In a funk

I am in such an awful funk this morning.

We have ants, our kitchen is full of them. So I cleaned my butt off yesterday. I bleached and moved things and clean until my fingers were prunes. I even moved teh cats' food into our bathroom upstairs.

This morning Rhayn says "Mooooom, Beckham made a mess." So I look, with groggy, unable to fully open, crust filled eyes. There is cat food all over the bathroom floor. He knocked the food dish off of the counter. I thought I heard a bump in the night, but was so exhausted that I didn't investigate.

I trudge downstairs to pour myself a cup of java. As I set my cup in front of the pot, a swarm of ants surround it. I immediately look around, yup there is a trail of ants completely surrounding our sink. There is a bit of panic rising into my throat.

I have cleaned both of those things up, but the panic that had set in earlier is only getting worse. I feel overwhelmed and afraid, I feel pressure on my heart and lungs. I need to take some deep calming breaths and a long soaky type bath with candles and bubbles. Maybe I need a pedicure? I need something.

Oh, I ordered some pants online, because I need more jeans, I also ordered Will two pairs of jeans with mine. Mine do not fit, but his, they looked so nice on him. I think that I am feeling a bit unattractive. Will isn't helping with that illusion.

Deep Breaths... maybe a little yoga, and hopefully by the time Will gets home I will be feeling better.




************Its 1300 and I am still feeling so crappy. I guess one good thing comes from feeling like shite, I get the house cleaned and organized! Rhayn and I busted butt and cleaned most of the upstairs. Yesterday we did my room. I rearranged some of the furniture and it makes more sense. Will said he liked it better that way, which is not always the case. Last week I moved our couches around downstairs.
We are getting rid of our futon. The frame is still nice, but the mattress part is nasty. Not sure if my mom still wants it, or if they are just going to keep their guest (soon to be G'Rat's room) as it is.
It is so hot up here, and I just looked at the a/c. It says that only the FAN is on, not the actual heating or cooling unit. No wonder I can feel much cooler air coming from downstairs.
I think that moving stuff around and cleaning is the best therapy for my panic attack.