20090129

Is Waiting REALLY the Hardest Part?

There comes a point during deployment where you just become nonchalant about it all. I mean its like you forget what it felt like to have him home, to have him to talk to whenever you want. You think about it, and its like your childhood, a long distant old memory. And you think, it has to be even harder for him, because you at least have the house you resided in as a couple, the bed you shared, the children you created together. There are more things and places that spark those little memories.

Then the kids remind you. They start asking about Daddy. They pick up the mobile phone, which has a picture of him as wallpaper, and talk to him even though he isn't on the line. They say "Remember when Daddy..." and you do. Together these little people keep you grounded in the place that you and he had once occupied as a couple. These little parts of your relationship keep you from drifting so far into your single life. (Not the fun swinging single life, no its nothing like that- its harder, its lonelier, but you are still living that way- singly.)

You know he will eventually come home, and everything that you have become used to will flap away in the wind. You will have to find that place where you existed together. But at the same time, neither of you will be the same. You will have to learn to coexist again. And this time, with so much distance between you- it might not work. There may be things that have come between you, changes that are irreconcilable. You can hope it won't happen. But deep down you know its a possibility.

But you still trudge onward. Waiting out the longest year. Waiting out and knowing that although this part is hard- what lies ahead is even harder. But quite honestly? What else could you do?

5 comments:

Lisa G. said...

You bring up some very valid points. But do keep in mind that just because it *could* be even tougher once he's back, doesn't mean that it *will* be. I'm not saying things will be all wonderful (although I suppose that's possible, too). I'm just a big believer in "self-fulfilling prophecy" where what you focus on/expect can very easily end up being the reality you create for yourself. And things are hard enough as they are. I think you're very smart to be mindful of the potential difficulties that may lie ahead, but try not to dwell on them *too* much, ok? (Yeah, right, this coming from the Queen of Worrying).

HomeSlice said...

it's got to be so hard learning to be together again after so long. hopefully not as hard as being apart, but hard enough.

speaking of, is will going to be able to come home for your anniversary?

leaner said...

I agree, Lisa. However, having him be gone on many occasions- I know how hard it is for him to be home after that. Hard on us all. I just don't want to put on my rose colored glasses and totally ignore the possibility that things are going to be hard.

(Plus- this was more of an abstract! I mean those are things my kids do, but its more of an abstract idea of deployment.)

Homey- He should be. I haven't had word otherwise. So fingers crossed!

Sara said...

I can't imagine. I hope for the best upon his return. It's tough when you are together all the time and can freely communicate. Being separate for a year has got to be... astronomically difficult. Let's hope excitement overrides the difficult stuff.

Everyday Mom Designs said...

After living the military life, I feel for you.. I am saddened for you.. I hope for the best for you..

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