I am sitting in my reclining comfy chair, sleeping baby snuggled into my arms.
Today I am struggling with gratitude because I am tired. So tired. I am trying to recall my last "good" night of sleep. I fail to remember one.
Lately Natalie won't sleep without me touching her. Even in the night I feel her toes or hand on me, testing me, feeling me. She doesn't need to be latched on, like Gwennie did. But she needs me close. This makes life hard. I can't get things done when she sleeps unless I wear her. She needs these naps.
I try, every time, to lay her down. 5, sometimes 10, minutes later she starts fussing and searching for me. Most mornings I will get an hour without her. She nurses at 5:30 and I get up at 6, coming down for my time. Then at 7 I wake everyone up. But not today. Today she would not let me go. Would not let me leave her space, our space.
I know this is a short-lived phase. In a few years she won't need me any more and I will miss these days of snuggling in the chair.
But like my current favorite quote- The years are short, but the days are long.