Austin Trip Part 1

I have never flown with two children before. I was really worried about it, but shouldn't have been. My girls are awesome kids. Rhayn was anxious for our flight, but more because I didn't let her pack weeks in advance. She worried about bringing the right and enough clothes. We had her make a list a few days in advance so she could plan what she would bring. Gwennie didn't care, she was just sad that we had to let someone watch our pups.

The morning we flew out, I took my time getting dressed, eating breakfast, all of that. Our flight left at 11, which was by design. I was pretty sure that my girls wouldn't sleep the first night we were there, they both get so excited and Rhayn especially has a really hard time calming down at night. It usually takes her a few hours to go to sleep.

We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare, we found out gate and then went to the moving walkways so the girls could check those out. We bought some cinnabons while we were waiting, too.

Our flight was about 2 hours, which was a little longer than I would have liked, as the time dragged after the first hour. Rhayn and Gwennie were good, though. I could not have asked for more pleasant travel companions (well, I think Will would be fun to travel with, we've never flown together, isn't that sad? I hope to rectify that at some point after he comes home.)

As we flew over Austin, I was surprised at how it looks, I have never been there and really expected a little less green, and more flat. Our plane landed uneventfully and we got off quickly (the girls and I needed to pee.) We went down the escalator to the restroom, then feeling more refreshed walked out to the baggage claim. We looked around the airport, which is really small, but didn't see our friends. Then from far away, I heard it "I see you! There you are!" I looked up and saw JD on the upper level, excitedly yelling for us. She and her kids had been waiting at the wrong exit, and missed us. We walked quickly (well the girls ran) over to them. There were lots of hugs, and exclamations about how big everyone had gotten. It was a great welcome.

After we found our bag and car seat, we walked outside. The heat blasted us in the face, the humidity level made it hard to breath, at least for this desert dweller. Then JD told me that her car's a/c was not working. I can handle that, I thought. It won't be that bad. We lived for years as kids with no a/c. So I smiled and just dealt with it.

We drove the forty-five minutes to their house in the country outside of Austin. There was a lot to look at, so much green, so many vines. I really had no idea how it would look there and was pleasantly surprised by the greenness of it.

JD asked me to help her grill some hamburgers that night, which was fun, since neither of us had done a lot of grilling. But we really had fun working together and laughing about everything. Dinner was good, we all enjoyed it.

The kids played really hard and at dusk we walked on their property to "the big tree" which is a huge tree that has hammocks and swings in it. After playing for a few moments we walked back up to the house and got ready for bed.

Rhayn was supposed to sleep in her friend's room, but it was too dark and scary she said. Both girls were in bed with me. It was really dark that far from the lights of the city, with barely any moon in the sky. The stars were amazing to look at. I lay in bed and stared up at them for a long while before finally drifting into dreamland.

Home again...

Our trip was great. When I have more time, and am not so tired I will write about it. We swam so much that Rhayn is still tired. (It didn't help that one of her oldest friends had a swimming birthday party this afternoon.) Penelope was good for her sitter, as was Lily. Both are home, and happy. So far Penelope hasn't had an accident today, so we are working towards her being house trained in a few weeks.

I can't wait to upload the pictures I took and start posting some of them. Really, we had so much fun, even through the super humid heat.

See Ya Later!

The girls and I are packed and ready to go! Off to Austin, see you all on Saturday or Sunday.

It is official: She's Ours (or Puppy Capers part cinco)

Penelope is our dog. She got the approval from Will. We both agreed that although another pitbull wasn't really what we wanted in a second dog, she can stay. We both feel that dogs choose their families most of the time. And I really believe she chose us. We have the means to keep her, and she really won't be a burden on us.

The past few days I have been working with her, putting her into a submissive position, attempting to house train her, telling her to "sit" (which she already did most of the time.) She is a smart girl, and loves to be around her people. She doesn't like to, but will go into the crate at night with Lily. (Yes, they are sharing a crate, which is fine by me, Lily doesn't look 100% happy with the situation, but she is a super trooper.)

