I am about to start my period. Yeah? Yes it is good. I mean there is not a snowflake's chance in purgatory that I am pregnant. But my period comes with so much baggage- you know- premenstrual syndrome. I get moody, I get downright mean. I have a hard time dealing with the girls. I want to be alone, and at the same time I want to be surrounded by people. I can not think ahead, and do not want to think back. I cry. I sob. I get angry at nothing. I take deep breaths to deal with it. I take rescue remedy when I feel the panic starting. I want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin.
Tomorrow this will probably all end. The blood will come, and I will feel relief from the paranoia in my head. But for now? I have conflicting emotions every other second. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I feel the panic rising, into my throat, into my eyes. There isn't an escape. I want to run down the street and wander away from my house, my responsibilities, my kids, the dogs. I want an out. But there isn't one... and I know if I just go to sleep- that would be the best idea. The best plan.