(Yes, it was cold at the Grand Canyon.)20090227
20090225
1,100
That is a lot of posts isn't it?
Today we are headed to the Grand Canyon for a couple of days. Lily is going to stay with a friend, and have a couple of acres to play on. She will have a few other dogs to play with and hopefully she won't be too sad while we are gone.
I am just sitting here listening to Green Day (Nimrod) and wondering what else I should do before we go. Take out trash, clean litter boxes, clean kitchen, feed and water cats (leaving the toilet open, just in case they run out of water), make sure that we have some colder weather clothes in our bags. Um... I don't think there is anything else (charge my MP3 player... but it is charging as I type this.) So I think that once I do those few things, we'll be ready to go.
Hopefully I will get a few good pictures (and hopefully at least one decent one of all of us together!) See you all in a few days.
Today we are headed to the Grand Canyon for a couple of days. Lily is going to stay with a friend, and have a couple of acres to play on. She will have a few other dogs to play with and hopefully she won't be too sad while we are gone.
I am just sitting here listening to Green Day (Nimrod) and wondering what else I should do before we go. Take out trash, clean litter boxes, clean kitchen, feed and water cats (leaving the toilet open, just in case they run out of water), make sure that we have some colder weather clothes in our bags. Um... I don't think there is anything else (charge my MP3 player... but it is charging as I type this.) So I think that once I do those few things, we'll be ready to go.
Hopefully I will get a few good pictures (and hopefully at least one decent one of all of us together!) See you all in a few days.
20090223
A Story About a Girl, a Boy and a Ring.
Once upon a time, a girl met a boy. They liked each other.
One day he called her and asked if she wanted to go to play miniature golf with some friends. She did. The next weekend he asked her if she wanted to go out to eat. She did. They soon spent nearly all of their non-working time together. She knew she loved him, but had had many bad experiences. She kept it to herself.
Months went by and instead of letting herself fully love the boy, she started to build a wall. You see, this girl was very good at building walls around her heart. She didn't like to be hurt and had been so many times in the past. Some times we don't see the good things that surround us, and she was fully guilty of this. She did not see how good he was for her, how good they were together.
They spoke of marriage. And one day shopped for a ring. She loved that. Never before had anyone wanted to spend the rest of their life with her and it started to make her feel like that wall might not be necessary. But it was hard to break down a wall like she had built.
The day he asked her to marry him, she was very happy. She was sitting on the floor in his room, alphabetizing his cds. (They were a mess, and she liked things to have order.) It was a sweet moment.
She was going to go on vacation with her family. She would be gone for three weeks. He was worried. Three weeks is a long time and he had had a relationship go sour when it became a long distance thing. She was sure it would be fine. But a few days before she left, she became an emotional wreck. She became upset with him, and even through the ring back at him. She immediately regretted it. She regretted that hurt that she could see in his eyes, and the breaking she felt in her own heart. But what is done is done and she could not take it back. They stayed together threw this, no longer as an engaged couple, although she still said they were. She knew that she had messed it all up too badly. He took the ring and hid it away.
During the vacation she began to feel ill. Everything made her nauseous and she wanted to sleep all of the time. When they got home, it occurred to her that she had missed her period. She took a pregnancy test and it was positive. She told him on the phone, but they did not see each other until much later on in the pregnancy.
She grew cold towards him, cutting out any feelings that she had had. She thought only of the bad things because it made it all so much easier to deal with. She knew she had brought it all upon herself. She knew that she had hurt him more than she could ever imagine. And she continued to hurt him, even though she didn't want to.
The day the baby was born, the wall broke. She hadn't allowed him to be at the birth, thinking it would be too hard for her. Instead she created more regret to carry around in her heart. She had her mother call him to tell him that he had a beautiful baby girl. When he came in the room, she melted. She knew she had been wrong and stupid. She just hoped it was not too late to recreate the family that she should have had.
Over the weeks and months the boy and girl, now a mother and father, spent time together with their child. The child bringing them back into the same room. The child giving them purpose together. And slowly, very slowly, the hurt began to heal.
When that baby was very nearly two years old, they decided it was time to marry. They chose to cement their relationship. They knew it would never be easy, they knew that this was simply a step on the path they needed to take.
Together they decided that he would join the military.
More time went by and they added another child.
One day, they got the call they dreaded, but knew would come. He would be mobilized. They would be separated for a very long time and only could hope that their relationship was strong enough to withstand the time apart. When he had been gone for a certain amount of time, he was able to come home to visit. This happened to fall during the time that they would celebrate the sixth anniversary of marriage, and the ninth year since they had met.
All of this time had passed and he still kept the ring, the token of their love, in a box. The hurt had run so deep that even the many years that have passed have not fully healed it. He decided that it was finally time to give the ring back to her. She felt that it symbolized all that they have been through, and all that they will be through. And she can't wait for the rest of their lives to begin.