I have to admit that a huge weight has been lifted off of me, knowing we get to keep her, knowing that she will be here, safe. And not end up in a home that will keep her outside only as a status symbol. She is such a beautiful dog and I am glad to call her ours.

Welcome Home, Penelope Ann Pawington.

Feel guilty if you must.

I read this quote this morning on Facebook. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Women who do too much never get enough alone time. Whenever we take it, we feel guilty, as if we are stealing it from someone or some task. Feel guilty if you must. That's your decision. And, do get alone time. In the long run, it's worth it.

Puppy Capers part cuatro. In which I am quite weak.

I am weak. Very, very weak.

Wink! Wink!

Yes, this means Penelope is still here. I did find someone who can help me place her, if we need it. Instead, pending disapproval from Will, we will most likely be "peaking" her (as Gwennie would say.) I found someone to watch her while we are gone, and when we get home, I will push the house training and get her spayed and chipped.

I am still a little worried about it. But the way the two dogs interact, and the fact that Gwennie can lay on Penelope makes her more desirable. Also? Yesterday I sat with her while she ate. She didn't even bat an eye when I was messing with her while she ate. She didn't care when Lily came over. No growling, nothing. This to me, is an indicator that she will be a good fit. It is only one indicator. But the more time I spend with her... the more I just love this dog.

Darn my bleeding heart.

Puppy Capers part tres. Decisions.... word vomitting.

I am on the verge of tears this morning. After much consideration, I have decided that we can not keep Penelope, but I want to. I just can't deal with it at this moment. I should be excited because we are going on a trip, instead I am overwhelmed with sadness about this puppy. We love her, obviously the girls are in total love with her. Lily loves having another dog, they are both so happy out there in the yard curled up in a single ball of different shades of short, black and white fur.

Every part of me is screaming in different directions about her. My mind knows that it isn't a good time. My heart looks her and wants her to be with us.

I have called the local Animal Care and Control place. They will hold her for 72 hours to see if her owners come forward. After that she will be evaluated for "adoptability". On their website it says they will call after the 72 hours plus spay time, IF we wanted to keep her. I called them to ask about it, but they no longer do that. I can put our name on some form that we desire to adopt her, if her family doesn't call for her. But we will have to be proactive about it, and keep calling about her.

Taking her to animal care and control makes my heart ache. I would love to find a no kill shelter, but since she is a stray they won't take her, because her family might be looking for her. I really do understand that. She is a cute and sweet puppy, she will most likely be adoptable. She will most likely find a good home. Can I honestly say I gave her the best chance by taking her to the shelter? I mean we would be a good home for her, I know that we could handle her (because she is at least part pit bull.) We know what we would be getting ourselves into.

See? I go back and forth. I need to just take her in, Rhayn has swim lessons at 11:40 so I need to take her in after that. Every moment she is here, makes it that much harder to part with her. (Until she digs up my garden, which she did, and poops on the carpet, which she has also done.)

None of this is helped by the fact that Will isn't contacting me. He isn't calling, he isn't emailing. Its not like he isn't online, I can see that he is. (His status changes in Gmail chat.) Its so frustrating, because I only want some sort of a "Hey I am alright". And even though I hope he isn't... I feel like he is mad at me for something. I think because if he were at home, and wasn't talking to me, that would be why. But if he was at home, I could try to get him to talk to me in more persuasive ways. I have tried to get his to answer emails... I have tried to ask him questions. I asked his opinion about that puppy and got NOTHING.

Up until recently, even though he wasn't here, I felt like I could rely on him like we were still partners. I could ask him questions via email, and maybe I didn't get the answer right away, but I would get it within a few day. Now...? Nothing. Nothing. Its like he's really gone. And I am having this one sided relationship with someone who isn't there or isn't real.

The month of May and June have been rough. And I look forward to August, the tentative time of his homecoming, and I wonder what will happen. I can't wait, but at the same time, I am so afraid of what will happen, how we will interact, what will be harder than it was before he left.

