blah blah blah blah

Blah blah blah...

Really that is what I feel like right now. I have so much on my mind. Some of it I don't want to share. Well, maybe I do, but I feel like it needs to be worked out in my head first. Or maybe in my handwritten journal. Yes, I have one of those, I keep it by my bed so that I may write in it at night when I have thoughts bouncing in my head and keeping me awake.

I spent yet another day reading the Southern Vampire Mysteries. I finished another book (#6). I just can't seem to put them down. I actually have made myself NOT start the next book so that I could talk to Rhayn about something that had happened at school. I learned of it the other day, but had been so lost in Louisiana that I could not step into Mom-mode.

Rhayn has a really good friend, and this week they were really not playing together in the mornings. We even had a playdate with her and a couple of other kids on Thursday. We all went swimming. Rhayn kind of kept to herself the whole time. I didn't think much of it, since she has understandably been a little sad this week. I really don't blame her for keeping to herself, she also has a lot on her mind. On Friday this friend's mom asked me if I knew what had happened. I didn't. It made me feel like a bad mom, for not even realizing that my child was sad about something else (aside form Daddy not being home).

I swore I would talk to her. But I didn't on Saturday, it just slipped my mind (while I was lost in LA.) Then she stayed the night at another friend's house. I wanted to talk to her when we picked her up, but she was not in a pleasant state of mind. She was a mess actually from staying up too late. So I waited until after dinner, then sat down with her and talked about it. It turns out she had made a joke or said something about this friend's pet who had to be put down. As she put it "I reminded her of R."
To which I responded, "Remember Beckham? What if someone kept bringing him up? How would you feel? Or what if they were reminding you of Daddy? Would that make you feel happy?"
You could see her face fall. "No," she responded in a very small voice. She realized what she had done, and how much it had most likely hurt her friend. She also told me that by the end of Friday they were friends again.

Being a mom is hard work, especially when you are in a bad place yourself.