One day he called her and asked if she wanted to go to play miniature golf with some friends. She did. The next weekend he asked her if she wanted to go out to eat. She did. They soon spent nearly all of their non-working time together. She knew she loved him, but had had many bad experiences. She kept it to herself.
Months went by and instead of letting herself fully love the boy, she started to build a wall. You see, this girl was very good at building walls around her heart. She didn't like to be hurt and had been so many times in the past. Some times we don't see the good things that surround us, and she was fully guilty of this. She did not see how good he was for her, how good they were together.
They spoke of marriage. And one day shopped for a ring. She loved that. Never before had anyone wanted to spend the rest of their life with her and it started to make her feel like that wall might not be necessary. But it was hard to break down a wall like she had built.
The day he asked her to marry him, she was very happy. She was sitting on the floor in his room, alphabetizing his cds. (They were a mess, and she liked things to have order.) It was a sweet moment.
She was going to go on vacation with her family. She would be gone for three weeks. He was worried. Three weeks is a long time and he had had a relationship go sour when it became a long distance thing. She was sure it would be fine. But a few days before she left, she became an emotional wreck. She became upset with him, and even through the ring back at him. She immediately regretted it. She regretted that hurt that she could see in his eyes, and the breaking she felt in her own heart. But what is done is done and she could not take it back. They stayed together threw this, no longer as an engaged couple, although she still said they were. She knew that she had messed it all up too badly. He took the ring and hid it away.
During the vacation she began to feel ill. Everything made her nauseous and she wanted to sleep all of the time. When they got home, it occurred to her that she had missed her period. She took a pregnancy test and it was positive. She told him on the phone, but they did not see each other until much later on in the pregnancy.
She grew cold towards him, cutting out any feelings that she had had. She thought only of the bad things because it made it all so much easier to deal with. She knew she had brought it all upon herself. She knew that she had hurt him more than she could ever imagine. And she continued to hurt him, even though she didn't want to.
The day the baby was born, the wall broke. She hadn't allowed him to be at the birth, thinking it would be too hard for her. Instead she created more regret to carry around in her heart. She had her mother call him to tell him that he had a beautiful baby girl. When he came in the room, she melted. She knew she had been wrong and stupid. She just hoped it was not too late to recreate the family that she should have had.
Over the weeks and months the boy and girl, now a mother and father, spent time together with their child. The child bringing them back into the same room. The child giving them purpose together. And slowly, very slowly, the hurt began to heal.
When that baby was very nearly two years old, they decided it was time to marry. They chose to cement their relationship. They knew it would never be easy, they knew that this was simply a step on the path they needed to take.
Together they decided that he would join the military.
More time went by and they added another child.
One day, they got the call they dreaded, but knew would come. He would be mobilized. They would be separated for a very long time and only could hope that their relationship was strong enough to withstand the time apart. When he had been gone for a certain amount of time, he was able to come home to visit. This happened to fall during the time that they would celebrate the sixth anniversary of marriage, and the ninth year since they had met.
All of this time had passed and he still kept the ring, the token of their love, in a box. The hurt had run so deep that even the many years that have passed have not fully healed it. He decided that it was finally time to give the ring back to her. She felt that it symbolized all that they have been through, and all that they will be through. And she can't wait for the rest of their lives to begin.
20090218
A Day of Rest
Everyone in the house is sleeping, or trying to. Not me. For the first time in months, I feel relaxed. My shoulders which have felt so tense and loose and soft. My brain feels calm. I want to hold on to this feeling for a little while.
This morning we picked Will up at the airport, his flight was about thirty minutes late (or scheduled to be) so the girls and I sat down to wait. Rhayn and Gwennie had worn their "Daddy" shirt/dress. Rhayn happily sporting the "My Daddy My Hero" shirt and glowing like you wouldn't believe. She was so excited about him coming home. Me? I was scared stiff. I mean a giant pile of nerves. When we saw him walking up the hallway I started shaking and could not stop. My whole body was vibrating like it does when I am cold.
The girls ran up to him, jumping into arms, giving love. I waited back, like I always do. I would love to run up to him in the airport and leap into his arms. But the girls need his reassurance more than I do. I know I will get the hug and kiss after a moment. As we left the airport he mentioned that since it was nearly lunch time, we should all go eat at In-N-Out. So I drove us over where we all enjoyed a burger. Even Gwennie ate most of her burger. The girls sat on one side of the table allowing me to sit next to Will.
