I was brought up LDS. I believed so strongly in the religion until I was in my teens. At that time I felt like I never had a chance to see what else was out there, and also? I felt judged on a regular basis by other members of our ward. I, and my family I felt, did not fit their idea of a "good Mormons." It hurt my beliefs when I started to feel more empowered as a woman, because women in the church are not equal to the men. It bothered me.
Years have gone by. I have checked out other religions, and found none that fit how I feel and what I want. Most recently I studied the Baha'i faith. It was close to what I wanted, with talks of unity and peace, but I have a hard time believing in Baha'ullah or his son Abdu'l-Baha. I haven't delved deeply into the religion, simply because I don't feel that it is the right fit for me. I have had Rhayn in Children's classes offered by a friend who is Baha'i. The morals and stories taught in the classes have been good for her and something I was struggling with teaching her.
Tonight one of my nieces is being baptized into the LDS church. And I am happy for her, and glad that she feels, at ten, ready for that commitment. Rhayn asked us when she could be baptized, she knows the time that a regular member is baptized is at eight, and she is seven. I think it is a sweet gesture, but want her to wait, and find out on her own if it is the path she should take. Will and I decided that she may not be baptized until she is eighteen. When she is legally an adult, and able to make the full commitment to being LDS or not, then she may choose whatever her path may be. I don't feel like she is being hindered by our decision. I know that if it were up to me alone, she would have the opportunity to be baptized sooner, but I am not the only parent. Together we feel that this works best for the family. And as for Gwennie? Same rules apply. She will make her decision when she is eighteen, and fully understands the choice.
I am torn in life, because being taught one thing my whole life and then questioning that has left holes in me. And any time I make a decision, I look at it from the Mormon view, and my view is always skewed by that in some way. I don't think there is any thing wrong with the LDS religion, but for me? It does not make me happy, it does not make me feel loved or complete, in fact it often left me feeling like nothing I could or would ever do would be good enough. And I did not want to live that way for my whole life.