So here we are... once again in that part of the month that requires waiting, waiting, waiting. We've done all we can, and so far, no baby. I was sure, just SURE this month was it. But now? I am totally sure it isn't. My period is due on Sunday. I know that is plenty of time to get a positive pregnancy test, but so far... nada. Yes, I know it would be really early, but I am pretty sure I ovulated early.
I am not completely losing hope of course. But every month I fear that Will will suddenly change his mind and decide he is happy with our little quartet. Every month it makes me feel more like a failure, and that is ridiculous, too. Some couples have to wait years and go through so much to get pregnant. Every other time its been so easy.
Also summer due dates are creeping up on me. If this were our month baby#3 would be due in mid February (between my mom's birthday and our anniversary). Next month would be late March, then its on to the Arizona summer heat. I do not want to be due in the summer. I just don't.
Being sick this weekend hasn't helped me at all either. Its given me a lot of time to think. Too much time to think. You can only sleep so much before your body is done. I am feeling much better today, but still can tell I have a cold.
Also, I know someone who is due around when I would have been due had I not lost that baby a few months ago. She's entering her 2nd trimester already and every time I think about that it makes me really sad. Then my SIL is pregnant and due around Christmas, I just feel so very sad that I am not with them.