At home he took a shower then we watched a movie while he napped. Pretty much the same routine as any time he comes home. Gwennie would not let me near him though. At least not as near as I wanted to be. She squished herself right in beside him, telling me it was her place and do not take it any time she had to get up. It was nice. The day basically went on like that, much snuggling on the couch. Much napping by Will. So much love all around. Gwennie can not stop saying "I love you Daddy!" And telling him that he is home, but then he has to leave again but he will come home after that. She understands, or at least is trying to that he would rather be home.
Lily- oh Lily, she has been up his butt since he got home. She missed him, and is waiting not so very patiently for him to take her for a run. She is currently wearing a cone because a scrape she has on her leg is totally red and looks infected. It is a sad sight. Plus the cone we have is from when she was spayed, therefore it is almost too small to fit over her giant head. She looks so dejected wearing it, too. But she won't stop licking her wound. This was the only way to get it to heal.
Well, I suppose I should go to bed now, too. At least I am going to lay in bed, next to my spouse and read or watch television. Either way- I just want to lay there, near him.
This morning we picked Will up at the airport, his flight was about thirty minutes late (or scheduled to be) so the girls and I sat down to wait. Rhayn and Gwennie had worn their "Daddy" shirt/dress. Rhayn happily sporting the "My Daddy My Hero" shirt and glowing like you wouldn't believe. She was so excited about him coming home. Me? I was scared stiff. I mean a giant pile of nerves. When we saw him walking up the hallway I started shaking and could not stop. My whole body was vibrating like it does when I am cold.
The girls ran up to him, jumping into arms, giving love. I waited back, like I always do. I would love to run up to him in the airport and leap into his arms. But the girls need his reassurance more than I do. I know I will get the hug and kiss after a moment. As we left the airport he mentioned that since it was nearly lunch time, we should all go eat at In-N-Out. So I drove us over where we all enjoyed a burger. Even Gwennie ate most of her burger. The girls sat on one side of the table allowing me to sit next to Will.
At home he took a shower then we watched a movie while he napped. Pretty much the same routine as any time he comes home. Gwennie would not let me near him though. At least not as near as I wanted to be. She squished herself right in beside him, telling me it was her place and do not take it any time she had to get up. It was nice. The day basically went on like that, much snuggling on the couch. Much napping by Will. So much love all around. Gwennie can not stop saying "I love you Daddy!" And telling him that he is home, but then he has to leave again but he will come home after that. She understands, or at least is trying to that he would rather be home.
Lily- oh Lily, she has been up his butt since he got home. She missed him, and is waiting not so very patiently for him to take her for a run. She is currently wearing a cone because a scrape she has on her leg is totally red and looks infected. It is a sad sight. Plus the cone we have is from when she was spayed, therefore it is almost too small to fit over her giant head. She looks so dejected wearing it, too. But she won't stop licking her wound. This was the only way to get it to heal.
Well, I suppose I should go to bed now, too. At least I am going to lay in bed, next to my spouse and read or watch television. Either way- I just want to lay there, near him.
We are outta here!
All that worry is over. For now.
At about 7 this morning the phone rang. It was Will, he was in Dallas. A mere flight away. We are about to head out of the door to meet him at the airport. He said he would just meet us outside, but the girls and I are having none of that. We want to stand there and wait for him.
See you all later! Yeah!
At about 7 this morning the phone rang. It was Will, he was in Dallas. A mere flight away. We are about to head out of the door to meet him at the airport. He said he would just meet us outside, but the girls and I are having none of that. We want to stand there and wait for him.
See you all later! Yeah!
20090217
I feel stress in every muscle of my body. I don't know if every military spouse gets this. Or is is just me? I feel like a hot shower would help be relax, but it doesn't. I feel like a good night's sleep would help, but really it doesn't. I wake up just as tense if not more tense in the morning. I check my email a thousand times a day. If and when the phone rings, my stomach leaps then drops when the caller ID is someone I know.
I am irritated beyond belief at the Army and Will (not his fault, not his fault, repeat over and over). How can they expect people to live through this? I am in limbo, the not knowing is the worst feeling I have ever had. I feel numb and at the same time on the verge of tears. I wonder if this is what a nervous breakdown feels like? And if so, what the hell do I do to cope? Not drinking, seriously that would be the worst thing for me. I need a good hug.
Tomorrow Rhayn should to go to school. I thought she would be off all week, because we would be enjoying our time with Will. Instead I am sitting here, the back of my neck aches. I actually feel like tears are forming. I just can not handle this. But I have to because there is nothing that I can do about it. I can't be proactive in this situation. Normally I can sit by and watch things unfold, but this time? When nothing can be done, I feel like I have gone in circles so fast carrying such a heavy load that if I stop I will fall off of this cliff I am teetering on the edge of. And I can't help it.
