Puppy Capers part tres. Decisions.... word vomitting.

I am on the verge of tears this morning. After much consideration, I have decided that we can not keep Penelope, but I want to. I just can't deal with it at this moment. I should be excited because we are going on a trip, instead I am overwhelmed with sadness about this puppy. We love her, obviously the girls are in total love with her. Lily loves having another dog, they are both so happy out there in the yard curled up in a single ball of different shades of short, black and white fur.

Every part of me is screaming in different directions about her. My mind knows that it isn't a good time. My heart looks her and wants her to be with us.

I have called the local Animal Care and Control place. They will hold her for 72 hours to see if her owners come forward. After that she will be evaluated for "adoptability". On their website it says they will call after the 72 hours plus spay time, IF we wanted to keep her. I called them to ask about it, but they no longer do that. I can put our name on some form that we desire to adopt her, if her family doesn't call for her. But we will have to be proactive about it, and keep calling about her.

Taking her to animal care and control makes my heart ache. I would love to find a no kill shelter, but since she is a stray they won't take her, because her family might be looking for her. I really do understand that. She is a cute and sweet puppy, she will most likely be adoptable. She will most likely find a good home. Can I honestly say I gave her the best chance by taking her to the shelter? I mean we would be a good home for her, I know that we could handle her (because she is at least part pit bull.) We know what we would be getting ourselves into.

See? I go back and forth. I need to just take her in, Rhayn has swim lessons at 11:40 so I need to take her in after that. Every moment she is here, makes it that much harder to part with her. (Until she digs up my garden, which she did, and poops on the carpet, which she has also done.)

None of this is helped by the fact that Will isn't contacting me. He isn't calling, he isn't emailing. Its not like he isn't online, I can see that he is. (His status changes in Gmail chat.) Its so frustrating, because I only want some sort of a "Hey I am alright". And even though I hope he isn't... I feel like he is mad at me for something. I think because if he were at home, and wasn't talking to me, that would be why. But if he was at home, I could try to get him to talk to me in more persuasive ways. I have tried to get his to answer emails... I have tried to ask him questions. I asked his opinion about that puppy and got NOTHING.

Up until recently, even though he wasn't here, I felt like I could rely on him like we were still partners. I could ask him questions via email, and maybe I didn't get the answer right away, but I would get it within a few day. Now...? Nothing. Nothing. Its like he's really gone. And I am having this one sided relationship with someone who isn't there or isn't real.

The month of May and June have been rough. And I look forward to August, the tentative time of his homecoming, and I wonder what will happen. I can't wait, but at the same time, I am so afraid of what will happen, how we will interact, what will be harder than it was before he left.