I feel like the world is out to get me today. I pissed off a friend via email, because I said something jokingly and they thought I was serious (we worked it out). Then there is this discussion in a group about a Christmas exchange. Now I have been in groups and done exchanges, so I made a comment about having a questionnaire- you know simple questions- favorite color, least favorite color, maybe even favorite animal. Or possibly doing an ornament exchange, which I like. (Another thing that could be on the questionnaire?) Well, the response was not favorable for either idea. I know it wasn't a personal attack on me, but it felt like it was. I know I need to just back away from the group, and calm down, let myself breathe. These are awesome women and so supportive usually. Normally everything said in the group has made me feel welcome and cared about.
So why does this one stab me so hard? I think it is a little because the mere thought of Christmas makes me anxious. I don't want to miss out on something that could be fun, but then I realize that Will is gone, he won't be home for the holidays and I am alone. Sure, my family is around and they will help me all that they can, but damn I am still alone. I know there are people who understand this feeling. I just don't personally know any of them. Right now I just want to bury my head in my pillow, cry, and hide for a few days.
I hope I wake up feeling better tomorrow, or Gwennie and my zoo trip will be no fun at all. (Did I mention also that Gwennie will be three on Monday? Yeah, that has me down a little, too.)