OCD in the fertility department.

Now you all know that Will and I decided to make a baby, but you may not know that this involves me obsessing 80 to 90 percent of the time about when it will happen, what that baby will be like, how long I have to wait to take a pregnancy test, etc.

I am on day 18 of my normally 28-32 day cycle. I keep staring at mymonthlycycles.com for whatever reason. This month I should have ovulated on Sunday. I didn't. I know without a doubt that I didn't ovulate then. I am almost positive that I ovulated on the 11th day of my cycle, which would have been last Tuesday. (I know last month I ovulated on January 1st.)

This cycle is not feeling like a winner to me, in fact I am already feeling disappointed, and ready to move on to next month. Only I still have about ten days before my period comes. There is a part of my that is determined that I am pregnant every month, a part that I long to kick to the curb. She is irritating, because she has been wrong every darn month since he has been home. (She had to shut up while he was gone, because I didn't think I was going to immaculately conceive a child.)

Conceiving the first month trying would be an awesome miracle, though Will and I have proven our extreme fertility in the past (we've been pregnant 4 times, I have had 2 miscarriages.) With Gwennie we weren't preventing for a month or so before, but the first month we really tried was the month she was conceived.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about the personalities of our kids. She is pagan or Wiccan (I can't remember) and believes that what surrounded the conception of a child predicts their behaviors. Example, her youngest was conceived during a wild time in their life, the were at a party (most likely drinking) and it was rather chaotic. Her child acts chaotic, she is wild. Their older child was made in a more calm manner and is a calmer child. Rhayn was made during a crazy time in our life, we were engaged, but fighting a lot. While Gwennie (our little love bug) was planned and made out of love. I love thinking about this, it just adds another level to thinking about the conception of our future child.