just trying to stay on top of everything.

I am 31 weeks along. There is a huge baby inside of me that moves almost all of the time. The stretches, kicks and punches are often painful. I don't remember them being so in my previous pregnancies. Maybe this is another of the things that I "forgot", like how truly awful morning sickness is. Maybe this pregnancy really is that much harder on me, since I am 33 and not 23 or 27.

Did I mention that I am really uncomfortable? I am about the same size as I was at this point in my pregnancy with Gwennie. But I feel much bigger. I am curious if its how this little one is laying inside.

I also feel depressed. I want to be enjoying this time with my girls and enjoying the end of this, my last, pregnancy. Instead I am sad. I want it to be over, but I am terrified of it ending because then we will have another child. Life with our girls is so easy. Well, compared to what it will be like with a 3rd child (and an infant). We are at this great point with the girls. What were we thinking? I guess I am panicked about it all. I know I felt a little like this when I was pregnant with Gwennie. I remember feeling like I hadn't had enough time with Rhayn, but also like it was just a strange time to add another child.

I am not ready for this... but would I ever be? Thank goodness I still have about 2 months to go.

Weekly Gratitude

Since this is the second week that my Monday Gratitude post is being written on a Tuesday, I am changing it to Weekly Gratitude instead. I think as long as I make myself take the time to think of those things I am grateful for it doesn't matter what day I do it on.

This week I am grateful for

• the 31st week of pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Gwennie during this time we went on a vacation. I am quite glad we aren't doing that. I am having a hard enough time sleeping at home. My hips ache at night. Last night I kept having Braxton Hicks contractions that would go away when I went pee. There was one or two that made me fear the real thing. My labor with Gwennie was short and painful. I hope this one is less painful even if its longer, but when I was 14 weeks my cervix was already shorter than average. This little babykins will probably pop right out.
  
• beautiful weather. Seriously I wish I was sitting outside right now. Its in the low 70s. The sun is shining.
  
• planning the next cook-a-thon. I love them. Its so much fun and tiring at the same time. We are breaking it up into 2 days because 2 of us are pregnant and one has an infant. We are planning on doing 6 dishes, 5 are chicken. Oh, and that will happen next Monday (which means that next week I wouldn't have done Monday gratitude on Monday either.)
  
• hanging out with my sister. I am so lucky. She is an awesome person and I love her so much. I do wish we lived closer to each other.
• sheep. I love it when the farmers/ranchers bring them down for the winter. They show up in fields along the highway. (That is what the above picture is.) Something about seeing them reminds me of being young.
  

Silent Sunday- nearly 31 weeks

Dog Tired.

I feel like I have accomplished so much this week and I am loving the weather. Monday was chilly as was Tuesday, but since then we've been in the low 70s. Ahhh and this is why people move here.

Since our downstairs feels clean and comfortable, it was time to tackle the upstairs. There are a few things up there that I know have to stay, at least for the time being, so I worked around them. I went through all of the girls toys that lived in our bonus room.

With the help of my friend, P, I went through nearly all of my fabric bins. I have a banker's box for giveaway, and P took home quite a bit of fabric for her crafty boy. I know he'll use it. Then again, my girls would use it, too, but I did keep fabric. I also threw out any small scraps. I know, I could use most of them to make a quilt. I know as a craftista I should save them all, but I didn't. Ok? I needed to let some of that go. I felt better afterward, too.

Friday I taught myself (using online tutorials) how to crochet a granny square. I am making a blanket that is one big granny square using up all of the cotton yarn I have. Who knows if it will look good, but it feels like a good project. I hope to get Rhayn in on it soon. She loves to crochet but only does one crochet stitch. Then Will and I went to a retirement party for a friend of his from the Army National Guard. We didn't get home until after 10pm because the party was on the other side of the world (and almost to my parents' house, though that would probably have taken less time to get to!)

Today I finished the upstairs, including vacuuming the carpet in all of the rooms besides the office. Its awesome. I feel glad that I have gotten so much done, and yes there is still a lot left to do, but man, I am tired. So I plan to take the afternoon off, to read and relax.