Ramblings

I need energy. I need a swift kick in the pants. I need a reason to clean my house, because it is just not happening. Tomorrow I have a play date planned, here, at our house, in all the filthiness. So hopefully I will get it picked up at least somewhat before they get here. A good portion of the mess is stuff to be given away. I am just waiting for the next VVA donation pick-up (its this Wednesday! Yeah!) to get it out of my dining room. Hopefully when they happens we will be able to use that room again, well not that we use it much when Will isn't home, but sometimes we do.

Rhayn had swim lessons this morning, and it was nice. She made it to level3 which is good because last summer she started at level1. Gwennie will have swim lessons starting in 2 weeks, and hopefully she will even put her face in the water. She hasn't wanted to do that for me. She does want to swim, or at least stand in the water. Anything is a huge improvement from last year's fear of the water.

The puppy is still here, I have put her in Lily's crate at night and she seems to be doing well with it. Today I made fliers which I put on the mailboxes around the neighborhood. I really hope someone calls to get her. I am so torn on what to do if no one does. I mean, if I am being honest, a big part of me wants to keep her. But a friend of mine said that adding a member to the family while the spouse is gone for an extended period of time might not be a good idea. I agree- to an extent. It isn't ideal, and she is a pit mix, which I wasn't to keen on getting. But she is a sweet dog, and how could I not fall head over heels in love with that spotty nose and sweet face? She needs to be housebroken, but she already is getting better on the jumping thing (almost better than Lily even). She needs to be spayed, too. But that isn't a big deal.

If Will was home, we would have figured this out by now. But he isn't and once again I am not hearing from him with any regularity. So many ANG wives say that they hear from their spouse daily, and know approximately what time he will be online to chat or may even have scheduled weekly phone calls. I feel like I am getting totally gypped in this aspect. There is nothing else I can do, besides continue to be supportive. I know that he is having a hard time, and it may be hard for him to talk to us. I just wish he understood how much harder it is on us when we rarely hear from him. Maybe he does... I don't know.

We only have about two more months, that is my current mantra. Two more months and we can start the new normal.

Puppy Capers part dos

Penelope Pawington, at least her name here.

We are still hopeful to find her owners, but until then, I bought some puppy food and some chews for her. She reminds me a lot of Ms. Lily Lou Lickington when she was a few months old. Here is a picture of Lily before she was even named (she was 12 weeks old). How cute and chunky was she? Penelope is a little longer and leaner, I think she has to be a little older than Lily was, my thought is about 4 -5 months. She really is a sweet dog, and lets Gwennie man handle her much the same way that Lily does (which means that Lily is getting a respite!)

Dogs resting. Does it look like Lily is rolling her eyes to you?

Lily is really not sure what to think of the pup. She loves having a friend, but she is acting like she is exhausted. Really tired. It might be because she has been forced to sleep outside the past few nights. I didn't think the pup was staying and thought it would be easiest to leave Lily outside with her (to keep her company) tonight I suppose I will crate them both in Lily's crate. The only other option is to shut Penelope in a bathroom.

I tried to make fliers today, but they will not print cleanly. My printer is having issues, its probably dirty. I needed to clean the head, which I did. Now I need to let it sit overnight and try it again. (Epson's website's instructions.) Sigh. This will all probably have to wait until Monday, because tomorrow is the girls' recital. They have a dress rehearsal at 10 am and the performance is at 6, but we need to be there around 5:30. Its going to be a very, very long day. (I am exhausted just thinking about it.)

This afternoon Will finally called. I was glad to hear his voice but had a really hard time hearing him. You see, for the past 2 weeks he has been on bed rest due to a serious ear infection, during which time he lost his voice. He probably hadn't been feeling himself for weeks before that. I don't know how much of this he cares for me to share, so we'll just say that he told me it was the sickest he has ever been. And he still isn't 100% healed from it, he only recently got his voice back.

