Panic?

This next 5ish weeks are going to drag. I really, really hope this little one makes an early appearance, because I don't think I can emotionally (or physically) handle 5 more weeks of feeling like this.

I ache. Probably because of my "AMA" (haha) Nothing feels right. I am queasy all of the time. Nothing makes that go away. I am not hungry and have to force myself to eat. I am thirsty but water makes me want to puke.

It is sort of like early pregnancy morning sickness all over again.

I have post nasal drip and it is making me gag, because I keep having to spit. I hate spit, saliva grosses me out when I am not pregnant and even more so when I am.

We are building a deck on the back of our house, and honestly I can't help at all. I sit on the steps and talk to Will whilst he digs holes but I can't help him. I feel useless. Totally useless. I can barely pick up Natalie because if I do I feel it in my pelvis. I can't move things (furniture) because my pelvis feels like it is splitting.

My stupid blog won't let me post pictures. I've tried over and over, which is why I didn't post anything for a few weeks. I would write stuff, get mad and close my blog.

I want to lay in my bed (or the tub) and read. I don't want to do anything else, not even knit. There are no tv shows I want to watch, in fact the tv is irritating to me.

For 1/2 a second today the u/s tech said that my fluid was low, the baby moved and she found more but for that 1/2 a second there was concern and I started imaging this baby actually making an earlier appearance. Last night I also had some panicky moments thinking about that, too. I'm not ready- like I don't have a bag packed or anything... but I am so ready. It makes me feel crazy. When they released me from the NST the nurse said "Now if you went into labor they won't stop it".  That seems crazy. On one hand I feel like I've been pregnant FoR EEEVVVVEEERRR. On the other, I can't believe that in the next few weeks I might be holding this little lovely girl.

Holy crap.