Gratitude Tuesday

This week I am thankful for

~30 weeks! Yikes! 10ish weeks to go. This is freaking me out, but also I am getting excited. There is much I need to get done in the next 10ish weeks! Which brings me to the next thing I am thankful for.
~decluttering. I have been going, room by room, through our house. I have much to donate. The girls willingly went through some of the toys, namely the Littlest Pet Shop toys to pick out which ones they wanted to keep. I did the rest, with a little bit of help.
~energy. After that illness a few weeks ago, I am really glad to have energy back, especially since I want to clean and declutter.

Oh, and how cute does Rhayn look with her new pixie cut? I'm over the shock of it, and really like it. I'm not sure her dad agrees, but its her hair, right? And it is just that, hair. Hair grows out. I personally love this haircut (for myself) and maybe after baby is born will go back to it. Rhayn and I are lucky, I think, we can pull off long and short hairstyles. Some women are not as lucky.

Good morning Monday, how very nice to see you... not.

Yesterday the girls and I had a lovely morning and afternoon out. We went to a Gem and Mineral show and looked at rocks, and other beautiful things. I was tempted by fossilized fish in stone, but managed to walk away, because "Where would I put that?" We had a tasty lunch at Pita Jungle, sharing a plate of Mediterranean goodness. Gwennie loves humus and baba ganoush (or however you spell those things) as does Rhayn. Rhayn discovered tzatziki (much to my dismay, usually I don't have to share it!) and how good it tastes mixed with tabouli. We ate until we were comfortably full.

Then I took Rhayn to get a haircut. She has been asking for months for a pixie cut. I wanted her to keep it slightly longer until after her recital (which was Saturday) then promised her, that if she really still wanted that haircut, she could get one. So we did it. She looks cute, I apologize for the utter crap of the picture. I only took a few pictures yesterday, all are like this- craptacular. She was so happy with her haircut, giddy even. After lunch and the haircut we walked around the Gem and Mineral show a while longer. There were a lot of dogs for Gwennie to pet (she of course asked the owners before approaching the dogs, we've taught her well.) We decided to try a funnel cake, because they smelled really good. It was a little much for the three of us to eat together, but we managed.

At 3:30 we left and drove home. I was done for the day. Although I had hoped to come home and clean house a little (the kitchen, as usual, is a mess) but it didn't happen. I sat on the recliner and checked my email and Facebook, and then when I tried to get up I nearly fell over. I was dizzy. I spent the rest of the evening trying very hard to stay awake enough to be Mom. I even had Rhayn make dinner. She made cheese crisps, but used enough cheese in the 2 for 4 or more.

At 7 I sent Gwennie upstairs to get ready for bed. Rhayn and I hung out downstairs for a while. She told me that although she liked the funnel cake, it was not making her feel good, or maybe she had eaten too much. She then went in the bathroom for a very long time. I went upstairs and checked on Gwennie.

GROSSNESS COMING! (consider yourself warned)

Rhayn threw up. When she came out she told me, and I asked her to go take a bath, hoping she would feel better after that. (She didn't.) She had puked in a powder room (sink and toilet) or 1/2 bath, or whatever you call it, yet managed to puke all over the floor and not in the toilet. Gwennie almost always makes it to the toilet, maybe a little spray around the bowl, but nothing like Rhayn. Its nasty. And I wasn't feeling well myself. I gagged a few times, got the rug and towels into the washing machine and sat back down.

Yuck.

The bathroom still has a slight smell of puke in it this morning. I have no idea why, I thought I cleaned it really well. I must have missed some small puddle.

Rhayn is staying home from school today, she still isn't feeling 100%. It works out fine since I need to pick up Will at the airport at 10 do I won't have to make 2 trips out. I know if I made her get up and walk and eat she'd most likely be fine, but what if she isn't? Sigh, its hard being a parent sometimes.

Silent Sunday- Golden Light

In shadows and light

In just over 24 hours, standing next to the same window.

A father, on his way to drill.

A daughter, on her way to dance in a recital.
The pictures capture my mood for the occasions. Him leaving, sad and dark (even if its only a few days) her recital, filled with light and movement.