I am sick of answering the questions I have no answers to. Because everyone is asking. I want to scream "I don't know anything more now that I did the last f&%$^#g time you asked!" But that would be rude, and everyone really does care. It doesn't make explaining it all for the fiftieth time feel better. Should I get out a magic marker and write on my shirt "I don't know anything?" Maybe that would get my point across. I could simply point at it. I don't want anyone who has asked me anything to feel bad, but its like when your baby is due, you are 41 weeks and everyone is asking "Did you have the baby yet?" even though you are standing hugely pregnant in front of them. You just want to scream, "No! Captain Oblivious" (first cousin of Captain Obvious.) But you don't. You smile and say "No, not yet." And grumble whilst walking in the other direction. That is exactly what this feels like. Only my belly isn't hugely protruding in front of me, my stress apparently doesn't show across my face as neatly as it feel like it does. Maybe the zit forming on my cheek is a precursor to the giant pustules that will break out all over my body. Or maybe I will get my rash back, mmm that would be fun. Not that it ever truly went away, its just moved to a smaller location.
So world:
I do not know anything. So please stop asking me. M'kay?
I am irritated beyond belief at the Army and Will (not his fault, not his fault, repeat over and over). How can they expect people to live through this? I am in limbo, the not knowing is the worst feeling I have ever had. I feel numb and at the same time on the verge of tears. I wonder if this is what a nervous breakdown feels like? And if so, what the hell do I do to cope? Not drinking, seriously that would be the worst thing for me. I need a good hug.
Tomorrow Rhayn should to go to school. I thought she would be off all week, because we would be enjoying our time with Will. Instead I am sitting here, the back of my neck aches. I actually feel like tears are forming. I just can not handle this. But I have to because there is nothing that I can do about it. I can't be proactive in this situation. Normally I can sit by and watch things unfold, but this time? When nothing can be done, I feel like I have gone in circles so fast carrying such a heavy load that if I stop I will fall off of this cliff I am teetering on the edge of. And I can't help it.
I am sick of answering the questions I have no answers to. Because everyone is asking. I want to scream "I don't know anything more now that I did the last f&%$^#g time you asked!" But that would be rude, and everyone really does care. It doesn't make explaining it all for the fiftieth time feel better. Should I get out a magic marker and write on my shirt "I don't know anything?" Maybe that would get my point across. I could simply point at it. I don't want anyone who has asked me anything to feel bad, but its like when your baby is due, you are 41 weeks and everyone is asking "Did you have the baby yet?" even though you are standing hugely pregnant in front of them. You just want to scream, "No! Captain Oblivious" (first cousin of Captain Obvious.) But you don't. You smile and say "No, not yet." And grumble whilst walking in the other direction. That is exactly what this feels like. Only my belly isn't hugely protruding in front of me, my stress apparently doesn't show across my face as neatly as it feel like it does. Maybe the zit forming on my cheek is a precursor to the giant pustules that will break out all over my body. Or maybe I will get my rash back, mmm that would be fun. Not that it ever truly went away, its just moved to a smaller location.
So world:
I do not know anything. So please stop asking me. M'kay?
20090216
Count Down...
That Will isn't home yet really has me feeling down. I just can't stop thinking about what we should be doing right now. I had plans, maybe no concrete ones, maybe more of ideas of what we could do if he felt up to it. And everything seemed so perfectly timed. But now? I just don't know. I am trying really hard to not think about how, if he was home tonight, we would be wrapped around each other.
20090215
What do you do when you feel depressed? I usually just want to curl into a small ball on the couch and watch MTV, or VH1 behind the music type shows. Honestly it is the only time I watch that crap. But alas, we have no cable. I am thankful for that. I love not having so many choices. I like that because there are no choices (besides PBS) I rarely watch live television.
Right now I want to bake cookies, or maybe a cake. I could. I have the ingredients. But do I need cookies (or a cake)? Maybe if I make tasty cookies that Will likes. Maybe the girls would benefit from some sugary sweetness. Maybe it will warm up the house and maybe that is what I need.
Right now I want to bake cookies, or maybe a cake. I could. I have the ingredients. But do I need cookies (or a cake)? Maybe if I make tasty cookies that Will likes. Maybe the girls would benefit from some sugary sweetness. Maybe it will warm up the house and maybe that is what I need.