I could barely hear him, like I said before. So I kept having to ask him to repeat himself. I am sure that was painful. I felt awful saying "What was that?" "Could you repeat that?" over and over. I mean it could not have felt good to speak. But I would have sat there on the phone with him for hours, because it was the closest I have been able to feel to him for a month.

He finally said he was going to go, and all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable, but I didn't want him to get off of the phone either. I wish I could reach out to him, to make it better. But I know I can't do anything. I can't make these last months any easier, I can't soothe him with means that work when he is home. I can't do anything. It really bothers me. It wasn't a pleasant end to the conversation, it left me feeling sad and lonely and lost. Hopefully next time we speak, it will be better. But until then, I will try to be content with emails, because what else can I do?

Too Cool

A few weeks ago, we found ourselves at a mall. We walked around a little, and I stopped into Hot Topic. Yes, I still love that store. They sell some really good brightly colored hair dye and I was thinking of going pink. I also like to look at their clearance shirts.

They had a few youth shirts and I was holding them up, asking Rhayn if she liked any of them. She looked horrified at me, and said "no." Fine. I bought a couple of shirts for myself (including a shirt with Spock on it that says "LIVE LONG AND PROSPER" which I am wearing right now.) I did buy her a Star Wars shirt, though. I knew she would like it.

Later on, she told me that she was trying to be cool, because it was a cool store. I laughed, and told her that was silly. But at the same time, I keep thinking, is this it? Is this the beginning of my daughter being "too cool for her mama"? I am not ready. She is only 8 for goodness sake! I am supposed to have a few more years of loving devoted child before she turns into the demonic teenager.

Puppy Capers part Uno

I was getting the mail this afternoon, and minding my own business walking down the street. There were two people standing in the driveway of the house to the north of us. But I was determined to walk to the mailbox, grab my mail and go home. Gwennie was asleep in the car, and it was pretty warm outside.

As I walked I was plowed into by something. In my peripheral I thought it looked just like Lily, but smaller. I didn't turn my full attention to the blur until the man spoke up and said "Is it yours?" I fully looked down and saw a young pup. Probably about three to five months old. I patted her head and the man spoke again, "Cuz, its been just hanging out by us." I told him, no she's not mine. Then walked on to the mailboxes. She followed.

I walked up to Rhayn (who was outside my car watching the events unfold.) She dropped to the ground to pet the puppy. We really looked at her then.
We checked if it was a girl or boy. (Girl.)
Then checked for tags on her collar. Nothing.
I looked at her closely and decided that she probably needed some water and maybe food.

Gwennie woke up and began to coddle her. As we walked to the house, I was still not sure what to do. She followed us to the doorstep, but didn't come in. I went back to the car to get the rest of our stuff. I am almost 100% positive that the girls coaxed her into the house. Then Gwennie let in Lily. (I wanted to give her food and water before letting Lily in. Oh well.)

I had put a roast in the crockpot that morning and the house smelled richly of savory meat. The puppy ran around looking at and smelling everything. Lily wanted to play, and the puppy was town between playing and exploring. The two dogs seemed to get along nicely.

After we ate dinner I told Rhayn to wash her face (*see picture, she had rubbed her face all over a friend's chalkboard. It looked like she had a tie dyed face!) which she did as best she could. Then we put the puppy on a leash and walked her down the road to see if we would find her owner. I just want to say, that it is really hard for me to talk to strangers unless I have a purpose. Asking about the puppy was a perfect reason to talk to a few of the neighbors. It made me brave.

House #1- A man was unloading groceries. He said she wasn't his. But he thought she was pretty charming.

House#2- No one home.

House#3- a Younger woman answered. She said she was housesitting for her mom. She said the dog belonged to house#2 and that the dog always gets out and comes into their yard and garage.

I decided to ask one more house. House #4 said they saw the puppy a few houses down (about where house#2 is.) We took the puppy and went back to the house.