Corners of my home or Nesting Part 2

I am 95% done with the living room redo. I still have a little adjusting to do to make everything pretty. There is a chance that some things may not stay where they are (the weights and dog bed). But so far so good. Gwennie loves the redo because it gave her more room to spin and dance in the living room.

Sitting area: sectional, lazyboy.

The entertainment center and the chocolate wall. I LOVE how the wood looks against that dark brown wall. At night it really blends in. The rugs will be moved to the wall with the lone clock. Not sure where the clock will go.

Its amazing how big moving those pieces of furniture made the room feel. We did get rid of a few things (moved upstairs for now) like the desk.

Lily is adjusting to the change. She isn't exactly happy about it all, but she will get over it, eventually.
Why do kids want to show some little toy in pictures? She has a small stuffed tiger in her right hand.

Corners of my home in progress

This is our living/television room. I stood in the dining area to take this picture. Its one long kitchen/dining/living room, you can see how the TV is the focal point, right? And the computer to the right isn't really being used other than as our media center. (No, we don't really use that time out chair any longer, I think it will probably leave with the next VVA pick-up.) I can't wait to show off an after picture. It will probably be a while. I plan on starting the work today, cleaning off shelves and moving what I can (which isn't much, as that TV is heavy and I am 7 months pregnant.) This is our former dining room. Notice the carpet? Yes, a carpeted dining room makes mommies everywhere anxious. Notice the narrowness? It is really that narrow. The chairs are all pushed against the walls. It is a little longer, but so narrow. The table in front of the window is one I made to use as a sofa table. The ugly green loveseat was living upstairs, and has been with us a long time. The chairs on the other side of the room are the chairs for our dining room table. I don't know what to do with them because they are tall and don't push under the table all of the way.

Its a lot of work, but the end result should be awesome.

Nesting

I think I may be nesting a little. Although this is hard to do, because at the moment our house is in total disarray (maybe I mentioned that?) also I am still sick.

I want our house to be decluttered. I want our house to be rearranged. Seriously rearranged. I have plans, big plans! for some of the rooms. Will and I stood in our living/tv room this afternoon and discussed rearranging it. The plan is to move the television from one wall to another making it less of a focal point for the whole room and our whole house. Our "never quite been the right shape" dining room will become a sitting room. (Its in progress and don't worry, there will be pictures of it at some point.) Our living/tv room is rotating. Hopefully all of this will make our house feel more... I don't know, homey? comfortable? friendly? less tv oriented. The "toy and junk" room upstairs will be gone through and much of the crap we've been hanging on to will be discarded and donated.

This year, 2011 is going to be filled with changes. Changes that will make our family better, I think.

Hurtful Words

Gwennie decided that she no longer wants to live with our family. She wants to live with Madison's family (my sister) and it would be awesome "because we could share our toys."
Sometimes she just says this in passing but other times, like this morning, it starts with "I just don't care about this family" before progressing into mean and hurtful words.

This all started a while back when her dad was joking with her about living with Madison. Its become her escape though. I don't like it.

I know that part of why it hurt so much this morning is my fragile emotional state due to lack of sleep. Last night was another of "those" nights. I was stuffed up and kept waking. But also falling asleep was a chore. I have a lot on my mind and all of it was running circles around me until eleven or so.

I guess you never know what little thing, what small statement, will stick with someone forever.

Gratitude for the new year

Its now 2011, has been for a few, not so glorious days. You see there is mucous that has decided it really likes my left maxillary sinus. (If you didn't know that is the one behind your cheek bone.) It hurts. Its hurt for like three days. If I lay around it will feel slightly better, but then my nose gets all stuffed up and that is no fun either.

Plus, there is this strong desire to clean my house and move furniture around. I am looking at rooms that I could switch around and wondering about it... I've cleaned both girls rooms so completely that I like being in them. Mine on the other hand happens to be covered in Star Wars action figures and I don't like that at all. But it means that Will is going through them to catalog and box them all up. This is a good thing.

I should mention the things I am most grateful for right now.

• The third trimester. I'm 29 weeks, that means baby-boo is about 2 1/2 pounds. I can almost make out arms and legs when the little little moves around at night.
  