20090214
I had a fun night. Lots of laughter, good company (for the most part) and decent food. So why then do I feel so lonely? And why for the first time, do I just feel like I will never see Will again. I mean Wednesday isn't that far away, not really. Why does it truly feel like an eternity to me? Why does every breath seem to make him farther away instead of closer. Every time I open my email, I hold my breath waiting to see if he has written, I wait to see if there is anything that will keep him away longer. But every time I don't have something my heart falls a little more.
i want to talk,
to someone,
to write something,
but there isn't
anything to say.
just the same words
over and over.
the same statement,
over and over.
the same thought,
over and over.
a reminder to
breath, and again
breath, and again
breath. don't stop.
never stop
never forget
keep going
walk, talk, think
no don't think
its painful
it makes me crazy
and i only want to,
to be with him
and for now
it is the only thing
i can't have.
the one thing
that makes me-
feel so lonely.
without him.
i want to talk,
to someone,
to write something,
but there isn't
anything to say.
just the same words
over and over.
the same statement,
over and over.
the same thought,
over and over.
a reminder to
breath, and again
breath, and again
breath. don't stop.
never stop
never forget
keep going
walk, talk, think
no don't think
its painful
it makes me crazy
and i only want to,
to be with him
and for now
it is the only thing
i can't have.
the one thing
that makes me-
feel so lonely.
without him.
Pretty Girls with Cool Hair
I posted this on my photoblog but I love it so much, I am posting it here, too. (I mean, aside from that one hair that is annoyingly out of place on my forehead, but we can't have everything can we?) You can't see that Gwennie also has a chunk of clip in turquoise hair. But her smile as always makes up for anything amiss. Doesn't that smile just make your heart melt? I know it does for me.
20090213
Count Down- On Hold.
Today I finally got the news I knew was coming. Flight delayed, leave delayed. Its only a few days, but it feels like an eternity. Bad weather is delaying a flight. Nothing new but I really do not want to tell the girls. I don't want to tell myself either.
Its a good things we have a lot planned for the next few days. Seriously a lot. And maybe since I have a couple extra days I will be able to get the downstairs carpet cleaned. I have the upstairs done, but the downstairs was getting put off because of a million things that could and would go wrong.
So now we wait to see when he flies out of there and when we will finally get to see him. Hopefully its only a few days. Hopefully.
Its a good things we have a lot planned for the next few days. Seriously a lot. And maybe since I have a couple extra days I will be able to get the downstairs carpet cleaned. I have the upstairs done, but the downstairs was getting put off because of a million things that could and would go wrong.
So now we wait to see when he flies out of there and when we will finally get to see him. Hopefully its only a few days. Hopefully.
20090212
Count Down?
I know that I am stressed out. I am barely holding it together, but as always I look strong on the outside while my insides are churning and clenching. Luckily for me, this does not become a backed up system. I am very regular and glad of it! (Did I just talk about poop?)
Today was a fine day, we had handwork here. La la la, it was a small group- the way I prefer it. Lots of talking about Twilight (which was great for me!) We didn't really make much, I did make a little felt heart- which turned out really cool (will post pictures on my sewing blog or photo blog when I get around to it.)
After we picked Rhayn up at school we went to Target with her best buddy Lorna and her mom. We walked around and chatted which was nice. Then we came home. I spent the afternoon cleaning the car's and truck's interior. I also vacuumed the garage floor. It was pretty nasty. Now I only need to wash the outside of the car and truck. But not a huge deal if that doesn't get done. Our California Pepper tree needed trimming. So it was thinned out quite a bit. Every time I touch that tree I smell like pepper.
This evening Gwennie went in the bathroom and shut the door (signals she is pooping... wait, I am talking about poop again?) But after a few minutes she came out and said "I had poop all over my bottom, but I cleaned it all up." It was clear to me by the smell that there was still a mess. Then she added "I pooped in my pants, too." I stood up and checked the bathroom, just a little bit of mess on the seat, and some dirty pants on the floor. I told her we were going to take a shower to clean up.
Following the shower we ate some leftovers. Then the girls and I watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Gwennie climbed into my lap and felt like a heater. But she kept telling me she was cold. Her temperature was a little over 101. I had Rhayn get her a cup of water and held her in my lap for the rest of the movie. She really liked this one part where Milly tells the brothers "If you're going to eat like hogs" or something then pushes the table over. Gwennie thought that part was silly and kept saying "If you're going to eat like pigs."
Now Gwennie is asleep, and hopefully this is just a little viral thing that works its way out of her by tomorrow, because I made an appointment for tomorrow at a salon that has childcare in it (yeah!) to get some hair yanked off of my legs and armpits.
And finally, some pictures from a birthday party we attended not too long ago. Thanks again, Mo, for inviting us!
Today was a fine day, we had handwork here. La la la, it was a small group- the way I prefer it. Lots of talking about Twilight (which was great for me!) We didn't really make much, I did make a little felt heart- which turned out really cool (will post pictures on my sewing blog or photo blog when I get around to it.)
After we picked Rhayn up at school we went to Target with her best buddy Lorna and her mom. We walked around and chatted which was nice. Then we came home. I spent the afternoon cleaning the car's and truck's interior. I also vacuumed the garage floor. It was pretty nasty. Now I only need to wash the outside of the car and truck. But not a huge deal if that doesn't get done. Our California Pepper tree needed trimming. So it was thinned out quite a bit. Every time I touch that tree I smell like pepper.
