My first was born in the hospital. I did all the "normal" things, like getting an epidural and episiotomy even though she was a wee little thing at 6 pounds 14 ounces. I am thankful that I made that choice then, because of her cleft palate, but really it was never a "choice" it was just what I thought everyone did.
Gwen and Natalie were both born at home with the same midwife. With Gwen my experience was awesome. I felt like superwoman! afterwards and wanted to walk around yelling about how awesome it was. With Natalie, it was not the same at all. It was more just something I felt like I had to do. I didn't love the experience and part way through really didn't care but it was too late at that point to turn back.
I never thought I would face this choice again.
But here I am- thinking about birthing this little one. And knowing, at this point, that I will go to the hospital here in town (not driving 1.5 hours to Tucson, not with my fairly short labors and plus that is just too dang far.)
Because in my heart, in my gut, it feels like the right thing to do this time.
Because I kind of want those few days in the hospital with just Quattro and Will, while the girls are at home (being cared for by my parents, ahem, though they don't know that yet.)
Because I want the birth to be just Will and myself and the baby- and I know that will never happen at home.
Because I don't have my old midwife and without her, it isn't as worthwhile.
Because I still have months to chose but now this feels right. I want to go to the doctor and have access to their ultrasound machine, and tests and all that stuff, I don't know why, but I want it this time.
Because I just want to and I don't really have to justify that to anyone.
2 weeks ago when I had my early ultrasound the tech told me that the office I chose is hiring a midwife to work in their practice. She is currently completing training in Tucson and will most likely start around March.
How awesomely perfect would that be? If I could still get the midwife experience while having the doctor there, too? I think it might be exactly what I want. I mean a birth center would be really ideal, but I haven't heard much good stuff about the one in Bisbee or Tucson (again not driving to Tucson!) And hopefully it all works out how I picture it in my mind when I think about the birth. Though that is really far away, still so many months to go and I am not currently dwelling on the birth (I'm dwelling more on the sex of the baby, whom I think is a boy - based on my morning sickness- but I could totally jinx myself by typing that out. And if it is a girl, she already has a name.)