Mama Says Om: Scratch

The first thing that comes to mind when I see the word SCRATCH is scratching the surface.

So I want to scratch the surface of Leaner.

Who am I?
I am a twenty eight year old woman, a mother of two lovely girls, the wife of a computer geek, and Second Lieutenant in the Army National Guard. I am a lover of things that are natural, and beautiful. I am happiest when I am with my family, including my mom and dad and three brothers and sister. My life has been filled with love, and filled with good times. I used to think I was easy going and easy to get along with, I used to think I was an extrovert, but really I am not.

I like my routine, I like things the way they are, and I really don’t make friends easily. I am not outgoing, although I may look like I used to be.

I am all about breastfeeding. As a youth it never crossed my mind much, but I did refrain from the nipple piercing because I knew someday I would want to nurse a baby. When my first baby was born and I was unable to nurse her I was devastated and it totally changed my views on birth and raising a child. I am passionate about natural birth and the power that you get from it. I think that my second baby’s birth made me stronger, and I really wish I could have held onto that feeling of total vigor longer, but 11 months later it has worn off, and I am left feeling drained.

How did I get here?
I was brought into the world in November of 1977. I have two loving parents. I have a large family, and there is plenty of love there. I have a brother who was my best friend growing up, and who I still enjoy talking to. I have a sister that I want to be my best friend now. She means more to me than she will ever know because she is who she is, and because of her strength of character, unlike me, she is not weak minded or willed. She is important and she is such a good mother, and friend.

My childhood was easy, I never worried about things. This really shaped how I want my children’s’ lives to be. I never questioned anything until I reached high school.

My teen years were hard, because I made them that way. I chose to be unhappy, I chose drugs, and sex and rock and roll. But I think I needed to become me, and not live on my parents’ choices. I needed to grow up, but that took a lot of time.

My late teen years and early twenties were spent trying to find a path back to what I wanted. I spent time in Colorado, away from my family and friends, hoping to find me. Still didn’t find myself.

Me Now?
Now, I am still not exactly sure who I am. Does anyone know exactly 100% who they are? Is there any way to describe oneself in 100 words or less? I don’t think so. We are all so complex that trying to summarize ourselves is impossible.

Its merely scratching the surface.