This is a huge struggle. I need to rest, I had a baby 1 week ago. My body aches by the end of the day. I am a mess emotionally. The kids aren't being badly behaved but I can't take it. I want to cry.

Rhayn is taking on so much. But I still need more. I can't expect much more from her. And I feel like a horrible person because at night I am trying to relax so I put myself to bed, and then I yell at them from my room. But it hurts to get up too quickly. Sure I didn't tear but other things aren't "right" yet.

Today I spent far too much time up and out of the house. Consequently my body is in a sorry state this evening. I want to take a bath, but I can't expect Rhayn to watch all 3 of her sisters. And Gwen is in a mood this evening- totally wound up and running in circles. Not being bad- no, she just has so much energy but it is hot outside so she isn't getting enough exercise.

I am over this feeling of sadness. I am tired of feeling like I failed Abby. Like I've failed all of my kids. Like I am failing at everything. I don't really think I am failing at it, but I feel like I am.

And I can barely form sentences. And I NEED to clean the house. But my body says "not tonight".