Have I ever mentioned how little people touch me? I mean my kids hang all over me, all of the time, but other people? Not so much. In fact when I met Mo, it was strange to me because she kept touching my shoulder. It was nice, don't get me wrong (really, Mo.) But it made me realize that I am extremely stand-offish. I don't do hugs very much. With Will not here, I feel a bit like a leper. He touches me a lot, and it is great. Even if I act like I don't like it- well some of it feel inappropriate at certain times, but mostly it is wanted and needed.
My friend JC hugs me sometimes, and I have on at least one occasion had to keep myself from melting into her shoulder and sobbing because a hug was so what I needed at that point. (but if you know me at all you know I do not cry in front of others, that shows weakness and I am not a weak little girl.)
Haven't doctors done studies that prove that touch helps the infirmed heal from illlness and surgery? I suppose I should do some research on that. Maybe that has been my problem. But how do you fulfill that without it feeling wrong? Like I wouldn't feel comfortable walking around arm in arm with a guy friend. Even if that person was a really good friend, and would I feel more comfortable walking arm in arm with a girl? (I dunno.)
But most of my friends are not touchy feely folks. My family? Not so much either. I think that human touch is important. Babies who are not touched or held do not thrive as well as held children (attachment parenting). As seen by my inability to even put Gwennie down for her first year- I totally prescribe to this philosophy. So why do I not touch people more? Please tell me. Are you a toucher? (That sounds dirty and I do not mean it that way.) Do you shy away from hugs? What about handshakes?
Handshakes are a totally different story. I am a proponent of the FIRM handshake. I dislike the wimpy, barely touching, courtesy shake many women give. This type of handshake really bugs me when it is a man who gives it. Growing up LDS means growing up shaking hands. You shake everyone's hand from a young age. For a long time it felt wrong to meet someone and not shake their hand. I have outgrown this, but not the desire to have a firm handshake. Will has a nice handshake, not the squish your fingers kind, not the frou frou kind, solid. Oh and don't get me started on the pump your arm kind. Bleh. One single pump is good, then let go.
As a teenager I had a female friend who walked around holding hands with everyone. It was kind of nice to have that connection to her. I hold the kids' hands but even when Will is home, he doesn't hold my hand (admittedly we are probably both holding a child's hand.) I miss that connection you feel to people when you walk hand in hand. I wanted to be one of those old married couples who walk hand in hand down the road. I know it isn't too late for that. Maybe that will be part of the many goals I have for when Will gets home. Maybe it will help us reconnect.