This evening Gwennie went in the bathroom and shut the door (signals she is pooping... wait, I am talking about poop again?) But after a few minutes she came out and said "I had poop all over my bottom, but I cleaned it all up." It was clear to me by the smell that there was still a mess. Then she added "I pooped in my pants, too." I stood up and checked the bathroom, just a little bit of mess on the seat, and some dirty pants on the floor. I told her we were going to take a shower to clean up.
Following the shower we ate some leftovers. Then the girls and I watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Gwennie climbed into my lap and felt like a heater. But she kept telling me she was cold. Her temperature was a little over 101. I had Rhayn get her a cup of water and held her in my lap for the rest of the movie. She really liked this one part where Milly tells the brothers "If you're going to eat like hogs" or something then pushes the table over. Gwennie thought that part was silly and kept saying "If you're going to eat like pigs."
Now Gwennie is asleep, and hopefully this is just a little viral thing that works its way out of her by tomorrow, because I made an appointment for tomorrow at a salon that has childcare in it (yeah!) to get some hair yanked off of my legs and armpits.
And finally, some pictures from a birthday party we attended not too long ago. Thanks again, Mo, for inviting us!
20090210
Count Down- 4 more full days
I think my math is off. But since I am posting at night- I mean that there are 4 full days until the day he comes home. Does that make sense? Its Tuesday- and he has leave Sunday... Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday equals 4 days. Four days between now and then.
Ok, writing it out made it look better.
We still have no word from him on actual times of arrival. He may not be home until Monday I telling myself, because I don't know when he will fly out and when he will arrive here. Not knowing is making me feel just the slightest bit panicky. I actually didn't hear from him at all today. But I am trying not to worry (ha fat chance of that). There have been days with no emails before, its just that I want that connection between him and me. I love seeing his name on my emails. It makes my whole day. Sometimes I even turn my computer on in the morning before the girls get up, just to check, usually when I ask him a question and am hoping for an answer. No questions sent last night, although I did send one this morning.
Did I mention that I am nervous about seeing him? I mean I know that he loves me, but I worry that maybe I let myself go a little while he was gone (hence my desire to wax my legs and.. maybe... um... well... other parts of me.) I know its ridiculous that I feel this way, but still, it is how I feel. I am anxious. But I hide it well. Yup, I hide it very well.
Ok, writing it out made it look better.
We still have no word from him on actual times of arrival. He may not be home until Monday I telling myself, because I don't know when he will fly out and when he will arrive here. Not knowing is making me feel just the slightest bit panicky. I actually didn't hear from him at all today. But I am trying not to worry (ha fat chance of that). There have been days with no emails before, its just that I want that connection between him and me. I love seeing his name on my emails. It makes my whole day. Sometimes I even turn my computer on in the morning before the girls get up, just to check, usually when I ask him a question and am hoping for an answer. No questions sent last night, although I did send one this morning.
Did I mention that I am nervous about seeing him? I mean I know that he loves me, but I worry that maybe I let myself go a little while he was gone (hence my desire to wax my legs and.. maybe... um... well... other parts of me.) I know its ridiculous that I feel this way, but still, it is how I feel. I am anxious. But I hide it well. Yup, I hide it very well.
20090209
Count Down- 5 (days to go.)
Another day down. Gwennie and I spent the morning picking up some things at Costco. Then we cam home and I cleaned, like seriously cleaned, my bathroom. (Only 2 more of those to go, Why do I have 3 toilets to clean?) I meant to get my bedroom carpet cleaned, too. But that didn't happen.
Its been drizzling on and off all day, which has been pleasant. However the humidity has made the air quite chilly. Its basically supposed to be in the low 60s for the next week. It snowed in the high country (Flagstaff and around the Grand Canyon.) Next Wednesday we are going up there to see the Grand Canyon, since Will has never been. Hopefully there is still a lot of snow on the ground, because that would be neat to see.
Tomorrow I have to finish the upstairs cleaning- my carpet, Rhayn's bathroom. I have my class at the YMCA. Hopefully Gwennie will cooperate better this time. Last week, she clung to me and screamed when I tried to leave. She was miserable. It made it hard for me to leave her. I bribed her with ice cream. I know, bad mom. I really needed to go work out, really needed it and the ice cream bribe helped a little. I still walked out of the day care area with her screaming. I could hear it until I turned the corner to the aerobics room. Fingers crossed that this week will be better. Next week, she can stay home with Daddy (yes!) and won't have to deal with that.
