One year ago

One short year ago, I knew about you. Having taken a pregnancy test about 8 days past the day I ovulated that showed the faintest of lines, I kept you secret in my heart until the line darkened and I could share you with your Dad. Then we kept you secret together for a little while longer.

One short year ago, I had so many thoughts on what you would be like. I wondered what we would name you, who you would look like and whether you would be a boy or girl.

Within a few weeks of finding out you were coming, I started feeling sick. In the midst of that, I rejoiced because you were real.

Within a month of finding out about you, we told everyone we knew. And my body began to slowly change and stretch to accommodate your developing body.

You, my sweet baby, made me sick enough there were moments that I could not see the end. But also you gave me gifts sweeter than anyone who has never born children, can imagine.
And nearly 4 months ago, in the dark of night, you rushed into the waiting arms of your Daddy. Your big sister watched, your other big sister slept in a room nearby. Your grandparents waited anxiously close. You slipped into the world surrounded by love.
During these last (almost) four months I have continued to learn the lesson you started teaching me while I held you in my womb. Surrender. I can not control anything about you. And you are who you are. No amount of planning will change you.Now when I reach for you, your little body stretches up so that I can more easily lift you. You see my face and you light up.

And my heart opens even wider for you.

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