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Did you forget that I love you? But more importantly, did I forget?


What have you done for Labor Day weekend? Me? Well, Will and I had a big talk. It seems that we are not a "happily married couple." We need something, and the disconnect I talk about often has finally hit Will, too. He actually brought up the conversation. He told me he isn't happy and can tell that I am not happy, and we need to change that. Although it was a painful conversation, it was a good one. We don't have a solid plan, but we do have some ideas on how to make our relationship better.

The biggest one is spending time together. We don't do that. Seriously, we go out, on average, three times a year (just the two of us) these are my birthday, his birthday and our anniversary. Now how can a strong and loving relationship be built by a couple who rarely spend time doing things together? It can't. We currently have no similar hobbies, or interests. But those are things that we plan on working on.

Another one, of course is talking. I am not a talker. I know that if you read my blog, you probably think that I talk A LOT. I don't. I am guarded and rarely tell other people how they affect me. Will, being a man, is the same. We usually let things get so bad, that a fight starts this type of conversation.

For me, I need to work on being and acting more happy.
For him, (and this is actually something I have to police for him) he can't play World of Warcraft every day.

Now we really have to enlist the help of those around us. We need to find a local babysitter, and use my family more. Part of our problem lately has been that money is tight. But I think that our relationship is more important than money. So what if we have to just take a walk around that park close to us? We just need to make sure that every few weeks we get at least a few hours out, alone. If the girls were a little older we could just leave them home, while we walk around our neighborhood. I think those types of walks are what has kept my parents happily married for many years. I know that they have had these problems, too. I know that most people do. It is hard to totally stay connected with a partner who leads a different life than you do. I don't work outside of the home, my life 99% revolves around this house and the people inside of it. Will's life is on a different path. He has many other things in it, that keep him walking a different path. We just need to make those paths cross, if only for a few hours a day.

Most of all, I need to say "I love you" to him. I need to remind him and myself why we are married, why we are parents, and why we want to stay that way. Because I do love him, even if I never say it, or show him. For some reason, that is just something I am not good at. But luckily it is something I think I can work on, and perfect.

4 comments:

Amie said...

It's good that you are both aware now. Good for you and good luck!

Pen-nut said...

You definatly need one on one time. That is what holds a marriage together. Even if it is just a walk around the block, or snuggling up and watching a movie together after the kids go to bed. Good luck!!

abeNanna said...

But you made the first step:
You both recognize that there is a problem and are willing to make some changes.

We have had those times too. Marriage is one of the most important full time jobs you will ever have and the payoff is well worth it.

You know that you have family that will gladly take your kids away for a few days just let us know.
Love ya...

RadioWar said...

I'm glad that you guys had your talk. Jared and I did the same thing last week. It's crazy how a little resentment can make things spin out of control. We fought mostly about money and then I asked my mom to pick me and the baby up. We stayed a week in Oracle. Jared and I had our talk over the phone, and things are so much better now.

He even said at one point that it's not fair that we'll never be one of those happy couples (like his parents), that it seems like we always have to work at it. I'm glad he's realized that marriage is work and he can't expect things to be easy all of the time.

Our conclusion seemed to be exactly like yours'. It's pretty crazy. For me, I need to work on being and acting more happy. and in my case more affectionate. I also have to work on saying I love you and when he hugs me I need to hug back.

He has to stop taking everything so personally. And let me have more control and impact on our decisions.

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