I fed both dogs, and went about my evening chores. Every half hour or so I have gone outside and checked for cars at the house. Nothing. For tonight, I am leaving both dogs in the backyard. I will see if anyone is home at house#2 in the morning. I know I can't just let her go run the street. She is a sweet pup. She still only has puppy teeth. She looks a lot like Lily (and is obviously part, if not full, pitty.) But seriously- Look. at. that. nose! Its hard to imagine that Lily was about the same size when we brought her home. Her lilttle puppy ears so sweet, one black and one white they never seem to be facing the same way. Ahhh

Am I smitten with her? No more than any other dog. But that she looks like Lily a little makes her cuter to me, plus I just love puppies. Do I want to keep her? Maybe just a little, because I see how much happier our Lily is when she has a friend. We are going to be getting another dog. I really do not want another pitbull.

That darn fish!

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the Family Reintegration seminar we went to. I need to do a free write in my journal (or what I like to refer to as "word vomiting") to really get my feelings out and then into some coherent ideas and thoughts. Right now its like trying to grab a fish in the lake. Its slimy and fast. Every time I think I have my hands around the "fish" it squirms away and I lose that thought. I can't quite grasp the darn fish.

I found an old friend on Facebook, and have been chatting with him a lot. It is great fun, because he is silly and enjoyable to chat with. I totally get his jokes. Another great thing about him? He was in Iraq. Actually as we were chatting he was leaving Iraq to come home. And the biggest coincidence of all? He was stationed on the same base as Will is. Only they didn't know one another. I told him my hubby was at that base and he told me that he was telling his buddies that he thought he had seen my hubby (based on pics of him on my Facebook account) on their base. How cool? Then I found out he is coming home through the base that my brother is stationed at. Its like kismet, only not.

Talking to him really made me miss Will, but it also allowed me to work through some mental block/issues I was having about this deployment. You see, the longer it drags on the harder it is for me to deal with. I have been having some "not so great" thoughts* and feeling the need to stare at the computer for hours. My back and body are tense all of the time. I feel, well, I really can not describe how I feel about life right now. I just want to sleep, and I rarely feel hungry. But most of all, it just feels like sometimes this bad stuff will never end. (Luckily my inner Vulcan comes out and tells me that it will, I will get through this and come out on the other end, stronger and more resilient.)

Most days during the day, I feel awesome. I laugh and joke and have a good time. But night comes, and I want to escape. I can see why someone would turn to drugs or alcohol at a time like this. That escape, if only for a little while is so very appealing. I won't do it, because I don't like the way I feel. I read, I have been reading voraciously, more than normal, the past few weeks. But I can't stop reading, because even movies aren't enough of an escape.

Monday we had a dentist appointment. Rhayn had been bugging me to cut her hair for weeks. She had been trying to grow it out, but was not blessed with thick beautiful hair. Oh, its pretty- a nice color and all, but its not thick, its thin and the longer it got the stringier it got. She also did not like being in charge of brushing all of that stuff. She wanted it short, like Gwennie's. I took her in looking like this:



And we left with her hair shorter, in a wedge. It looks so cute. It suits her, and I hope she will want this hair for a while. I love it. Really do. Here it is:



A picture of two cute girls at the zoo this morning. The weather was ideal for a nice morning at the zoo. We actually were rained on... just for a few minutes, but it was worth it and wonderful. I love the rain.


*These thoughts do not deal with hurting myself or my kids. Its more like just a general melancholy feeling and not feeling myself. I don't want to write out the stupid thoughts, but they really are just not quite what I usually feel/think.

Today the girls and I attended a "Family Reintegration Seminar" hosted by the National Guard for 2 of the units who will be coming home late this summer or early fall. There was so much information thrown at us in a five hour period along with some other stuff that went down in my life today, that I need to process it. That means I will free write about it in my journal. After which I will coherently write it down here. I have so many thoughts about today, that I honestly wouldn't know where to begin.

Oh, and I finally heard from Will. He is ok, but has been ill and on bed rest. Thankfully he says he is better, but really? that makes me feel worse for being upset with him the past week.