Its been drizzling on and off all day, which has been pleasant. However the humidity has made the air quite chilly. Its basically supposed to be in the low 60s for the next week. It snowed in the high country (Flagstaff and around the Grand Canyon.) Next Wednesday we are going up there to see the Grand Canyon, since Will has never been. Hopefully there is still a lot of snow on the ground, because that would be neat to see.
Tomorrow I have to finish the upstairs cleaning- my carpet, Rhayn's bathroom. I have my class at the YMCA. Hopefully Gwennie will cooperate better this time. Last week, she clung to me and screamed when I tried to leave. She was miserable. It made it hard for me to leave her. I bribed her with ice cream. I know, bad mom. I really needed to go work out, really needed it and the ice cream bribe helped a little. I still walked out of the day care area with her screaming. I could hear it until I turned the corner to the aerobics room. Fingers crossed that this week will be better. Next week, she can stay home with Daddy (yes!) and won't have to deal with that.
20090208
Count Down- 6
Saturday evening the family gathered in the desert for some foil dinners and dutch oven cobbler. Here is my Dad showing us how to move a dutch oven with his neat handle. 
The weather was perfect, and we all have a nice time. The fire was pretty big at one point. Beautiful.
Today I cleaned our toy/play/game room. We moved things around, and cleaned the carpets. I also picked up Will's office. I had been shoving crap in there as storage. Plus when I went to Richmond one of the cats was stuck in there (with no food or water or litter box!) So there was a little bit of mess on the floor. She had used a box of shipping supplies as a little box, but it looked like she missed one time. Plus she tore up the carpet in one corner (and keeps going back to rip it up a little more.) I am not yet feeling overwhelmed by him coming home. Nervous a little, of course. But not freaking out like I will be on Saturday. Luckily I have a pretty full day on Saturday.
Gwennie has been moved into Rhayn's room. Today was the first day she really fought me. Last night she climbed into bed with me around midnight (she had wet her bed.) Tonight, she didn't want to go to bed, she clung to me like I was leaving her. She kept getting up and running through the house. I could hear her because I was downstairs watching Baby Mama. I had to come up and yell at her three times. It will get easier. I remember how hard it was for Rhayn when we moved her out of our room. But Rhayn hadn't been asking to move for weeks. She hadn't been telling me that she didn't want to sleep with me anymore. In any event, I have to stick it out. We will all be happier in the long run if she is in the other room. Well, maybe not Rhayn. She doesn't want to share her room.
The weather was perfect, and we all have a nice time. The fire was pretty big at one point. Beautiful.
Today I cleaned our toy/play/game room. We moved things around, and cleaned the carpets. I also picked up Will's office. I had been shoving crap in there as storage. Plus when I went to Richmond one of the cats was stuck in there (with no food or water or litter box!) So there was a little bit of mess on the floor. She had used a box of shipping supplies as a little box, but it looked like she missed one time. Plus she tore up the carpet in one corner (and keeps going back to rip it up a little more.) I am not yet feeling overwhelmed by him coming home. Nervous a little, of course. But not freaking out like I will be on Saturday. Luckily I have a pretty full day on Saturday.Gwennie has been moved into Rhayn's room. Today was the first day she really fought me. Last night she climbed into bed with me around midnight (she had wet her bed.) Tonight, she didn't want to go to bed, she clung to me like I was leaving her. She kept getting up and running through the house. I could hear her because I was downstairs watching Baby Mama. I had to come up and yell at her three times. It will get easier. I remember how hard it was for Rhayn when we moved her out of our room. But Rhayn hadn't been asking to move for weeks. She hadn't been telling me that she didn't want to sleep with me anymore. In any event, I have to stick it out. We will all be happier in the long run if she is in the other room. Well, maybe not Rhayn. She doesn't want to share her room.
20090207
Count Down- 7
And so it begins. One week to go and the stress dreams have started. Last night they involved him and I not being able to find a moment alone. Soon they will include an inability to make it to the airport. The dreams may involve him coming off the airplane and seeing us right before turning around and leaving. But the next week will be filled with disjointed sleep, brimming with dreams of my fears. Filthy house, period starting, airplane crashes, really bad hair days... you name it, and my dreams this week will feature it.
I just need to keep on keeping on, while trying to get things done and especially remember to shave my legs. Did you know, that is one of the things on every one's list for me? I say that I have a list of things I want to accomplish before Will comes home. And then the person says "Like cleaning the windows and shaving your legs?"or some variation of that. Actually I want to get my legs and armpits waxed so I can ignore them while he is home and not waste time shaving! Any one get theirs waxed? Any advice on it? A good place to get it done?
I just need to keep on keeping on, while trying to get things done and especially remember to shave my legs. Did you know, that is one of the things on every one's list for me? I say that I have a list of things I want to accomplish before Will comes home. And then the person says "Like cleaning the windows and shaving your legs?"or some variation of that. Actually I want to get my legs and armpits waxed so I can ignore them while he is home and not waste time shaving! Any one get theirs waxed? Any advice on it? A good place to get it done?
