Do you ever feel useless? I know we all do at one point or another.
Today I feel useless because my husband is feeling down and there is nothing I can do about it. Sure I can try to email him encouraging words. I can send him good wishes. But I can not physically do anything. I can't wrap myself around him while we watch a movie on the couch. I can't bake him his favorite cookies and present him with a plate, hot from the oven, and a tall glass of cold milk. I can't do those things you do as a wife to help him forget for a moment everything that is wrong.
It is like being strapped to a table and watching your child run across the room while holding something dangerous. You can tell them to stop, encourage them to be careful, but really there is nothing you can do to protect them from hurt that might happen.
He sent me an email, and I read it, devouring his words like I always do. But I walked away from my computer feeling wrong. Usually he jokes in his emails. They have been relatively lighthearted or at least falsely positive. This time? Not so much. But it took me a good half hour to process why I felt like crap. It was because I wanted to fix it, and I can't do a darn thing. I want him to know he can turn to me, and tell me these things. Maybe they aren't always easy to read, and maybe I would rather life was all peaches and creme, but I know it isn't. I know that things won't always be good. And I hope he knows that no matter what- I am here, to listen/read and as always sending my love to him through it all.