7 weeks out

7 weeks out from my surgery. I still spend most of my days sitting in my la-z-boy recliner. It sucks.
I am  having my second period and it increases my pain so much. Cramps and a spinal fusion are not a good combination! I want to curl into a ball and cry. But I can't. I can't even take anything for it at the moment because I have to pick Gwen up from school later.
I should be walking more than I am, I wish I could. But it keeps being cold and I just want to sit in my chair under blankets.
Our bed causes me pain. I wake up hurting if I sleep in bed, but if I sleep on the couch I wake up in no pain. I hate it. I'm trying to remove my mattress topper tonight to see if that helps. I really hope it does because I don't like being in pain (who does, that's a stupid thing to write.)

My brain feels like mush most days. I sit here wishing for someone to talk to, but I have nothing to say. I have time to write, but words aren't flowing. I gave way too much time to think and no energy to do anything that would be helpful. I can do a load of laundry but then I'm done. Today I made bread and cleaned a toilet, because I'm already in pain I figured it wouldn't hurt me more.

Everything is out of hand in the house. Messes and dirt and clutter.

The tv is always on. But I don't really watch it. I'm watching Charmed, just because I need something on and I don't really have to watch it every second. I stare at the messes and wish I could clean.

I should be starting physical therapy soon. I hope. It'll at least give me something I can do. I'll try and stretch my legs, my muscles are so tight and everything is uncomfortable.

I can not say this is worth it yet. In fact, so far it's been the  opposite. This has to be the hardest thing physically I've ever done.