• Lily is such a good dog. Seriously, I am enjoying her so much right now. She's finally adjusting back to being the one and only canine in the house. And our house is so much calmer with just her. I loved Penny, I really did. I think if she'd been our one and only it would have been fine, but Lily's been ours longer.
  
• Gwennie wants to learn to read. She has been talking about it for a few weeks now. Will gave her 3 sight words to learn (Gwen, cat and dog), I bought her a workbook, and when she learns enough to read simple words and sentences she will get her very own library card. She is really excited about that. She wants to know everything, proving again how much off her Daddy's daughter she really is.
  
• Rhayn is trying to be a big help around here. She works hard and can be really funny. I know I take her for granted, and I need to work hard on breaking that habit. She love to draw and design clothes for her stuffed cat. I need to spend some time documenting that. Its really neat.
  
• Will cleaned the litter box for me the other night, even though it was late, and we were all tired. Even though my nose was stuffed I could smell it. I am really thankful for that.
  

From Whence I came

An old lonely shed is the only building left on a property that once housed a multi-generational family farm operation.On that property, this home once stood, surrounded by gardens full of good food, and roses and laughter.
This man, the patriarch of our family, the main farmer, always took time for his grandkids. He loved us all whether we lived on the farm or not.
In this spot, as a child, I played long hours in the mud. The mud was cotton field run off, full of pesticides, but we didn't care. We were farm kids and mud was what we knew. Near this spot stood my first home, a lovely trailer.Farm kids, they find fun wherever they can, and are always careful around large equipment.
In the nearby town someone lives in this trailer, my first home. My parents sold it in 1983 (I think) for the whopping sum of $5,000 which was all the money they had to make a move to South Dakota.
This was once my front door. Inside this home 3 children were brought home and loved. Inside this home is where I started life. In this, a most loving, family.

My aunt, K was having a New Years celebration at her mom's house. This is in a veeery small town in Arizona. It is also the first town I ever lived in. (Don't worry, I have a second post coming that will include pictures of the super awesome trailer I lived in.) If you open the above picture you can see all of the bails of cotton that had recently been harvested. My dad said it must have been a good year because the cotton bails were plentiful and quite close together.

Pistachio groves.
My mom told me that these trees were planted around the time I was born.

A pistachio mustachio.
These are pistachios, fresh off of the tree.

It was cold... not "I'm just a wussy Desert Rat" kind of cold. There was a chill to the air and it never did get above 45. The wind whipping made geocaching uncomfortable. Luckily we found roads that led us within feet of the caches were searched for. You can't tell how truly cold it was. But it was nothing compared to the next day.

Standing near an old mine house and geocache on Thursday.

On Friday, late morning, we headed out to see some sights. We rode in two trucks and a jeep. Our destination was a little area that my mom's family used to go to to have dutch oven barbeques on Saturday afternoons back in the 70s.

Looking out onto the valley where my Grandpa used to farm. Far off in the distance are mountains, actual mountains with snow on them.

Gwennie thought this rock looked like a mushroom.

When we were at the special play area, I could see how much fun kids would have, how much fun I would have had as a kid. There were tons of rocks to climb on, and I love climbing on rocks. (Rhayn is in the below picture, as well as one of my cousin's kids.) Once again it was so cold that I had a hard time enjoying myself at all. Gwennie found a really cool rock and was carrying it back to the truck. The cold made her hands hurt and she started crying. I carried her cool rock while she whined about her hands. She and I ended up sitting in my parents' truck to keep out of the wind.

Rhayn sitting in a hunters chair.

Saguaro cactus with a cool nest. It looks like an eagle nest to me.

After the frigidly cold rock play we drove through the desert some more to see other things. My uncle led us to some sort of water retention pond that had the hunting chair set up near it. We saw many beautiful saguaros, and the tallest ocotillos I've ever seen. The saguaros, my mom said, seemed short in comparison. Its possible that (according to my dad) the soil in this area is perfect for ocotillos but not perfect for saguaros. Near my parents house it is the opposite, the saguaros tower over the ocotillos.

I am also still suffering from congestion from that miserable cold. The freezing temperatures did not help that at all.