Opposites

When I was 20 a friend asked me what I looked for in a mate. We talked about the yin yang or opposite person as well as one who was a carbon copy. (Like people these days really know what a carbon copy is.)

I wanted someone to complement* me. Rather like a puzzle piece that felt like it had been missing forever.

Although I knew from early on that Will was perfect for me, its been a rough road. I am a mess. I dislike myself because I am mean and hurtful. I don't tell him that I love him. I don't compliment him enough. I don't know how to show him that I care as much as I do. In fact he often asks me if I dislike him. That breaks my heart because I know that I am not treating him the way he deserves to be treated.

Sure at the moment I have an excuse. I am attempting to adjust to life as mom of 3. But this isn't a new phenomenon. It isn't even unique to him. I do not know how to show love to a partner. To the kids, I am ok with it. Although I really dislike how I act towards Rhayn, too. But that is a totally other post. (All about my failings as a parent.)

Over time I think Will and I have become more of a yin yang. Our edges are slowly rubbing against one another and becoming a smooth fit**. I can't imagine my life without him and I hope he feels the same way. I know we aren't perfect, neither of us. But really who thinks their relationship is perfect? Aren't there always little imperfections, tiny bumps that keep the parts from fitting perfectly together? Yet with time and patience those bumps can smooth out.

But I think we complement each other, we balance each other. And that is what I always wanted.

*I wrote "compliment" originally. Of course I want that, who doesn't?
**That sounds dirty, sorry about that.