It Is What It Is and Let Go.

I spoke to a counselor today. I had no idea what to expect, but knew that I needed to talk about how angry I am in this situation. He gave me a few good pointers at how to help myself feel better.

1. Realize that this is my current situation and nothing I do will really change it. Will is going to remain in deployed no matter how much I wish him home. Accept my life, and change my mantra. Instead of "This is too hard, I am losing it" I can say "my life is what it is" because until he is home, I can not change anything beside my frame of mind.

2. Let go. I am going to continue to feel like crap. I will continue to have these thoughts- the sad, lonely, I wish this weren't my life type thoughts- nothing will change that. I need to let them pass. He said to possibly visualize them as fluffy clouds floating by. Sure, I am stressing about the thirty things I need to do today, but instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I need to let it go. Envision the thought as passing in front of your eyes, and if you stop it and dwell upon it, it ends up hovering right between your eyes, where you will continue to fuss over it. If you let it pass, then it goes by. Sure it may come back every hour, ten times an hours or maybe more (or less) but just let it float by.

The counselor and I used yoga practice as a good metaphor for life. It really is. You don't dwell upon the pose, when it is over, its over. When in the middle of a really tough pose, you work through the pain, you feel the pain. That pain, like the pain of childbirth, doesn't last forever. When its over you feel stronger because you know how much you can handle.

Once again, I am reminded of how much I love yoga. I think when Will gets home, he should attend some yoga practices with me. I think it would be good for us. We could let go, together.


April said...

Hi Helena,
I'm happy for you that you found a counselor. I have had 4 different counselors during my life and I have learned so much from each one of them. It helps to have an objective person sort out your life with you. You may also like this conference talk, Come What May and Love It, http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=2fd5a0ad4843d110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD.
It goes directly with what you are speaking of and is not preachy. It helps me when I feel I am complaining too much.
Best of luck with your new counselor. I think you'll love it. Most introspective people do. It's fascinating!

April said...

I'm glad you found a counselor. I've had four and have loved each one. You may also like this conferenc talk, Come What May and Love It, http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=2fd5a0ad4843d110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD. It's not preachy and it speaks to the topic of your post.
Best of luck in counseling. Most introspective people, like you and I, enjoy it. I personally find it fascinating and am all too sad when it comes to an end.

Everyday Mom Designs said...

I am so very happy that you were able to talk to someone. I'm sure that while I was pregnant and Kevin was on deployment, it would have helped if I had talked to someone. I hope you can continue to see them, or at least remember what they said.

I think i will take this tidbit of information and try to apply it to my life too.. Just let those little clouds float right on by!

April said...

Woops, didn't realize you were approving comments and I just thought mine disappeared into the great blogosphere abyss.

leaner said...

LOL, April. Wasn't sure why you wrote twice... I thought maybe YOU needed more couseling. (hahaha) really I figured that.

Mo said...

Sounds like great advice. I am so glad you went. I too have found immeasurable value in counseling. I don't know where I would be without it.

Amie said...

Glad you went...hope it helps!!

Anonymous said...

Good advice, I need to use the 'Let Go' one. :-)

There it is again: Yoga. Every time I turn around someone is throwing it out there for me. I don't know why I am so resistant to it, but I really need to try it.

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