Have I raised a monster? Or is she just missing her Daddy?

Is it wrong that I secretly wish Gwennie had had an ear infection? Because that would at least explain the temper tantrum she is currently (and has been for thirty minutes) throwing at my feet. It would explain her strong desire for me to "hold her" at all times.

I took a shower a little while ago. We had taken the car in to get new brakes, then we came home and I worked on my garden a little. I felt sticky and stinky so I hopped into the shower. I asked her if she wanted to come it. But she sat on the floor telling me that she never will sleep with me again.

THEN when I turned off the water she started screaming "I want you to take a shower wifff mmmeeeeeeeeee!" It has turned into a screaming cry sound of "mooooommmmmeeeee" over and over like a drill in my stuffed up head.

I know that she needs a nap. But she fights them, hard, unless we are in the car. Then she gives in like nothing. She screams like this until I calm her down somehow, usually offering to hold her. (She is now sitting in my lap eating an m&m premium triple chocolate. Thanks Homeslice!) I know if we sit still enough, she will fall asleep soundly soon.

At night, she fights sleep. She tries to play she bounces and asks me to hold her. By hold her, she means, lay ON TOP of me, while I try to read. Sometimes I am so tired I do give in to that. She is having a hard time. She misses her Daddy more and more each day. In fact today, while we waited for the brakes to get fixed we sat at Starbucks and she talked on the phone pretending it was Daddy for a few minutes. She also told me that last night she had a dream about Daddy and how he liked horses. This is rough on me. Rough on them. Rough on him, too. I do not know how to help her, because nothing makes that sadness from him being gone go away. Nothing makes her feel better about his not being here.

Five minutes have gone by, she is fast asleep on my chest, which is how she slept a lot as an infant. I would sit at my computer, while she slept soundly sitting against me. Her face, is relaxed and looks just like a larger version of that infant face, less round, but the mouth open the same way it hung open then. She seems to want constant contact. Maybe she is just going through a separation anxiety phase. Maybe its all because of Daddy. All I know for sure is that I am really ready for her to be out of this stage.


Amy said...

Hang in there. (I know that is easier said than done.)

Someday you will look back on these days and wish she were three again--throwing fits and falling asleep in your lap.

Someday when she is 13 (and thowing even bigger fits!), when she'd rather spend time with her friends than her folks, when you barely exchange hello's and goodbye's because her social life is so chocked full of events, when...well, you know what I mean. We've all been emotionally immagure teenagers at one point.

Until then, hang in there. And keep writing these memories down as a reminder of how things used to be when she was the challenging (um, I meant charming) age of three. : )

Mo said...

Emmie is having an AWFUL day today too, and I feel at my wits end. It has been one tantrum after another. I think three is a difficult age, much worse than two for my children at least. I fully sympathise! :(

Cristina said...

did it get worse after you got home from Virginia? i wonder if she has a bit of separation anxiety. and i know what you mean about hoping for a physical cause - those are fixable with drugs! hang in there - i'm sure she'll get through it, and hopefully your head won't explode before then.

bodaat said...

Well I'm not a Mum but this might be a mixture of both - missing her Dad and that age too. Not a good combination but you will get through this...both of you will. Stay strong sister.

Alicia said...

It sounds like separation anxiety... the constant need to be near you, have you hold her, etc. Poor thing. Poor you. It's no fun having a kid up your butt (I'm so classy) all the time.

I'm told it's a phase. I hope it is for all Mommy's sakes.

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