Reset

I am so angry right now. It seems like I can not have a moment to myself. My head aches, my throat aches. Gwennie has diarrhea, and Rhayn has been hanging out of her window yelling/singing at the neighborhood.

If they would just stop, just for a moment, so that I could think. I had this really nice post started about how we had a nice day and presents we received for Valentine's Day. But then they wouldn't stop. I told Rhayn to come upstairs and get ready for bed. Gwen came with her and instead of getting ready for bed, I found Gwen naked and Rhayn wrestling with her. When I asked what was going on "we were fighting." Argh.

There seems to be no peace here. It feels like every second that I am not on top of them, they are tearing something apart. I can not seem to keep the toys picked up. I can not seem to keep food in myself either (I hardly feel hungry.) I feel like I have two little wolves instead of a nearly seven year old and a two year old.

I am totally looking forward to spending this weekend at my parents house. Maybe I will just take Lily and walk with her while we are there. Maybe I will just step out of this angry shell and reset myself. I know that an early morning brisk walk can give me back some form of sanity. Free from my kids for a moment. Free from my situation, just free. But I can not very well just grab the dog and walk down to the Circle K at six in the morning leaving my kids alone here. I wish I could. I wish I could escape me, for ten minutes.

Maybe in an hour when Gwen goes to sleep... maybe then I can reset my mama buttons and be me for a moment.