Feeling Crappy/Depressed

I'm in a funk. Instead of feeling happy, I feel like I am walking around in a fog. I wake up depressed, I go to bed depressed. I just can't get out of this. It is getting to a point where I should probably call the doctor about it.

I have struggled with depression on and off for as long as I can remember. I have written about it on here before. I don't lie about it.

I miss  my family. I miss my Phoenix friends.

Today I am going to get my hair cut and styled. I'm hopeful that making myself look better might help with how I feel.

I am 19 weeks pregnant. I don't look pregnant but I feel huge and uncomfortable. Because of last weekend's ER visit, I am supposed to be taking it easy and am on pelvic rest. This makes me feel pretty useless. Will and I are redoing our pantry/laundry room, and I have helped out a bit but every time I do I feel off. I feel dizzy, the cramping/contractions start. I haven't had any spotting from it, but I can tell when I've done too much.

I still don't feel the baby move very often. I have a low anterior placenta and I suspect mostly on the right side. Once in a while I feel that bubble popping feeling that is a baby thump. Sometimes I feel a full on baby flip, but mostly I feel nothing. And it makes me worry. I've never had this before. I've always felt the baby wiggling in there as soon as earthly possible. (I swear I felt Gwen at 12 weeks!) I think that this causes me a lot of silly worry.

Then there is the sex/gender of this little bubs. I know that I am still not even 20 weeks, and there is a very good chance we'll get another peek in there in a few weeks. I just thought I would know by now and that I could start getting to know this one, calling her/him by his/her name or at least really walking about names. I was sure that I would be feeling better, instead of worse.

I really need something... but what?

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