In my head we have a perfect family. The kids are perfect, our marriage is perfect. In reality, it is nice, but in no way perfect.Today has been one of those reminders of how imperfect it is.
Rhayn is acting out. I don't know why, what would cause a six year old to act like a sixteen year old? I know something is wrong, but for the life of me I can not figure out what it is. She refuses to look at me when I try to talk to her. Today she stole cookies I had made, and handed them out to the girls. I had run upstairs, because they were playing nicely, and checked my email.When I came back downstairs she whispered to Care-Bear "hide your cookie." Oh, I was livid. I had to hold myself back. Not because they ate cookies (oatmeal scotchies), but the deceit, the stealing. When I told her to go to her room, she told me "no." I need help with her, I don't want to totally squash her personality and her independence, but I need her to know that she can NOT lie to me, or steal from me. (It isn't the first time she has stolen something, last time it was candied fennel seeds out of my purse.)
Gwen has refused to nap unless I am holding her for about a week now. I used to be able to nurse her, then lay her down and get about an hour before she would awaken and cry "mommy!?" Now the second I try to lay her down she wakes up, "No! No! No!" she repeats no over and over and over until I finally pick her up. I have tried asking her to stop it, and yelling at her, and even ignoring. If I ignore her, she gets so worked up she starts to hyperventilate or she gags on mucus and sometimes even vomits.
Care-Bear cries "I want my daddy" when you tell her no, or reprimand her in any way. So today she does that when I tell her to take a nap. Gwen looks up to her and has learned all sorts of horrendous habits (spitting being the worst, and screaming and a lovely fake cry.) Today Gwen was walking after her, looking at me and smiling as she said, "Dada, want dada!"
Ugh. Only 45 minutes until Care-Bear's dad gets home... but two more days until Will is home, and even then, he will be tired and gone the next weekend, too. I need a break, I need just like an hour to myself.