Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Perhaps part of my problem is that this is the point in my pregnancy with Natalie when I made the choice to surrender Penny.
Perhaps that memory is souring this part of my pregnancy. I know it made me sad for such a long time while pregnant with Natalie.
Perhaps I am a mess right now because I think I should be feeling more movement from the baby, but the anterior placenta is still muffling most of that.
Perhaps I just need something to look forward to. I am feeling overwhelmed that I am only half way through this pregnancy. I should be feeling awesome right now, instead I am already uncomfortable. I cross my fingers that this feeling of utter sadness and fear will quickly go away. Maybe I'll even wake up feeling good tomorrow.