Thoughts on Abby's birth (but still I haven't emotionally processed it)

What a week this has been! Last Monday Will left at 2am for Army duty. Then in the evening he signed the papers to officially sell our house in Phoenix. (YAY!)

Gratuitous baby Abby pictures! 

Tuesday morning I thought was just another routine day. I thought I would go to the hospital for my NST and BPP, have that hour to myself and come home.  But that wasn't to be (as you all know). Tuesday turned into a circus and was so busy, even though I was strapped to monitors the entire time. I spent the entire day from 10am on worried but knowing that this was why I had stayed with the OB. I have no idea what would have happened to Abby if I had kept seeing the midwife and tried to have her at home. I haven't looked up what happens to a baby in the womb with no fluid (oligohydramnios). Ok I just looked it up. But most of what I found only discusses that as an isolated incident. I had weeks of my levels going down and using the AFI (amniotic fluid index) they break up the uterus into quadrants and measure each area. There should be 5 cm or more of fluid, I had less than 1, at 37 weeks 2 days.

If that were the only issue- just low fluid, they would have hooked me up to an IV and given me so much fluid I could barely walk. But since Abby also failed her BPP (bio physical profile which measures the baby's breathing, movement, tone and heart and scores them 0-8). The baby has 30 minutes to roll over or to move more than just a little foot wiggle. Abby wiggled her foot 1 time that entire 30 minutes. It was a very long 30 minutes!

I think my induction had more to do with the failed BPP in combination with the low amniotic fluid. It wasn't one or the other. And don't forget she was tachycardic for 20 minutes when we first were hooked up to the monitor. Her heart rate was really high and didn't drop for 20 minutes. That combination of factors made even me feel like induction was best. Something wasn't right. We may never know what it was. It is possible that my placenta was getting ready to detach. Maybe I was getting ready to have pre-eclampsia, my blood pressure was rising slowly each week something it hadn't done in previous pregnancies. (Of course having your blood pressure taken in the calm comforting office of a lovely midwife or the cold sterile office of an OB might have been the difference. But I also had that panic attack a few weeks ago.)

We may never know. But Abby is here, she seems very healthy.

Yesterday she had her first doctor's appointment. She has lost a little weight- down to 5 pounds 12 ounces, but I was loaded up with fluids at the hospital and sometimes that can affect the baby's weight. She is still 19.5 inches long and her head was 13 inches in circumference. She looked a little yellow to the doctor and myself so we had her bilirubin levels checked (9.1) which were fine. She seems to be pooping and peeing well. But has a very red bottom. I want to get her into cloth diapers as soon as possible, but I don't have any tiny ones and I didn't get any that would accommodate her umbilical cord stump. I may attempt to put one on her today anyway, with no cover. We'll see. She's just so slim right now. I know she would have likely bulked up inside had she had 3 more weeks to put on weight.

I also took her out yesterday to the breastfeeding support group we attend on Mondays. It was nice to see my friends there, and to get out of the house for a little while, but I felt like a zombie. There were questions asked about the best advice a new breastfeeding mom gets, and I drew a blank. I finally came up with "It will probably hurt when you start nursing your baby" because it has with all of mine. It hurts for a short time then the pain goes away. Usually the first few moments when they latch on. Natalie hurt longer.

The house is waking up now. My sister and her 3 girls are here as well as my mom and dad. It is a full house, but I am grateful for them being here. I wish Will was home instead. I can't wait for him to come home next week. But for now, I am grateful for what I have.