I spoke to a counselor today. I had no idea what to expect, but knew that I needed to talk about how angry I am in this situation. He gave me a few good pointers at how to help myself feel better.
1. Realize that this is my current situation and nothing I do will really change it. Will is going to remain in deployed no matter how much I wish him home. Accept my life, and change my mantra. Instead of "This is too hard, I am losing it" I can say "my life is what it is" because until he is home, I can not change anything beside my frame of mind.
2. Let go. I am going to continue to feel like crap. I will continue to have these thoughts- the sad, lonely, I wish this weren't my life type thoughts- nothing will change that. I need to let them pass. He said to possibly visualize them as fluffy clouds floating by. Sure, I am stressing about the thirty things I need to do today, but instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I need to let it go. Envision the thought as passing in front of your eyes, and if you stop it and dwell upon it, it ends up hovering right between your eyes, where you will continue to fuss over it. If you let it pass, then it goes by. Sure it may come back every hour, ten times an hours or maybe more (or less) but just let it float by.
The counselor and I used yoga practice as a good metaphor for life. It really is. You don't dwell upon the pose, when it is over, its over. When in the middle of a really tough pose, you work through the pain, you feel the pain. That pain, like the pain of childbirth, doesn't last forever. When its over you feel stronger because you know how much you can handle.
Once again, I am reminded of how much I love yoga. I think when Will gets home, he should attend some yoga practices with me. I think it would be good for us. We could let go, together.