Now my last post was entitled exhaustion, but man I should have saved that for this morning! Last night Bug could NOT sleep in the bed horizontally. She couldn't breathe. So I spent most of the night propped up in our lazyboy.
The same lazyboy that I rocked Rhayn in for many nights when she was an infant, the same chair that I sat in thinking of Bug before and during my pregnancy. The same chair that during my labor I buried my head in, trying to calm myself to make it through her short labor. I sat and rocked last night, I held her hot warm body close to mine. I would offer my breast to no avail. I would stand up, but my arms were giving out because of the long day and no sleep, they began to shake from pure exhaustion. Will woke up, but I ordered him to go sleep on the couch downstairs. Today is the start of army weekend and they usually get about 4 hours of sleep for the whole weekend, so he needs to at least start well rested. (He told me this morning that he felt awful leaving me upstairs and knowing I wasn't sleeping.)
My mind was calm as I rocked her, and I sat quietly thinking of how different the life of this little girl has been from the poked and prodded life of my older daughter. What different people they are. My two girls.
(Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, I am sleep deprived!)