I'm having a really hard time right now. I wish I had someone I could call to just come over and visit with me and maybe bring the girls and I a healthy dinner. Because right now all I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch really stupid television shows. But I can't do that all day. The girls need their mom, they need to be fed. I have watched a lot of t.v. today, but we turned it off for a little while and cleaned. I gave each of us a room to clean and an hour to do it. It is nice to have clean rooms. But I still just want to sleep until Ray comes home. I don't want to be here, I do not want to be alone.

I've gone to a few meet-ups at parks. I'm trying to find friends and I definitely have acquaintances. I've seen a few of these ladies a few times. I even think I could like them when we've gotten to know each other. But none of them are people I could call for an impromptu dinner. I really miss my Phoenix friends. No, I still don't miss Phoenix herself. I miss being close enough to my family to make a quick day trip over there when I needed to surround myself with my family.

I just feel so alone, so lost. Even the beauty of all of the trees with fresh new leaves on them isn't cutting it. The sun feels too bright to me right now.

Maybe I need a book series I can't put down. I'm rereading a book right now because I found out it is the first in a trilogy and I bought the 2nd and 3rd, but its been years since I read the first book so I started it over. Maybe I'll go sit on the couch and read for a while, since for this moment, the girls are playing nicely. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. But right now I can't see how that will ever happen.