20090205
In Case I haven't Mentioned it on Here....
Will is coming home for a two week R&R. He will be home the 15th through the 28th of this month. We are all very excited!
20090204
Listy
I like lists. Really they make my life run more smoothly.
Yesterday I wrote out a list of things I want and need to get done before Will comes home. One of the items on the list is to shampoo the carpets. Another is to sweep the garage. It is really gross. They are all things that will easily be accomplished by the fifteenth. IF I can stop making more work for myself.
Apparently Rhayn's room has been neglected far too long. I don't really look at it when I hang up clothes. But this morning, I did. She keeps the center of the floor of the room clean. But in order to do this, she fills every available space with her little trinkets. She couldn't even use her desk for writing because it was so covered in crap.
I attempted to trade desks with her. Moving the big ugly office desk into my room to give her the smaller desk. Instead I broke her desk. I am sure its not beyond repair. However it is ugly and I would rather replace it with something like this, or maybe a vanity. Maybe I can rework my original sofa table idea into a desk for her (pictured below), because Will doesn't like it anyway. The legs are supposed to be a drafting table, so it wouldn't be hard to just turn them. Or maybe even replace MY desk and repaint the one I am using for her. That would be ideal, my desk is nice enough. It would make a great little desk for her to do homework at. And wouldn't you know, I bought her a chair on clearance at Target today, too. I was finally replacing her folding chair with an office chair, and I go and destroy her desk. Irritating.
Back to my original point, what was that? Oh yes, lists. My love of lists. Lists of lists. I am a lover of lists. I don't even remember if I had a point to this post. Maybe it was just a reason to sit down and think.
Yesterday I wrote out a list of things I want and need to get done before Will comes home. One of the items on the list is to shampoo the carpets. Another is to sweep the garage. It is really gross. They are all things that will easily be accomplished by the fifteenth. IF I can stop making more work for myself.
Apparently Rhayn's room has been neglected far too long. I don't really look at it when I hang up clothes. But this morning, I did. She keeps the center of the floor of the room clean. But in order to do this, she fills every available space with her little trinkets. She couldn't even use her desk for writing because it was so covered in crap.
I attempted to trade desks with her. Moving the big ugly office desk into my room to give her the smaller desk. Instead I broke her desk. I am sure its not beyond repair. However it is ugly and I would rather replace it with something like this, or maybe a vanity. Maybe I can rework my original sofa table idea into a desk for her (pictured below), because Will doesn't like it anyway. The legs are supposed to be a drafting table, so it wouldn't be hard to just turn them. Or maybe even replace MY desk and repaint the one I am using for her. That would be ideal, my desk is nice enough. It would make a great little desk for her to do homework at. And wouldn't you know, I bought her a chair on clearance at Target today, too. I was finally replacing her folding chair with an office chair, and I go and destroy her desk. Irritating.
Back to my original point, what was that? Oh yes, lists. My love of lists. Lists of lists. I am a lover of lists. I don't even remember if I had a point to this post. Maybe it was just a reason to sit down and think.
20090203
Glass and Plants. Chihuly.
Saturday morning I decided it was too beautiful a day to stay inside. The girls and I hadn't been to the Desert Botanical Garden in a while, and there was an art installation that I really wanted to see. Dale Chihuly is an artist who works with glass.
Rhayn loves the DBG, and one day wanted to go there, so she drew the logo on a paper and asked Daddy if we could go. It was cute. We have a membership, which we use about once a month normally. Its a nice morning out, doesn't cost anything (at the time) and we get to see so many beautiful things. It is one of the best places in Phoenix to watch birds. You will see animals scurrying across the path, and all of this contained within the city. While you are there, its an oasis from the hustle and bustle of the city, looking at some of the slowest growing plants in the world.
We followed a tour group and learned a little about the saguaro cactus. We were able to touch a "boot" made by a Gila (hee la) Woodpecker, the bird carves out his hole in anticipation of having a brood. Then leaves it for 3 or 4 weeks. Meanwhile the cactus hardens to protect itself inside. The cavity that the bird made becomes a hard boot looking thing. The bird comes back, with his mate and she approves (or disapproves) of the home. If she doesn't think it good enough, they move on. Usually he will have made another home in another saguaro. After they use the hole, it will be used by other birds and animals.
After the tour we continued looking at the plants and glass. The sun glinted off of the glass, giving it a sparkling effect. The colors were phenomenal. Bright blues, sage greens, purples, reds, yellows. Everything so perfectly put together. I can not wait for Will to come home so I can take him to see the Chihuly exhibit.
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