The closer it gets to the date that Will leaves (September 5th), the closer my emotions are to the surface. The closer we get to saying "See you later," the harder I have to fight to keep myself from crying at the drop of a hat. I have never felt like this when I wasn't pregnant (I am not, having just finished moon time). I have always been able to corral the crying and only do it when I was alone.
Right now its nearly impossible to go a day without tears. This is wreaking havoc on me. I am having a hard time sleeping, no matter how tired I am. I am fighting throughout the day to keep myself in even fairly good spirits. All of my normal coping methods are not working. We haven't established a routine, since school just started, and that feels off kilter. I am waking up really early to have a moment with Will in the morning. That makes my day feel like an eternity.
I want to curl into the fetal position and stay that way. Instead I am forcing myself to do projects. Today I took Gwennie to the library and Home Depot to buy some seeds to plant in the garden this weekend. We had an emissions test performed on our car (there is nothing like paying $30 to have them tell you that your car is not pluming smoke behind it.)
So what now? What should I do to keep myself going? Will doesn't have any time off before he leaves (that I know of.) His schedule changes every day and we are never even sure if he will be home in time to eat dinner with us.
College starts in just over a week. That will keep me going a little. I am still fearing dropping my Goober off at someone's house. But I know she will do fine. Its me that I am worried about more. How will I cope? Is this going to be the straw that puts me over the edge and into the bad place? Or will having a little time by myself help me to feel complete again?