Homer Leaner

I can not stay away from my blog today. If I had a story to write (as in working on the book I plan to someday write, procrastination is the best, isn't it?) I might have made real progress today. Instead I have zoned out staring at other peoples' blogs, I followed links from one blog to another until I almost found my way back to the original blog. Maybe that would be a fun tag game? I found an electric lawnmower on Craig's List (close by, but a little more than I wanted to spend. So I am still on the fence about it.) Our grass is looking like- well Lily is nearly covered by some sections of the grass when she lays in it. I think maybe the grass is safe to cut by now, it is well rooted, haha.

Tonight is a girls' night out. I am meeting my mom and sister, and sister-in-laws, and grandma, and future sister-in-law for dinner to celebrate her joining our familyby marrying of my middle brother, Ender. The wedding is Saturday, and as I am not temple worthy, nor even a practicing Mormon, I am not attending the actual wedding. There will be a reception, and CAKE! from Costco! (Insert a Homer Simpson-like response, tongue lolling out of the side of my mouth, drool dribbling from my chin. Costco cake, ahhhhmmmm.)

I need this, I need a night or even a few hours away from my children. I love the rascals, really I do, but I haven't been good at making time for me, and it is totally showing. I know I have been a total b-word to Will, and the girls. Yesterday I was so bad. Will told me I was really pushing his buttons, and I was. I could hear the stupid things I was saying, I wanted to stop them, but I could not. I had no control over myself. I should know that when I feel like that I need to go back to bed, and sleep a few more hours. I should know that I need separation from people, especially those I love, because I am going to hurt them. I should know, and I feel like those I love should remind me to go away. You know, in a nice way, like "Go take a bath, or read a book." Not "Go away you are being a bitch" or the like, just gently remind me.

Back to my kids. The summer whineys are in full force at my house. One starts in and the other joins. There are so many hurt feelings and fights going on that I want to cry. I want to make them both go to opposite ends of the house and SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES. But then, there are times like right now, when they have been playing so nicely all day long. Maybe a little tiff here or there, but mostly they have been so pleasant to each other. So sweet, the way sisters should be. And I want to hug them and tell them how much I love them. Why can't it always be like this.