I also have a lovely sunburn, which matches the pink I had dyed my hair a few days ago. My burn is only on one side. Really, I almost want to post a picture of it, because it looks so funny. It was well worth the time spent talking with a friend, though. I felt so relaxed after that. (Even though I was burned!)

Tonight is rest night and I am off to read a book. I finished Pride and Prejudice finally and am now allowed to read a less classic book. I think this one classic, one non-classic book read routine will work well.

Epiphany

Something occurred to me this evening, whilst I sat outside, trying to gain a little perspective, or at least feel some sense of peace within. I sat on our patio with the lights out, while the breeze blew. The clouds gently moving across the night sky. I sat outside, and listened to the neighborhood sounds, cars, and air conditioners, a few young people talking a ways off.

Then I turned on the porch light, and free wrote for a few minutes. My usual jumble of words: frustration, stress, loneliness, sadness, fear, depression. I wrote about missing him, and wishing he understood how hard it is for me to not hear from him. But then, amidst the complaining that my journal routinely bears witness to, it came to me.

This is most definitely hard on me, but it can only be that much harder on him. I may be sad and alone a lot but I have my friends, my family, the girls, the familiarity of home. He doesn't have that. He has war, and probably very few (if any) people he would chose to hang out with if he had a choice in the matter. He has a lonely room, and unfamiliar landscape. He doesn't have people who can rush over and spend time with him, if he is feeling really low, he has no outlet for anger and frustration (besides working out).

What do I have to complain about*? Honestly? The only thing I am really missing is him. His words, his touch, the feel of him next to me in bed. His physical support. I have pretty much everything else that I have always had. And yet, I complain, while he is there, away from me, away from our beautiful girls. Girls who have changed so much since he has been gone.

And honestly, I feel like such an arse for all of my complaining.


*This doesn't mean I will stop complaining, or moaning about my situation, and my fears. That is what this blog has been and will always be, my outlet.

I am... I feel...

I am angry. I am tired and I am sick. I am tired of being sick. I feel lost. I feel lonely. I do not feel happy. I am tired of staring at the computer. I am tired of waiting for him to call or email. I am tired of disappointment. I feel like nothing is going right. I am tired of my kids not listening to me. I am tired of yelling at my kids and threatening them because they don't listen to me. I am tired of summer, of heat, and sweat. I am tired of my house being a mess. I am tired of not having the energy to get off my butt and clean. I am tired of not having a routine, but am overwhelmed when I try to come up with one. I am tired of cooking, and also of not cooking. I am tired of not eating right because I can't muster the strength to make a good meal (one with vegetable, which I love, but am lacking in). I am tired of the television being on during meal time, because it fills a void left by his absence. I am tired of missing our family dinners.

Um, I think I might be a little depressed. And that is not a good thing.

I am tired of being a single parent. I am ready for this all to be over, to start the next step, the next journey. And I am just exhausted by knowing we still have a few more months.

Another thing bites the dust. In my house that is. I need an electrician, maybe. I have done all that I can do and am at a total loss. I have enlisted friends, who know nothing more than I (but that helps a little.)

And now, great world, I beg and plead with you to help me.

Last night I came home after Gwennie's practice, and attempted to open the garage. I wrote a about this last night:
I finally arrived at home, and tried to open the garage. It wasn't working. Hmmmm. I tried the garage door opener in the car (and truck) thinking maybe batteries that were threatening to go out finally took the plunge. Nope. Gwennie and I went inside and noticed that the lights weren't working either. Not in the downstairs bathroom, or the laundry room. But the outlet in the garage works.

This morning in hopes that maybe I just didn't do it right, I went back out and flipped that same switch. I hit all of the GFI switches I could find. I cried a little in frustration. And then sent out my drama to the Facebook world. My dad and mom are apparently not in a place with cell service, because neither of their phones are working, and they won't even let me leave a voice message. I want my Daddy.

Bring on the Antibiotics!

I should be feeling better soon. I took my sorry butt to the doctor today. He agreed wholeheartedly that I do in fact have a sinus infection. He said that my left lymph node is swollen (duh, it HURT when he was pressing on it!) He said there was pus in my throat, too. Yeah.

