40 weeks 5 days

I went for a walk this morning, hoping to maybe kick start labor. After having bloody show yesterday and then sporadic contractions all day I was so sure I would wake up today to either a new baby or at least some kind of labor. I did have contractions every 20 minutes from 4am until 6am but I slept between them. Also the walk only did one thing, it caused me pain. Not labor pain, I am talking pelvis splitting pain.

I'm starting to worry about labor now. If it hurts this much to move, how will I ever make it through labor? Is it worth the pain that I know is coming? Is it worth putting my family through seeing me in pain. Gwennie is already afraid of it, she wants her Grandpa here to keep her away, but she has a back up plan of going to our friends' house in case I start screaming. (Her words, her idea.)

I've had quite a few contractions over the past 48 hours, and. they. hurt. Instead of feeling at peace with all of my choices, I feel more and more fearful of everything. I know that not being able to relax is contributing to this baby still being inside. Just like last time, stress is keeping me pregnant. Baby is still moving and is still head down and in a favorable position for birth.

I just do not want to take the steps we took last time, I'm not at peace with that idea either. I/we have no reason to "induce" this labor. Will isn't going to be gone (at least not until April 7th) so I still have time. But everything is on hold. Everything is a waiting game, and I am tired of waiting and hurting.

This post could keep going, on and on. I feel so whiny and irritated. But I'll stop now and try to relax a little, maybe it will help.


Amanda said...

Go towards whatever brings you peace. Peace will relax your body and help bring on your labor. Be kind to yourself, and let the rest go. What ever you decide you are going to have a baby, and that little person is going to be awesome! I am so sorry you are hurting right now, but I am so excited for you... This baby is finally going to be here... sometime soon!

abeNanna said...

I know that you can do this, just hang in there. Love ya

Amie said...

As my mom would say, 'bless your pea-pickin' heart!' OK, tomorrow!!!! Listen up baby, it's time to come! Mom's ready, sisters are ready, Dad's ready, get a move on already. We wanna meet ya! And put mom out of her misery. ;)

Or, if you wait until Tuesday, you'll share a birthday with my Cameron. *shrug* Please don't wait til April 1st, that's a terrible thing for a kid.

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