The whole left side of my face feels distorted. Its not, I stared at it long and hard. It looks perfectly normal.

After the doctor gave me a prescription for amoxicillin we discussed that these usually bring on yeast infections, too. So he wrote a prescription for diflucan as well. I have ten days of twice a day amoxicillin and then a "just in case" diflucan- one dose. He also said he was giving me a higher dose of amoxicillin than I may have gotten in the past.

I picked up the prescriptions at Target then took Gwennie to her dance class. Rhayn stayed at her friend's house. I finally got ahold of a friend of mine who was selling some heavy duty garage shelves. Her husband would be at their house to help me break them down and load them up. Which meant that after Gwennie's class we headed over to do that.

Rhayn's friend's mom called and asked if Rhayn could just stay the night, which is fine by me.

I finally arrived at home, and tried to open the garage. It wasn't working. Hmmmm. I tried the garage door opener in the car (and truck) thinking maybe batteries that were threatening to go out finally took the plunge. Nope. Gwennie and I went inside and noticed that the lights weren't working either. Not in the downstairs bathroom, or the laundry room. But the outlet in the garage works.

For about thirty minutes I ran outside and in, trying to fine the right switch. I finally gave up, because my head was throbbing again. I have no idea what to do about the switch now. Its a good portion of the house that is out. I will have to call a friend for help, because I am at a loss. Its possible that I just neglected to flip one of the switches, right? But what else would cause so much power to go out? Hmmmm. It also will make finishing my garage project take even longer, because I can not work in there with the door down. Its just way too hot. Plus I have to take all of the pieces of the garage shelves all the way around through the front door instead of simply through the garage. Ugh. It seems like everything is breaking right now, and I don't have the energy nor brain power to fix it.

***Updated to add that the neti pot is pretty neat. Once you realize that you put way too much salt in and that is why your eyes are burning. (Um, yeah, I read the instructions hours ago, but did not reread them when I was making the mixture, and I put 8 times the salt in. Geesh, I feel like a genius!) The saline solution was warm and nice, and made some pretty nasty stuff come out of my nose. It feels clean and nice now. I will have to use it again. It was so worth it.

Over scheduled.

I awoke this morning, feeling better. I thought "Ha! My day of rest kicked el sinusitos posterior. I am awesome." Alas by 11 this morning, the pressure was building again. I had some errands to run and did them, two kids in tow and head throbbing. We even made it to Sunflower market to pickup a Neti Pot. (Which I am mad didn't say ON THE OUTSIDE that I need non-iodized salt with. What will iodized do to me, what about sea salt?) Now I can feel my temperature rising, and I know that if it isn't gone in the morning, I will have to bite the bullet and go to the doctor for my antibiotics. (Oh, joy here comes a yeast infection. My favorite.)

Yesterday I was looking at a calendar and found out that I had triple scheduled, no, quadruple scheduled myself on Saturday. First off, I was planning (months ago) to go visit my in laws. I haven't seen them since October! Second, Rhayn's class at school was planning an impromptu, non-school sanctioned camping trip. Third, two months ago, I had signed up for a family reintegration class given by the Army National Guard. And Fourth, I had signed Rhayn up for "camo-camp" a day camp for kids whose parents are deployed or in the National Guard.

Now, I think that the camping trip would be a lot of fun. But I am feeling panicky about taking the girls by myself. I also feel like the reintergration class is the most important thing I have scheduled this weekend. I want to feel prepared for his return home. I can (hopefully) go to my in laws in a few weeks. At the very least, we are planning on heading up there for the 4th of July.

I am almost certain I can take Rhayn to her camo-camp and then just have Gwennie with me at the ANG doohickey. I was looking forward to camping, though. I feel sad that our weekend is such a mess. The worst part is that I have so many other weekends this summer, and this one is the only filled to the brim one. Ugh.

Does anyone have a cloning machine? So I can do more than one thing? Sigh.